Chapter Seven: A Rose by Any Other Name
Thanks to TkaiaWolf, roxyxkarkat, readwritebeawesome, and MizGlazses for reviewing.
Having successfully defeated the first out of the Four Evil Mages, Rose and the rest of her team were feeling pretty good about themselves. You know that feeling you get when you're shooting hoops with your homies and then you decide to go up try to do a slam dunk, and then you run up there and actually do a slam dunk.
Yeah, that's pretty much how they felt.
However, for a great witch such as Rose, there were no time for celebratory dances or over-choreographed chest bumps with her buds. No, her next trial awaited all the way on the other side of Skaia, where the dastardly Vampire Queen of The West ruled over her undead minions.
"So this Vampire Queen," Davesprite spoke, as the group trekked across a grassy field. "All we've got to do is lure her out into the sun, right? Then she'll just melt into a gross pile of vampire goo that we can kick dirt on top of and just be done with it."
"Vampires do not melt under the rays of the sun. That is an old myth." Rose debunked. "They cannot be repelled by garlic, do they do not fear water, and they cannot turn into bats."
"What about a stake to the chest?" John offered. "Does that work?"
"Steak?" Jade, who was kicking a rock across the ground, suddenly looked up. "Do you guys have steak?"
"No, we've told you like a dozen times, we're all out of meat." Rose shot her a look over her shoulder. "And to answer your question, John, I'm pretty sure driving a wooden stake through someone's heart would kill anyone."
"Oh yeah. Good point." John scratched at his chin. "So do you have a plan for how you're going to beat her?"
Rose shrugged.
"I'll probably just wing it. That worked out with the Crab King well enough, didn't it?"
"Yeah, but the Crab King was a chump bitch." Davesprite pointed out. "No one finds crabs intimidating. Vampires on the other hand are hella scary. They got sharp teeth and glowing red eyes and capes. Fuck that shit."
"Have you actually ever seen a vampire, Davesprite?" Jade asked.
"Of course he hasn't." Rose answered for him. "No one has seen a vampire for over three thousand years. They are creatures shrouded in mystery, whose descriptions have only become more warped by the imagination of frightened children over time. Some say they wear capes, some say they wear leather jackets and ride motorcycles, and some even say they sparkle like diamonds in the sunlight. Basically, we won't know what to believe until we get there."
"Oh geez." John rubbed the back of neck. "I dunno if I could fight a vampire on a motorcycle. That's just too badass."
"John, you probably couldn't fight a vampire riding a unicycle." Davesprite smirked. "If you ask me, our next step should be training you to be as good a fighter as the rest of us, so that you can kick some ass too next time we get into a scuffle."
"Hey! I kicked some ass back there!"
"Oh yeah, so many asses were kicked from behind that cookie sheet shield." Davesprite rolled his eyes. "It's a wonder you even need the rest of us at all."
"Leave him alone." Rose snapped. "John did perfectly fine against the Crab King's minions and he'll do even better against the Vampire Queen."
"I think Davesprite might have a point though," Jade spoke up. "I mean, shouldn't we all prepare a bit for this next boss? They're supposed to get harder and harder, right?"
"They are supposed to increase in difficulty, yes." Rose pulled her map out of her satchel and consulted it. "Although I do consider training to be a good idea, I believe our next best step is to stock up on supplies. If we continue on our current path, we should head straight through the Forest of Franklin and end up near the City of Lakewater."
"Oooooh!" Jade's eyes lit up. "I've always wanted to go to the City of Lakewater! Apparently the whole city is built on a single island in the middle of the biggest lake in all of Skaia. Isn't that cool!"
"Sure, if you like drinking gross lake water, that is." Davesprite looked up towards the sun. "Hmm. Are we going to stop for lunch soon? It looks like it's almost mid-day."
"Why do you care if we stop or not?" Rose looked at him with confusion. "You're a sprite. Sprites don't need to eat."
"Maybe I'm just tired of walking."
"You don't walk either." Rose pointed to his ghostly tail. "I feel like we can get a few more hours of walking in before we stop. I want to reach the Forest of Franklin before nightfall."
"Come one, Lalonde. What's the rush? A little ten minute break won't hurt anyone, quite the opposite actually."
