In the quest to stop Scott Tenorman and Team Rocket from taking over the world, the kids of South Park have arrived in Minneapolis, where the first key to liberating the city from Team Rocket is in the WJM-TV building.
I do not own Pokemon, South Park, or the Mary Tyler Moore Show.
(Jubilife City, Sinnoh, morning, August 23, 2014)
The streets of Jubilife City are lined with people walking the sidewalks and cars going places. It was like any other day in the city. But a week from now, a festival was to begin. It was the annual festival marking the anniversary of the city's founding.
The first such festival marked the 100th anniversary of the city's founding. This festival was in 1989. This year marked the 125th anniversary of Jubilife City's founding. The co-Grand Marshals of this year's festival were Kenny Bebe and Dawn Diamond.
This year's festival also coincided with the one-year anniversary of the day Kenny and Dawn's friends Ash Ketchum, his Pikachu, and his girlfriend Misty Waterflower left this Earth. Kenny and Dawn were reluctant to work on this festival, because the day they lost their friends was a really hard one for them.
They didn't want to do it because they wanted to use the day of the anniversary as remembrance for their friends. But when the mayor of Jubilife City proposed that the festival also be used to celebrate Ash and Misty's lives, Dawn and Kenny agreed to be co-Grand Marshals.
"Well Kenny, this festival is sure to be the best ever. Ever since we moved here to live together, we have done so much for this city. Now to be co-Grand Marshals of this festival, this is the biggest thing we have ever done for the city." Dawn said as she wrote down the schedule of events for the festival.
Kenny began to speak as well. "I'm sure Ash and Misty would have wanted us to do this. They were perhaps our best friends, more than anybody else we have ever known. They were the greatest friends anyone can have, and they are probably watching down upon us now."
Many were coming from all around the world to come to this festival. It was that popular a festival. There was to be live music, games, food, activities for kids, and even a parade. There was even going to be fireworks on the final day at the end of the festival.
By the time the festival came, people were lining the streets. No cars were allowed on drive on the streets, as was the case for many similar festivals. After the festival was over, Dawn and Kenny were going to prepare for their wedding, which was to happen in 8 months.
They originally had planned to make Ash the best man and Misty the flower girl, but since they were gone, they had Drew and May fill these roles. They too were coordinators and were themselves dating.
Dawn and Kenny planned to name their first-born son after Ash, and their first-born daughter after Misty, in their memories. This was a perfect way to honor their legacy. Many babies are named after deceased friends of the parents.
(Washington DC, August 26, 2014)
The President (who is in fact not Barry Obama, I joked in the previous chapter), Duck President, was just doing work, when several Secret Service agents entered the Oval Office with major news.
One of them said, "Mr. President, we have proof that Pokemon have arrived in the United States. We have pictures that were taken by us in a small town in Colorado." The agent handed over the pictures, which were all of a Swablu.
The president quacked out crap at the agents. I will translate the quack for reader convenience. "This is very interesting. This Swablu could mean that Pokemon are migrating to the United States. We need to find this Swablu and question it."
The agent said, "we haven't much time. The Swablu was last seen flying to Boston. It could be in Boston right now. Last we heard, Team Rocket has not even reached Boston. We have to move, right now!"
The president once again quacked out crap at the agents. Here is the translation. "This will be interesting. However, most Pokemon are not capable of human speech. But there is one person who can help us translate what Swablu says."
The agent said, "I shall get her on the phone."
In the city of Downtown City, Missouri, a teenage girl was working at a pet shop. It was the most popular pet shop in town, more popular than Largest Ever Pet Shop. The phone rang, and a 50-something woman answered, "hello, Littlest Pet Shop?" The man on the other end told her she needed the teenager, and the woman said, "OK, I shall get her. Blythe, it's for you!"
Blythe said, "OK Ms. Twombly!" and got on the phone. "May I ask who is calling?" she said. The man said "this is the United States government. We hear you can talk to animals." Blythe said, "um, yeah I can, what about?"
The man said, "we have proof that there are Pokemon in the United States. We are about to look for a Swablu in Boston. And since Pokemon are basically animals, that have special powers. For years, they have only been known to live in the country of Poketta. But now, they have arrived in the US. They could be used for great purposes. In the right hands they can be used to protect the country. But if they end up in the wrong hands, God help us all. Pokemon usually do not speak human languages. So we need your help in getting answers from this Swablu. Will you help us, Ms. Baxter?"
Blythe said, "yes, I will do it. If the nation depends on it, I will help you find the Swablu and get answers from it." Blythe hung up the phone and went up to her apartment. She told her father, "dad, I need to go to Boston. It is a matter of national security."
