Chapter Twenty-Three: The Dragon Labyrinth of Champions
Thanks to justifyingReality413 and CarryOnMyWaywardFeels for reviewing.
In the fog-ridden northern plains of Skaia, there traveled a brave adventurer. She marched under the full moon towards a lone steeple on a hill, surrounded by many gravestones. It was her task to raid this graveyard for untold magical treasure, as an old wizard in the nearest town had commissioned her so. Dangers lurked among the graves, unspeakable horrors of dark magic, but this young hero remained unafraid.
Coming to a stop just outside the graveyard, the traveler drew her short sword from it's scabbard and examined it for a moment. She then placed the flat of the blade against her chest and ripped out the sickest air-guitar solo you ever did see.
"Doodily doodily doodily doooooo." Riffed Roxy the motherfucking Werecat up and down her imaginary six string. "Oh yeah! I'm going to have to write that baby down."
Suddenly, her moonstone began to buzz with energy. Reaching into her pocket, Roxy retrieved the stone and held it in the palm of her hand. The disembodied voice of an old wizard began to speak:
"Young Werecat! What in Skaia's name are you doing? I did not hire you to mess around foolishly. You're supposed to head to that graveyard and recover the treasure there, post haste!"
"Relax, gramps. I'm already here." Roxy continued on the path up to the graves as she spoke. "And how do you even know what I'm doing right now? Can you see me?"
"Of course I can see you. I see all in my magical mirror of all-seeing."
"Ugh. That's so gross. I bet you use that to peep on people all the time, you sicko."
"Th- That's not entirely true!"
"Whatever. Just keep your crusty ol' peepers off me, Radicast. I'll be back there in no time with your stupid treasure." Before the wizard could respond, Roxy switched off her moonstone and stowed it in her pocket once more.
After severing ties with Rose's party back in chapter twelve, Roxy the Werecat had headed north just as she had promised. The trek was hard and she was in desperate need of rest and supplies when she finally reached the northern plains. However, to rent even the simplest of rooms at an inn or purchase food and supplies, you needed gold of course, which brought Roxy to where she was now:
In a haunted graveyard. At night. In the middle of nowhere. Far from where anyone could hear her pitiful screams.
"Let's get this over with." Said Roxy as she tiptoed through the graves. "Let's see… What was that asshole's name? Jones? No. Headcleaver? No. Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen? Definitely not. Fuuuuck! This is going to take all night!"
After perusing the names of many deceased, Roxy finally found the one she was looking for in the very heart of the corpse garden. It was your average grave of dark stone, with the name "Seymour Anus" etched into it's face. The only other thing that set this grave apart from the others, was the obvious fact that someone, other than Roxy, had been here recently to plunder it's treasure.
"Shit." Grumbled Roxy, as she looked down into the large hole. An uncovered and empty casket lay at the bottom. "That wizard is going to be sooo pissed when I come back empty-handed."
Suddenly, a high-pitched voice rang out across the graves, chilling Roxy right to her core.
"Not as pissed as you're going to be…" Began the hissing voice. Roxy turned and gasped at what she saw. "… When you realize that you've been surrounded by hundreds of icezombies!"
Sure enough, Roxy now saw that she had, quite unwittingly, found herself in the middle of a large mob of icezombies. They all laughed as one and converged on her, slashing with their icy claws and attempting to bite her with their frigid fangs.
Icezombies, for those of you that don't know, are your typical zombie except that when they bite you, you instantly turn into a stupid snowman. The transmogrification is irreversible and permanent, meaning that you'll have to stand around for six months until summer comes and you melt all over the place like… well, a snowman.
Using her natural agility, Roxy leapt atop the tombstones, hacking and slashing with her sword at every icezombie that drew too near. Frozen arms, heads, hands, and the tip of one icy dick, flew all the fuck over as she swung her mighty blade. Gradually, she worked her way towards the lone steeple and clambered up onto the roof, momentarily giving herself some breathing room.
The icezombies crowded around the base of the steeple, scrambling over each other to reach her. If the young, attractive, surprisingly single, brave, adventuring Werecat was going to get out of this un-snowman- ified, then she'd have to think quick.