Davesprite's true reasons for wanting to stop lied with his concern for Jade. He watched her warily out of the corner of his eye. Her shoulders were a little slumped and her strides were shorter than usual. Davesprite didn't know much about Weredogs, but if he had to make an assumption, he'd guess that her transformation back in the lair of the Crab King took more out of her than she let on.
"Is anyone else feeling 'tired'?" Rose asked, utilizing air quotes around.
"Nope!" Jade chirped instantly.
John was about to shake his head, but Davesprite elbowed him hard in the ribs. Casting his friend a wounded glance, John rubbed his side and eventually nodded.
"I- uh, could use a rest." He said, watching Davesprite nod in confirmation.
"Ugh, fine." Rose brought the group to a stop atop a grassy hill. "Ten minutes, but that's it. After that, we aren't stopping for anything until we reach the forest, understood?"
"Yes, ma'am!" Jade crouched down on the grass, spun around six times to get comfortable, curled up, and then fell instantly to sleep.
Davesprite couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips when he watched her. Jade was a weird bitch, but in the endearing way. Sort of like the way everyone likes Michael Jackson.
MJ was a great artist, of course, but face it: the dude was weird.
John and Rose sat down together and began setting up a quick picnic, whilst Jade slept and Davesprite floated lazily on the breeze.
"I feel like we should throw this thing away." John was fiddling with the piece of broccoli that the group had been carrying around for literally days. "I mean, is anyone going to eat this?"
"No, but I would save it anyways." Rose held up her satchel and dumped its contents onto the ground. "Broccoli brewed with other certain magical ingredients can create some helpful elixirs. Who knows? It might come in handy one day."
"I doubt it." John stowed away the broccoli again regardless.
As Rose began picking through the spilt contents of her bag, Davesprite spotted a glint of silver amongst the blades of grass and swooped to pick it up.
"Nice dagger, Lalonde." He commented, examining the blade. "It looks evil as shit."
"I took from Mudbert's treasure chest back in the Wizard Mountains." Rose explained. She rifled through her bag and produced a slice of cake. "Would you like some cake… John?"
At the sudden appearance of the pastry, John had become frozen with fear.
"I'm diabetic." John explained, eyeing the cake warily. "C-could you please put that away?"
"Of course, forgive me." Rose stashed away the cake, making a mental note of John's fear of baked goods. Next, she produced an apple, which John was much more agreeable towards. "Davesprite, hand me the dagger, would you?"
The sprite looked between the apple and the blade in his hand.
"Are you going to use it to cut an apple?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because me and John are going to share."
"No. I mean, why are you going to use this dagger to cut an apple." Davesprite held up the small blade to the light. "It looks like it could be cursed or something. You could accidentally poison that apple or something on accident."
The dagger was small, no bigger than the palm of Davesprite's hand. It was covered in many powerful runes, such as the Van Halen symbol and that cool 'S' thing that kids in high school used to draw all the time. You know what I'm talking about, that cool 'S' everyone drew.
Anyways, it totally looked evil as shit.
"Davesprite," Rose began with a sigh. "I am the greatest witch ever. I believe I know what I'm doing when it comes to cursed and magical items. Also, I've about had it up to here," She held up a hand high above her head. "With your bullshit today, so I'd greatly appreciate it if you could just pass me that dagger, alright?"
"Alright, alright. Geez." Davesprite threw the dagger at Rose.
She let out a shrill shriek and tried to catch it. The blade's handle bounced off her palm, flipped in the air, and sliced open a small cut on her little finger, before falling to the grass.
"Davesprite!" She cried. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"
"What?! You asked me to pass you the dagger!"
"I didn't ask you to try and kill me with it!" Rose squeezed her bloodied finger with her other hand. "Oh shit. Oh shit."
"What's going to happen?" John asked, warily eyeing the cursed dagger where it lay. "Are you going to be okay?"
"I-I don't know." Rose's face grew pale. "I feel… I feel like…"
Suddenly her entire body began to glow with a white light, along with the discarded dagger. John and even Davesprite, who's eyes were usually well-protected by his shades, had to shield their eyes from the intense light. Eventually the glow faded, and both of their jaws dropped in unison.
Where before there had been only Rose, there now sat four, entirely different Rose Lalonde's.
"Oh. My. Golden. Rings." John breathed, staring at each in turn.
