Chapter Eighteen: The Bee Lord of the South
"This is just the type of family vacation that we need!" Said Dave, as the ferry dropped him and his two favorite ladies off in the port of the famous Owl Bay. Up a path of gilded stone and through a set of fancy gates, lay the great Fuchsia Kingdom. "When's the last time we had fun as a family, you know?"
"Not ever since we tried to take that trip to the beach." Said Jade, as she pulled the young Rosie along by the hand.
"Oh, come on. The beach wasn't that bad."
"It was the beach on the coast of the great lava river, Dave. It was pretty bad."
The family ascended the stone steps and entered the kingdom proper, but only after nodding to the Owl Knight guards and flashing their wizard passports of course. The streets of the Fuchsia Kingdom were blurs of color and sound. People of all races and professions and genders were rushing to and fro, conducting business, getting laid, getting paid, and performing public sanitation for a wage unsuitable for anyone in any social standing to live by.
In sort, it was just like Dave and Jade remembered it, but better.
"I'm actually starting to really like this whole vacation idea!" Jade sang happily, as they made their way through the bustling streets. "Rosie can use this break from school to look for better academies where she can continue her studies," She looked to Dave next. "And you, my dear, can play a few shows at the local taverns and educate these deprived fools in the majestic magic of raw lyrical rhythm."
"You know it, babe." Reaching into his shirt pocket, Dave produced a slip of paper. "And last but not you, my sweet Jade, are going to enjoy and child and husband-free night at the best spa in the Fuchsia Kingdom."
"Oh my golden rings, I don't believe it!" Jade screeched and snatched the paper voucher from her husband's unsuspecting fingers. Sure enough, the ticket was for one evening at the swankiest spa around town. "Dave, you shouldn't have."
"It was my idea, Mommy!" Piped up Rosie. "You've been working so hard lately, being a great mom and all, you really deserve some time to yourself!"
"Awwww, you guys." Jade embraced her beloved family in a powerful hug. "I love you."
"Yeah, yeah. Everyone loves each other." Dave swiftly deposited a kiss on Jade's check. "Now let's check into an inn."
An hour or so later, I don't really know I wasn't fucking there, Jade bid goodbye to her husband and child and absconded to the spa for an evening of solidarity and relaxation. The next day, she'd spend time with her family proper, but until then, fuck those needy assholes.
Dave and Rosie, left to their own devices, sat together in their rented room at the inn, playing cards and sipping on some delicious wizard hot cocoa.
"Hey, Dad?" Rosie asked. "Is there a god?"
"Nope." Said Dave.
"Oh. Okay."
Well, that settled that.
Suddenly, the door was kicked open and in fluttered like six Owl Knights armed to the teeth. Rosie let out a squeal of fright and Dave quickly shoved her behind him, drawing his sword to defend himself.
"Dave Strider!" Barked the lead Owl Knight. "By order of the Empress of the Sea herself, you are required to accompany us to the royal palace."
"Why?" Dave demanded.
The lead Owl Knight's owl eyes narrowed.
"She wants a word…"
Like, ten minutes later, I still don't know exactly how long it was, Dave and his daughter Rosie were brought before the Empress of the Sea. She hadn't changed much in the years since Dave's last visit to the kingdom. She still wore many jewels, a fancy-ass dress, and had hair that flowed down her shoulders, back, ass, legs, all the way to the floor and out the door down the hall.
"Dave Strider." Said the Empress with a wide grin. "How good it is to see you again. I trust you are in good health?"
"I'd be in even better health if your owl goons didn't jump me and my kid." Dave folded his arms. "What do you want, Empress?"
"I just wanted to catch up! What? A girl can't call up some old friends for a chat? Pshhh." The Empress waved her hand and the Owl Knights brought in some chairs, a table, and a few snacks for their guests. "Have a seat, guys. All the food and stuff is on me."
Rosie immediately began munching on some grapples (half-grape, half-apple fruits that are simply delicious) as the Empress and Dave sat across from one another and had a fierce stare down.
"What a pretty girl." Commented the Empress as she inspected Dave's daughter. "I have to be honest, Strider. I never pegged you as the type to settle down."
"Yeah, well people change." Dave swirled some fancy wine in an even fancier goblet.
