2. Deceit
The silence was deafening. That was Francis' first thought and he felt the need to break it twist in his insides. He could still feel the traces of the happiness and relief that exploded a few moments before. What was left overtaking it now was, darkness. Doubt, shock, confusion...betrayal. He could almost feel it slowly eating the light. He swept a look among who was left in the room.
His mother was planning, scheming with her eyes on him. He met her gaze, watching as the wheels turned in her head. He would need to know about what she was planning, even to have a semblance of control being king and head of his house. He was sure that Catherine was intrigued as this was a new situation that needed consideration in the great game that she always played. He was sure too, that she was thinking of advantages and uses of the present to move on to a successful future. He needed to know what his mother was planning. That much was truth.
Bash was calm and accepting. Francis could see it in the small smile he wore and the admiration in his gaze. It would seem that he found some sort of closure at the same time. Francis didn't miss his gaze following Jean, and he saw, yet wondered what might be running in his brother's mind . Bash always was considerate and understanding. Francis remembered when Lola was dressed as an angel (A Valkyrie. Bash was adamant.) and Bash just recovered from his injuries. He held Lola in a pedestal of admiration and respect, more and more from that day on. If they weren't puppets played in a whim, Francis could see Lola and Bash happy.
Kenna, was unreadable other than what he could see on the surface. Her countenance was similar to her husband, calm. Yet, Francis knew something else was brewing within those eyes and under her skin. Now that he think about it, all of Mary's ladies were. Greer was wearing a similar expression, but with a worry directed to Mary. Now that he thought of it, the most Francis had interacted with any of Mary's ladies was with Lola.
Mary, his beloved Mary, was standing by the closed doors. She was breaking, slowly. Overwhelmed by emotions and betrayed by the innocence she held onto through her life. Compared to any of them, Mary was most innocent to the ways of Fate and reality. Living in a convent since she was nine surrounded by nuns and the concept of God's love and his wish for goodness didn't help her at this moment. He could only imagine the emotions churning in her right this moment. He found himself thankful that no guard was witness to any of what happened.
If Lola was a queen as she claimed to be, then Francis would trust her to help him with keeping this matter as private as possible. Lola, among anything was a dear friend and his responsibility.
No longer Lola... He was reminded as he stepped off the dais and went to his wife. How about you? What are you feeling King?
He felt like slipping off and struggling to stand strong to an overwhelming torrent of situations he never imagined himself in. Yes, he had controlled when he was to be King. He decided when he was to be King. He had seized it, taken it when he decided it. He wasn't prepared of what went with the crown. Situations were stretching him at all sides and more often than not, he found himself thinking, I'm just seventeen. He didn't know what to think, what to feel. What he knew was that he shouldn't break. He took Mary in his arms, buried his face to her hair, lending her what he could give. "It'll be alright."
He'll make sure they get through this, even if it would mean they were wounded and crawling. He couldn't help but wonder thought, what kind of monarchy of country were their visitors ruling.
What kind of life did Susan lived before she was forced to be Lola?
BREAK
What happened to Lola? To the real Lola? To my best friend?
A voice in her head screamed in panic. One was trying to piece the pieces and find coherence, using logic, on the revelation that was shoved to her face without preparation. Another was frozen into silence that was haunting yet demanding organization and understanding. And lastly, a child's small yet strong voice was chanting liar, liar, LIAR, howdareyou, LIAR.
How. Dare. You.
Once Francis' arms enveloped her, the voices in Mary's head quieted and finally, she was able to breathe. (The child continued to chant and it was the reason that she didn't believe Francis, however much she wanted to be comforted.) She calmed, counting her breaths and forcing her mind to keep quiet and let her organize them. (She couldn't stop the chanting.)
"We'll be alright." She whispered, more to herself than for anyone else. Francis held her for a few more moments, before letting her go and turning to the other occupants of the room. In one beat, Kenna and Greer were at her side.