The first, was just regular Rose apparently. The second, had large, watery eyes and limp, mousy-looking hair. The third was eyeing him with a predator-ish smirk and was wearing a rather revealing dress plus corset combo. And finally, the fourth Rose was almost skeletal in appearance, with hallow cheekbones, sunken eyes, and a glare that seemed to say 'fuck everything'.
The first Rose, looked at her counterparts and gaped.
"O-Okay." Her skin was still deathly-pale and she began to sway unstably where she sat. "N-o one move a muscle…"
She then flopped over onto the grass and passed out.
"Rose!" John rushed to her side and shook her gently. "Are you okay?"
"I hope not." Muttered the thin, angry-looking Rose. "I hope she's dead."
"How can you say that?!" Cried the Rose with wide eyes. Tears began to fall down her face. "That's so horrible!"
"Oh, suck it up, sister." Said the final Rose, as she pulled a cigarette from her bra and lit it. She took a long drag and exhaled a perfect ring of smoke. "You have no idea how gross you look with all those tears leaking out of you like a leaky faucet. Wipe that snot off your face before I totally vomit."
The crying Rose let out a loud wail, jumped to her feet and began to run away across the grass.
"No! Come back! Don't run off!" John called after her, but she did not listen. "Shit."
"Don't worry about her, honey." Cooed the sexy Rose as he scooted over to John's side. "There's more than enough Lalonde right here to keep you company."
"This has to be the greatest thing that ever happened." Davesprite was furiously fighting to keep his cool. Totally radical ghost dudes did not burst into laughter, no matter how much they wanted to.
"Nice dagger." The Rose with the thin, haunting face snatched up the cursed blade. "Shit's mine now."
She then got up and proceeded to run away.
"Whoa, whoa!" John jumped to his feet to follow, but the final Rose grabbed him by the arm.
"Where are you running off to, sugar? We were just getting acquainted." She pulled the cigarette from her mouth and then extinguished it on her own tongue. It was super hot and super badass.
John started to get a little sweaty.
With a mighty yawn, Jade stretched and woke up from her short nap.
"Aw, man." She sat up, rubbing at her eyes. "Did I need that! What's going on, guys?"
She looked between Davesprite, who was barely managing to hold in guffaws of laughter, John, who looked about as uncomfortable as a guy could get, and finally the pair of Rose's, one unconscious and the other hanging from John like a scantily-clad handbag.
"I take a ten minute nap and you guys pull this shit!" Jade barked. "What the hell is going on?!"
"Dave nicked Rose with a cursed dagger and then she split into three different Rose's and two of them ran off and one of them has the dagger and I don't know what to do!" John responded frantically.
Jade jumped to her feet and sniffed the air.
"One of the Rose's is running back east and another is heading north." She turned to Davesprite. "Head north and cut off that one. I'll double back for the other."
"Sure, sure." Davesprite wiped tears from his eyes. "Yeah. I need to get away from this before I completely lose my shit. God. Remind me to stab Rose more often, okay?"
He then floated towards the north, whilst Jade began to jog back east.
"Wait!" John called after Jade. "What am I supposed to do here?!"
"Watch those two!" Jade called back, pointing to the two remaining Rose's. "I'll be back soon!"
And then she disappeared over a hill and disappeared from sight, leaving John alone.
"So, Johnny." Flirty Rose trailed a finger up John's arm, leaving goosebumps in her wake. "Alone at last, huh? Oh, what ever will we do to pass the time?"
John swallowed hard.
"God help me."
So as John was dealing with that bullshit, Davesprite was flying in pursuit of one of the other Rose's who were running about.
As much as he would have liked to stick around and watch John fumble through that particular mess, he knew that if any of the Rose's escaped, there would be little chance of putting original Rose back to normal. And even though Davesprite and Rose rarely saw eye to eye on most things, it would suck if anything really bad happened to her.
He cared about her. In a sisterly sort of way, that is.
After flying for about five minutes, he caught sight of the runaway Rose. She had come to a stop at the bank of a river that was moving swiftly through the grassy plain.
"Halt, Rose-Clone." Davesprite commanded, floating up behind her. "I know what you're thinking: 'If I jump in this river then I'll float like a duck'. But I'm here to tell you that that's a load of BS. You'll probably just drown."