Her father said, "well, OK Blythe, I will fly us there. Get packing!" Blythe and her father packed suitcases and drove to the airport to board the Pet Jet. They flew to Boston, and met up with the government agents. They began to search for the Swablu.
(Bloomington, Minnesota, at airport, August 26, 2014)
The kids of South Park finally arrived at the airport in the Twin Cities. As they got off the plane, the kids talked about what the secret message on the WJM-TV tape was about. In the terminal, they were greeted by a female senior citizen wearing a trench coat and other stuff hiding her face.
"I have been expecting you kids. The Twin Cities are counting on you. Hate and death are all around. Team Rocket must be stopped. I have faith that you all can do it." The woman addressed the kids as they arrived in the terminal.
The kids left the airport and headed up Hiawatha Avenue. Team Rocket members were lining the highway, with dead bodies of non-redheads and cars that had been stopped by Team Rocket were on the highway as well. Virtually no one was driving on the road because it was not safe.
Ash spoke through Stan, "alright Totodile, bite those Rockets' arms off!" Totodile had never killed anyone before, but this was a matter of national security. The Team Rocket members lost so much blood that they passed out, only they never woke up.
Ash/Stan commanded Bulbasaur to use Poison Powder on some more Team Rocket members. The road to Minneapolis was a long one since everyone had to walk down Hiawatha Avenue. It was not safe to drive since there were so many dead bodies along the way.
At the airport, the woman who addressed the South Park kids met up with an old friend, who was similarly dressed. "Rhoda, nice to see you," the woman said. "Nice to see you too Mary. This is a dire situation we are all in. I hope those Colorado kids can remove Team Rocket from the Twin Cities."
Meanwhile back in South Park, the Broflovski parents were talking. "Oh Gerald, I have a bad feeling about this. Team Rocket would definitely spare me since I have red hair, but you, you have brown hair. I just cannot bear to live without you." Sheila was concerned at how Team Rocket was spreading throughout the country.
"Sheila, I promise, everything will be alright. The kids are doing real good. Those dead kids are helping out very well too. Pika has been keeping me updated with what has been going on. Before you know it, Team Rocket will be defeated. Have a little more faith." Gerald assured her that Team Rocket would be stopped.
Meanwhile, in London, the Prime Minister was preparing for a possible Team Rocket invasion of the United Kingdom. One of his aides said, "Prime Minister Bean, what are we going to do about the possible Team Rocket invasion?" Bean said nothing, as was expected. He instead wrote down what he was thinking, and handed the paper to the aide, but not before slipping on a banana peel.
The aide read the note, and said, "I shall see what I can do." Prime Minister Bean wanted troops on the streets of all the major cities in the UK, as well as the air force ready to take Team Rocket planes down, and the navy to keep Team Rocket ships from reaching UK shores. How Mr. Bean became Prime Minister is beyond anybody's imagination.
Back in Minneapolis, the kids were still killing Team Rocket members. Alex Glick, not mentioned since the casino episode, equipped some Crab Pincers to chop heads off some Team Rocket members. Nobody really liked Alex, but since he was part of the 4th grade he had to come along on the adventure.
Kevin Stoley armed himself with a Crossbow of Impalement, and shot at several Team Rocket members. At the intersection with East 38th Street, there was a black tank marked with several red capital R's. This was no doubt Team Rocket. Token used the Billy Club of Smiting to destroy the tank and killing the Team Rocket members inside.
Thomas, the kid with Tourette's syndrome, cussed at several Team Rocket members and used the Claymore of the Warrior on them afterward, saying "f*bleep* you Team Rocket, suck my ass!" Another Team Rocket member heard Thomas from a distance, saying "that kid really needs to watch his language". Another member said, "you know, he could have Tourette's syndrome, he cannot control what he says."
Sure enough, Thomas swore up a storm, and saw the Team Rocket members talking about him. He used the claymore on them as well, and said, "eat my sh*bleep*!"
Kyle said, "look at Thomas, he's cussing out Team Rocket members as kills them!" Craig said, "if I could cuss out Team Rocket members as I kill them, I'd be so happy." Kyle said, "you can, this is war Craig, go ahead, swear at Team Rocket members as you kill them."
Craig said, "OK, I will do it." Craig saw some Team Rocket members, and killed them with Fatbeard's Blade, but not before cussing them out. "Alright, I did it! I cussed at Team Rocket members as I killed them!" Craig yelled in excitement.