"Never has there been a statement so true. Haha." The Empress laughed lightly. "Is Jade here as well? I have truly missed that lovely Weredog lass. And what of Mr. Egbert? Did he also make the trip?"
"Jade came, yeah. We're having a little family vacation, you see?"
"Wonderful! You will have to let me have you over for dinner some time before you leave."
"Actually…" Dave sighed. "I'd rather Jade not know you brought us here. She doesn't like… bringing up the past… she's different than she used to be, your highness."
"Oh. Keeping secrets, are we? Hehe."
"Bitch, there wouldn't be a secret to keep if you hadn't brought us here!"
"I wanted to talk! Sue me if my guards are a little over-zealous. Fuck." The Empress took a healthy swig of wine. "Fine, if our time is short, let us the make the most of it, my old friend. You must regale me with tales of your travels following your last visit to my kingdom."
"Surely you've heard the story yourself."
"Of course, of course." The Empress flapped her hand. "Your travels are legends, Mr. Strider, of the most regal and epic proportions. However, there's nothing like an account from the man himself, is there not?"
Dave rubbed his eyes under his shades and cast a look at his daughter. She was still munching quietly, yet watching the proceedings with great interest. He'd have to tread carefully with this tale.
"Alright, sure. I'll tell you a story." He leaned back in his chair. "After the battle and that fucking shitty dance, that you should feel bad for even attempting to throw, we went after the Bee Lord of the South…"
Rose Lalonde awoke with a start. Something was grappling with her, wrapping her up in tendrils of inky darkness and squeezing the air from her lungs. She fought, lashing out at her attackers with all of her might, but they were too strong. Gangly limbs tightened their grip on her soul, pulling, literally ripping her apart until…
"Rose." A gentle hand rubbed her shoulder. "Rose, are you okay?"
The witch heaved a mighty breath and twisted in the small bed to face John Egbert, her boyfriend. His eyes were full of concern and maybe a little fear. It was understandable, of course, considering how her thrashing probably awoke him.
"I- I'm fine." She gasped, slick with sweat and short of breath. "Go back to sleep, John."
"You were having a nightmare."
"Astute observation."
John fumbled on the bedside table for his glasses and then propped himself up on his arm to look at his girlfriend more fully.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not necessarily, no." A cold chill brought up goosebumps on Rose's skin and starkly reminded her of her current state, as in, she was buck ass nude. She tugged the thin sheets up to her chin and rolled away from John. "But if you must know, unsavory dreams are not uncommon for adventures like myself. If you travel for as long as I have…"
"You're bound to come across a few nightmares." John finished. "Yeah, I know."
Slowly, hesitantly, Rose reached back and grabbed his hand, dragging his arm over her waist and cradling it to her chest. His limb was warm against her cold flesh and she honestly liked the feeling of someone else's heart beating gently against her back.
"I want to help." John continued, his breath disturbing the hair at the nape of her neck.
"I know and you are." Rose closed her eyes again. "Go back to sleep. We are departing early tomorrow."
John wanted to continue pressing into Rose's personal life, her problems, and her darkest secrets, but despite his social ineptitude, he didn't want to press his luck. A good majority of him still considered last night's events involving him, Rose, and lots and lots of smexy sex to be some sort of stress-induced fever dream. He wished for it not to be though, since that moment, when he held the greatest witch ever in his arms, was the only moment in his entire life where he could say without the shadow of a doubt that he was truly, extremely happy.
And that happiness would stay with him until the morning, long after the couple had awoken again, gotten redressed, checked him out of the infirmary, and exited the royal palace. The happiness would stay with him until they found out that Davesprite, Jade, and Janesprite were currently in criminal-lockup for committing heinous acts of vandalism in the royal throne room of all places.
"Fuck!" Rose cursed as her and John raced to the dungeons. "Leave it those immature children to get themselves into trouble at a party as lame as that!"
"Maybe it wasn't their fault?" John countered, as they descended a spiral stone staircase into the depths below. "Like, maybe someone tried to pick a fight with them?"
"Trust me on this, John. There was no one at the party worth this much trouble. Come on. Let's get our friends out of there."
The dungeons were your stereotypical medical prison hole of misery. There was a long, stone hallway lined with one-room cells barred with iron and even a lazy Owl Knight guard, who snoozed lightly in a wooden stool by the door.