Rose wheeled around. It was the evil-looking one and let me tell you, she looked hella evil.
"The only one in danger of drowning around here is you, sprite!" She growled. "I'll toss you into this river and hold you under until the cold embrace of death pulls the life from your limbs!"
"Whoa. Take it easy. There's no need for overly-descriptive murder threats. We're supposed to be pals."
"I'll show you pals!" With a flick of her wrists Rose drew her wands and fired a spell directly towards Davesprite.
"Well fuck." He groaned as he spun out of the way.
Evil Rose fired spell after spell, missing Davesprite by inches each time as he barrel-rolled, loop de looped, and did one of those triple cow things that ice skaters sometimes talk about.
"Stand still, you orange fuck!" Rose demanded, launching another spell.
"Why? So you can kill me? That sounds like a shit plan. Why don't you stop being such a G.D. bitch?"
"Fat chance!" Rose twirled her wands and conjured magical ropes that wrapped around Davesprite and dragged him to the ground. "Ha! Take that!"
"Wow. Congratulations." Davesprite rolled his eyes. "You got me. Now what?"
"Now I'm going to kill you and bathe in the orange blood which flows from your Spritely veins. Afterwards, I'll hang your wings on my mantel and sell all of your ghostly organs on the Troll Black Market for hundreds upon hundreds of gold pieces." Rose grinned and drew the cursed dagger that started this whole mess. "Then I'll travel to the north and join the Dragon Mistress. Together we shall rule the world! Mwahahaha!"
"Jesus. I guess you actually do have a plan." Davesprite tried to wriggle free, but could not escape the magical bonds. "Hey, let's make a deal. I promise that if you let me go, I'll be your super evil minion/slave forever."
Evil Rose paused, her hand freezing mid-air with the dagger poised to strike a killing blow.
"Seriously?" She asked.
"Totally."
She scratched her chin for a moment, considering his proposition.
"How good of a minion/slave are we talking here?" She crouched down by his side. "Like, if I ask you to punch a dozen sick orphans in the stomach, will you do it?"
"I'll steal their shoes too."
"Wow." A twisted, villainous grin contorted Rose's already fearsome features. "Now that sounds evil. You're hired!"
And then with a wave of her wands, the magical bonds constricting Davesprite disappeared. He floated to his feet… or whatever. He didn't have feet. You know what I'm trying to say. He got up off the ground.
Anyways, Davesprite was all like:
"Rock n Roll. Good times. Beach party. Lead the way, your wickedness."
Smiling to herself, pleased to have received a new minion for her dastardly plans, Rose turned around and began to walk confidently towards the river.
"Hey, Rose- Clone." Davesprite called.
"Yes?" Rose asked, turning around.
"Catch."
And then Davesprite punched her right in the motherfucking temple, knocking her unconscious. Davesprite wasn't usually liable to hit women, but he was willing to make a special exception in this case.
"I hope real Rose didn't feel that." He muttered to himself and then stooped, carefully collecting the cursed dagger and grabbing the evil Rose under the arms. Slowly, he began to drag her back towards the rest of the group.
Meanwhile, Jade was sprinting across the grassy plain, following the scent of the other Rose as she tried to run to… god knows where.
Jade smelt a heavy amount of sweat, mixed with tears and Rose's usual scent of delicate lavender. However another, sour scent, tinged the mixture. Jade recognized it as fear.
She picked up the pace, dug her toes into the soft ground and ran flat out towards the scent. With Davesprite wrangling his own charge and John watching over the final two, all she had to worry about momentarily was making sure that this one didn't accidently get killed by Saber Wolves or something equally stupid.
Eventually, her awesome vision spotted a form sitting atop a nearby hill. Cresting the slope, Jade approached the Rose there, who was silently crying.
"Oh. It's you." Rose sniffed when she saw Jade. "What do you want?"
"I- uh, just want to make sure you're okay." Jade wasn't expecting to see this, a crying Rose with her dress all wrinkly and her hair all messy. It caught her off guard. "What are you doing up here?"
"I don't know." Rose buried her face in her arms. "I just wanted to get away and then I got tired of running and…" Her shoulders shook and suddenly she wailed: "Why am I so awful?!"
"You're not awful!" Jade flopped down onto the grass by her side. "You're great! What ever gave you that idea?"
