Hey, Welcome to the next chapter! This is going to be a really intense one, and pivotal to the storyline. I really hope you guys enjoy this! It's a straight out emotional rollercoaster! Mwahahaha.

Please R&R!

Disclaimer: SM owns everything.

Chapter 5: Distance

BPOV

I woke up in an unfamiliar room with a white bedspread, and matching curtains. I didn't remember this room, and immediately I started to panic. I sat up quickly, wincing a little from the slight headache I had.

A moment later, there was a knock on the door, and I looked over. Edward came in a moment later with a glass of orange juice and a sandwich.

"You're awake." He said, watching me intently.

"Yeah.. Just woke up." I sighed, suddenly remember earlier the day before, or the same day, I wasn't sure. I took a peek at the clock on the nightstand. It was about 3 am, so yesterday. I felt so amazing, for the first time. Even the injuries Charlie gave me weren't bothering me. I was happy, for the first time in a very long time.

"Do you know what James gave you yesterday?" He asks as he sat down, handing me the juice and sandwich. I take a sip of the juice to sooth my parched throat and nod.

"He called it smack. I think… it was Heroin, based off of the syringe." I said, thinking back. I felt so empty suddenly, after the happiness I had felt. I wish I could go back, but I know I said I would only do it the once.

"Yeah. Listen, Bella." He sighed.

I looked at him, and I could just tell whatever he was going to say wouldn't be good.

"I don't think it was very smart of you to take that, especially since you are so inexperienced. Plus, you took it from James of all people. Never trust James."

"But he's your friend. I figured that meant he was okay." I said, putting down the juice.

"You shouldn't be hanging around with any of us. It's not safe. I don't know why I showed you this world at all, but I regret it. I am sorry, but I don't want to ruin your life. Mine is already fucked enough, I don't want to drag you down with me." He said sighing. I noticed his hands were shaking a little, and he had beads of sweat running down his forehead, even though it wasn't hot.

"Are you okay? You're shaking." I asked quietly.

"This is exactly what I am talking about. We do serious shit, not like the stuff I was letting you do, pot and beer. I wish I had never gotten into it sometimes, but now I can't stop. " he said, his voice tense.

"You can if you want to." I said quietly, staring at my hands.

"Maybe I don't want to." He said quietly.

"Maybe I don't want to leave your world so soon." I said, feeling the lump forming in my throat. I swallow thickly, refusing to cry. I knew what was happening.

"I am not giving you a choice. From now on, after I drop you off back home, you aren't allowed to set foot here. I don't want you talking to James, or Marcus. You need to stay away from us, and I will make sure everyone stays away from you. A clean break before you can get in deeper. You will thank me some day." He said.

I stayed quiet, knowing nothing I could say would change his mind right now, and not trusting myself to speak.

"Eat your sandwich, and I'll bring you home." He said before leaving.

I just stared at the sandwich, suddenly having no appetite. I drank another sip of the juice before I stood up, and made my way out of the house. I didn't want his ride. I didn't want this. It's like he gave me a glimmer of something nice, friends, a place to belong, and the smallest taste of happiness, just to rip it away. After last night, and the night before with Edward, I didn't know if I could go back to the way things were before.

I knew he was doing it to try and protect me, but that made me even more upset. It meant I couldn't hate him for it. I knew it was a dangerous world, and I knew what I was getting myself into, but it was preferable to the hell of my normal life.

It was about four in the morning when I made it back home. I had about an hour and a half until Charlie woke up, so I slowly cleaned up the mess before retreating to my room. There, I did my homework until Charlie had left for work.

When I got to school, I saw Jasper by his car, and started heading his way, but the moment he saw me, him and some small girl with spiky black hair quickly retreated inside. I took a deep breath to keep the emotions in check. Numb, Numb, Numb. I just want to go back to being numb.

The rest of the day went like this. I would try to approach anyone from the circle who went to our school, Jasper, Laurent, Edward, Marcus, but they all ignored me, or avoided me all together. I didn't see James at all. Edward completely ignored me in Bio, not even looking in my direction once.

By the end of the day, I felt sufficiently horrible. He meant it. They wouldn't let me in, they wouldn't even acknowledge my presence.