"Rose Lalonde," Greeted you know who, after waking the guard. "I am the greatest witch ever and friend to the Empress of the Sea. There was a misunderstanding last night regarding three of my colleagues currently impression here. I have orders from the Empress herself for you to release them. I will pay for whatever damages they caused and then we will be on our way, capiche?"
The Owl Knight guard, who was lazy, underpaid, and incompetent, simply nodded and gave her the key to her friend's cell. Five or so minutes later, don't ask me for an exact number, Rose Lalonde was alternately beating Davesprite, Jade, and Janesprite over the head with her satchel.
"What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You. Idiots!" She shrieked, punctuating each word with another solid smack. Jade whimpered something about medals, but Rose was having none of it. "I don't give a unicorn's hoof about medals! By acting like total moronic hooligans, you could have easily jeopardized our quest! What could John and I have done if you had been sentenced with greater punishment?"
"Made an appeal to the Empress- OW!" Janesprite was silenced when Rose struck her again.
"Don't you ever act out like that again, do you understand?" Rose glared at her friends. "You should all be ashamed for your behavior. Now collect your things. We will head further south for the Bee Lord's lair shortly."
"Actually, Rose, uh…" Janesprite twisted her hands nervously. "I've actually been thinking about that and… I think I'm going to stay here."
"What?" John gasped. "Why?"
"Well, the Fuchsia Kingdom has a growing economy with many great job opportunities." Said Janesprite. "In fact, I talked to your warlock healer in the infirmary, John, and he was so impressed with my resurrection abilities, that he even offered me a job!"
"Are you serious? Jane, that's fantastic!"
"Is this what you want though?" Rose asked. "Chances are good that we won't come through the Fuchsia Kingdom again anytime soon. Are you sure that you wish to part ways?"
"I'll stay in touch with you guys somehow! You've all been really good friends to me, better than I've ever had before. You liberated me from the evil necromancer Scott and showed me true adventure." Jane hugged each of her friends in turn. "But you also showed me that there's more to life than just doing what you're told. It's time I started making my own choices! I'm going to be a warlock healer!"
"Well, then congratulations, Janesprite. We wish you the best of luck." Rose bid the friendly sprite a final wave as she shepherded her party away. "Until we meet again!"
We would, of course, stay in touch with Janesprite over the years. Her career as one of the best warlock healers in all of Skaia kept, and still keeps, her busy as a little sprite could be. However, she always manages a visit on holidays and birthdays, with a beautiful baked cake to show!
God, I love Janesprite. Rosie, if I wasn't happily married to your mother, a human man, or way over the dating scene, I would totally tap that. Also, Janesprite is a sprite with a ghost butt, so there's that too.
Anyways, our heroes bid goodbye to the Fuchsia Kingdom and made their way further south. Without the bonecar to race through the wilderness, it was pretty slow going. Rose marched her troops around the great Owl Bay, past the shitty Moonbear Desert, and all the way to the southern coast, where a set of cliffs named, Blind Man's Cliffs, loomed over the sea.
The Blind Man's Cliffs are called as such since there are absolutely zero safety rails along the cliff side, meaning that blind dudes accidently walk off the edge all the time and accidentally fall to their deaths. It's really depressing and something should be done about it, says all privileged individuals high up on the social and economic ladder who really don't care at all.
"The Bee Lord lives there." Said Rose, as her group approached the cliff's edge. Protruding out of the cliff's face, were a twin pair of stone columns, and supported between them was a massive honey comb-like structure of dark stone. "We'll have to infiltrate the hive and fight our way to it's heart if we are to find the third Evil Mage of Skaia."
"Well, then what are we waiting for?" Asked Jade. She drew her crossbow and cocked it like a cool action hero from a movie scroll. "I've been hurtin for some more bee killing."
"I don't think we should go in gun's blazing." Cautioned John. "Those Beemen back at the Fuchsia Kingdom were actually pretty tough. One of them killed me!"
"Yeah, because you did something really stupid." Scoffed Davesprite. He clapped his friend on the back. "Just be selfish and aloof all the time and you'll never have to worry about dying again. Now come on. Let's go slay this asshole."