"I only pretend to be great." Rose wiped at her red eyes. "But I only know what I'm doing about forty-nine percent of the time. Usually I just make shit up as I go!"
"Well, that's worked out so far."
"Yeah, but what about when it doesn't? Davesprite was right," Rose blew her nose loudly into her sleeve. "The Crab King was a chump bitch. I can't fight the Vampire Queen. I give up."
"You give up?" Jade echoed. "What does that mean?"
"It means I don't want to be the greatest witch anymore!" Rose started tugging at the clasp of her robes. "I don't wanna wear these robes, I don't wanna use these stupid wands, and I don't wanna be a witch!"
"Whoa there, sister." Jade grabbed her by the wrist. "Keep your clothes on. We're going to talk about this, okay? Why don't you tell me what's going through your mind?"
"I just wanna find a nice cave where I can curl up and cry until there are no more tears in the world."
"Wow. You're just a little drama queen now ain't ya?"
"Oh it's easy to point and laugh." Rose turned to Jade, lip a-quiverin and nose a-runnin. "You're the sexy Weredog with all her shit figured out."
"That's not true! Everyone has doubts about themselves, Rose." Jade suddenly became very interested in a particular blade of grass. "I, for one, used to wonder if there was anyone out there who wouldn't mind the company of a Weredog like me. I never told you why I left the Sun Clan, did I?"
"No."
"Well, I didn't leave. They kicked me out."
Rose's eyes widened.
"Really?"
"Yeah, they fear the moon, remember? And everything associated with it." Jade ripped the blade of grass from the ground and smushed it between her fingers. "Even Were-people."
"That must have been awful."
"It was." Jade suddenly smiled. "But then I found you guys and everything's okay now! You're my friend and no matter who we are or how we feel, nothing can change that now!" Jumping to her feet, Jade offered Rose her hand. "Come on. Let's go back to the others. We're going to sort everything out together, alright?"
Rose eyed her hand warily, as if it might bite her. However, after a moment of consideration, Rose took it and was pulled to her feet. Together, hand in hand, the two friends walked down the grassy hill and towards the rest of their party.
John had never been more sexually conflicted in his life.
Not three feet away, lay Rose Lalonde, unconscious, yet somehow positioned perfectly so that her hands were laced over her belly, more like a sleeping princess than a cursed witch. Also, not three inches away, was another Rose Lalonde, extremely conscious and extremely horny.
"Are you even listening to me, John?" Rose slung her arms around his neck.
"Uh, what were you saying?" John torn his eyes away from the sleeping Rose.
"I was just telling you that I'm freaky as shit."
"Oh."
"Oh. Indeed."
John was suddenly very sweaty, a little dizzy too, but more than anything else, he was just confused.
This new Rose was every heterosexual man's wet dream. She wore copious amounts of make-up, tight-fitting clothing. Her voice was husky and her eyes were permanently half-lidded and her womanly assets were so generous, they made Ellen DeGeneres look like a selfish prude.
And Ellen's name literally sounds like "Ellen: The Generous" when you say it out loud.
However John's eyes continually roved back towards the original Rose or Rose Prime, if you will. The sleeping Rose was almost the exact opposite. Her robes were loose and comfy-looky, battle worn and weathered. Her make-up was light, with only her black-painted lips standing out harshly against her too-pale skin. And above all, you could probably use her chest as an ironing board.
I'm not being rude, just honest.
John didn't want the uber-sexy-awesome-idealist Rose. He just wanted Rose.
"Listen, er… Sexy Rose." John began. "You seem like a nice girl…"
"I have so many daddy issues." Rose interrupted, leaning into him. "I just wish there was some man around her unto which I could project my feelings through sexual intercourse."
"Look." John was not going to get sidetracked. "I think you're nice, but I really don't think that fooling around with you is a good idea."
"Why not?" Rose pouted. "Don't you want this?"
"Not really." John looked to Rose Prime again. "Not at all."
"Well, fuck." Sexy Rose flopped back onto the grass. "Now what am I going to do with all these raging, out of control hormones?"
John shrugged, exhaling a heavy sigh of relief. However his momentary reprieve was shattered by her next words:
"You don't even want to, like, make-out a bit?"
"W-What?" John turned to her.
