Chapter Fifteen: The Battle at Owl Bay: Part One

Thanks to justifyingReality413 and wisdom-of-me for reviewing.

After a long, hard day's work as Skaia's number one mix master general beat dropper M.D., Dave Strider moseyed on down to the Young Witches Academy where he was expected to make an appearance following his daughter's rather inappropriate behavior during class a few days back.

He drove his bonecar through rush hour traffic to the academy where he forced to deal with an overzealous gnome security guard that got a little too grabby.

"It's for the children's safety." Explained the little gnome as he snapped on a rubber glove.

Thirty minutes later Dave walked into an empty classroom that had been arranged into a small courtroom of sorts. Against the far wall sat a panel of ten old witches and wizards, who were the judiciary department of the school. Before them, at a tiny desk, sat Dave's daughter Rosie, looking more bored by the proceedings than anything else.

"Mr. Strider." Said the president of the school, an old tree witch with just the most unforgiving eyebrows you ever did see. "You are late. We, of the council, would appreciate it if you treated this situation with the prudence and respect it deserves."

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I just flew in, you know? And let me tell you, my arms are tired as shit! Haha." Dave's attempt at lightening the mood with a quick joke didn't go over very well. "Uh, that's a little sprite humor. I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"Please." Glowered the president. "Take a seat, Mr. Strider."

With a wave of her hand, the president summoned a magical desk next to Rosie's, incredibly small and uncomfortable for a man of Dave's size. He squeezed in nonetheless, smashing his knees up to his chin.

"Sup, Rosie." He sent his daughter a small wink. "These goons aren't working you over too hard, are they?"

"They haven't said anything yet. They wanted to wait for you." Rosie replied. For the first time, she appeared nervous. "Dad, do you think there's any chance that they won't kick me out of school?"

"I think there's a big chance. Just let me do the talking, alright?"

Up at the panel, the president of the school cleared her throat and shuffled some papers, gaining the room's attention.

"We are gathered here today to discuss what sort of disciplinary actions should be taken place in the case of one Rosalynn Strider, ten years of age, of human descend, biological daughter of…"

"YYYYYYAAAAWWWNNN." Dave interrupted very rudely. "We know all of this jazz already. Get to the whole nut magic thing so we can get out of here."

The president's nostrils flared and Rosie stifled a giggle.

"Very well then, Mr. Strider." The president reviewed a few of her notes. "Your daughter on the date of Moonsday, Moonsvember the Moon-seventh, performed a highly illegal transmogrification spell on another student, turning her into…" The president reached into her cloak and pulled out a small, glass vial. "An almond!"

Sure enough, at the bottom of the small vial was a tiny almond.

"Uh…. Is that- Is that the kid?" Dave asked, nodding towards the vial.

"Of course not! Do you think I would carry around a child-peanut in my pocket like some kind of trinket?! Preposterous! This is just a regular almond." The president uncapped the vial and shook the almond into her mouth. "Seeeee?!"

"Uh. Miss President." One of the other panel members leaned over to her. "That actually is the kid, so yeah. I'd spit that out if I were you."

After that crisis was avoided things got down to business.

"Now," The president continued, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. "It says here that young Miss Strider pleads guilty to the charges. This seems very much like an open and closed case to me then. I sentence thee to expulsion!"

"Whoa hold up." Dave interjected. "Don't I get the chance to defend my daughter?"

"Ugh. What could you possibly say to make this fiendish act any less criminal, Mr. Strider?" Sighed the school president. "Your daughter was caught red-handed, she admitted to it, here's the evidence!" She shook the vial containing a very damp and lucky almond at Dave. "There's nothing else to be discussed."

"Well how about…." Dave struggled out his desk and stood up. "Well how about childhood, ma'am? Kids do stupid stuff all the time. I'm sure that you, yourself, was young many and many and many and many and whole god-damned many fortnights ago."

"So you're claiming that we should not prosecute your child because she's young?"

"Yeah and other stuff to." Dave held up a finger as he began to pace. "For one thing, do you know how hard it is to perform a perfect transmogrification spell like that? It takes years and years of training as well as awesome magical talent. If anything, you should be doing everything you can to keep this young witch in your school."

Rosie's chest swelled with pride at her father's words. The president was less impressed.

