"Yes, we're engaged," Mavu repeated, sending a chill down my spine. "We both did agree to it, unless you want to get married right now. I don't mind the rush!"
"It seems like we have a slight misunderstanding," I grimaced. "You see, I did not agree to an 'engagement' of any sort…unless of course there's a restraining order of at least a couple kilometers. If so, then 'till death do us part."
"I'm insulted; you speak as if I'm the most revolting lioness in the Savannah!"
"I'm sure your not the most revolting…just in the top ten" as soon as I finished that sentence Mavu swung her paw for a nasty slap in the face. Thankfully I ducked just in time to dodge the blow.
"I saw it coming," I grinned.
"You better have!" she scowled.
"It looks like someone has been skipping their anger management courses."
"Enough of this," Mavu sighed. "Either I'm queen or you're a tacky throw rug."
"Tacky?" I frowned.
"You heard me," she smirked.
"Alright, I now declare you queen of the mangy dimwits."
"That's it? What about a ceremony? I can't be a queen without an official ceremony!" she protested.
"Fine, I officially declare queen of the mangy dimwits. Now you may assume your official queeny duties as the official pain in the-"
"Queeny is not a word."
"Your ignorance is astounding! Everything from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope know queeny is a word in our prestigious language."
"What have you been smoking?"
"It's a word, end of discussion."
"It is not!" she spat. "I will argue this all day if-"
"Fail."
"What"
"You failed the test," I told her.
"Test?" What test?" she looked at me in utter confusion- as planned.
"Every lioness must pass a test before she can become queen, but of course you wouldn't know that."
"Rubbish!"
"It's not my fault you weren't prepared."
"Prepared for what? And how did I 'fail'?"
"The first rule to being queen is that you should never ever question the king's judgment."
"Even if he's a moron?"
"Especially if he's a moron."
"Why's that?" she asked.
"Do I have to explain everything to you?" I sighed. "What kind of queen will you be if you don't know something so positively obvious? Maybe you aren't ready for a position of power."
"Your seemingly believable nonsense won't work on me Scar!"
"It won't? Oh if only you told me earlier!" I grinned. "You are just too clever for me."
"What kind of twisted manipulative trick are you plotting you snake!"
"I'll never tell," I winked.
"Then I'll used my 'magical rock of persuasion'," she wrapped her tail around a nearby rock the size of a grapefruit.
"Still not persuaded."
"How about now?" she flung the rock at me with her paw before I had a chance to duck. I winced in pain as it struck me in the eye.
"Don't make me use the 'boulder of stubborn fools.'"
"Alright, alright…" I groaned. "If you must know my plan is the 'no plan' plan."
"Hm," she pondered. "It is very effected, I didn't suspect a thing. Tell me now, what is the goal of this 'no plan' plan."
"It's quite simple really, to mess with people who are easily confused!"