"Make-out. Lock lips. Dance the tongues. You know?"
"Uhhh."
"Oh, come on." Rose popped back to her knees and scooted over to him. "It's not like I'm going to tell anyone. It will be out little secret."
John chewed his tongue. He could not, would not let his physical desires get in the way of his emotional ones. Fooling around with this Rose in any capacity would feel like cheating and yet…
This Rose wouldn't be around much longer. After Davesprite and Jade got back with the others, they would find some way to restore everything to normalcy.
"Fuck it." John said, reaching for her.
The two clashed in spectacular collision of lips and tongue and even a few unfortunate teeth. Her nails dug into his arms and John buried his fingers in her short, blonde hair. After about ten seconds, they separated with a loud mwah!
They stared at each other.
"Oh god." Rose gasped.
"That was…" John sighed.
"… Awful."
"Yeah."
They stared at each other for a moment, no words spoken other than the whispering of the breeze.
"Do you wanna try again?"
"Sure."
But it was horrible. For everyone.
EVEN YOU.
When Davesprite and Jade returned with their respective charges, they found John and Sexy Rose sitting as far apart from each other as physically possible.
"What's up with you two?" Davesprite asked as he dumped Evil Rose onto the ground. "I thought we'd be coming back to a fierce bone session."
John just shook his head, struck mute by the unmitigated horror and untrusting of himself to speak coherently enough to form a full sentence. Jade eyed him warily as she led Sad Rose towards the group.
"Alright," She said once everyone was assembled. "How do we get about setting this right?"
Davesprite pulled out the cursed dagger from where he had stowed it in his… pocket or something. His ghost pocket? I don't know. He just had it, alright?
"It all started when Rose accidently cut herself with this knife." He explained. "It was a complete and total accident that solely involved Rose and no one else."
"Okay well," Jade took the dagger cautiously and examined it. "I don't know a whole lot about cursed items, but this has to be reversible somehow."
"We have to mix our blood together," Spoke the Sad Rose suddenly and quietly from Jade's side.
"What?"
"Our blood." The Rose pointed to her clone counterparts. "Prick us all with the dagger and mix our blood."
"Will that work?" John climbed to his feet. "I mean, how do you know?"
"I'm a witch." She smiled feebly and cast a glance at Jade. "It's sort of my job to know these things."
Jade smiled back.
"Then would you do the honors?" Jade asked, passing her the dagger.
Sad Rose took it with a small nod and her eyes went wide as her fingers wrapped around the handle of the blade. Davesprite dragged Evil Rose over to Rose Prime and positioned the two unconscious women side by side. Sad Rose walked over and knelt between them.
"Um… Sexy Rose." John reluctantly spoke to the final woman. "You sort of need to go over there with everyone else."
Sexy Rose blinked and started, as if she'd forgotten that everyone else was there.
"Oh, okay." Getting to her feet, she brushed past John, but stopped suddenly by his side. Biting her lip, she leant in close and whispered in his ear. "Don't let what happened between us ruin it."
"Ruin what?"
"You know… it."
"I don't…"
"You and her, dumbass!" Sexy Rose nodded to her original. "It could still happen maybe. I didn't come out of thin air, you know?"
John frowned, but nodded all the same. Giving him a final, almost melancholy smile, Sexy Rose joined the rest. Together, her and Sad Rose made tiny incisions in their palms with the cursed dagger, repeating the process with their snoozing twins. They linked hands then, in a blood pact-esque ritual that blinded John, Davesprite, and Jade with more magical light.
When it faded, only one Rose remained.
"Rose?" Davesprite floated to his friend's side. "Rose, can you hear me?"
The witch's eyes opened with a snap and her fist shot upwards, connecting with Davesprite's jaw and knocking him flat on his ghostly ass.
"That's for throwing a knife at me!" Rose shrieked. She jumped to her feet and then kicked him in the ribs. "And that is for punching me in the face!"
Jade giggled and looked towards John, expecting to see a look of relief or maybe even happiness on his face. Instead, John just looked sad.
This begins what I would call season two of this crap. All in all, there should be a total of four seasons, with six chapters each. Plus an epilogue, that's twenty-five chapters. It should be just over a hundred thousand words. That seems like a good fic length to me.
Thanks for reading.
- Mike