Chapter Twenty- Four: The Dragon Mistress of the North
Thanks to justifyingReality413, HomestuckWhovianNightFury, and a guest for reviewing.
On a Moonsday night, just like every other night, the whole Strider family sat down for a family dinner. Jade had prepared a glorious meal from her garden, succulent squash, tubular tomatoes, and even bodacious broccoli was spread all across the table. Dave, Rosie, and even Roxy the Werecat were in attendance, all to share in the merry-making tradition of home-cooked, love-ridden meals.
"Rosie is really coming along in her lessons." Said Roxy happily, as she munched on some delicious tuna fish crackers. She had brought her own meal, not out of disrespect to Jade's hard work, but simply because as a Werecat Roxy was adverse to eating veggies. "Today we were practicing bullet spells outside Mr. McGuffin's farm. She's almost got it down!"
"Bullet spells?" Questioned Jade. "Isn't that a little… advanced?"
"Dangerous too." Added Roxy. "But I'm telling you, Rosie is a natural. One hundred percent pure badass witch over here. I'm talking unadulterated magic bomb dot com."
Jade and Dave exchanged a quick glance as Roxy chattered on. They had always known that Rosie was cut out for witchcraft. Anyone with an eighth of a quarter of a half of a brain could see that. Without the imaginary chains of rigid schooling though, her powers were accelerating in magnitude at an alarming rate.
The little girl in question was digging into her meal, happier than she had ever been before with her new educational arrangements. She beamed under her teacher's praiseful words and was quick to jump into the discussion when she could.
"I think I'm pretty much ready for my own wand!" She said, turning to her father. "What do you think, Daddy? Could I get my very own wand?"
"Eh, maybe." Dave carefully wiped his mouth with his napkin. "Wands are expensive, you know, especially good ones. You have to be very careful with them. Maybe next year on your birthday."
"Awwww. Okay." Rosie sank back into her chair and, quite subconsciously, let out a long yawn.
"Oh. Looks like someone's all tuckered out." Jade nodded to her daughter. "Why don't you get ready for bed, Rosie? You've had a long day."
"But I'm not tired!"
"Yes you are. Now get going. I'll be there soon to tuck you in."
Rosie slouched out of her chair and made to leave, but not without turning back one more time.
"Can dad tuck me in?" She asked, shooting her father a knowing glance.
Dave swallowed. He knew what she wanted, a conclusion to the tale of the greatest witch ever. He'd done a moderate job to avoid dishing the goods so far, skipping a few night's stories to buy himself some time. However, now he was out of excuses. The more he denied his daughter, the more anxious she became. Was tonight really the night?
"Well that's up to him, isn't it?" Answered Jade. She turned to her husband. "Do you mind?"
"Er, not at all." Dave dragged a swift hand through his hair. "I'll be there in a second."
"Rock n' roll, good times!" Sang Rosie, as she turned on her heel and raced to her room.
Both Roxy and Jade smiled after her, finding her excitement endearing, whilst Dave looked sadly at his plate. The man had dug himself into an inescapable hole, one whose treacherous depths were now closer than ever. If he went through with his tale tonight then his daughter's life would probably be changed forever, for the better or worse still stood to be decided.
However, his daughter was old enough, he reasoned. If he held off any longer, then the outcome might not be as favorable as one might hope. Matters such as this were best dealt with quickly in his mind.
You just gotta rip that shit off, like a wizard band-aid.
Rising from his chair, and promising to meet Jade and Roxy in the living room for coffee later, Dave made his way down the hall to his daughter's room. Rosie was already in bed, with her desk chair pushed into its customary position by her bedside, waiting for him to take a seat.
"Yall ready for this?" Asked Dave, in his best Space Jam voice as he shut the door behind him.
"More than anything in the world!" Responded Rosie, with barely-suppressed excitement. "Lay it on me, pops. Let's finish this shit!"