As she wracked her brains for an escape plan, her moonstone buzzed in her pocket once again.
"Gods-dammit, you moldy old wizard! Now isn't the time!" She barked into the magical device.
"Whoa, old wizard? Who do you think you're talking to, Rox?"
Roxy blinked. She recognized that voice.
"Davesprite?"
"The one and only." Smirked the orange familiar from miles upon miles away. "How are you doing, you fine-ass kitty-girl?"
"I've been good." Roxy hacked at an icezombie that attempted to scale the wall towards her. They were starting to fashion grappling hooks. Roxy was running out of time. "How about you?"
"Aw, you know. Same old, same old. Hey, listen. I think we should meet up again. We're set up in Martindale for the moment and we're planning a final assault on the Dragon Mistress of the North. You should come, it'll be a total blast." Davesprite paused momentarily. "Also…. Uh, there's someone we think you should meet."
"I dunno. Martindale is a little out of the way for me. Also," Roxy watched in horror as the icezombies began to construct a human pyramid. "I don't know If John would be okay with us hanging out again."
"Oh, psshh. That's water under the bridge, Roxy. John's moved on, you've obviously moved on. Everyone's just moving along to that glorious beat of the warrior's song." Davesprite dropped a quick rap. "Just get your ass over here ASAP. I won't take 'no' for an answer. See you soon, Roxy."
Then Davesprite hung up, leaving Roxy alone with her thoughts, and the steadily approaching army of refrigerated undead.
If she met up with Davesprite and the others in Martindale, then she wouldn't have to go back to that stupid wizard and get chewed out for not recovering the treasure. However, if she went to Martindale, she'd have to face John again and no one, no matter who you are, is going to leap at the chance to hang out with their bitter ex.
Roxy made a snap decision.
"Fuck it." She growled and then transformed into a fully-fledged Werecat. Using her new, heightened strength, Roxy leapt into the night sky, over the army of icezombies, and then scampered away across the plains, Martindale-bound.
(cut to martindale)
Roxy arrived in Martindale shortly after that and was immediately greeted by Jade in the town square.
"Roxy!" Cried Jade as she rushed to hug her friend. "Oh shit. You look fantastic! I love what you've done with your hair!"
"Aw thanks, Jade." Roxy fingered her blonde locks idly. "I figured I'd shake things up a bit. Where are the others? Davesprite said that you guys were planning a final assault on the Dragon Mistress."
"Oh, you know it, girlfriend." Taking Roxy by the arm, Jade pulled her towards the inn. "We've assembled all of our friends from all over Skaia. You're the last one to arrive. Rose is itching to plot out the plan so that we can get on with the quest!"
"Alright, sounds good." Roxy chewed the inside of her cheek nervously as she entered the inn. "I just better get a cut of some sweet dungeon loot when all of this is said in done. It's common knowledge that dragons love gold."
And it was.
Rumor had it that the Dragon Mistress had acquired thousands upon thousands of tons of gold up in her mountain lair. One merely needed to enter the mountain and slay her to achieve unimaginable wealth. No one had ever been attempted a raid though, until now.
Entering the inn, Roxy found the main hall to be absolutely packed with people. There was Dirk, accompanied by several sailor-ninja-knights. Grandpa Jake from Wooftown, with a pack of young Weredog warriors. Janesprite, who had been loaned several Owl Knights by the Empress of the Sea in the Fuchsia Kingdom. Chazz Limplewickle and his traveling cast of wizard/actors/professional crocheters. The Corpse Maiden, now leader of the army of Beemen. And last but not least, Rose, John, and Davesprite, in the heart of it all.
"Alright everyone, take your seats, take your seats." Davesprite called for attention and everyone gradually stopped their chatter. "You've all been gathered here today because you're the baddest, the raddest, the meanest motherfuckers in all of Skaia and we need your help to kill the Dragon Mistress."
"Whoa. Hold up a sec." One of the Owl Knights of the Fuchsia Kingdom raised his owl hand. "We're going to assault the home of the Dragon Mistress?"
"Yup."
"Naw, man. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Super fuck this. I'm out." Then the Owl Knight fluttered out the door, realized he was thousands of miles away from home, got lost, and slowly starved to death in the wilderness over the next two weeks.