"Let's give ourselves a break. I am sure Lola... Queen Susan would know what to do and where we will most likely be once they have decided on something." Francis sounded tired and Mary could feel it in her bones as well. The light sapped their strength with its leaving. "I am sorry Bash, but I would've to request that you call back the guards here."
Bash nodded. "Of course, I know my wife would need Her Majesty more and vice versa." Mary admired Bash for looking so unaffected, or at least accepting everything such quickly. She wished she could ask him on how he did it. Francis' thanks was written on his face. How dare you take this away from me?
"Mother?"
"I will have the west wing arranged and fixed. You do not need to worry son." The smile on the king's face turned tight for a few moments before it calmed. A part of Mary wanted to know why, but surely she wouldn't be of use with how conflicted she was already.
"Thank you. Then let us meet later." Francis gave her a kiss on her cheek and whispered that he's going to check on other matters left in his office. Mary could only nod. Was she the only one that needed someone, anyone to face her emotions? Her confusion? Bash was out the room with a final nod. Catherine following to do what she must. Was she so weak to need someone in such a revelation? She felt like screaming the moment Francis stepped away, felt like crumbling to the floor and demand an explanation.
Lola...Susan, suffered three years of silence. Can you compare?
So Mary kept her face composed and her form as etiquette dictated. (She saw Lola's sad smile for her, fond pity now that she thought of it.) She took a deep breath and steadied her smile. "Who would've thought?"
Kenna was sober. "If you've seen lot of the real world, few can surprise you anymore."
"D-does that mean that I do not know the real world Kenna? T-that I have no knowledge as... she would have? T-that I am not capable?" She shouldn't have asked, especially with her mask not yet set securely. With each word she was capable of thinking without her confusion taking over and giving way to how hurt she was.
"You've been in the convent since you were nine Mary, and there's not much to see of life in there." Greer held her clenched hands, giving her a comforting smile. "Everything will be explained Mary. You know Lola, she wouldn't leave you innocent and hanging. She wouldn't want any of her friends to suffer."
"She's not Lola." Mary retorted. Greer sighed and Kenna tried not to roll her eyes.
"Not the one you knew." Kenna patted her hand and started guiding her out the throne room. "But the one who stayed by your side and helped you in any way she can. The one you know."
"One who slept with my husband and while she is married." She hissed once the door of her quarters, letting herself be sat on one of the loveseats facing the fireplace.
"While you are to marry Bash and he is a free man." Greer. What was it with her ladies?
"Are..Are you siding with her!? When she lied to us?" Kenna's face dropped a miniscule the moment it heard Mary's outburst, which the queen didn't notice. "Am I not worth the truth?"
"What would you do, if you knew it before this moment?" Kenna's cold tone was a shower of cold water to Mary, and she looked at her with wide eyes. The question echoed in her mind and ran down her spine. Silence reigned supreme, Kenna meeting her gaze with her burning own, challenging her to give a satisfying answer. "Would you even believe her?"
"...No."
"I thought so." Disappointment leaked with every word. The only comfort was the understanding in brown eyes as they regarded her. "What would a stranger do in a place where she has no power even if it is for survival?"
"D-do you know anything about this?" Impossible. "H-how intricate is this lie that I have no idea of?"
"It is not our story to tell." It roared like a lion in Mary's ears. And she tried her best to understand. She tried. Collapsing deeper to her seat, she clamped her eyes shut and breathed.
You always seem to be trying little queen.
BREAK
Aldric was surprised when the Lady Lola arrived with a crowd for company to her quarters. All he knew with the king's mistress (that's what the gossips label her. he doubts it's value and appropriateness). He needed to intrude when he found the wolves and the other animals. (he heard of the gathering in the throne room, of how there were visitors, but who was he to pry?) "My lady, I do not..."
"Do not worry Aldric." He found that her smile was brighter, not like the gloomy and subdued ones that she gave him after meeting with the queen or the king. Rarely did anyone call for Lady Lola. Aldric knew that people fear the king's wrath and suspicion, also they thought that Lady Lola would be too big a challenge even with the amount of use that she presented. Aldric shouldn't know of these, he was just a guard of the castle. Not even able to enjoy his true passion because food was scarce and times were hard. "They are my visitors, family to me. They are no threats. In fact, I have a request."