"Alright." Shaking his head, Dave took his seat. After pausing for a moment to rub at his eyes and jog his memory, he began once more: "So, anyways, the ceiling had collapsed and now Rose, John, Davesprite, and Jade were trapped on the other side, with no path other than the one directly ahead. With resolve like steel, Rose led the way up the stone steps and into the Dragon Mistress's tower…"
"I think I read somewhere that dragon meat is the most tender meat in all the land." Said Jade with a watering mouth. "I hope we get the chance to roast some of these assholes before we head out on the next quest."
"The next quest?" Questioned John. He chuckled. "I dunno, Jade. After this one, I think we might be all quested-out."
"What?" Jade turned to Rose quickly. "You guys can't be done! I mean, yeah, you have a little bitty kid now and everything, but she'll probably be game for most any quest you guys decide to take!"
"Of course she'd be game. She's a baby. She doesn't understand the concept of most things yet." Rose rolled her eyes, but with only half of her usual snark. "And I'm afraid John might be right on this one, Jade. After I slay the Dragon Mistress of the North, my questing days may have reached their denouement." With a small smile, the witch looked to her partner. "Who knows? Perhaps starting a family will be my ultimate quest in of itself."
"Laaaammmme." Jeered Davesprite, as the group reached the top of the stairs. "You're too great of a witch to give up questing. I'll believe you're finished when Jade decides to grow a garden and eat vegetables."
"Ha! Good one, Dave." Giggled Jade. "That will never happen."
And she was right, all the way up until she decided to grow a garden and eat vegetables. Something about motherhood convinced Jade to take better care of herself, more veggies, less red meat, maybe lemonade instead of mead, all that jazz. Not to say that the lovely Weredog wouldn't indulge in a seventy-two ounce ox steak every whence and then.
At the top of the stairs, Rose and the others found themselves in an elegant corridor of pure marble. The walls and ceiling were decorated with many scorch marks and scratches, lending yet more proof that this place was nothing if not bursting at the seams with numerous dragons. Carefully, with the skill of a well-practiced team, our heroes made their way down the corridor towards a shimmering light across the way.
"Do you mean it?" John whispered to Rose as they crept. "Are you really willing to give up all the danger and glory of adventure for… well, for me?"
"You and our daughter." Rose corrected. She turned her head slightly set her gaze on John. "And I meant every word. All my life I've been searching for my true calling, and no, I'm not saying that I'll be your little housewife, Egbert. Far from it. But I do truly believe that I belong with you and no-name. I've never been so sure of anything before."
"Th- That's good to hear." John didn't know what to say to that, other than: "I love you, Rose."
"I love you too."
A sitcom-esque 'awwwwwww' filled the air at that and no one's heart strings were not pulled.
At the end of the corridor was the source of the mysterious, shimmering light. It was a beautiful door composed out of dark stone, like obsidian or something equally magical-looking. Set into the door was a perfectly round orb of crystal, which glowed with ethereal light and was surrounded by a trio of small keyholes.
From her satchel, Rose produced the Three Keys of Fate. One by one, she inserted the Bronze, Silver, and Gold key into their respective housings and gave each a quick twist. With a dull thunk the light of the crystal orb went out and the doors swung open.
Stepping inside, they found themselves in the blinding light of a large dome. Beyond the curved crystal which comprised the structure, was open sky and swirling snow, supervised by the watchful Skaian sun. They had reached the very top of the mountain and the Dragon Mistress's tower to find her domain and, for a moment, they were struck dumb by it's spectacular beauty.
Until…
"Hey! What the fuck are you guys doing up here?" Demanded a firm voice.
Rose looked towards the center of the throne room to find, of all the crazy things, a throne. It was composed out of crystal, just like the rest of the tower, and dominated by none other than the Dragon Mistress herself. She was a pretty lady, no doubt about it, garbed in bright red robes and wearing a pair of red-tinted spectacles on the end of her pointed nose. Atop her head, amidst a swath of dark hair and two sharp horns, sat a crown of jewel-encrusted dragon bone and in her hand was a fancy-looking cane, also built from dragon bone.