Nobody cared.
"Anyways, as I was saying." Davesprite continued. "The Dragon Mistress's lair is guarded by a fuck-load of Dragon Knights and they're really rude and tough. Not to mention that the inside of the Dragon Mistress's mountain is actually a huge maze."
"Yes. The Dragon Labyrinth of Champions." Defined Dirk. He leaned against the wall, the epitome of cool. During the months of Rose's pregnancy, Dirk and his pals had traveled southward to conduct 'business' and afterwards, had agreed to rejoin his brother for this final, awesome quest. "No one has ever attempted to navigate the labyrinth. Apparently it's confusing and dangerous as hell."
"Which is why you better bring some snacks and comfortable boots!" Added Janesprite. "I don't need either because I don't have feet… or the necessity for food to live…"
Everyone got depressed for a moment, then:
"Er, hello?" Piped up Grandpa Jake from Wooftown. "Why isn't Rose explaining this? Isn't she the young lass that will lead us to victory?"
Everyone murmured in agreement. They wanted Rose to speak.
Slowly, the witch rose from her chair to face the assembled crew. She was no longer swollen with child, but stood as fit and firmly toned as ever. By her side stood a smiling John and in her arms, slept the cooing baby that was the product of their undying love (or freak-nasty sex, whatever floats your boat).
Everyone, upon seeing the child, lost their fucking shit.
"Let me see her! Let me see her!" Shrieked Janesprite in excitement.
"Yo pass that baby this way!" Demanded Dirk with coolness.
"My stars! She's magnificent!" Gasped Grandpa Jake.
"Look at her little hands!"
"She has her mommy's eyes!"
"I just wanna eat her!"
"Not if I eat her first!"
"What's her name?" Roxy's quiet question rung out over the clamor, cutting through the frenzy with honest curiosity.
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to Rose expectantly. The witch cradled her child to her chest and gave a nervous laugh.
"We- uh…" She looked to John, who looked equally anxious. "Haven't decided on a name yet."
"You haven't?!"
"What the fuck!"
"She needs a name!"
"We'll think of something! We'll think of something!" John silenced the crowd again, as he flapped his hand furiously. He wrapped his arm around his fiancé's shoulders and hugged his family to his chest. "Stop shouting for fuck's sake you're going to wake her up."
"We plan on christening her upon the conclusion of our quest." Explained Rose hastily. "It's of my belief that the perfect name will reveal itself when the darkness of the Dragon Mistress's power no longer reigns over the peaks of the northern mountains."
"Then what are we waiting for?" Asked Chazz Limplewickle. "Let's go show that sassy Dragon Bitch whose boss!"
"Yeah!" Cheered nearly everyone in unison.
"Then it's settled." Proclaimed Rose. "We march on the Dragon Mistress's lair tomorrow at sunrise. Sleep well tonight, my friends. Fore tomorrow, we fight for glory!"
As everyone celebrated and flipped shit out of excitement, Roxy found a bottle of mead, a chair in the corner, and watched the festivities. In any other circumstances, she would be in the thick of the party, having the time of her life. However…
She wanted to be happy for Rose and John, she really did, and she would assist them in battle as any true friend would. It was just that the tiniest, smallest part of herself couldn't help but stare up at Rose as she snuggled in John's arms, with the young no-name against her breast, and picture herself in her place.
Not as a mother, not as a wife, but as the greatest goddamn witch who ever lived.
And it wasn't a good feeling.
Later that evening, after everyone had retired to their own rooms for the rest of the evening, John and Rose snuggled together in their bed. In the weeks after no-name's birth, the couple had grown closer than ever. Maybe it was because they were now officially engaged, or maybe it was because of the new baby Rose had popped out, however you wanna spin it, they were two regular peas in a pod.
"It's good to see everyone again." Said John with a deep yawn. "Even if we are marching them into a deadly maze tomorrow and all."
"Indeed it is nice." Rose responded. She had her eyes closed and her cheek smushed against John's chest. "I wouldn't worry about their well-being very much. They're all tough within their own right. We're all going to get out of this A-OK."
"Heh. Since when were you the optimistic one?"
