A/N 1: I've got a lot of explaining to do with this one because our director (and my former roommate), Katy Mulvaney, definitely took creative liberties. For starters, the play takes place on multiple timelines. Some characters, like Lady Anne and Edward IV, have a very traditional mindset so they're stuck in the medieval, Elizabethan, or Victorian eras. Others, like Richard and Buckingham (who has been made a kickass woman), are very forward thinking and thus modern. BakerShake is always short of male actors so in addition to Ratcliff and Buckingham getting a gender switch, characters have been merged. For example, Brackenbury is the Second Murderer. Sometimes our actors have to play more than one character and don't have obvious costume changes so we've given one character an accent (this is why Tyrell is Irish and Blunt is French). Perhaps the biggest thing to note is that Ratcliff becomes the primary assassin. She's this creepy Angel of Death figure who lurks around and delivers death. Finally, yes, we have a pit. Katy had the idea before she knew about 300.

A/N 2: Shameless self-promotion time! Baker Shakespeare '08 is performing Richard III on March 13-15, 20-22 at Rice University. Google BakerShake to get to our site. Anyway, since I'm graduating, this is the last of the trailers (for now). Enjoy! -- Hana Li

Disclaimer: Richard III and Henry VI, Part 3 (which is referenced in the beginning) are the works of William Shakespeare. The interpretation and stage directions belong to Katy Mulvaney. I want to also recognize the writers of the following films for providing quotes I bastardize: Kill Bill, The Sixth, Sense, The Princess Bride, and 300. Lastly, props to Jeremiah Bolinsky for coming up with his Princess Bride line.

The Richard III Trailer

Tech People: Set! Props! Costumes! Lights! Sound!

Lancasters: The crown is ours!
Yorks: No, it's ours! (They fight with swords.)
Richard: (rising out of a pit) Bwahahaha, I've got a gun. (shoots Prince Edward and Henry VI)

Clarence: I've been arrested on the account of my name being George.

Richard: Death List Four: Edward of Lancaster, Henry VI, George, and Edward IV.

Lady Anne: You killed my father and my husband.
Richard: I did it out of love.
Lady Anne: Go to Hell!
Richard: Not before I marry you.
Lady Anne: Well, okay.

Queen Margaret: Gullible fools, one day, you will all die or suffer miserably. Just you wait.
Richard: Aren't you supposed to be banished?
Everybody else: Crazy old loon.

Brackenbury: I'm not so sure about this murder thing.
Ratcliff: Dude, you're being paid.
Brackenbury: Oh yeah. C'mon let's go.
Clarence:You don't want to kill me.
Ratcliff: Your Jedi mind tricks won't work on me. (strangles him and drowns him in wine)

Edward IV: Let's spread the love, but wait, I accidentally had my brother executed. I don't feel so good.

Queen Elizabeth: My husband has died. Woe is me!
Duchess of York: My good sons are dead. Woe times two!
Buckingham: Sorry to break up Emo Fest, but we've got business to take care of.

Messenger: Dorset, Rivers, and Grey are on death row.
Queen Elizabeth: My family's screwed.

Richard: Come to the Tower, kids. It's a lot of fun.
Young York: But it's haunted.
Young Edward: I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

Hastings: Crap, I almost got caught in the act. Yo Catesby!
Catesby: Hey Hastings! Lords are dropping like flies.
Derby: Things aren't lookin' too good…Hey, where's my wife?

Grey: Margaret three, us zero.
Dorset: We fail.
Rivers: Hey guys, did I ever tell you how much I love you? (Ratcliff slits their throats.)

Richard: Off with his head!
Hastings: Looks like I'm a goner too. (Ratcliff beheads him.)

Lord Mayor: Y'all are scary people so I'll do whatever you want.

Buckingham: Take one for the team. You should be king.
Richard: But I don't want to.
Buckingham: Seriously dude. We'll find some random guy to take the throne if you don't.
Lord Mayor: Please, not some random guy.
Richard: Oh, all right….Hahaha, reverse psychology gets them every time.

Brakenbury: You cannot pass.
Derby: Yo Lady Anne, you gotta go be queen.
Queen Elizabeth: WTF?!
Lady Anne: Sucks to be me.
Duchess of York: I'm gonna go die now…not really.

Buckingham: Hey, remember back then, when you said you'd make me an earl…
Richard: Not now. I've got more killing to do. Where's my assassin?
Tyrrel: Top o' the mornin' to ya!
Buckingham: I've been shafted. Richmond is my new best friend.

Ratcliff: Oooh, happy fun time for me! (shoots Lady Anne and snaps the neck of the princes)

Queen Elizabeth: Oh no, my babies!
Queen Margaret: Told you so, but no, you didn't listen to the pissed off old lady.
Queen Elizabeth: Teach me how to curse.

Duchess of York: You know that thing called motherly love? Never had any for you.
Richard: Lalala, I'm not listening.
Duchess of York: Well too bad. Either you're gonna die or I will. No matter what, you'll be the loser.

Richard: You know that daughter of yours? She's pretty hot.
Queen Elizabeth: Eeeww, no incest, please.
Richard: If you know what's good for her, you'll let her marry me.

Richard: Where are my minions?
Catesby and Ratcliff: Reporting for duty, sir.
Derby: Richmond is coming. I'll help out.
Richard: Okay, but leave your son here as collateral.

Derby: I'm switching sides. Will you tell Richmond that Richard plans on marrying Elizabeth's daughter?
Blunt: Oui, monsieur.

Buckingham: Man, Margaret is pwning us. (Ratcliff beheads her.)

Richard: Big day tomorrow, gotta have my beauty sleep.
Richmond: Now lay me down to sleep…everybody knows this and I'm tired so good night.
Ghosts:Despair and die!! Go Richmond!!
Queens: Where are my children?!
Ratcliff: Time to die. (starts strangling Richard, who suddenly wakes up)
Richard: I see dead people.
Ratcliff: It was all just a dream.
Richmond: (waking up) I had the weirdest dream. Dead people were talking to me…

Richard: War speech time. I'm so much cooler than this punk.
Richmond: I'm going to kick Richard's ass. Now who's with me?

Richard: Derby screwed me over. Dead baby time! (Ratcliff drops George Stanley into pit.)

Ghosts: Oooh…oooh… (wave arms and surround Richard)
Richard: A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!
Richmond: My name is Richmond. You killed my brother. Despair and die! (Duel. Ratcliff comes in pointing gun at Richmond but then turns to strike Richard.)
Richard:This is blasphemy! This is madness!
Richmond: Madness? This…is…England!!!! (stabs and kicks Richard into the pit. Richard drags Ratcliff.)

Queen Margaret: Well, now that the fighting's over, it's time for a wedding. Richmond, young Elizabeth, I pronounce you husband and wife.
Richmond: I get the girl and the crown. There's peace in England. Life is good.
Ratcliff: (rising out of pit) I'm baaaaack!

THE END