The party of heroes scaled the cliffs and carefully made their way into the Bee Lord's lair. The inside was a maze of topsy-turvy passageways and chutes. Delicious, golden honey leaked from the walls like sexiness from Davesprite's smoking-hot bod. And there were Beemen guards literally everywhere.
"Let's be stealthy." Commanded Rose, as she cast a 'shhhhhhh' spell to muffle their steps. "If we can make it to the Bee Lord without raising any alarms, we'll be golden."
"Haha. Golden. Was that a honey pun, Rose?"
"John, please. I am the greatest witch ever. I do not make puns during crucial missions such as this."
"Are you sure? It sounds to me like you're positively buzzing with pent-up bee humor."
"John, no. That- That didn't even… what the fuck?"
"Come on, guys. Quit pollen my leg!"
"Why?"
"Up top, babe! Give me a hive five!"
"John, no! STOP!"
"Don't yell, Rose. That's no way to bee-have."
"STTTTAAAHHP!"
This went on for like two hours.
Eventually, Rose, John, Davesprite, and Jade rounded a corner to find two Beemen guarding a locked door. They were examining their razor-sharp swords and laughing at some private joke. Jade bit back a low growl. She hated bugs of all types, songbugs, Beemen, furbeetles, you name it. Jade hated them all.
"Hey, bro." Said one Beeman to the other. "Remember that one time I shoved that old lady onto your sword?"
"Yup." Said the second Beeman.
"Heh. We're good bad guys."
Rose motioned for her team to hide behind the corner out of sight. They did so and she spoke to them in hushed tones.
"If we get through this door, we should be close to the inner sanctum." She explained. "I can tell, because there's a sign above the door that reads: 'This way to inner sanctum'. We need to quickly and silently take out these guards. Jade, would you do the honors?"
"It would be my absolute pleasure." Grinned the Weredog as she hefted her crossbow once more.
Peeking around the corner again, she saw that the two Beemen were still deep in philosophical discussion. Now was her time to strike. If she wanted to make this quick and silent, per Rose's specifications, she'd have to take them both out with one shot, not an easy task for your average marksman (or is it markswoman? fuck gender-specific titles!).
However, Jade was no average markswoman-man. She was one of the best shots in all of Skaia, and probably still is to this day! The incredibly intelligent and attractive Weredog raised her crossbow, lined up her sights, and fired.
The bolt flew straight and true, hitting one Beeman straight between the eyes and exploding out the back of his head in a shower of brain matter. The bolt then ricocheted off the wall and hit the second Beeman guard twice, once right through his left eye socket and again through his dick.
Both the guards fell with a whisper-soft thud, dead.
"NICE WORK, JADE!" Shouted Davesprite in excitement, displaying a disturbing amount of un-coolness.
Immediately, about six billion Beemen guards flooded the hallway, alerted by his shout.
"Fuck stealth! Kill everything!" Rose commanded, twirling her wands.
It was a bloodbath. Rose and her friends slaughtered dozens upon dozens of Beemen with brutal efficiency. They fought their way to the door which led to the inner sanctum and slipped inside, locking the door behind them with a handy crossbeam on the other side.
They now found themselves in a large room in the heart of the hive. The walls were pock-marked with many large holes, housing yet more Beeman that poked their heads out to gaze at the intruders. In the center of the cavernous room, were two thrones gilded with some fancy-ass jewels.
In an elegant throne, sat the Bee Lord's wife: The Corpse Maiden and in a slightly larger throne, sat the Bee Lord of the South himself.
The Corpse Maiden was beautiful, with flowing dark hair, flawless grey skin, and the most gracefully-curved ram horns sitting atop her head that you ever did see. The true reason for her namesake has been lost with time, although a lot of people still try to guess anyways. Some say that she is an immortal goddess, who came down from wherever gods come from to be with the Bee Lord, who she sort of loved. Others claim that she is a sorceress who cast a 'never die' spell on herself so that she could live forever, therefore ruling over death. Yet others still claim that she just picked that name because it sounds hardcore.
And guess what, The Corpse Maiden sounds pretty fucking hardcore, doesn't it? Like if I was to go back in time and start a heavy metal band, you bet your ass it would be called motherfucking The Corpse Maiden.