"I wouldn't say optimistic. Confident more like." Rose heaved a heavy sigh as she sank further into warm sheets. Although she had recovered quickly from childbirth, thanks to Doctor Skullsman and her remarkable magical powers, she still couldn't help but feel drained of energy every whence and then. "I seem to vividly remember you fretting over every little thing on one occasion or another, and then me having to reassure you."
John thought back to their past adventures. Had he really been a worry wart? It was hard to remember, so much other junk had happened. He was a different person now, braver, stronger, more of man than ever before.
He liked to think that his dad would be proud.
"Well, I suppose some things never change then." John reached over and extinguished the torch on the nightstand, casting the room into darkness.
"They do sometimes." In the sudden darkness, Rose's fingers found his. "For the better."
Then, with a final collective sigh, the witch and the hero molded together and began to drift off to sleep.
"WWWWAAAAHHHH!" Cried you know who.
"Fucking shit." Grumbled Rose, throwing the sheets off of herself and moving to rise.
"No, no. Go to sleep. I got this." John slipped quickly from the bed before Rose and hurried to the crib in the corner of the room. It was a shitty piece of furniture, built hastily from some spare lumber Jade found on the edge of town. In the basin, amongst a bundle of soft blankets, wept the little brat. "Hey there, little girl. It's okay. Daddy's here."
As John swept the infant into his arms, her wailing cries only increased in volume. Rose winced and smushed her head between the pillows of the bed, trying to drown out the shrill noise. On top of her physical exhaustion, the baby seemed hell-bent on making sure that the witch got as little sleep as possible.
Seriously, though. Come on. It's not like Rose Lalonde was a great witch that needed all of her strength to battle an evil Dragon Mistress or anything, right? No. Of course not. Who would think such a thing?
Fucking babies man.
John bounced the baby on his hip awkwardly, trying to get it to shut the fuck up. However, little no-name was insistent, crying and beating at John's chest with her tiny hands.
"Are you hungry?" John offered the baby some milk, which she fervently refused. "Did you pee your pants again?" A quick check proved that the baby was as clean as a whistle. "Fuck! What's wrong with you?!"
A series of loud bangs beat against the wall of Rose and John's room then, followed by a muffled voice:
"Hey! Shut that thing up! We're trying to sleep in here!"
"Oh shit." John whispered to his child. "I think that's the Corpse Maiden. I really don't want to piss her off. Do you think you could turn down the volume a little bit, no-name? Just for me?"
"WAAAHH!" Responded the baby, who was being a real dick at the moment.
"Giver her here, John." Rose sat up in the bed and held her arms out for her child. Sheepishly, John handed the small girl over and almost instantaneously, the baby went silent in Rose's arms. "There you go. She just wanted her mummy. Awwwww." She gently tickled the no-name's little tummy. "She's a regular mommy's girl. Haha."
"Yeah. I guess so." John sat on the edge of the bed and looked at his new family. This was the way most temper tantrums the baby threw turned out. John would do his best, fail miserably, and then Rose would swoop in to save the day, easing the baby into peaceful rest.
Rose noticed John's frown.
"Oh don't be like that, hun." She said, reaching to place her free hand on his knee. "Children are known to be more attatached to the mother as opposed to the father. She did come out of me, after all."
"Mhmm." John agreed, although he couldn't shake the feeling like he was still doing something wrong. He stared hard at the snoozing baby, thinking hard about… something, some ineffable feeling that he couldn't quite explain.
Not for the first time, John wished that things could be easy, simple, and straightforward. Instead of whatever the hell this shit was. With a heavy feeling in his chest, John moved up the bed to join Rose once more. With the baby still in her arms, the witch lay with John once more and together, the family drifted off to sleep.
For like two hours.
"Wake up, lovebirds!" Jade sang as she burst through the door shortly after first light. "Everyone's up and ready, and that Dragon Mistress isn't going to slay herself! Haha!"
"Fuh. Give us a few minutes." Grumbled Rose. She looked down to see that no-name was still asleep in the crook of her elbow. They'd have to see how long they could keep her that way. Elbowing John awake as lovingly as possible, Rose set about starting the day. "We'll meet you downstairs, Jade. Make sure that all of our supplies are packed and ready to go."