The next couple months went the same way. Eventually, I stopped trying, and just retreated into myself. Luckily, Charlie hadn't been as bad, allowing my injuries to heal. He was starting to get rougher again though. I think he knew that if he went too hard before, he risked killing me, and going without his favorite punching bag, and a messy clean up.

Winter had set in, and it was the middle of the holiday vacation, with today being Christmas. Not that Christmas meant a damned thing to me. I wasn't magically going to have a wonderful Christmas with Charlie. If anything, he was usually worse, because I think he missed mom more on this day, like I did.

Since he had been getting bad again, I had been spending even less time at home, opting to only go home when I absolutely had to sleep, ever few days, and just staying outside the rest of the time.

I still hadn't been able to get that state of numb back. It seemed like every day, it hurt more, knowing what I missed out on, all because I was stupid enough to try something they didn't think I was ready for. I know I said I would only do it the once, but at this point, I would be more than willing to do it again, just so I could feel anything other than what I feel every minute of every day.

That's when I saw him. James was driving his station wagon down the road. I hadn't seen him in school, and found out later that it was because he didn't go there, he had made a special trip that day.

I got up, and started running as fast as I could after him. Just when I thought I had lost him, he put on his brakes, an turned around, driving over to me.

"James. How have you been?" I said, nervously wiping my freezing hands on my soaked jeans. Maybe this could be my Christmas. Maybe he would let me get happy again.

"Hey Bella, long time no see. Sorry about Ed, he is kind of a jackass. Don't tell him I am even talking to you." He said.

"I won't. Hey, do you have any more of that stuff? From last time?" I asked, hoping he did, and that he would give me something.

He studied me a moment. "Wow, that bad, huh? Have you had it since?"

I shook my head quickly.

"Alright. I will hook you up. As a Christmas present. If you like it, feel free to come to me, I will give you good rates after this." He said, grinning, and tossing me a brown bag. "There's one baggy in there that is good for a few highs, and a couple of needles. You need to mix .75 milliliters of water with it on the spoon when you cook it, just like I did. This one is a freebie. After this, I will charge you about 50$ for that amount, and that's cheap."

I nod quietly, taking note of his directions. "Thanks James. Maybe this will make things a little better."

"It always does." He grins.

He drives off after, and I quietly put the stuff in the inside pocket of my jacket, and head home to grab supplies, a lighter, spoon, water.

When I get there, Charlie is sitting in his recliner drinking.

"Well, look who is actually fucking home." He says, not moving to get up immediately.

I cross my fingers, hoping maybe he will leave me alone today. Christmas was already one of the worst days, and I was desperate to just get happy.

Sure enough though, he gets up, and starts towards me. I close my eyes, just wanting to fast forward past this part. He hits me a few times, throwing me against the wall, but his heart doesn't seem quite into it. After a few more rough knees to the gut, he presses me against the wall.

"Open your eyes." He said, and I comply, staring down at the floor.

"Look at me!" He barks, and I do, avoiding his eyes.

"You look just like Renee… not as pretty, but so similar." He says in an odd tone that makes my skin crawl. He runs his hand down my cheek, before he grabs my breast roughly through my clothes. I kick him then, and slide out from his grasp.

"How fucking dare you, Renee!" He screams, and grabs me by my hair, and hits me hard in the face, my lip splitting. He then tries to pin me down on the floor, his hand struggling to try and get my pants down. I struggle harder than I ever have.

"I am not Renee!" I scream, struggling.

Finally, he stops, and just kicks me a few times, before walking away. "This isn't over." He said with menace.

I quickly run out of the house, having completely forgotten about the supplies I needed. My whole body hurts, but I am in shock at what just happened. He just tried to rape me, his daughter. I skin felt disgusting, and I was even more afraid to go home.

I just kept running, until I eventually found myself in front of a familiar house. Jasper's house. I could see the silver Volvo there, along with several other cars. I was about to knock on the door when I heard the laughter erupt from behind the door. I dropped my hand slowly, knowing I couldn't show up after months of being ignored, especially not during their happy time.

Defeated, I walked a little ways away, and just sat down against a tree near his house, curling up, and for once, letting the sobs I refused to let loose out. They wracked my body for what seemed like hours, until I couldn't breathe. I would give anything to fucking feel happy, or even okay.

I don't know how long I sat there, but when a pair of headlights stopped beside me, I knew it was late at night, so it must have been hours.