"Well don't you pretend to know a lot about magic? Haha." She laughed. "Who are you, Mr. DJ, to give me advice on how to run my school of magic? Peanut spells like this were made illegal years ago. The last witch I knew that used spells like this was…"

"The greatest witch ever." Dave finished. "I know. I knew her."

"Bullshit!" Cried one panel member. "I don't believe that for one second."

"It's true!" Defended Rosie. "My dad was her ghostly familiar that followed her around and looked at butts through his badonkulars!"

"Rosie, maybe you should let me handle this." Said Dave nervously.

The president leaned forward on her comfy chair, resting her elbows on the table top and meshing her fingers before her chin. She smiled at Dave.

"You talk big game, Mr. Strider, but I'm afraid that I cannot take your word at face value." Her grin widened. "I'm afraid that you've wasted enough of our time…"

"I was at the Battle of Owl Bay!" Dave blurted. "I fought alongside the greatest witch ever and the armies of the Fuchsia Kingdom and helped to defeat the army of Beemen led by none other than the Bee Lord of the South himself."

"The Bee Lord of the South?" Repeated a panel member. "Wasn't that that one wizard who could turn into a giant tit?"

"No, idiot." Snapped another panelist. "He was the wizard who could control bees."

"I thought he could summon bees."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No, man. Summoning is way different than controlling. Imagine if you summoned a hot dog right now. That's great, right? But if you could control it too, then that'd be something special."

"I'd rather turn into a giant tit."

"Enough!" Shouted the president of the school, regaining order. "Mr. Strider, unless you can prove to us that this story is true, then I'm afraid I'll have no choice but to throw your sorry ass out of this court."

"That won't be necessary, ma'am." Said Dave, as he began to pace once more. "If it's proof you want, then it's a story I got. I remember it like it was yesterday…"

John and Rose were making out hardcore in one of the upstairs rooms of the necromancer's tower. The rest of their party, now consisting of Davesprite, Jade, and Janesprite, were somewhere below doing something boring and/or not worthwhile.

Rose, who had been flummoxed by her affections for John for quite some time, was coming to terms with the whole romance thing. Maybe she liked him, maybe she didn't. Either way, kissing was fun and John wasn't half bad at it either.

Not that I would know. I mean, John and I never kissed. At least not officially. Who knows though? Under the light of the full moon, at the bottom of a tankard of mead…

Anyways:

After a little bit of heavy petting, John pulled away from his half-girlfriend.

"Tell me something that I don't know about you." He whispered in her ear, his breath raising goosebumps on her neck.

"I once spent an entire month living in the Mystik Jungle among the native gelatinous cubes as a spiritual sabbatical." She responded, voice equally husky and hushed.

"Oh yeah! I remember you told me about that."

"Really?" Rose frowned. "Well, this one time I traveled through a magical portal to a world entirely made out of soggy bread."

"You told me about that too."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, that's where you met that crazy orc with three legs. One of them was a peg leg though so no one really knows what that's about."

Rose wracked her brains, doing her best to think of a magical tale that she'd yet to regale to John. However, nothing came to mind. Had she really told him everything?

That wasn't very like her at all. As a great and powerful witch, she rarely shared delicious tidbits of personal information just for no reason. She always considered herself the strong and silent type, although perhaps her boastings of adventures past had gotten out of hand a bit.

John was just one of those people who was really easy talk to, you know? He would sit for hours on end, completely enraptured by any bullshit that you wanted to throw his way. He was a really good listener.

And that's when Rose realized… She did like John. And it was sad taht everything she knew about him could probably be written in large, block letters on one side of a small post-it note:

He was a shit hero. He came from a shit town. He hated cake.

That's really it.

"Why don't you tell me something that I don't know about you?" She asked, settling more snuggly against his side.

They were sat rather comfortably atop a large sack of dry rice, most probably used for deadly alchemic potions, but a suitable couch nonetheless. In the dim light afforded by a small candle, Rose could not see John's frown, but she could feel through his shirt the quickening of his heartbeat.

"Oh geez. I dunno." He sighed and raked his finger through his hair. "I guess… I guess something you don't know about me is that this is probably the best part of my life."

Rose laughed lightly.

"What does that mean?"

