So you want know how the "babysitting" business went? Then here's a recap, the fur-ball annoys the life out of me, I hint at him to take a trip down to a certain graveyard1 where my loyal, merciful, quick-witted henchmen were supposed to give him his dues. Oh when does anything go according to plan? But I'm sure you already knew that, didn't you? Assuming you watched my movie…yes my movie. It is called the "Lion King", and who was the king during the bulk of it? That's right, I'm glad you finally see things my way. I'm guessing like most humans you have a fairly short attention span2, so I'll get on with it. Prepare to be enlightened for you are about to hear the uncut, unbiased, "Lion King"…starting from where we left off. Yes, I did just sum that up for you, but I know how much we all love reruns:
"Hey Uncle Scar! Guess what!" Simba called gleefully.
"I despise guessing games3," I rolled my eyes in disdain.
"I'm going to be king of Pride Rock," he announced, revealing the staggeringly shocking truth that one could not have possibly foreseen on their own.
"Oh goody," I remarked in a trademark show of sarcasm.
"My dad just showed me the whole kingdom," Simba went on, looking out over the edge of the rock4with unmistakable greed in his eyes. "And I'm going to rule it all!" he chuckled. I just know he's going to be a little angle when he grows up! No less than the image of charity and giving!
"Yes. Well... forgive me for not leaping for joy. Bad back you know – are you getting sick of this? I'm getting sick of this. You want to hear the stuff they don't show you in Disney movies, eh? You want the answers to those though questions that keep you up at night…like say…who on earth are Kovu's parents, and why did I choose him to be my successor? Where was Zira and the "outlanders" when our buddy Simba threw me off a cliff and left me to be torn apart by hyenas? And aren't I supposed to be dead? Well once you figure it out let me know, you being so clever and all. You really want to know? Alright, alright, listen up then.
Wait, before we start I'd just like to say I'm not here to beg for pity, there are already plenty of "poor neglected little Taka" fan fictions. And I'm not telling you that I'm really all nice and innocent. If I could go back and change things, Mufasa would still be lying at the bottom of that cliff. I know you were thinking it, don't deny it because honestly, once I so much as impulsively hint at it, I just go on and on 5. But no, I'm here to tell you Mavu's story, the girl nobody's talking about, because that's one story you haven't heard. Who is Mavu you ask? Well the good people at Disney renamed the poor creature hate, but that sounds a little harsh at best, eh? But I bet you think the name suits her perfectly, and I don't blame you. She certainly didn't make the best of first impressions. And that's the problem with first impressions; you only get to make one. Call me a hopeless romantic because I think the least I owe her is this, to show a couple Lion King crazed people another side of "Zira".
I knew it was going to happen, and knowing Mufasa I was rather surprised that it didn't happen sooner. That's right, Sarabi was pregnant and I could do nothing more than eagerly await my new nephew, or so they thought. Even cynics, pessimists, and naysayers have hopes and dreams. But lately, the guys upstairs weren't giving me a break. I always had rather high hopes for myself, too bad no one else did. My whole life I felt like the fifth wheel, whether I made it so or just went with it, I can't decide. The one thing I do know is that what's done is done and it's no use looking back or you'll soon forget to look ahead.6 Too bad I looked ahead too far too soon and didn't work in the little things that could ruin a good plan for the future; furry annoying little things.
1 …In hopes that he'll become part of the scenery. Oh, it's not cruel and manipulative; it's just "the circle of life". Still not convinced? My reason and logic doesn't work for you?...Well then what do you want me to do about it?
2Don't worry, I can totally relate.
3 Except Pictionary, everyone loves Pictionary...it's a well known fact.
4The chances of Simba falling off that rock pretty slim…but one could only hope.
5 What can I say, old habits die hard.
6 That's right, always watch where your going or you'll hit a post! Sorry if my sappiness doesn't work for you. So now I just took the liberty of breaking the drama scene, that and I just had to say something or you might have thought I got replaced with a "Mary sue" look-alike.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate it. And sorry for the short chapter, I'll have plenty more soon!