A/N: The Taming of the Shrew was the first Shakespeare play I worked on (as a Prop Mistress). Since it is a BakerShake production, I thought I'd write up a trailer for it as well. So here it is, 3 years overdue. Just a note on interpretation: our version had a very feminist ending that I totally support, in which Kate and Petruchio become partners in crime and she's mainly pretending. There was also a notable scene with Hortensio using the lute in a very obscene manner.

Disclaimer: The Taming of the Shrew is the work of William Shakespeare. The interpretation on which the following piece is based comes from Shakespeare professor, Dr. Meredith Skura, and BakerShake 2004's director, Joseph "Chepe" Lockett.

The Taming of the Shrew Trailer

Tech People: Set! Props! Costumes! Lights! Sound!

Lucentio: I'm studying abroad in Padua.
Tranio: More like partying. Hey look, people. Let's eavesdrop.
Baptista: Do not come near Bianca until her older sister is married.
Gremio: That's going to be when pigs fly.
Katharina: You want an ass-kicking, old man?
Baptista: Kate, be nice, like your sister.
Lucentio: I think I'm in love.

Grumio: Servant abuse!
Hortensio: Hey ol' buddy, I wanna marry this hot chick but can't until her shrewish older sister is married. They're loaded so you interested?
Petruchio: Hell yes.

Bianca: Sis, I didn't know you were into bondage.
Katharina: Shut up, skank! (Slaps her.)
Bianca: Daaddddyyy!!! Waaahhh!!
Baptista: Don't hit your sister!

Petruchio: I am here to woo Katharina, and I have brought a music teacher.
Hortensio: It's really me in disguise.
Gremio: Well, I have a tutor who's smart.
Lucentio: It's me in Tranio's clothes. (Exit Hortensio and Lucentio.)
Tranio: I get to spend my master's money and pretend to be in love with a hot girl. Life is good.
Baptista: You're kind of weird. (Enter Hortensio with the lute around his head.) What happened to you?
Hortensio: Your oldest daughter would make a good rock star. She's got the instrument smashing down. Why is the room still spinning?
Petruchio: A feisty one! I look forward to "talking" with her.
Baptista: We'll leave you two alone then.

Petruchio: Hey, hot stuff.
Katharina: Who's this asshole?
Petruchio: Such a polite and charming young lady. I am here to whisk you off your feet and marry you. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Lucentio: I suck at Latin. I'm only here because I'm in love with you.
Bianca: I don't even know you, but you're kind of cute.
Hortensio: You know, Bianca, I can teach you how to play another instrument.
Bianca: Eeewww, stop making obscene gestures with your lute.

Katharina: I'm going to kill that bastard if he jilts me!
Biondello: He's coming! And I'll describe what he has on in detail.
Baptista: Oh good, the groom is finally here.
Biondello: No he's not. He will be here, on his horse.
Baptista: Semantics. (Enter Petruchio.)
Tranio: What the hell are you wearing? I'm sure there's a dress code.
Petruchio: Looks don't matter. It's what's on the inside that's counts.

Gremio: What a craaaaazy wedding! I actually feel sorry for the girl.

Petruchio: Sorry but we're off to the honeymoon!
Katharina: Please, let's stay for some of the reception.
Petruchio: Nope, good-bye.
Baptista: Wow. Just wow.

Grumio: Brrrrr, it's cold.
Curtis: Tell me what happened.
Petruchio: Where are my servants?! (Servants rush in.) Take off my boots. Bring me water. Quick, quick! The food sucks. Is there anybody competent around here?
Katharina: You should treat your servants better.
Petruchio: Better you say? Well, we'll save them some work and go straight to bed. Man, being a jerk is tiring.

Hortensio: Your fiancée is a slut.
Tranio: No way, she only loves me. (Sees Lucentio and Bianca making out.) Oh my eyes! I can't marry a woman who does that in the open with another man.
Hortensio: I'm going for older, richer women these days.
Lucentio: I've got the girl, yay!
Tranio: Not yet, but I've got a plan.

Katharina: So…hungry…
Grumio: Want a bite? Too bad, you can't.
Petruchio: My wife can't wear these crappy clothes.
Tailor: Excusez-moi? I'll have you know that I am known as the next John Galliano and Jean-Paul Gaultier.
Petruchio: Here's what I think: you can just shove that yard stick up…
Hortensio: Dude, chill out.
Petruchio: C'mon let's go. If we head out now, we'll make it in time for lunch.
Katharina: What are you talking about? We'll be lucky to get there by dinner.
Petruchio: Changed my mind. We're leaving tomorrow.

Pedant: I am Vincentio, Lucentio's father.
Tranio: I have trained him well.
Biondello: I'm confused.
Baptista: Now that we have parental consent, Lucentio can marry Bianca.

Petruchio: I'm going to pretend that the moon is out and this old man is a young lady.
Katharina: I'm playing along.
Hortensio: Finally, we're going somewhere!
Vincentio: These people are strange but nice.

Lucentio and Bianca: We're getting married!

Vincentio: What the hell is going on?! Where's my son?
Baptista: Crazy man on the streets! Somebody call the cops.
Gremio: Wait, that's the real Vincentio.
Lucentio: Let me explain: I did it all out of love.
Baptista: So who did my daughter marry?
Tranio: Crap, I gotta skip town now.
Petruchio: Kiss me, Kate.
Katharina: You know I don't like PDA, but alright.

Lucentio: Here's to everybody hooking up, except Gremio.
Petruchio:Wanna bet who can summon his wife the fastest?
Lucentio: I'll take you up on that.
Hortensio: Prepare to lose.
Baptista: I'll add a ton of money to the pot.
Biondello: Bianca says she's too busy, and Hortensio's wife tells him to get his ass in there.
Katharina: You called, honey?
Petruchio: Yeah, bring your sister and the widow here, and get rid of that tacky hat while you're at it. (Katharina leaves and comes back dragging Bianca and Widow.) I win!
Katharina: I'm going to make a speech about obeying your husband so that we can get all the money. I love seeing their shocked faces.
Petruchio: I do too. So long, losers. I'm going to spend some quality time with my awesome wife.

THE END