Lady Lola was genuine warmth. He had guarded many doors and protected many ladies, but not one of them can compare to how kind she and her friends were. (He was given a chance to guard Lady Kenna's door a few nights ago. The Lady had the king's deputy as her husband though, so it was too eventful for his tastes. Aldric never interacted with the queen, any queen.) "What is it that you require?"
The three men that stood behind her were intimidating, and the stares of the animals more so. The young woman with tamed fire as hair was smiling bright, daresay the brightest he had seen during these dark days. The dark halls smelled of death and sickness, grief that the smile gave him strength. Hope. "I just wish that whatever you hear in this room would be kept among us, and never to get out to anyone. If it is possible that you forget anything that you would hear, then I will be most grateful."
"Would it be something dangerous to Their Majesties?" He trusted Lola's judgment, even with all the poison that soiled her name in court.
"We give you our word that it would not." The golden haired man spoke and Aldric had the strange urge to stand straighter. The stranger stepped forward and Aldric looked to the floor, feeling the need to do so. Lola's hand briefly touched his arm and he turned, seeing her urging smile. He braved to meet the man's gaze. "Thank you kind Aldric, for taking care of Lola during her stay and for every experience you went through for her."
It was humbling and Aldric couldn't help but make a bow that he would only do to his monarchs in the past. "I-I was just doing my duty, my Lord."
"You did it well, more than well." The man clasped his arm and gave him a smile. "It is more than enough."
Aldric was still basking at the honor of being thanked by these strangers, Lola's family, and remembering his mother's stories of great and noble kings. A trip to memory lane only to be broken when Lola peeked out the door to send word to the king. Word that they were ready to meet him.
BREAK
Catherine already made sure that everything was settled with every room that she prepared in the castle the moment his son called for her. She was still poring over the fact that a mere lady in waiting was a Queen and had hid it in three years. With all suspicion, she had set her most loyal guards to every room and commanded that they report to her anything possible when their shift ended.
She wanted to know of this Narnia and the ways of their monarchy, especially one that would allow siblings to rule. Sibling rulers that were able to find peace and plenty with the status of their clothes and bearing. She also calculated on her head the fact that tonight the christening ball would be held. Would they attend? It was their nephew after all. They would need maids, baths, food, and she contemplated on whether having her Flying Squad as servants or not.
The thought that bothers Catherine though, was the fact that Lola was nothing but an innocent romantic lass when she came to court. She still remembered the pink frilly dressed girl that approached her about marriage. The smiles and the excitement were true back then. If Lola was indeed a queen, how long has she been playing this court game?
She tried not to mind the chill that settled in her bones.
Who had the upper hand?
BREAK
It was Lola - Susan that took the lead this time, and it was a marvel to witness her in her element. Francis was in awe at how he missed it. (She did always gave you sound advice, didn't she? You took it for granted.) Light and shadow still danced with their presence, but now, power pulsed as a heartbeat. "I would like to retain my identity as Lola. I am sure you understand that with Jean's christening close we don't need any distractions. You have more than you can handle in your plate at the moment Francis. I need to stay as Lola as long as possible."
Thirty minutes. That was all it took before Susan called their attention again. It would seem they already tackled more topics than he could in an hour. "My story is not one for quick telling to be understood. If known now, your court will gobble and focus on it more than what is needed. Your people are suffering and a simple lady's identity is never worth it."
"We couldn't stop the gossip that would emerge from what happened in the throne room." Catherine intervened. "Gossip is as quick as the wind."
"It is more like a stream." Susan shot back readily. "We can manipulate it in our favor if we know the right words and the right news. As far as I remember, Francis had everyone leave and we, Mary and I, didn't come across a crowd when we arrived. A few well placed statements from the right people can change everything."
