I was awakened in the middle of the night by a rather…unusual dream involving Nala and Ed1. As much as I tried, I could not calm myself to sleep so I decided to step outside for some fresh air. I watchfully descended from the escarpment, snaking around the herd of sleeping hyenas until the exit was in view. The sky had faded into a dark shade of blue and the moon could still be seen above the horizon. It was light enough to start my journey back to Pride-rock. Although I was unlikely missed, I didn't want to take any chances or rouse anyone's curiosity. 2
The trek started out as a peaceful late night stroll, yet half way from the elephant graveyard I was drenched from head to tail. Cursing the ever-changing weather, I chose to make a little detour to the Waterfalls in hope of finding some shelter. No, I wasn't going to take shelter form the rain under a waterfall. While there are magnificent waterfalls there, the location also has a thriving canopy of trees.3.
I made it there in record time, with encouragement form buffeting winds and mudslides that I by all means hoped to avoid. Of course its common sense to stay as far away from tall objects as possible (i.e. trees) if thunder turned to lightning, but I had my hopes set on finding a cave or ridge of some sort. And if it came down to it, being electrocuted is a much faster and less agonizing way to go than freezing to death. Wouldn't you agree? I know, I know, the best choice would be to just go back to the elephant graveyard but it was already a fair distance away. And even if it wasn't, it would still be much too degrading to let the hyenas see me in such a state, I would never live it down.
In such situations pride could be quite a downfall, I'm sure Uncle Monty learned that by now. Who's uncle Monty you ask? Other than being my (now dead) uncle, he was also the subject of a moral story all mothers told their young cubs, yes…the ones where you're supposed to learn a valuable life lesson that never really helps you all that much4. I never paid attention to those and I turned out just fine! 5Now where were we? Oh yes, once upon a time a terrible famine struck the pride and Uncle Monty was sent on a task to bring back food. So he set off on his little journey and wandered for many days until he pretty much lost all hope. But on his way back he met an all-knowing monkey that was known across the Savannah for giving rather helpful advice. Only he wasn't much help to Monty since he was too proud to ask for some.6 Now that's enough about Monty, lets get on with the telling of my insightful life experiences.
So there I was, at the waterfall, admiring the rushing water and flourishing landscape, even the rampant storm and murky sky could not spoil such grandeur. Only a belching warthog could do that, and it looked as if I would have the pleasure of meeting one, for breakfast that is. I had worked up quite an appetite so I could hardly believe my luck. But what I found to be even more of a surprise was that the plump creature was accompanied by a tiny red haired meerkat! I couldn't help but grin; it was a scrumptious breakfast that even came with an appetizer.
And better yet, the two were preoccupied hunting for insects to take any notice of me. It was almost too easy! I was no longer bothered by the dreadful weather; I concentrated on nothing but my unsuspecting prey. Stealthily moving closer, I prepared to make my pounce and in one swift movement I leaped forward. The tusked creature was pinning under my well sharpened claws, squirming pitifully in an ill attempt to free itself.
"No…no please oh please let me go!" the pig cried in terror. "I...I'm too young to die!"
"Now why would I do something like that?" a malevolent leered crossed my face. I was about to take the first bite when I felt something land on top of me. I tried to shake it off but it clung to my mane and–
"This is for you Pumba, ol' buddy!" said a tiny voice, before I was suddenly struck in the eye. The searing pain caused me to momentarily loosen my grip, giving this 'Pumba' just enough time to make his escape.
"Ha! That's what you get for messing with us!" the meerkat called, taking his place on the warthogs head and speeding through the some brambles.
I could not let my meal get away because of a meddling appetizer! Forcing myself up I hastened after them, hoping I could still outrun them before they found somewhere to hide. I pushed through the undergrowth, making sure the hog's scarlet pelt never left my sight. I picked up my pace, seeing that the Pumba was merely meters away from being breakfast, until I was close enough to get a hold of him. Fueled by fear he also increased his speed, but he was too late to save himself. I was quick enough to catch him by the tail, causing him to stumble onto his side.
This time I made sure there would be no more surprises, pinning the meerkat with one paw and the hog with the other. I paused to catch my breath, still shamed that such easy prey had given me quite a chase.
"Oh c'mon, can't we talk this out?" the meerkat stammered nervously.
"What is there to talk about?" I replied.
"Well…what if we show you a place to stay? Somewhere nice and cozy, away from this awful storm, you wouldn't want to get a cold would you, or get pneumonia, or even freeze to death!"
"Aww, thanks for caring, but what if you show me that place and then I eat you? "
"Great idea, definitely win-win for both of us!"
"I'm glad we could come to an agreement," I smirked wickedly.
"The only problem is this place is really far away, what if you get lost on your way back, we wouldn't want that to happen would we? But with our help you'll find the best short-cut out of here in no time! Doesn't that sound a lot better than just eating us; you'll get your very own tour guides!"
"Oh goody," I rolled my eyes.
"So…you're not gonna' eat us…right?"
"We'll see, but don't get your hopes up."
"Aren't you a funny one," he chuckled nervously.
"And aren't you an interesting couple, you absolutely must tell me, how ever did you meet?"
1 I can't tell you any more than that because I highly doubt it'll fit into the PG rating, but it's ok to be highly disturbed. Don't worry, I'm kidding. Isn't it so much fun to mess with people's thoughts? Now be ashamed, be very ashamed for having those thoughts go through your head. No, you can't pin this one on me, the imagery was all yours! Sorry, I get a little freaky if I don't get my beauty sleep.
2 For some reason everyone suspects me of caper no matter what I do, why is that?...Oh right, now I remember. Well I didn't do anything then did I? I think I've made my point.
3 That probably seemed quite redundant, but I was just clearing things up for the "special" people among us. It's something I have grown used to doing, considering the IQ of most of my acquaintances.
4 Unless you're some goody-goody that needs to have a clear conscience and believes in helping others, not lying, sharing your hard earned fortune…blah, blah, blah. But we all know what happens to people like that. They have no hope of finding high-paying jobs in sales, law, or government!
5 Save your breath and don't comment on that. You can't argue with facts or with people who have big egos that can't admit their mistakes. I don't have a big ego, that's a fact.
6 Pretty stupid eh? Why couldn't he have just eaten the monkey! Probably because it wouldn't make a very good moral, but at least it would rhyme: "When in doubt, pig out!" So what if that encourages obesity.