The kids reached the intersection of Hiawatha, Interstate 35W, and Interstate 94. A fleet of Team Rocket tanks was blocking the way. Ash, Misty and Pikachu decided to team up to take the fleet out. Ash spoke through Stan, "Misty, bring out Gyrardos". Misty spoke through Wendy, "Gyrardos, come on out!" She sent Gyrardos out.
Misty/Wendy commanded Gyrardos to use Hydro Pump on all the tanks. It only seemed to soak the tanks, because they were made with such strong material that they were unfazed. But then Ash/Stan told Pikachu to use Thunderbolt on the fleet of tanks. Kyle charged up his cheeks, and unleashed a strong Thunderbolt on the tanks, blowing them to smithereens as a result.
With the tanks and the Team Rocket members taken care of, the kids proceeded into downtown Minneapolis. Hiawatha Avenue split into a pair of one-way streets: 7th and 8th Streets. The WJM-TV Studios were near. Team Rocket's rule over Minneapolis was absolute.
At the mayor's office, a scene similar to what had occurred in Seattle and Detroit was being set up. The mayor was being held hostage, like in the other two cities. Team Rocket members were now in charge. They were about to make an announcement that was to be broadcast on all major TV stations in the Twin Cities.
Television crews were setting up to film the announcement, which was to be very soon. A Team Rocket member sat at the mayor's desk. The mayor's office soon appeared on all TV screens in the Twin Cities.
The Team Rocket member then made his announcement. "People of the Twin Cities, I am your new ruler. Soon, Team Rocket will be ruling the world, under the leadership of Scott Tenorman. He has a final solution for everyone. All redheads in the Twin Cities area are being held at the various sports venues in the area. As for the non-redheads, they will all die. The world will have one master race, and you cannot do anything to stop it!"
Team Rocket members were being killed left and right as the kids made their way to the WJM-TV Studios. Butters used a Fire Sword on several members. Butters said, "oh hamburgers" when more Rockets approached him, and once again, killed them with his Fire Sword.
Stan said, "look up ahead, it is the WJM-TV building!" Wendy said, "hurry up! We have little time!" The kids rushed to the building and headed inside. They were greeted by an old man who once worked at WJM-TV. "The gods have foretold your arrival here. I came here so I could help you. I once worked at this station in the 1970s. I was first a reporter, then the news director. My name is Lou Grant."
Ash began to speak through Stan, "Mr. Grant, we need to find the video archive room, the video containing the last newscast worked on by Mary Richards has a secret message at the end."
Lou said, "are you sure? I've heard some really crazy stories." Misty began to speak through Wendy, "we are sure. Take us to the room, we have little time!"
Lou took the kids to the video archives room, which had a TV and a videotape player inside so that they could watch the newscast. The last newscast produced by Mary Richards featured typical news stories. And true to the rumors, there was a secret message at the end.
It was filmed sometime in the late 1980s, and featured a man who looked conspicuously like Richard Dean Anderson. The man said, "this tape was meant to be watched on August 27, 2014, by the 4th-grade students of South Park, Colorado. My name is Angus MacGyver, and I am from the state of Minnesota. By the time this tape is viewed, Team Rocket will have taken over the Twin Cities. The key to expunging them is located inside the Land O'Lakes headquarters in Arden Hills, Minnesota."
"You heard MacGyver, we must get to Land O'Lakes headquarters. I will take you there on my bus," Lou said. He took the kids to the parking lot of WJM-TV Studios. Indeed, there was a bus. "Wow, everyone is getting buses these days," said Bebe.
The kids went on the bus, and Lou drove them through the Twin Cities area. The Land O'Lakes headquarters was located just north of Interstate 694 on Lexington Avenue. The kids entered the building, and Ash began to speak through Stan again. "The basement has the one thing that can kill all Team Rocket members in the Twin Cities." Ash/Stan led the kids to the basement.
Inside the basement, there were so many items in storage. The one item that could liberate the Twin Cities from Team Rocket was inside, but where? There was a door pained black and white, like a cow. On the door, there was a message. "Beyond this door, lies the key to eternal happiness." Misty said through Wendy, "well, let's go inside."
The kids went inside, and they found a cowbell on a stand. On the stand, there was a plaque that explained the significance of the cowbell. It said, "this is the cowbell used on the cows that made the very first batch of butter made by Land O'Lakes in 1921. This cowbell was also used in the recording of the hit Blue Oyster Cult song, Don't Fear the Reaper.
This cowbell can only be held by the Chosen One. He must take the cowbell to the site of the farm where the aforementioned cows once lived. Here is the address: (censored due to privacy concerns, but the kids themselves see the address)."