"Well, I mean, look at my life before this." He gestured between the two of them and to the tower as a whole. "I've lived my whole life in Honey Town doing nothing but sucking and now I'm running all over this land fighting monsters and demons and evil dudes and it's awesome and I guess I wanna say… Thanks." He smiled at her. "Thanks, Rose Lalonde."

Rose felt a blush creeping into her cheeks. Here she was, the most powerful sorceress of all time, getting flustered over a little 'thank you'. To be fair though, there were few people that Rose encountered on her journeys that ever said 'thank you'. Usually because they were super dead.

"You're welcome, John." She responded after a while. "You've certainly made this quest much more enjoyable, yourself. I would surely be lost without your support."

"Heh. I don't know about that." John tentatively pressed a small kiss to her ear, causing her to squirm. "I uh, guess it's your turn. Tell me something that I don't know about you!"

Rose rolled her eyes, but wracked her brains again nonetheless. There had to be something she hadn't blabbered about yet. It was hard to think between the cozy glow of the candlelight, the warmth of John's chest, and the softness of the rice sack.

Suddenly, she thought of something. Something that probably should have been said sometime before now.

"I suppose one thing you don't know about me is that… I like you, John." She said, resting her hand on his chest. "Like no one I've ever liked before. I was… in denial for a long time and then I was jealous and then I was confused and I guess… I didn't know how I felt about you until I saw you through another's eyes."

"Roxy?"

"Yes." Rose was halfway to telling him the true nature of his breakup with the Werecat rogue, but stopped herself. There was a time and place for such things and getting your cuddle on in the top of a necromancer's tower is not the time nor place. "Although I guess she isn't that much of a problem anymore, is she? Haha."

"Yeah, I guess not." John smiled again, although it was a little half-hearted. Breakups are never easy, no matter what and this one was especially brutal, considering that it had been John's first real relationship in a long time.

"Hey, I'm really sorry." One of the disciplinarians interrupted Dave's story. "But who the fuck is John? What's going on? They're in a necromancer's tower? I thought this was a story about the battle at Owl Bay."

Dave rolled his eyes.

"Can we kick this guy out?" He asked, pointing to the panelist in question. "Because I'm trying to build the foundations of a relationship here. Like, seriously. I'm being dead serious, can we have him removed?"

The president of the Young Witch's Academy looked to her fellow panelist and nodded towards the door. With a sigh, the old wizard got out of his chair and exited from the hall, blinking back tears of embarrassment.

"In his defense." Said the president. "I sort of feel like this is somehow unrelated to the matter at hand. Perhaps we could skip forward a little bit?"

"Sure. Sure. Whatever." Dave coughed into his hand. "Where the fuck was I…?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Said John with a half-hearted smile.

A bubble of guilt swelled in Rose's chest, a very annoying bubble that had been present since she first endeavored to break up John and Roxy. She vowed then that she would one day come clean about her involvement in their breakup, one day when John was in a good mood and away from any sharp objects that he could potentially use to stab her in her bitchy heart with.

"Would it help if I eased the recovery process for you?" Rose asked, leaning further into John.

"I guess, but I really don't know how…" John was suddenly dragged by the collar to Rose, until their lips connected in a hot, messy kiss that lasted for like thirty minutes. When they finally separated, John breathed: "Oh. So that's how."

Rose kissed him again.

After a few more hours of resting and probably some sex, I dunno, I don't pretend to know what goes on in my friend's lives behind closed doors, Rose and John came down the stairs to find the rest of their party chilling at the bottom of the necromancer's tower.

Jade was cleaning her crossbow at the table, whilst Davesprite and Janesprite were talking about sprite stuff, you know, ghost things that only ghostly beings can hope to understand, like how awesome it is to not worry about getting haircuts, or how you can be naked all the time and no one cares. Being a sprite rules.

Until it doesn't. But that's a story for another time.

"Alright team." Said Rose as she buttoned up her robes right to her chin. Yeah, her and John totally had sex, or at least got to second and a half base. "We have a few more hours until first light, so that gives us plenty of time to reach the Fuchsia Kingdom before the elements really start to give us a hard time. I suggest that we head out in the next five minutes."

"Yes, ma'am!" Cheered Jade, loading her crossbow and slinging it over her back. "I've been hurting for some more adventure! I've never been to the Fuchsia Kingdom before, but it sounds like a good place to get my fix!"