"Aye, aye, captain!" Giggled Jade as she disappeared once more.
Moaning and cursing, like your average older couple, John and Rose prepared for what would hopefully their final and greatest adventure. Slipping into her dress, lacing up her boots, and fastening her robes under her chin once more, Rose examined herself in the mirror hung on the wall. She wasn't much heavier than before the pregnancy, some would say that she was in peak form once more. However, some people would also be fucking fibbers.=. To say that she didn't have a bit more padding would be a flat out lie.
She didn't have time to piss about with her physical appearance though. As long as she could point a wand and cast a spell, then she was fine in her book.
John had just finished buckling his pants when Rose threw a harness-looking device in his direction.
"What's this?" He asked, examining the bizarre contraption.
"It's a baby sling." Explained Rose. Lifting no-name from the crib once more, Rose carried her to John and then fitted her to his chest using the sling. "There. Now you can keep an eye on her while the rest of us fight in this awesome battle."
John looked down at the baby now attatached to him and the baby met his gaze. Almost immediately, no-name began to cry softly.
"Damn. I dunno if I can do this…" John blurted. "Rose. This baby doesn't like me."
"Sure she does. You just need to spend more time together." Rose stood on her tiptoes to give John a quick kiss on the cheek. As she did, she gave the straps of the harness a quick check. "This will help. Now come on. Let's get downstairs."
After quickly reconvening down in the main hall of the inn, our party, now much larger than before, set out on the dusty trail once more. Rose led the large group through the streets of Martindale and out into the wilderness. The northern mountains towered ahead, looming monuments to the Dragon Mistress's supposedly unstoppable power.
"I'd like to come back to Martindale one day." Admitted Jade as the group walked across a grassy plain. "There's no mayor to boss everyone around, people just sort of do their own thing, also everyone is really nice!"
"Maybe you could be the new mayor, Jade." Offered Davesprite. He bumped the Weredog with his ghost elbow. "Or maybe you could just marry Martindale since you love it so much."
"I would if I could!" She shot him a stiff middle finger. "Or maybe I could just kiss it and turn it into a human since, you know, true love's kiss and all."
"Daaaaaaammmmmn." Said Dirk with a smirk. "Do you want a healing spell for that burn, bro?"
"That wasn't even a good burn." Davesprite snapped. "And Jade, don't bring up personal topics in public. Can't you tell that this is not the time nor place for this? My bro is standing right here for fuck's sake."
"So? Let him hear it. Let the whole world hear it!" Jade folded her arms. "It's not like everyone doesn't already know that you're a huge pansy."
"Double Daaaaaaammmmmn."
"Shut up, Dirk. You don't get to weigh in on this topic. Also, John, man," Davesprite wheeled on his friend next. "Can you get no-name to give it a rest? I dunno if I can handle her crying like that all the way to the fucking mountains."
"I'm trying!" John bounced his child gently. "I'm telling you guys. I'm doing the best I can. She just isn't happy."
"Is she hungry?" Janesprite floated into the conversation. "When's the last time you fed her?"
"Just this morning."
"Did she pee her little baby pants?"
"Nope."
"Well, how about you let me see her?" Janesprite reached forward and plucked no-name out of John's harness. Immediately, the baby fell silent. "Huh. Well, will you look at that?"
As Janesprite delicately clutched the docile no-name in her ghost arms, John felt that heavy feeling in his gut again. He suspicions were starting to look more and more likely each second and he did not like it. Davesprite wasn't helping much either:
"Oh shit, Ebert." Davesprite gasped. "I think your kid hates you."
"She most certainly does not! She loves him just like any other kid would." Jade instantaneously leapt to John's defense. "Don't go saying things like that Davesprite. It's incredibly rude."
"I just call it as I see it. Don't make me out to be the bad guy."
"Well you won't let me make out with you any other way. Or wait- that came out wrong."
"Christ, Jade. Why can't you just leave well enough alone?"
"That was an accident!"
As they squabbled, John continued to stare at his child, being carried by Janesprite. He had to agree partially with Davesprite. His ghostly friend was on the right track, just looking in the wrong direction. It was then, as the group walked through the breeze-ridden grass, that John truly recognized the extent of his curse.