True. Susan's gaze turned to Kenna and Greer, the latter two meeting it head on. Within a moment, a decision was made. Mary tensed beside Francis, betrayal still leaking from her like waves.
"What story would we tell about your arrival then?" Bash was the one to ask this time. "We cannot make any familial connection with you and Susan." He was the first to not falter with the name. "You have announced that you are seeking a Queen Sister."
"Yes, but Lola can be a visitor of our court in the past." Edmund's eyes danced when he answered, clearly liking the conversation. The name used was a reminder to everyone about the script that they were to play. "They need not know that Narnia is too far to fathom, do they?"
One down. "Narnian monarchs coming to France in search for... an alliance, and in the process reunites with an old friend." Francis took note of it, giving Mary a side glance just to check on how she is. Susan nodded with a smile. A manifest that she was well versed to these situations. "Would you be staying the night? We would hold the christening ball tonight, it would be better if you are there."
"We're afraid we cannot stay. We plan to return as soon as we end this meeting." Lucy motioned at the wolf that sat on Susan's left. "We will leave Sigvir as Lola's guard. A gift, story wise." Did the wolf just scoff? "If we do this quickly, we need to brief our party on what to expect and what to do about it. We do have to consider the kids who know their aunt and mother. We will be back on the morrow."
Francis felt a thousand bricks drop to the bottom of his belly. He did his best to steady his hand as he took note. The sound of quill against paper overthrowing the silence. "The rooms that you would occupy are already prepared. We will make the necessary arrangements if ever it is lacking."
No one addressed how his voice was hoarse. Two down.
"Lola told us about some of your dilemmas, and we hold true to the part that we seek alliance." Peter spoke. Showing them a dynamic that wasn't lost. "You are the father of our sister's child. Whatever circumstance it may have come to be, you are a part of our family."
"We will do our best to assist you." There was a sly grin on the High King's face, a rare expression because it was clearly for the battlefield. "Though, who knows? Lola might've everything accounted for."
Susan scoffed. "No, I do not. I hardly have the resources to do so. All I wanted was to go home...or leave this damnable court as soon as possible."
Well, that's welcome. Francis thought as he jotted down the last note. Three. "Would there be anything else?"
"Do you agree to this plan Francis?" Susan asked, in an action so Lola that he needed a few moments to think. "Mary?"
"We do not find any faults so far." He was too tired to think of one. All he wanted at this moment was to get to his bed and take a nap. "We will talk to you if there is a need for changes."
"We thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. For everything."
Francis couldn't help but note that Susan (Lola? He was getting confused on how to call her in his mind.) slipped back to the Royal "We" so easily.
BREAK
Francis cancelled any meeting or appointment as soon as the Narnian party left, giving Mary plenty of time to rest. She couldn't. Even now, with Francis curled up asleep beside her, her thoughts came circling round and round with no way out. Questions that demanded logic but couldn't be answered by it, jumping around her head like rabbits. Even when she closed her eyes, she could only see the happiness in Lola's eyes. (Susan's. She didn't know what to call her anymore.) The strength that (finally) screamed with every movement. The surety of every action and decision. Now, she was more outspoken than she ever was. This time, she was heard.
What does a common village girl have to choose compared to a queen?
She wondered if that came from Susan ruling Narnia, or Lola living in France.
You can't even protect yourself.
What kind of queen was she to be able to say such things?
What is a common village girl to a queen?
Where was Lola, the real Lola? How can Susan just act as perfectly as her friend?
You've been in a convent, Mary.
This revelation forced her to remember every interaction she had with Lola, which was resulting to more questions than she ever expected. How would the true Lola be acting? How would she be right now? Is she happy? Would there be anything that could still be true to the belief that she held?
Francis stirred on her side and instantly her thoughts turned to him.
She slept with him, my husband. Would that be Lola's decision or that of Queen Susan? Would it be because she surrendered of ever going home? Why? Did she stop loving her husband who was still clearly in love with her?
Susan clearly loved him still.