I didn't look up as I heard the door of a car open, and footsteps crunching in the snow until the person was standing right in front of me.

"What are you doing here? Are you trying to die of hypothermia?" I heard a from a velvety voice.

I looked up, to see Edward standing in front of me, looking at me for the first time in months.

I wiped my eyes, and tried to play off like I hadn't just been crying my eyes out for hours, but knew it was useless. "Thought the snow would be refreshing." I rasped.

"I thought you were going to stay away." He said, his eyes still on me.

His nonchalance, and the one sentence is what broke me. Next moment I was standing up, slamming my fists on his chest. "You asshole! Don't! Don't even start!" I screamed, hitting him. He looked taken aback, and kept trying to stop me, but I just kept hitting him over and over again.

"You can't just go in, and make everything okay, just to rip it away! You can't do that! You fucked me over, knowing that having something worth living for was so close!" I screamed at him, tears flowing down my cheeks as I kept hitting him.

"If you didn't want me doing the shit you guys do, you could have just let me be there! Anything but this, Anything, I would rather.." I kept hitting him until he grabbed my arms tightly, and pinned them to my sides in a hug, holding me to him so I couldn't keep hitting him. I dissolved into tears as my legs buckled. A moment later he lowered us both down onto the snowy ground, holding me. I knew that as soon as it ended, he would be gone, and I would be alone again. I hated him, but I didn't want this moment to end. I craved it more than oxygen, someone to keep me together. Even for a second, someone making me feel like it could be okay, or that I am okay, no matter how easily the illusion could be shattered.

I don't know how long we sat like that, but eventually he spoke. "If I let go of you, will you start hitting me again?" He asks gently.

I weakly shake my head, completely drained, It wasn't until he let go how much I realized I was freezing. Tremors wracked my body, and he sighed.

"Come on, get in, I'll take you home."

I stood up quickly, shivering. "No. I'm not going home."

"Its Christmas, you should be with your dad." He said, trying to reason with me.

"No. I am not going home. You can bring me anywhere you want, even the town dump for all I care, just not home. Or no where, I am fine walking." I said quietly, shivering hard.

He studies me a moment, then reaches over and touches my busted lip. Something seems to click in his eyes, but he doesn't say anything.

"I'll bring you to my house, though everyone is probably asleep." He said quietly.

I thought about it for a moment. I knew this wouldn't last. The question was should I take it now, and be okay for just a little while just to be shattered more after? Or should I just walk away now.

I knew I couldn't do that the moment the thought crossed my mind, and I nodded slowly.

He sighs, and nods, helping me into his car.

Once he gets in, he blasts the heat, and gets going. We sit in complete silence as we drive to his house.

Once we get there, we both get out, and I follow him into his house, tremors still quaking through me from the cold, I had lost so much weight in the past few months from eating even less than usual. I had to force myself to eat most of the time, just because I knew I needed it to survive, but even then, I hardly ever even finished half of a sandwich a day. I knew I was going to end up killing myself this way, but I couldn't find it in myself to really care.

I follow him up to his room, where he lets me in. He immediately pulls some sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie out of his drawer and tosses them to me.

"Can I use your shower…?" I ask hesitantly, wanting to make the skin crawling sensation from Charlie go away.

"Sure, go ahead." He said, sitting down on his sofa.

I nod, and go in. I turn the water as hot as it will go, and stand at it, scrubbing until my skin is raw.

When I get out, I have warmed up, but still feel gross. I put on the clothes, which are huge on me. Luckily the sweat pants have a drawstring, or else there would be no way they would stay on.

I walk out of the shower, shivering from the feel of the air out of the steamy bathroom.

"Better?" He inquires, watching me carefully.

I nod, and go over to sit next to him hesitantly.

"Did I hurt you?" I ask, remorse thick in my voice.

"Nah… you have about as much force as an angry kitten. Though, I don't want you to do that again, hitting isn't cool with me." He said.

I nod, and look down at the floor remorsefully.

"Why didn't you just go back to your old friends after? Why was it such a big deal to stop hanging out with us? I don't get it." He says more to himself than me.

"There is no one else. You guys are.. or were.. the first friends I had made for a very long time." I said quietly.

Edward runs his hands through his hair agitatedly. "I don't get why, there's nothing wrong with you." He said.

"I have my reasons for keeping people at arm's length… but you guys were different." I sighed, closing my eyes. I was just so tired.