He did not love his own child.
And the baby could feel his indifference in the way he held her, in the way he spoke to her, as he looked into her tiny, violet eyes. That heavy feeling in John's gut finally hit home with a solid thunk and nearly brought tears to his eyes. He was totally fucked thanks to Yahtzee, the evil woodland witch.
He was doomed to be a shitty father from the start.
"John, are you okay?" Janesprite asked. "You look like you've just seen an entire ghost orgy."
"I – uh, I'm fine." John lied. He had to think quickly. "Listen, Janesprite. Do you think that you could watch no-name for me? At least for a little while? I want to have Rose's back when we get to the labyrinth and I don't want to put my child, that I love so very much with every fiber of my being, in harm's way."
"Sure! No problem." Happy to be of help, Janesprite nuzzled the cooing baby lovingly. "This is the perfect opportunity for this little gal to spend some quality time with her favorite aunty Janesprite. Isn't that right, little no-name? Awww. You're so cute."
Janesprite's doting made John's stomach churn, somehow more than it already was. He knew, looking ahead towards the marching Rose, that he should tell his girlfriend what he'd discovered. It was the right thing to do, the smart thing to do. You'd have thought that he'd have learned by then that being honest was the best way to go.
However, John was very nervous, and very frightened, and very sad. With each step, the northern mountains drew closer and closer, bringing with them Rose's ultimate destiny. In John's mind, he couldn't ruin this for Rose, not yet. More than anything else, this curse was his problem and he would have to deal with it on his own.
If he no longer had love to give, then that was fine. Just as long as everyone else was happy.
Call it what you want, but John made the selfish decision then and there to hide his true feelings for the foreseeable future, so as to keep the peace. He would care for his daughter whether they loved each other or not, because he loved Rose and because that was the right thing to do.
He just wished things didn't have to be so fucking complicated.
Blissfully ignorant of John's inner turmoil, Rose led the large group to the base of the northern mountain range. They were impressive mountains, towering miles above our heroes' heads and threatening to scrape the sky with their snowy peaks. Directly ahead, carved into the base of an enormous rocky wall, was an ancient archway, much like the entrance to Virgo's Keep (the lair of the Vampire Queen).
The arch was lined with intricate and badass designs: dragons riding motorcycles, taking rips off of bongs shaped like shotguns, having sex in the bathroom stall of an airplane, you fucking name it. One needed only to look at these mystical pictograms to know that the Mistress of GD Dragons resided somewhere within this mountain.
Rose drew her wands.
"This is it, my friends." She spoke to the group. "The entrance to the dragon labyrinth of champions. If we're going to make it through in one piece and reach the Dragon Mistress, then we're going to have to work together. Stay in formation, don't wander off, and most importantly: never look back." Rose motioned for her friends to follow. "Come on. Let's make this happen."
One by one, the group descended into darkness, leaving behind the comforting light of day. Rose led the way, of course, using a flashlight spell to light the way ahead. The tunnel twisted and turned, loop de looped, and figure-eighted, all in an attempt to discombobulate the heroes. Not only that, but the tempture steadily declined the further they traveled. Everyone shivered with the chill, save for little no-name, who was swathed in toasty blankets in Janesprite's arms.
"Fuck my ass, it's cold as hell down here." Gasped Roxy, her breath coming out in icy bursts. "You'd think that out of everyone, dragons would keep a few fires lying around, right?"
"The dragons do not live down here." Rose responded. "This is merely a gauntlet used to dissuade interlopers such as us. Come on. We should be nearing the innermost sanctum soon."
As they continued onward, they passed numerous side-passages and steel doors, all of which they ignored, despite the curiosity urging them to explore. Carved into the stone walls were more pictures and short, messy scrawls. One simply reading: "Freddy Kruger is here" caught Jade's attention and sent more shivers down her spine.
"How do you know where to go exactly?" Asked Davesprite after they passed yet another auxiliary corridor.
"Wizard GPS." Explained Rose simply, pausing to show Davesprite the new app she installed on her wands. "It's surprisingly useful, considering that these tunnels are centuries old. Here, I think we've just entered the inner sanctum now."