"It's not a bad place to visit, although I wouldn't recommend staying there for long." Rose advised.

"Really? Why's that?"

"You'll see when we get there." Rose answered carefully.

As John and Jade started packing their bags for the travel ahead, whilst Davesprite supervised, Janesprite floated over to Rose.

"Are you sure that you want me to accompany you, Rose Lalonde?" Asked the blue sprite. "I mean, I did used to work for an evil necromancer. Not many people will like me when they hear that."

"That's why we'll keep it to ourselves." Answered Rose, smiling at the sprite. "I'm a big believer in second chances and it goes against my grain to leave a good-natured sprite like yourself all alone in this shitty tower. While you may not accompany us to our quest's end, it would be good of you to at least travel with us to the Fuchsia Kingdom. Who knows? You might even find employment there."

"Do you really think so? Who would hire a sprite?"

"Lot's of places!" Answered Rose. "You'll just have to find out when we get there."

"That's the second time you've said that in the last two minutes." Janesprite pointed out. "Is there something you aren't telling us?"

Rose placed a hand to her chest in mock incredulity.

"Janesprite." She fake-gasped. "I'm appalled by your skepticism. Surely, you trust me to be a lady of my word."

Janesprite floated there for a moment, examining Rose from head to toe. Eventually, the sprite spoke once more.

"I trust you to do whatever you can to make sure that you reach your own goals. I can tell that just by looking at you." Janesprite shrugged. "And I can respect that."

"Then we'll be having no trouble." Said Rose, patting her on her ghost-shoulder. "Alright everyone. Let's move out!"

Together, our heroes bid the necromancer's tower farewell and ventured out into the sandy dunes of the Moonbear Desert once more. Since the moon was still high, the sun could not berate them with it's devilish rays, making this journey much more enjoyable than their previous day's one.

After a few hours of walking or floating, the fine sand began to turn to lose rocks and then to large boulders and then finally to a rocky landscape pock-marked with many craters. The craters of the Moonbear Desert are rumored to be caused by ancient Moonbears that fell from the heavens somewhere around year four.

No one has seen a Moonbear, although many people worship them as heavenly beings. Shit's bullshit if you ask me. Like, why would you worship something that no one's ever seen before? Fucking crazy, amirite?

Anyways, there was also this large valley that led out of the desert, and through that valley lies the Fuchsia Kingdom, one of the most famous ports in all of Skaia that feeds right out into Owl Bay. It's called Owl Bay because the entire city is protected by Owl Knights, which are just regular knights except they are owls.

The sun had just crested the horizon when our party reached the city gates.

"Whooooooo approaches?!" Cooed the Owl Knight guard when he saw the heroes.

"It is I! Rose Lalonde, the greatest witch ever." Rose bowed and gestured to her companions. "And these are my friends. We are mere travelers who wish to visit this fine city before continuing on our very important and epic quest."

"Eh. Whatever." The Owl Knight waved his owl wing and the large doors, baring the entrance to the Fuchsia Kingdom, swung open slowly. "Don't get into any trouble. I mean it."

"You have our word, fair knight." Said Rose, as she shepherd her friends into the city.

As the doors closed behind them once more, Jade and John couldn't resist letting out an awed gasp at what lay before them within the town walls. The Fuchsia Kingdom was one of the largest cities in all of Skaia, seconded in grandeur only by the Emerald City itself. There were many large, square buildings made from dark stone and neat, orderly streets throughout which all sorts of fantasy-ass creatures were going about their daily business.

Between John's legs slithered a pair of Wizard Snakes, which are just regular wizards except they are snakes and nearby, a few green-skinned Elves could be seen playing a rousing game of Cluckaroo.

"I don't win very often." Admitted one Elf with three eye patches, one of which was over his crotch.

"Alright." Rose clapped her hands once. "I suggest that we find the nearest inn and get accommodations for the night. Last time we stopped in a settlement, The City of Lakewater, we got a little sidetracked and ended up having to head out on the road again without a good night's sleep. I'd like to insure that doesn't happen again, especially not when my duel with the Bee Lord is only three chapters away. So everyone stick together and…"

Rose turned around to find that everyone, with the exception of John, had disappeared into the crowd.

