"And where have you been?" said a familiar voice behind me, I turned to face the annoying little hornbill who surely had his mind set on ratting me out.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you not to stick your nose in other people's business?" I replied.

"Are you insinuating that I have a big nose?" he stepped towards me, all puffed up in a fluffy ball of fury.

"No,you are insinuating that you have a big nose," I leered.

"How dare you! I happen to be very self-conscious about my – wait a minute, I see! You're trying to distract me! You think you can just sneaking off at night without the king's permission, eh? Well think again! In fact, I was just on my way to see the king now, so be assured that your transgressions shall not go unpunished!"

"Transgressions? And since when do I need 'permission' to leave the Pride Rock, or am I some dreadful convict that must always be kept under close guard?"

"Don't play dumb with me, I know you're up to something! Nothing gets by Zazu!"

"Oh get a hobby," I rolled my eyes.

"Just you wait! I'll make sure you-" I knocked the bird down with a swing of a paw. I hate to resort to violence1 but some people just can't take a hint.

Although the blinding sun was up in the sky I still thought it would be best to try to get some sleep. After all, I didn't get a wink all night. Unfortunately some pesky little buggers simply insisted on gnawing at my patience. The second Zazu regain consciences words began coming out of his mouth.

"You still haven't told me where you've been you treacherous scoundrel!" he shrieked.

"My, my, such accusations yet not a whisper of evidence," I grinned.

"Answer the question!"

"I was just out for a midnight stroll, getting some fresh air. Why, is that a crime?"

"I know you're lying!"

"How's that?" I asked.

"Your lips are moving!" he exclaimed.

"Aw, Zazu, you hurt my feelings," I laughed. The bird had a sense of humor…but I still couldn't resist the urge to whack him.

"You don't have feelings you demon! Now don't even think of knocking me down again, Mufasa will-"

"Anything worth doing is worth doing twice, especially if it's this fun," I smiled in satisfaction as the bird tumbled to the ground.

I looked up at the starry sky; I had been so busy that I barely had time to enjoy it. But after devising such a flawless plot I would soon have much more to enjoy, like the status and glory of being king. Well almost flawless plot…I still had a gut feeling that scheming with hyenas would be my downfall. But I wasn't too concerned; the scavengers would watch my back in a worst-case scenario where the lionesses discover that I rid them of their beloved Muffy. And if the almighty king doesn't get run over by the stampede a savage pack of hyenas should do the trick. So rest assured that everyone will be given their dues. I will get the throne, my cronies will get their pound meat, and Mufasa…well it just so happens that his life on easy street has and unexpected dead end.2

After a lengthy nap I spent the afternoon daydreaming of my coronation. I knew it wouldn't be a celebrated event and I wasn't expecting much cheering or applause on the lionesses' part but I was still looking forward to it…for my entire life actually. Ok, I'm finished ranting, sulking and moping now. On the bright side, I'll be the first king who didn't get held over a cliff by an insane monkey at birth or had fruit mush smeared over his forehead. Wait, that's breaking tradition, surely it can't be a good thing. Oh whatever, this whole optimism thing is a new concept to me so I bet I get credit for trying right?

"Scar!" I heard Mufasa's rumbling voice behind me.

"What can I do for you, oh great and powerful king?"

"Enough! And I don't want any of your sarcasm or puns either, I'm here to have a talk with you," he towered over me with his big poofy head.

"Talk away your highness, I'm listening."

"Can't we ever have a serious conversation? You've changed brother. I feel as if you are no longer there for me. Whatever your reasons are, I just want you to know that you will always be a part of this family. Don't you remember how close we were as cubs3?"

"Touching, truly touching," I smirked. Muffy is known across the Savannah for his sappy well-rehearsed speeches.

"Is there anything I could do to bring things back to how they used to be, to how they should be, brother?"4

"Oh no, I think it's just too late for that," if he was for real then that should give him at least a pang of guilt.

"Tell me then, what have I done to lose your trust," he asked solemnly.

"If you can't figure it out then there's no point in telling you," I turned my back to him.

"Scar, I can see from the smirk you're trying to hide that you don't care about the problem we seem to be having."

"Problem? What problem? I don't see any problem, it's all just rainbows and butterflies!"

"Fine, if you're not willing to talk then I'm not going to waste my time!" and so Mufasa left in a huff.

1 Ok…maybe I do. It's a great simple solution to all of life's problems!

2 Now at least some of you must be thinking: "Scar you #!$, how could you kill your own brother! I hate you! Die you evil murderer! Burn! Burn! Burn!"… Let me console you then, he gets to be god after he dies, in case you haven't noticed, and if it wasn't for me he would just be an average Joe with a bit more power than the rest of us. Happy now? Good for you! And by the way, when Simba throws me off a cliff it was considered a 'happy ending'- wait a minute, did I say this already? Oh well, it's important enough to be mentioned twice so you remember. How am I supposed to manipulate- I mean "educate"- you if you keep forgetting everything, eh?

3 Yes, Muffy and I have plenty of fond childhood memories. I remember when he pinned my tail under a rock while I was sleeping. Too bad that I don't do 'forgive and forget' eh?

4 Aw, now that almost makes me feel sorry for wanting to him…almost.