Sure enough, the tunnel opened up into a cavernous room, whose ceiling and walls were shrouded in shadow. The group came to a halt in the very center of the hollow mountain and Rose lifted her wands above her head, trying to see beyond their glow to where they should head next.
"There's supposed to be some kind of staircase here." She explained. "One that will lead us up through the mountain and to the Dragon Mistress's tower. Does anyone see anything?"
"No staircases." Reported Jade. "At least not from what I can see. Although there are some neat-looking stalagmites."
"No kidding!" Roxy pointed to one. "That stalagmite looks like Lou Reed."
"Ha! It really does!" Suddenly, in the darkness, a low scuttling sound could be heard across the rock floor. Jade let out a shrill shriek and leapt behind Rose. "Shit! That fucking sounded like Freddy."
Double suddenly, flames erupted from the edges of our heroes' vision, lighting up the entirety of the massive cavern in one mighty blast. Rose noticed several things at once. Firstly, that stalagmite totally did look like Lou Reed, rest his soul. Secondly, there was a spiral staircase built into the walls of the cavern leading upwards. And thirdly, the whole group was now surrounded by well over two hundred Dragon Knights.
"Greeting's Rose Lalonde." Hissed one Dragon Knight, probably the leader. He was larger than his counterpart, with bright red scales and a large broadsword. "You've come a long way, but I'm afraid that it was all in vain. You will never reach the Dragon Mistress!"
"Like hell I won't!" Rose twirled her wands as all of her friends readied their weapons. "I'll give you all one chance to leave with your lives, Dragon Knights."
"One chance?" Questioned a second Dragon Knight. "Is that like… what chance for all two hundred of us? Or just one chance for the whole lot?"
"One chance for all of you, dumbass."
"That's not fair! What If I change my mind?!"
"Shut up, Rick!" The lead Dragon Knight slapped his concerned friend on the back of the head, silencing him, and then pointed forward with his sword at Rose. "Come on, boys and gals! Let's slay these interlopers!"
The dark cavern, which had once been spooky and silent was now alight with all the sights and sounds of a fierce battle. Dragon Knights descended upon our group, breathing fire, shooting arrows, and swinging powerful swords and axes. Rose's team responded in kind, meeting the Dragon Mistress's minions with their own attacks. The Corpse Maiden ordered her Beemen army into battle and almost all of them were instantly wrecked. Bees plus fire-breathing dragons, equals a lot of dead fucking bees.
It was a frenzy of blood, guts, and magic.
Dirk and his sailor-ninja-knights were an effect fighting group, of course, having spent years pillaging on the high seas. They got together and used their signature fighting formation, which combined line-dancing with sword play, to kill dozens of Dragon Knights.
Chazz Limplewickle and the other wizards from the Wizard Harvard Community College cast spells and summoned familiars to aid them in the battle. One wizard cast an untamed lion familiar, which proved to be huge mistake when the lion turned and ate one of the Owl Knights.
"Come on! We have to push for the staircase!" Shouted Rose as she literally blasted a Dragon Knight into the next century with a time travel spell.
Grandpa Jake, mayor of Wooftown, heard Rose's commands and led his troop of loyal Weredogs towards the staircase, cleaving an effective path through the army of Dragon Knights and allowing Rose, John, Davesprite, Jade, Roxy, and Janesprite to rush forward and begin the ascent.
It was slow going, made even worse by the fact that Dragon Knights can totally fly. The dastardly minions buzzed by Rose and the stair-climbing group, throwing rocks or breathing fire or just shouting really, really hurtful things.
"This is for Super Wings!" Screamed one Dragon Knight. She descended from the sky and swung her sword right at John's head.
The hero of Honey Town barely dodged the swipe and then regarded the Dragon Knight with surprise.
"Whoa! Super Wings? Talk about a callback." John said. "I'm sorry about that you husband died all the way back in Honey Town, ma'am. But he waaaas going to kill me."
"You didn't have to kill him though." Spat the furious dragon in response. "He was just following orders!"
"Yeah, but just because someone tells you to do something evil doesn't mean you're excused from the moral repercussions of doing it." John appealed to the dragon knight. "Listen. I don't think that your husband was that bad of a guy. He was actually pretty nice to me for a little bit. However, you have to admit that he got what was coming to him. He did sign up with the Dragon Mistress, after all."