Anyways, The Bee Lord, on the other hand, was a horribly disgusting fuck. He wore these stupid sunglasses with different colored lenses and a cape composed entirely out of yellow and black silk. In a horizontal stripe pattern no less! Talk about tacky! He too had skin of grey, but four, short, pointed horns atop his head.
The Bee Lord rose from his throne and spoke:
"Intruders! Indentify thee selves!"
Rose stepped forward.
"It is I! Rose Lalonde, the greatest witch ever," She proclaimed. "And I have come to end your evil reign over the southern provinces of Skaia!"
"Yeah, well can that hold on for a second?" The Bee Lord gestured to his wife. "We were sort of in the middle of something."
"A very personal something." Corrected The Corpse Maiden. "You see, our marriage has been a little on the fritz lately. I'm trying to talk him into some counseling."
"We do not need counseling!" The Bee Lord wheeled on his wife. "Our problems are our problems and we do not need to involve some hoity-toity douchebag with a high-falutin university degree to tell us how to live our lives! Also, do not talk to these intruders! I will handle them!"
"Psshhh." The Corpse Maiden snorted and rested her chin lazily on her palm. "Whatever, hun. Have fun I guess."
"Thank you!" Straightening his cape, the Bee Lord turned back to Rose. "As I was saying, now isn't really a good time for this. Can you go away and come back later?"
"We have already infiltrated your base, murdered your Beemen minions, and confronted you face to face." Rose countered. "We will most definitely not be leaving without a battle!"
"Fuuuuck." The Bee Lord dragged a hand down his tired face. "Do you think I care? I leave the front door of my lair unlocked. Literally anyone can walk in if they want. Also, do you see all these damn Beemen?" The Bee Lord gestured to the walls, where hundreds of Beemen sat and watched in their little hidey-holes. "I have more of these assholes than I know what to do with. You're doing me a favor by killing them."
"Look, I've already killed The Crab King of the East and The Vampire Queen of the West. I know how this works already. We're going to fight and that's how things are going to be." Rose pointed her wands at the Bee Lord. "I challenge thee to a duel of wizardly strife!"
"Alright, fine. You want a fight so damn badly? I'll give you a fight." The Bee Lord reached up to remove his sunglasses, but was prevented from doing so by his wife's hand on his arm.
"Ahem." The Corpse Maiden coughed. "Babe, we were in the middle of a discussion. You said that you would stop doing stuff like this. How can this relationship work if you're always shuffling me off to the wayside?"
"Shuffle you off to the… Dear, what the fuck are you talking about? I never do that!"
"Uh, yeah. You do." The Corpse Maiden counted on her fingers. "That one time I wanted to redo the dining room, you made a big deal about hatching more Beemen. Then, when I wanted to take a trip up to visit my mom and dad, you went and planned that assault on the Fuchsia Kingdom. And now, when we're trying to have a civilized conversation, you're going to fight this silly witch and her friends. When are you going to get to me?!"
"Babe, please. I'm not in the mood for this shit right now. Just sit there and please be quiet for a bit. I'm fucking begging you. Shit!" The Bee Lord forcibly turned from his wife and set his sights on Rose. "As I was saying, Lalonde. I accept your strife! Here are my terms: no familiars and no deus ex machina spells."
"Anything else?" Asked Rose, mentally preparing herself for her fiercest battle yet.
"Nope. Everything else is fair game." The Bee Lord slowly removed his shades to reveal that his eyes glowed with dark magic. "Any last words, greatest witch ever?"
"Just two." Rose's wands sparked. "Let's rumble!"
She leapt forward and fired a powerful blast of magic directly towards the Bee Lord. At the same time, the evil mage shot a brilliant beam of raw power from his magical eyes. The two enchantments connected in midair and the resulting explosion rocked the entire lair right down it's foundations. The walls shook, the ceiling crumbled, and The Corpse Maiden heaved a mighty yawn into the back of her hand.
Dust swirled in the air, but did nothing to impede the battle in the slightest. Rose and the Bee Lord charged at one another, firing magical bolt after magical bolt at their foe in quick succession. Each time either combatant dodged or blocked their opponents spell with their own, until they met in the middle of the cavern and began to grapple ferociously.
As this was happening, John, Davesprite, and Jade stood there and contemplated with one another.
"So did either of you guys figure out why he's called the Bee Lord yet?" Asked John.