"I can see that." He said, glowering at my busted lip. Part of me panicked, wondering if he knew, but there was no way he could, right? "Have you used the stuff since that night?" He asked, his eyes turning hard.

"No… but, I wanted to, today. I got a hold of some today, and I was going to use it to try and make it so I could get through Christmas." I said honestly, staring at the floor. I don't know why I was being so honest.

"Who did you get it from?" he asks, his eyes hardening. I am fairly sure he knew, but I couldn't rat James out, not when he told me not to, so I just shook my head.

"Do you have it with you?"

"Yeah, in my jacket." I said quietly.

He stands up then, and looks through my wet jacket. He pulls out the brown bag, then pulls the white powder baggy out of that, and brings it into the bathroom. A few seconds later, I hear the toilet flushing. I sighed deeply, hearing it.

He came back over, and sat down. I wanted to be mad, but honestly, I couldn't. I knew that stuff was the reason he pushed me away, to keep me away from it.

"Look, I am not going to say never do drugs. I would be a hypocrite if I did. Stay away from that stuff though. If you are going to do anything, do it around people you know and trust, and not heroin. That shit ruins lives like no other. I bet it was fucking amazing to feel so happy, right?" he said, staring right at me

"Yeah.. It was. Foreign, and amazing." I said quietly.

"That's why it's so dangerous. You will always be chasing that first high, and it gets harder and harder to get, until you are ODing, or so addicted that the withdrawals feel like they are going to kill you." He said, resting his head in his hands.

"You sound like you speak from experience." I whisper, and he nods.

"I do. I am not going to say I am clean, and that I don't do anything, because that would be a lie, but I don't EVER touch that shit anymore. Never again. And I won't let anyone else I care about touch it either." He said.

For a moment, I am shocked. He cares about me? How could he leave me alone for months if he cared?

"Promise me you will never touch that shit again." He says seriously.

I consider for a moment, then I sigh. "Only if you promise that you won't push me away from everyone again. And if you are going to push me away again, just do it now, so it sucks less."

He stares at the floor, running his hands through his hair. "We are no good for you Bella."

"I don't have anyone else, and I can't just let anyone in. I can't." I said, feeling the defeat settling in.

"I can't make that promise, because I want to keep you safe. You are one of the few good people in this world, and I don't want to taint you." He said.

I stand up slowly, and go to grab my wet clothes from the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" He asks, studying me.

"Leaving." I said simply, forcing an emotionless mask on.

"I didn't say that I was kicking you out."

"No, you didn't, but you will, and I am counting my losses." I said quietly.

"Just stay for now, okay? Please Bella. Where else are you going to go? You clearly don't want to fucking go home, and its supposed to be a blizzard outside in a few hours." He said.

"I think I would rather take my chances. " I spat back at him.

Edward lets out a growl of frustration. "Fine. You know what? I will try. However, the moment that I see something I don't like, I reserve the right to pull the plug. "

I stare at him a moment, before sighing. I knew I was going to regret this, allowing myself to get in deeper when there was no guarantee it wouldn't end again, but the thought of getting to stay with him, and his friends, and having someone actually give a shit about whether I was alive or dead was too tempting, even if it was temporary.

"Fine. Then I promise I won't touch that stuff again." I say quietly, before putting my wet clothes back down over the side of the tub, and going to sit back on the couch. I felt another shiver wrack my body as I sneezed.

"Then if you are going to be spending time hanging out here… I think it's time you met my family, so they don't wonder about the strange person in their house. First thing in the morning, alright?"

I looked at him, and nodded uncertainly. "Alright."

"You can take the bed again. I will take the couch." He said. I was about to argue, but he quickly shakes his head. "I can tell you're fucking tired, and so am I. I may be a dirt bag, but I do have some manners." He grins a crooked grin, and I feel my cheeks heat up in response.

"Fine, Monsieur Dirt Bag." I say before walking over to his bed, and pulling back the covers.

"I like that. Has an honest ring to it." Edward grins a little.

"That's what I was going for." I say before getting under the blankets of his super comfortable bed, and curling up to go to sleep.

"Goodnight Bella."

"Goodnight Monsieur."

I hear him chuckle as he turns out the light.

I know this was a super intense chapter, and the story is just heating up. There is a hell of a lot more to come! please R&R!