"Silence, creten! You will not lecture me so!" The Dragon Mistress raised her sword again to deal a killing blow. "You will pay for leaving my child fatherless!"
There was a flash of light, then abruptly, the murderous Dragon Knight fell dead on the stairs at John's feet.
"Parentless." Corrected Rose as she blew smoke off the ends of her wands.
Talk about a cold hearted bitch, amirite? Anyways, after that horrifying display, Rose and the rest of the group ascended the stairs, fighting off more Dragon Knights all the while. Eventually though, they reached the top of the staircase and found that it led to a set of large wooden doors. Etched into the ancient wood was a picture of a dragon giving the viewer a pair of upside-down middle fingers.
"The lair of the Dragon Mistress." Gasped Roxy. "Rose, you made it!"
"Not yet, you haven't!" Called a fiendish voice.
Everyone turned to see that the leader of the Dragon Knights was bearing down upon them. Before anyone could react, the leader of the Dragon Knights fired a powerful bust of flame from his jaws that flew overhead, luckily missed everyone, but unluckily struck the roof of the cave. Rocks began to rain down on the group as the ceiling started to crumble.
"Through the doors!" Shouted Rose as she fired spells blindly towards where the leader of the Dragon Knights once was. "Come on!"
Jade rushed forward and shoved through the doorway, followed closely by Davesprite, John, and Rose. Roxy and Janesprite tried to follow by found their path quickly blocked by falling debris. The entire archway above the doors collapsed, splitting the group effectively in two and trapping Rose, John, Davesprite, and Jade on the other side of the doors.
"Janesprite!" Rose called through the rubble. "Is no-name alright? Are you hurt?"
"Everyone's fine over here!" Called back Janesprite. "This little gal is even still asleep. Haha! I think you hit that Dragon Knight with a spell, Rose. Good work."
"Good." Rose turned from the rubble to her friends, who were trapped here with her, then she looked further into the cave. A set of steps led upwards, through the mountain's peak into the Dragon Mistress's tower. "Go help the others and then come back to clear this rubble." Commanded Rose to Janesprite. The witch twirled her wands once more. "We're going to end this."
When Dave finished the night's tale it was to find Rosie thoroughly disappointed.
"You're just going to end it right there?!" Gasped the young girl. "Daddy, that's no place to stop! How in Skaia's name am I going to sleep tonight with that cliffhanger over my head?"
"What are you talking about cliffhanger?" Responded Dave incoherently. He was incredibly tired after a long day's work. "That's the end, baby girl. Good night."
Dave rose from his chair and made to leave, but his daughter called him back.
"What do you mean that's the end? You're going to finish the story tomorrow, right?"
"Rosie…" Dave sighed and turned back. "I think I've had enough of this. These last few nights it's been getting harder and harder to get through these tales and… I don't think the end is all that worth telling. If you wanted to know what happened then: Rose beat the Dragon Mistress."
"That's it?" Rosie was flabbergasted. "You're going to spend hours upon hours telling me useless shit about musicals and crappy parties, but you aren't going to tell me anything about the final showdown? What about all these characters I've grown to know and love? Dad, you have to finish!"
"I don't know if I can." Dave leaned against the wall. His wife's misgivings about the tale were starting to make more sense to him now the further he got into the story. Now, with the end all but nigh, he would be forced to relive the ends events over again. "Rosie, I know I make this look easy, but telling stories is hard. Why don't we switch this up a bit and read something else tomorrow? How about that new Marry Totter book?"
"Ugh. Not a chance." Rosie pleaded with her dad. "Pwwwweeeease?! I really want- No- I need to know what happens. Leaving this story unfinished is cruel and unusual punishment."
Rubbing his eyes under his shades, Dave made a snap decision. As wary of a guy he was, he could not resist his daughter's wishes. Not only that, but... there were some things that she deserved to know.
"I'll think about it." Dave promised as he stepped outside and shut the door.
The final two chapters, "The Dragon Mistress of the North" plus an Epilogue, should be posted this Friday. So be on the lookout for that if you're interested.
Thanks for reading.
- Mike