"Shit on my dick." She cursed.

Grinding her teeth, she took John by the wrist and tugged him through the city streets, in search of an inn suitable for their needs. One cozy little establishment, dubbed simply: 'The Best Inn Around' seemed appealing enough.

The inside was remarkably devoid of patrons, which pleased Rose just fine, as she valued her privacy highly.

"Two rooms for one night." Said Rose to the clerk behind his counter, as she slammed a pair of gold pieces in front of him.

"Two rooms?" Echoed John. "Why so many?"

"I've spent my last nights in recent memory sleeping within the same ten square feet as Jade and Davesprite, one of which snores like a walrus with one lung and the other who kicks like an unborn infant. If I have the opportunity to live comfortably, even for one night, I'm gonna."

"Where is everyone?" John asked the clerk, who produced two room keys for Rose. "You'd think that with so many people out in the streets that some of them might have a room here."

"Yeah, you'd think that, wouldn't ya?" The clerk sighed and leaned on the counter. "Yall must be new in town, so I'm gonna fill you in. About two weeks ago we got word from the south that an army of Beemen was heading this way to take over the Fuchsia Kingdom in the Bee Lord's name. Since then, people have been fleeing the city in hoards and newcomers rarely stay more than one night."

Rose's eyes narrowed.

"The Bee Lord." She growled, digging her nails into the counter. "That son of a B! Come on, John. We've got work to do."

"Uh, what sort of work?" John followed her deeper into the inn and up a set of stairs to their rooms. "Like fun stuff that isn't dangerous or difficult, right?"

"I'm afraid not, John." Rose opened the room to find a single bed and a small dresser as the only furniture. She didn't mind though. This would do just fine for one night. Dumping her satchel on the bed, Rose continued to speak. "If the Bee Lord is sending an army up to capture the Fuchsia Kingdom then it's up to us to thwart him. Who knows? Maybe the Bee Lord himself will make an appearance, if so, we have to be ready to do battle."

John swallowed hard. He didn't know much about Beemen, other than the fact that they were half-bee, half-men hybrids who were known for fucking shit up. Despite the fear that stirred in his belly, he was sure that he would follow Rose's lead no matter what.

"Alright." He shrugged off his own bag and retrieved his hammer from it's depths. "What do we do?"

"I need you to go track down Jade and Davesprite." Rose ordered. She adjusted her headband and checked her appearance in a shitty mirror hanging over the wall.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to speak to the ruler of the Fuchsia Kingdom." Answered Rose confidently. "The Empress of the Sea herself."

The Empress of the Sea lived in this big-ass palace on the edge of town near the bay. The palace was built there because, as it turns out, the Empress of the Sea is a pretty big fan of the sea, and therefore wants to be near it pretty much all the damn time.

Like seriously. We get it, Empress. You like the sea a whole fucking lot. But maybe you could just relax, sometime. You know? Play it cool. Chill it with the sea stuff for a bit.

Anyways, Rose made her way to the palace, leaving John to go find the rest of their party and inform them about the current situation. If they were going to rally the city to fight against the approaching army of Beemen, then they'd have to do it together, and they were going to need the Empress on their side. Which might be easier said than done.

The reason Rose was often wary about the Fuchsia Kingdom, was because of the Empress of the Sea, who was a little bit of an incompetent ruler. It would take all of her witchly powers to get her on her side.

Rose walked right up to the palace gates, which were guarded by a pair Owl Knights.

"Good knights of the Sea Empress." Rose said. "I seek an audience with your majesty."

"What be thy business?" Asked the first Owl guard as he flapped his owl wings.

"I wish to offer her my support in the coming battle with the Bee Lord's army of Beemen."

"The D Lord's smarmy of semen?"

"The D Lord… No. No, what the fuck? That's not what I said at all."

"Forget him." Said the second Owl Knight. "He's been hard of hearing ever since he traded his ears to an evil sorceress in exchange for a bag of magic beans."

"Can you blame me?" Smirked the earless Owl Knight, clutching a very magical-looking bag of beans in his little owl hand.

"You can follow me, fair maiden." Said the other Owl Knight. "I'll take you right up to the throne room."

"Thank you, kind sir."