"Well," Davesprite scratched his chin. "He sort of controls bees, right? But then again, they aren't really bees as much as they are Beemen. Although, he does live in a hive. Fuck. I dunno, man."
"Hey, Mr. Bee Lord!" Jade shouted to the lord of bees. "Why don't you… uh, turn into a giant tit! I bet that'd be something."
The Bee Lord dodged another one of Rose's spell and then raised his hands into the air. From his open palms spawned dozens of angry bees which flew towards Rose and began to sting her. She quickly cast a fire spell and began to defend herself against the insect attackers.
"Oooooh." Said John. "He can summon bees. I got it."
Rose punched the Bee Lord in the stomach and fired a spell at his face that missed by mere inches. The Bee Lord responded by kicking Rose in the shin and shooting an optic blast right towards her, which she narrowly dodged by pirouetting out of the way.
"Hey, babe." The Corpse Maiden spoke up. "How much longer is this going to take?"
"Silence woman!" Bellowed the Bee Lord. "I'm killing this interloper for us! Can't you see that?!"
The battle continued and the two fighters appeared to be evenly matched, that is until Rose stepped backwards onto a patch of honey lying inconspicuously on the ground. She tried to lift her foot, but she was trapped in the dastardly nectar!
"It's been fun, Lalonde." Said the Bee Lord as he charged another optic blast. "But the buzz stops here."
Rose groaned.
"You've got to be fucking kidding- AHH!"
The Bee Lord fired a blast directly into Rose's chest. The witch was lifted off the ground and thrown against the far wall, where she fell in a crumpled heap.
"Rose!" John ran to his girlfriend's side. "Shit. Come on, Rose. You've got to get up!"
"Fuh." The witch groaned, obviously in a lot of pain. "J- John… I- I…"
"What is it, Rose? Speak to me!"
"I th- think I fucking hate bees." Then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she passed out.
"Rooooooosssse!" John wailed.
"Oh, get a grip." Jade joined his side and pressed two fingers to Rose's neck to check her pulse. "She's just been knocked unconscious. She'll be fine in a few minutes."
"But by then it will be too late!" The Bee Lord approached, charging another optic blast. "Accept defeat now, intruders, and maybe I will make your death quick and painless."
John, Davesprite, and Jade stood themselves in front of Rose and drew their weapons.
"No way, asshole." Davesprite said. "You may be super powerful, have an army of Beemen, just bested Rose, who was the best fighter out of all of us, but there's no way you'll win!"
"Right!" Agreed John. "We're going to kick your ass!"
The Bee Lord laughed.
"Hahaha!" His eyes glowed brighter than the sun. "Good luck with that, you miserable pieces of- OH GOD MY SPINE!"
Suddenly, the point of sword exploded through the Bee Lord's chest, spewing gross Bee Lord blood all the fuck over. He died immediately and crumbled into dust, sending black spirits floating from his corpse and up out of sight. Standing there, holding the murderous blade, was none other than The Corpse Maiden herself.
"Ugh, fucking finally." She grimaced and cast the blade away. "I was getting really sick of that guy. All he did was fight interlopers and talk about how precious his Key of Fate was. I don't even care about this stupid hunk of junk. You can have it." She stooped and, after a moment of digging through her husband's ashes, retrieved his key of fate. She tossed it to John. "Now take your witch friend and get out of here."
John caught the golden key and stared at it in wonder. Somehow, after Rose had been narrowly defeated, their team had still managed to win. He couldn't believe it.
"W- wait!" He called after The Corpse Maiden, who was already halfway back to her throne. "What are you going to do now?"
"Probably reform these Beemen minions for the better." She answered honestly. "I'm their ruler now. Maybe I can put them to some good use? Hell, I might even put up a guard rail around the Blind Man's cliffs. Someone really should have done something about that before now."
"Yeah, no kidding." John tucked the golden Key of Fate into his pocket. "Uh, thanks for murdering your husband for us, I guess.
"No problem. Just remember: the Crab King, Vampire Queen, and Bee Lord may have been tough, but they're nothing compared to the Dragon Mistress of the North." The Corpse Maiden sat in the former Bee Lord's throne. "Travel swiftly and with good fortune. Should you ever require my assistance, you know where to find me."