Ash began to speak through Stan. "OK, I must take this cowbell. We must go to that farm." Ash/Stan led the kids out of the basement, and back to the bus. He/they said, "we must go to the farm site located on (censored)." Lou said, "I shall take you there."
Lou drove the kids to the farm site, which now was occupied by a stately mansion, that happened to be home to the Hanson Brothers. The Hanson Brothers were players for the Charlestown Chiefs, a minor league hockey team in Charleston, West Virginia, in the 1970s.
Ash/Stan said, "I must go inside alone. All of you have to stay behind on the bus. Wish me luck." Ash/Stan hopped off the bus, and into the mansion. The mansion had so many rooms. Ash/Stan needed to get to the balcony of the master bedroom. It was on the top floor.
Ash/Stan went up several flights of stairs, finally making it to the top floor. The master bedroom was very nice. But it was the balcony that grabbed Ash/Stan's attention. It was not an average balcony.
Without any hesitation, Ash/Stan began to play the cowbell. As with the other keys to liberating cities from Team Rocket, it emitted loud sound waves only Team Rocket members could hear. All throughout the Twin Cities area, Team Rocket members screamed in pain as their brains swelled up and caused their heads to explode.
Throughout Minneapolis, St. Paul, and the other cities in the area, people emerged from their homes and saw that all the Team Rocket members had been killed. As word spread from city to city in the Twin Cities area, people began to celebrate in the streets.
This was third metropolitan area to be liberated from Team Rocket control. There were still a number of cities under Team Rocket control, but the kids of South Park were accomplishing much, with the help of the spirits of Ash, his Pikachu, and Misty.
Ash said through Stan, "we did it, Team Rocket has been eradicated from the Twin Cities. The people of the largest metro area in Minnesota are free to roam the streets again." Ash/Stan exited the mansion, and returned to the bus. Ash (Stan) said, "alright Lou, take us to the Minneapolis mayor's office".
Later that day, the city of Minneapolis held a ceremony honoring the heroes. The mayor of Minneapolis said, "three days ago, Team Rocket took over the Twin Metropolitan Area. We were terrified. But the kids of South Park, with the help from spirits of two deceased Pokemon trainers, and one of their Pokemon, they have liberated the Twin Cities from Team Rocket. We are very thankful for these kids. We will never forget this day."
Ash began to speak through Stan, "well, praise is good and all, but we have to get going to the next city. I read a plaque at the Hanson Brothers' mansion, here is what it said:
Team Rocket has been driven out of the Twin Cities. By the time you read this plaque, Team Rocket will have entered into Canada. The largest city in Canada, Toronto, is where you need to go. CBC Headquarters is home to the master copies of all episodes of "The Terrance and Phillip Show". The pilot episode has a secret message at the end. Time is short, get to Toronto soon!
So, we are going to Toronto now. Wish us luck."
Lou drove the kids to the Mall of America so they could have some fun, and take a break from all the adventuring. After a few hours, they went back to the Hanson Brothers' mansion, and stayed the night.
The next day, the kids embarked on a ride to the airport in Bloomington. They would fly to Toronto, where Team Rocket had taken over. Canadians were in panic mode as well. Toronto had fallen to Team Rocket, and its non-redhead citizens were fearing for their lives.
The Terrance and Phillip Show had become popular around the world, mostly enjoyed by young children. It was very popular, though there were a lot of jokes about flatulence on the show. But now, the show was to play a part in saving Toronto from Team Rocket.
Speaking of which, a pair of former members was hiding out in Slovakia. A member known only as James was kicked out because he had purple hair. When his partners Jessie and Meowth learned of Team Rocket's new agenda, they left Team Rocket and joined James in fleeing to Slovakia.
Jessie said, "what has happened to Team Rocket? All they used to do was steal Pokemon. Now they are executing people just for not having red hair. I do not want to be a part of this. I hope something is done."
James said, "why would Team Rocket do this? Their new head must be really insane. I hear Butch and Cassidy have fled to Poland to escape persecution. This world is falling apart."
The kids boarded the flight to Toronto, in a race against time. Team Rocket was not going to rule the world, not if the 4th-graders of South Park, Colorado had anything to say about it.
TO BE CONTINUED
Well, it looks like Terrance and Phillip are going to play an indirect role in saving Toronto. They once almost caused Armageddon, and now, they are going to help prevent it.
I do not own MacGyver, Littlest Pet Shop or Slap Shot either. Just saying this because characters from these franchises appeared in this chapter.