The Owl Knight opened the gates and led Rose through a beautiful garden. There were many ornate benches and flowing fountains that would have made for a really scenic postcard if cameras or postcards had been invented yet. The lovely park was entirely vacant though, as news of the impending Beemen attack had spread throughout the city.

"So where are you from?" Asked the Owl Knight, trying to make conversation.

"The west."

"Ooooh. Sounds nice. My owl wife divorced me thirteen years ago and my kids don't call me."

"Really? How interesting. You know, I could probably find my way from here, thanks." Rose quickly absconded the fuck away from that situation.

"I'm so alone." The Owl Knight wailed after her, as she slipped through a pair of large doors and entered the throne room.

It was a pretty swanky room, with fishbowls all over the damn place, chandeliers shaped like octopuses, or 'octopi' if you wanna be a grammar troll, and at the far end of the hall, sat upon a gilded throne, was the Empress of the Sea herself.

She was a beautiful lady, swathed in a colorful gown and laden with many glittering jewels. Her long, shimmering hair was being brushed and braided by a group of five fairies. Their names were Flip, Bip, Kip, Slip, and Tony, and you'll never hear about them ever again. On the Empress head, nestled between two curved horns sat the most beautiful crown you ever did see.

Rose had seen better, obviously, since she was a cool adventuring witch and all, but still, she appreciated the craftsmanship that went into the fine piece and fully understood why Scott the Necromancer would want it for himself.

"My lady." Rose did a little curtsey. "It is I! Rose Lalonde, the greatest witch ever. I have come here today to offer you my services."

The Empress looked down at Rose, surprised the see the witch in her throne room, as she had been preoccupied with some important work. She had been writing a song about the sea, that went a little bit like this:

Oh man I love the motherfucking sea, yeah!

Fish and shit and all kinds of squid!

Let me get into those waves, baby!

You won't regret it, na na na come on!

In three years time, after the Empress finished the eleventh verse, the song would go triple platinum all over Skaia and be played in the palace twenty-four seven. It's a big hit with most of the Owl Knight guards, but one guy really hates it.

"Greetings, Rose Lalonde." Said the Sea Empress with a smile. "What sort of services are you willing to provide?"

"Protection, my lady. I have heard news of the impending invasion and I lend my wands to thee so that your rule may continue uninterrupted."

"Oh. Are you talking about the army of Beemen heading this way?" The Sea Empress chewed her lip. "Yeah. I've pretty much decided that we can't beat them."

"S-So what? You're going to surrender?"

"We're too ill-equipped." Explained the Empress. "Our armies cannot stand a chance against the Bee Lord's. Not many people know this, but it turns out that owls fucking hate bees. Like, won't even touch them with a ten foot pole or nothing."

"You cannot surrender!" Rose advanced towards the throne. "What of the people that live within your city's walls and require your protection? Will you allow them to be turned into slaves of the Bee Lord?"

"Listen, I would love love looove to survive this invasion, but let's be realistic." The Empress sighed. "There's nothing that can be done."

"You can fight!"

"And get out asses kicked? Pass. I'd rather become a Bee slave than be super murdered during some pointless battle. Have you ever been stung by a bee? How about a six foot tall bee? Yeah, didn't think so."

"Well then fine! If you won't lift a finger to defend these people, then I will." Rose turned to stalk out of the throne room, but found her path blocked by half a dozen Owl Knights.

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to incite a panic among my people." The Sea Empress rose from her throne. "Let the ones who wish to leave, leave and the ones who wish to stay, stay. But there will be no fighting. You will not give them hope."

"What are you going to do to stop me?" Rose's fingers twitched towards her wands.

As in response to her question, a giant glass dome fell out of the ceiling, trapping her inside. Rose fired a spell at the wall, but the glass refused to break. She was trapped.

"A few hours in the time out bowl should hopefully set you straight." Said the Empress as she retook her throne.

Rose grit her teeth. She hated being duped like this. How would the city survive the Beemen invasion now?

John was still out there. It was up to him.

Rose resisted the urge to groan. They were totally fucked.

Can we talk for a second about why Sonic the Hedgehog is such a dick to Amy? She's like the sweetest, nicest pink hedgehog ever, who's totally into him, and yet he just treats her like shit every single game. Fuck Sonic, Amy. You don't need that.

Thanks for reading.
- Mike