Lies.
What is happening? Why is it happening?
BREAK
"Well that wouldn't work now that Narcisse's guards are crawling all over the castle. You must abandon this cause and give her up. For both of your sakes."
Lola's eyes flared, defiance screaming with a single word. "No."
"If Narcisse caught that you had a hand in helping his wife escape, your life would be in danger. You said and believed that he is capable of murdering virgins and innocents… and you are no innocent."
"I'm long tainted by the darkness." Mary was taken aback with such reply, making her reel and reevaluate just who was she speaking to. "Whatever the law says, or Narcisse's claim or cruelty, Estelle is no object to be bargained, stolen, taken or traded. She's a person with choices of her own, however common and low of status she might be. Why Mary? Did you think that the ones at court are the only ones that matter?"
Mary couldn't understand the murder that colored
"It's too late, she already killed a guard to come here. It's freedom or to the dungeons and I wouldn't let Estelle anywhere near the latter. I can do this, with or without your help."
Mary glanced at Estelle who was washing the blood off her hands and her skin, then to Lola who was assisting her. The tight set of her face and the determination in her gaze was everything that Mary knew with Lola. For a split second, she tried to remember the Lola she knew, the Lola before she was sent to the convent. She could barely do so. "If…"
Estelle stopped and shakily stood straighter. Lola gave her a towel and turned to Mary, because during these moments, she was her queen. Lola's blue eyes were like ice and Mary tensed, gathering each teaching on how to be queen. "If you are a queen, would you go through this even with the cost of a life?"
"If I am queen, it wouldn't come to this. Because I will know every single detail that I needed to prevent this to the best that I could." It was clear as daylight that it was Queen Susan of Narnia that spoke back. "You had it harder than us, but if you get through this, you'll be stronger than your predecessors."
"Come with me."
Mary wondered what Susan could have done if the guards didn't stand down even with her veiled threats. It would be useless to wonder though, so she just turned to Lola to invite her to get a drink. "I believe a drink would be in order."
Lola looked down from searching the dark sky for something Mary had no idea about. She simply nodded, still deep in thought.
"Narcisse hasn't sent any guards after the carriage." Mary couldn't help the relief that flooded through her body with the thought that it was a success. "Things look to be safe."
"With your speech, they wouldn't think of giving a peep. What is a lord compared to a queen?" Susan took a sip from her goblet as Mary collapsed to her side, red dress blazing against the candlelight. "You've done well." Another sip. "I am curious as to why you decided to help us. I am well capable with doing it, because now I have assistance from my people."
The compliment was unexpected. Mary looked at Lola's relaxed, yet exhausted, form. An air that she had felt and seen around Catherine, surrounding her like mist. A Queen sure of her skin. Susan was the one here, not Lola. "You were in danger, and you are my friend." Mary carried on pouring wine into her goblet, then to hers. Her blue eyes spoke more than what her grateful smiled showed.
"Even with all the lies? The pain I inflicted?" A chuckle as she looked forward and didn't meet Mary's gaze. She took another sip of her goblet and continued.
"You never meant to hurt me."
"All this time, you've been nothing but kind and gracious, which makes the guilt even worse." A sigh.
"Can you please - "
"Let me finish." Susan immediately intervened, meeting her gaze with a small smile. Guilt still colored her expression, but with it was a weariness that was a first. An age that was so old and only now did Mary identify. "Keep that kind heart with you Mary, and may it have the strength to see through the lies that covers the hardships. You have a long way to go and are still in need to find your footing. Your allies. Your family and even your people. Keep that heart with you at all times and balance it with your wisdom that experience sculpted. Whether it be yours or of others."
"My people?"
"Yes. Opposition is already coming at all sides, but friends would also come from those sides. If you are cunning enough, you would have enemies as your friends." She sighed, finally putting down the goblet. "Think about these little questions Mary. Who put that crown on your head? Why did you take it and bear it now? What is that for?"
