What is Darkness
Chapter 4
PendragonU: Here it is! Sorry about the wait! Both Oni-Gil and Myself have been very busy.
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Marluxia was surprised to find that Vexen had gone outside. He had always seen the scientist as a grim, sterile wraith, clinging to the sanitized laboratories he preferred. Certainly IV would not seek out the seclusion of a grassy hill in the midst of a forest—it seemed more like the sort of place Marluxia would go to find solace.
(Perhaps Vexen only went outside because it was nighttime. Nobodies in general had nothing to fear from the light of the sun, but the scientist's pale complexion had led Marluxia to believe that the older man never ventured out in daylight, at least not without an extra layer of sunscreen. This train of thought made XI reflect on his world's vampire legends.)
But there he was, sitting in the grass with his knees pulled up to his chest. If Nobodies could feel lonely, perhaps Vexen would be. Marluxia, who counted himself as something of an expert in the politics of the Organization, knew that Vexen was something of an outcast. All of the rest had some sort of circle, or at least a certain partnership: Axel haunted Roxas' steps, Xigbar and Xaldin were never far apart, Saïx lurked at Xemnas' side, Lexaeus and Zexion were joined at the hip, that sort of thing, but Vexen was the odd man out. Mocked by the neophytes, shunned by his former colleagues… Zexion had happily thrown Vexen to the metaphorical dogs, and Xemnas had cast him aside long ago. If Marluxia could feel such things, he thought he might pity Vexen.
A sudden realization struck him: Without Larxene, he, too, was a loner.
Marluxia shook these distractions from his head in order to focus on the dilemma at hand. How to apologize to Vexen without making a complete fool of himself? The scientist hadn't seen him yet. Perhaps he could send a Dusk…? But no, they didn't dare summon Dusks lest Xemnas track them down. Besides, that was the coward's way out. No, he needed to apologize to Vexen face-to-face. But if he simply approached, IV might take flight again. The old "I come in peace" would only make Vexen sneer.
An idea timidly presented itself to him. No, no, that was far too romantic and sentimental. He was a Nobody, for crying out loud, and he was dignified. The Graceful Assassin would stoop to such a level for no one…
…except, perhaps, the Chilly Academic.
It was the work of a moment to make the flowers on the hill all around Vexen bloom. What luck, that they happened to be white, gold, and pale blue, all colors Marluxia associated with his frosty scientist. He saw Vexen looking around and smiled to himself, imagining what sort of scientific explanations IV might be coming up with to explain the phenomena.
Vexen's eyes fell on him, their emerald depths gleaming even in the dim light, and Marluxia could have sworn the scientist was smiling.
But with the shadows, it was hard to tell, and in a moment Vexen's expression had returned to its normal cool detachment and the older man nodded stiffly. Still… that smile had been there. Even if the gesture had been overly sentimental, perhaps Vexen understood that it was the thought that counted. Marluxia knew his unspoken apology had been accepted.
His booted feet swished through the soft grass as he climbed the hill to stand beside Vexen. It was odd to be taller than the other Nobody. Marluxia understood at once that this position would be awkward and somewhat embarrassing for the scientist, so he surrendered his dignity and sat down as well, already wincing at the inevitable grass stains.
For a while, there was an uncomfortable silence.
"Nice day, isn't it?" Marluxia asked finally.
"…it's night, XI."
"I knew that. It's called polite small talk."
Marluxia glanced sidelong at Vexen, but aside from a twitch at the corner of the scientist's lips, there was no reaction. Sighing, the Assassin glared up at the stars that seemed to have captured IV's attention. Again, there was silence. At last, Marluxia voiced the question that had been plaguing him for some time.
"Do you still think of me as a traitor?" he asked. Vexen turned unreadable eyes on him.
"A traitor?" he echoed. "Yes."
Marluxia chuckled.
"Are you any better?"
For a moment, he feared Vexen was going to strike him again, but the scientist didn't seem inclined to violence at the time. Instead, a mirthless smirk twisted Vexen's lips. There was something like pain in the man's face, making it more like a grimace.
"Twice a betrayer," he said softly. "Perhaps that makes me worse, in a way."
"Even if the second is an attempt to repair the first?" Marluxia wondered aloud. Vexen's gaze turned penetrating. No doubt he was wondering how much XI knew about the elder six. Then the scientist looked away.
"The irony is perfect," he murmured. "That none of us realized the value of our hearts until we threw them away. And yet, it was those hearts that drove us to betray our master. Now that I am not bound by my heart, I ca look back on Even's misguided passions and laugh, but… if I were to be complete, would I have to take that part of him back? Wouldn't I make the same mistakes as he did before? Wouldn't we all? Or would we be swallowed by our hearts, our present selves erased?"
Marluxia shook his head.
"No, I don't think so," he said. When Vexen looked at him quizzically, he explained, "I think that now, Even would have a part of Vexen in him. He could use his heart for better things."
Vexen scoffed.
"Like what?"
Marluxia hadn't thought of that.
"I," he stammered. Vexen snorted.
"Eloquent," he teased. Marluxia couldn't help but laugh at his own foolishness. What would he have said?
To love me? He banished the thought the moment it crossed his mind.
"You know, you're not so bad," he said instead. Perhaps it would be bearable to stay here, after all. "For an elder."
Vexen regarded him with one eyebrow raised in amusement.
"Marluxia… I'm only twenty-nine. Stop calling me an elder."
Marluxia feigned indifference.
"Why, that's practically decrepit. Come on, old man, let's go inside."