Hello there my stalker friends, I come with yet another update on life in the Savannah. First off, all hail the queen of the mangy dimwits! So what if it isn't a grand title? Certain people just have to learn to take what they can get. After all, the key to happiness is lowered expectations.1 Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against morons…as long as they remember that youtube is their calling2. Oh I almost forgot to tell you something really important…something so important it will change your life…it definitely will …no doubt about it…that's right….wait for it…wait for it …keep waiting.

Hey! What's this? Stalkers waiting for Scar eh? I don't know how long you've been out here but he's out for lunch. Yes, this is Mavu…what secret? You can't prove anything, oh once Scar comes back he's in for a pounding! While we wait I'll get the 'moldy pineapple of backstabbing wannabes' ready. So… is this some kind of fan club or what? Well if you had any sense at all you would join my fan club! There's plenty of spaces available…hey look finally here!

Sorry about that, I assure you it's the last time I trick my lovely horde of adoring fans…take no notice of the evil grin. Oh and just in case you where wondering, I had a rather eventful lunch today. You wouldn't believe it, there was a- wait, how about I start at the very beginning:

I was enjoying a pleasant sunset, not taking my schizophrenia pills, when I decided it was time to have a chat with my oddly deformed acquaintances. Unfortunately they were as talkative as usual and sound of my own voice was getting tiring. Just then I was reminded by a rumbling in my belly that I might as well get a bite to eat. So I left my two legged buddies and took a leisurely stroll through the fields, keeping an eye open for anything unlucky enough to cross my path. I wandered for what seemed like hours until I thought that it was time to call it a day. I about to head back, cursing at my rotten luck, when a blur of orange bolted through the tall lawn before me like a glimmer of hope. New strength coursed through my limbs as I prepared for a stealthy pounce. I waited eagerly, my sapphire eyes concentrating on the swaying grass less than a meter away. Suddenly all was quiet and still, I seized my chance to leap for my unsuspecting prey.

"You!"

"What? Miss me?" the diminutive meerkat crossed his lanky arms as a smug grin crossed his face.

"Why have you returned?" I spat, pinning his tail to the ground as I had done the last time we met.

"Back off buddy, from what I heard everyone's invited," he replied, straining to lift my paw and free himself.

"Invited to what?" I narrowed my eyes, assured that this was simply some pathetic trick the little nuisance devised to get into the Pridelands.

"Butt-head's coronation, duh!" the meerkat rolled his eyes.

"That was last week," I pointed out.

"Looks like the mailing service isn't what it used to be, eh? Oh well, now if you'll excuse me-"

"And where are you going in such a hurry, and without tubby too! How peculiar, " I smirked.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Well I am a tad curious," I lifted the meerkat off the ground by the tail, watching in amusement as he helplessly flailed his arms. "But since you're not willing to talk-"

"Oh I'll talk alright, you piece of-" he made fists with his tiny hands that he waved about in a supposedly threatening manner.

"Such fowl language, maybe a stay in the 'shiny clear rock of no air' will do you some good," I told him.

"The what?" he looked up and finally stopped his fidgeting.

"You'll see soon enough," I held him over my mouth and at last I released his tail.

1 Here's some more advice: it's the ambitious morons that always get in the way. Just tell them the key to happiness and hopefully that will shorten your 'to throw off a cliff' list…a little.

2 Laughter is the best medicine and for once it's okay to go over the recommended dose.