"Well…"
"You do not need to give me the answers. I am not your teacher. You will need quite some time to find them." She chuckled, trapped in memory. "It took me months to even answer one, decently."
"Thank you." Mary would realize in the future, that the topic of Lola's guilt was never addressed then.
"There is another matter I need you to discuss about." Mary's confusion might've shown on her face, because Susan smiled gently. "There's been no decision on a choice for godmother."
A sip from the younger queen to prepare herself.
"I believe your sister, Queen Lucy, would be glad of the idea." She felt so out of place with the sudden intrusion of 'Lola's' true family. Left in uneven footing that she doesn't even know how to act or how to label herself other than a friend.
"I was hoping it would be you."
Mary froze.
"I know I am not in any position to ask this of you, but there is no one else in France I trust my child to. Only you."
A piece of doubt that stood as walls, hindrances, within her melted. Tears pricked her gaze and she could only reach for Lola's hand. "I would be honored."
"Come, I believe it is time for us to retire." Susan stood up, goblet in hand. Then, she paused in helping Mary to stand, a look of realization dawning on her face. "I just remembered, if you would heed my advice Mary."
"What is it?" Mary asked, still seated on the floor.
"Too much alcohol can cause a miscarriage among other things." Susan's blue eyes are filled with thoughts flickering too fast for Mary to chase. She could only sit there and listen. "When any of the women in the Cair is pregnant the physicians would be adamant that we avoid anything that might cause it."
At that very moment, Mary suddenly realized the danger she was in. She wasn't just one life any longer, there was a new life within her womb that wanted a life. "I do not know."
"It is not too late to learn." Susan took the wine and set it aside. "Usually, mothers would teach their daughters about this. My mother wasn't able to teach Lucy and I about it. We learned it from the healers of our home." She helped Mary to stand on her feet, careful to not let any pressure on her belly. "Lucy is a healer, she will be able to help. In the meantime, please stop drinking too much alcohol and wearing such tight dresses."
"Water isn't cleanest even to us, Lola." Susan shook her head at this.
"Open your mind. There are ways and I will tell you about them. Lucy would be more than willing to help. Right now, you need to rest. Stress is another major cause of miscarriage and I know that you are confused."
"I have so many questions I do not even know where to start."
"Forget them. Set them aside." Susan held Mary's arms and stared at her straight in the eye. "I promise you, everything will be answered. Not at once, but as time unfolds them and I will make sure that you are prepared for them."
"Alright." Mary nodded, finding herself trusting Susan even with all the lies. "Just one question."
"Depends on what it is."
"How old are you Susan? I've been trying to find a logical explanation of how you can be the age Lola is right now, but I cannot."
"That's because I am not 15 or 16." Susan whispered as she guided Mary back to her room. "I'm… if I calculate correctly, 28 years old."
The shock on Mary's face was enough to make her chuckle, yet she made sure that the queen wasn't stressed to any degree with the new revelation.
As soon as she was alone, Lola can be found out her balcony looking to the sky, waiting for the message that she'd been waiting. A smile growing on her face when the familiar flap of wings descended and an Owl giving her a bow of greeting.
Susan whispered, knowing that the Owl's sensitive hearing would know of her words well enough. "I am glad to see you Gwidlin. I apologize that I have you work on a request so soon after your arrival."
"It is of no offense or need of apology, Your Majesty. I do bring grave news though."
Susan stood straighter, joining her hands together. "Keep nothing from me."
TBC
AN:
Thank you for your reviews and favorites and follows. It's amazing seeing people who doesn't like Benedict Cumberbatch and those who like him, and those that just chose to ignore it. Quite amusing, though please know that the characters here, especially the Narnian delegation, aren't mine. They are actual characters that are being played in tumblr. I just changed their names and some of the back story and played with it. So I just own the plot pretty much and little bits and pieces.
Again, feel free to send reviews, questions or whatever you need about the fic.
To those who know Narnia, Gwidlin is just a larger but still smaller than an average human. Great Owls are the ones where you can carry children on your back.
See you next chapter.