"Alright, thanks again, miss!"
Not wanting to press their luck, John and Jade hoisted the unconscious Rose between them and followed Davesprite's lead out of the Bee Lord's lair. They carefully traversed the cliffs down to the beach of the southern ocean, where John splashed some cold, ocean water on Rose's face.
The witch spluttered and gasped, but was revived nonetheless. Through squinted eyes, she looked up into the concerned faces of her friends with confusion and spoke in a weak voice:
"God-damn. I feel like I was hit by a bonetruck. What happened?"
"You stepped in some honey and then the Bee Lord laid you out." Said Davesprite. "It's all good though. The Corpse Maiden decided at the last second to turn on her one true love and murder him."
"We got the Key of Fate too and everything!" Added Jade. "Show her, John."
John reached into his pocket and pulled out the golden key.
"Here you go, Rose." He said happily, pressing the key gently into the witch's hand. "That's three keys and three mages down. All you have to do now is travel north and defeat the Dragon Mistress!"
"I- uh, yes." Rose pushed herself into the sitting position and gazed down at the key, which glittered merrily in her palm. "Yes, of course."
"Are you alright? You look a little pale."
"Just a tad sore." Storing her prize in her satchel, Rose climbed to her feet. "Come on. Let's get moving."
As Davesprite and Jade floated and walked ahead respectively, chatting excitedly about their latest conquest, Rose trailed behind with John. The former hero of Honey Town stared at the witch out of the corner of his eye, watching her slumped shoulders and shuffling footsteps.
Something was off about her. He didn't know what exactly, but he knew it was something. Instead of pestering her about it now though, like his gut told him to, he restrained himself.
"Hey," He took her hand gently, giving her time to pull away if she so wanted. "No matter what happened back there in that battle, you did good. You know that, right?"
Rose nodded, gripped John's fingers a little tighter, but kept her silence.
(post credits scene)
In the middle of the Moonbear desert, Scott the evil skeleton necromancer wandered the wasteland in search of death. Rose and her gang of jerks had broken into his home, killed his friends, set his familiar free, and nearly killed him.
He had nothing. He was nothing.
"You there, enemy of the greatest witch ever." Gurgled a gross-ass voice.
Scott turned to find a cloaked figure, flanked by an ugly forest witch and sexy-looking Werecat rogue.
"What the fuck do you want?" Demanded Scott, who was too weak to ward off bandits. Most of his magic had been sapped from his being after he'd severed his magical tether with Janesprite.
"This isn't about what we want." The Fish Baron of the Sea grinned a villainous grin. "This is about what you want."
"How do you know what I want?"
"You want what all of us want…"
Pause for dramatic effect:
"REVENGE!"
It was very late into the night by the time Dave and his daughter Rosie left the Royal Palace and returned to their Inn. The Empress of the Sea had been so impressed with Dave's tale of how Rose kind of defeated the Bee Lord of the South, that she had kept the father and daughter in her company for much too long, celebrating and festing over the wonderful story.
Needless to say, little Rosie was so tired, that Dave was forced to carry her most of the way through the darkened streets and all the way up to their room, where he tossed her unceremoniously onto the bed.
"Ugh." Rosie sighed, burying herself in the sheets. "Where's mommy?"
"Mom's still at the spa. She won't be back until tomorrow." Dave sank onto the bed as well and closed his eyes. "Damn, my throat hurts."
"Maybe you shouldn't be so long-winded when you tell stories."
"Maybe you shouldn't- BLEH!" Dave snapped back, too tired to formulate a good comeback.
"Why did she keep us there so late? Why did she fucking kidnap us the first place?!" Asked Rosie. "She's an empress for god's sake! Doesn't she have anything else to do?"
"Such are the games rich people with nothing but time on their hands play with the commonfolk." Dave rolled over and flopped an arm over his daughter, pulling her into him embrace. "Enough talk. Sleep."
And Rosie did.
Let's plan on the next chapter being posted a week from today. Might be sooner, will probably be later, I don't know. This chapter has some sill stuff in it, none of which I hope you take to heart. This story is pointless and dumb and for entertainment only. Opinions expressed are... pretty much my own lol but whatever. I dunno what I'm trying to say.
Thanks for reading and sticking with me, guys.
- Mike