She pushed her finger into the opening at the end of the envelope and ran it along the sealed edge, ripping the paper as she went. Within she could feel something thick and rectangular.
She pulled it out, it was a small booklet stapled together at one end like a set of raffle tickets.
"Number 8: Because I can't give you everything you want, but I can give you everything you need."
She recognised his writing now, he must have disguised his writing on the envelope in case somebody at work should recognise it.
Her thumb picked out the words, felt the dent of the paper where he had pressed, held her hand where his must have been...
She opened the first page and frowned...
"This token entitles Miss. Z. Hanna to 1 reassuring hug from Mr. M. Walker."
She flicked the page...
"...permission to ring at any hour of the night or day to complain about Mrs C. Beauchamp."
She smiled and paused just to look again at his writing, the looseness of it, the curve of it. She smiled again and flicked through a few more pages...
"...2 shoulders to cry on, should you ever need them."
"...1 kiss (friendly or otherwise accepted). Can deliver."
She exhaled, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. She let the little book of tokens flick shut and placed her hand on top, holding it down. Her stomach churned with a vague nausea and a wincing cramp of what she assumed to be nervousness and that ever-present guilt that she fought so hard against.
She'd made him miserable.
She let her hand fall to the table, her ring knocking loudly against the wood. She felt her eyes prick with tears and she blinked repeatedly to try to quell them. How tempting those shoulders to cry on were now...
The door to the office opened ever so slightly and Tess popped her head in, her hand clasping the door.
"Zoe, there's..."
She paused.
"Zoe?"
She caught the glint of tears within Zoe's eyes and the ever so slight wobble of her lips as she pursed them, desperate to control herself.
"Are you ok?"
Tess asked, moving into the room and closing the door softly behind herself. She made her way over to Zoe, placed a hand on her shoulder and sat down on the edge of the desk that Zoe sat behind.
She nodded, allowing herself an unconvincing smile, she paused, Tess's frown of concern, her hand upon her arm, causing her façade to falter. She shook her head and looked down at the hand that covered the little book of tokens.
"What's that?"
Tess asked, following her gaze to where the edges of the little hand made book poked out from under Zoe's fingers.
Without a word Zoe drew in a long breath, expelled it slowly and moved her hand away so that Tess could reach for the book. She watched as the nurse picked it up and opened it, reading slowly, sometimes re-reading. Her expression remained the same.
"Mr. M. Walker?"
She asked when she eventually looked up, the booklet still between her fingers.
"Max."
Zoe whispered, her voice strained against the lump within her throat.
"Max, Max?"
Tess asked, her eyebrows creeping up towards her hairline.
"Max, Max."
Zoe confirmed, and she sighed again and looked down at her hands, picking at the point of a hang-nail.
"How long has this been going on?"
Tess asked quietly, sliding the booklet back towards Zoe, who crept her fingers over it protectively.
She drew up her shoulders.
"It's not. Not now...not since I left."
She braved looking back up at Tess who sat, wide eyed, though seemingly unphased.
"But he wants to start things up again?"
Tess asked, and Zoe nodded.
"It would appear so."
She whispered.
"Zoe, is this wise?"
Tess asked, and her expression finally changed to that of a friend who knew Zoe's track record better than most, knew her failures, and more importantly knew her weaknesses.
Zoe merely puffed out an puff of air in response, shrugging her shoulders.
"What do you plan on doing?"
Tess asked, quieter this time...kinder.
Zoe narrowed her eyes and looked toward the door to the office.
"I don't know."
She whispered.
"But I can't just leave him counting."
More soon xxx
She pulled it out, it was a small booklet stapled together at one end like a set of raffle tickets.
"Number 8: Because I can't give you everything you want, but I can give you everything you need."
She recognised his writing now, he must have disguised his writing on the envelope in case somebody at work should recognise it.
Her thumb picked out the words, felt the dent of the paper where he had pressed, held her hand where his must have been...
She opened the first page and frowned...
"This token entitles Miss. Z. Hanna to 1 reassuring hug from Mr. M. Walker."
She flicked the page...
"...permission to ring at any hour of the night or day to complain about Mrs C. Beauchamp."
She smiled and paused just to look again at his writing, the looseness of it, the curve of it. She smiled again and flicked through a few more pages...
"...2 shoulders to cry on, should you ever need them."
"...1 kiss (friendly or otherwise accepted). Can deliver."
She exhaled, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger. She let the little book of tokens flick shut and placed her hand on top, holding it down. Her stomach churned with a vague nausea and a wincing cramp of what she assumed to be nervousness and that ever-present guilt that she fought so hard against.
She'd made him miserable.
She let her hand fall to the table, her ring knocking loudly against the wood. She felt her eyes prick with tears and she blinked repeatedly to try to quell them. How tempting those shoulders to cry on were now...
The door to the office opened ever so slightly and Tess popped her head in, her hand clasping the door.
"Zoe, there's..."
She paused.
"Zoe?"
She caught the glint of tears within Zoe's eyes and the ever so slight wobble of her lips as she pursed them, desperate to control herself.
"Are you ok?"
Tess asked, moving into the room and closing the door softly behind herself. She made her way over to Zoe, placed a hand on her shoulder and sat down on the edge of the desk that Zoe sat behind.
She nodded, allowing herself an unconvincing smile, she paused, Tess's frown of concern, her hand upon her arm, causing her façade to falter. She shook her head and looked down at the hand that covered the little book of tokens.
"What's that?"
Tess asked, following her gaze to where the edges of the little hand made book poked out from under Zoe's fingers.
Without a word Zoe drew in a long breath, expelled it slowly and moved her hand away so that Tess could reach for the book. She watched as the nurse picked it up and opened it, reading slowly, sometimes re-reading. Her expression remained the same.
"Mr. M. Walker?"
She asked when she eventually looked up, the booklet still between her fingers.
"Max."
Zoe whispered, her voice strained against the lump within her throat.
"Max, Max?"
Tess asked, her eyebrows creeping up towards her hairline.
"Max, Max."
Zoe confirmed, and she sighed again and looked down at her hands, picking at the point of a hang-nail.
"How long has this been going on?"
Tess asked quietly, sliding the booklet back towards Zoe, who crept her fingers over it protectively.
She drew up her shoulders.
"It's not. Not now...not since I left."
She braved looking back up at Tess who sat, wide eyed, though seemingly unphased.
"But he wants to start things up again?"
Tess asked, and Zoe nodded.
"It would appear so."
She whispered.
"Zoe, is this wise?"
Tess asked, and her expression finally changed to that of a friend who knew Zoe's track record better than most, knew her failures, and more importantly knew her weaknesses.
Zoe merely puffed out an puff of air in response, shrugging her shoulders.
"What do you plan on doing?"
Tess asked, quieter this time...kinder.
Zoe narrowed her eyes and looked toward the door to the office.
"I don't know."
She whispered.
"But I can't just leave him counting."
More soon xxx