The frightening Dragon Mistress rose from her throne and spoke again:
"Huuulllllooo? I'm talking to you, assholes. You guys can't be up here. This is my private lair, if you haven't noticed that already."
"Speak not, foul mage!" Barked Rose. "I have traveled long and far to reach you here. I have killed the Crab King of the East, slayed the Vampire Queen of the West, and sorta-kinda bested the Bee Lord of the South! Now, it's your turn. The darkness of your oppression will no longer taint this land!"
"Well, well, well." The Dragon Mistress clapped slowly, sarcastically. "How noble of you, Rose Lalonde. Fore it is you, of course, that stands before me. Why do you care so much for my blood? So what if I command an army of dragons and crush all those who oppose me? I don't burn down the Emerald City or pillage the Fuchsia Kingdom. I mind my own damn business up here. Is there really a need for any of this?"
"Indeed there is." Rose stepped forward, wands clenched tight in her fists. "Fore while you allow the major cities of my homeland to stand in fear, you pay no mind to the tiny towns and villages that suffer under your whim. Was it not you, who sent Dragon Knights to kill me and destroy the town of Honey?"
"Well, yeah, but that's only because you were getting a little too big-headed, weren't you?" The Dragon Mistress stepped down from her throne to face Rose, clacking her cane against the hard ground as she walked. "Gallivanting all over the place, winning wizard duels left and right, raiding my abandoned dungeons which I leave abandoned to create an overall mood and effect to this fantasy land, again and again and enough already!" The evil mage rubbed at her temple. "I couldn't stand it anymore, someone had to knock you down a few pegs."
"Well you made a grave mistake, Dragon Mistress." Rose drew herself to her full height, an impressive four feet, ten inches. "I challenge thee to a Duel of Wizardly Strife!"
"I agree on these terms." The Dragon Mistress counted on her fingers. "No familiars, no deus ex machina spells, no krumping spells, and…" She paused for dramatic effect. "LOSER GETS BANISHED TO THE SHADOW REALM! HEHEHEHEHE!"
Rose, Jade, and Davesprite all gasped with horror, whilst John just stood there and looked confused.
"What's the Shadow Realm?" He asked, leaning close to Davesprite.
"What do you think, asshat? It's a realm composed entirely out of pure shadow, where poor souls go to live out the rest of eternity in everlasting suffering." The sprite rolled his eyes. "Christ, Egderp. Would it hurt you to pick up a book every whence and then? Shit."
Rose quickly thought over these terms, as they were pretty dire. She could deal without her familiars backing her up, deus machina and krumping spells were kind of cheap shots too, but this whole shadow realm business…. It gave her pause.
There hadn't been a duel of wizardly strife under such terms in centuries, not since Wizstock in the year sixty-nine
You know what Wizstock is. There's no need to explain it.
"I agree to these terms." Said Rose finally. She didn't have much of a choice in the matter anyways. The second she challenged the Dragon Mistress, she was bound to duel. All she had to do, for her family's sake as well as her's, was not lose. Then everything would be A-OK.
"Very well then." The Dragon Mistress began doing high kicks. "Just let me warm up a bit, do some stretches, dust off the old cane sword..." Suddenly she leapt at Rose, drawing her hidden cane sword in one smooth motion. "AND LAUNCH A SURPRISE SNEAK ATTACK! HEHEHEHE!"
Rose gasped as she dodged the swift attack. The Dragon Mistress truly was the most crafty and dangerous of all of her foes. John, Davesprite, and Jade backed away towards the wall of the crystal dome as the two sorceresses began to duel, a dizzying display of sword play and wand work.
Rose attempted to cast an ironskin spell on herself, to protect her from damage, but the Dragon Mistress intervened with a kick to the ribs before the hex could be completed.
"Dammit!" Cursed Rose, clutching at her abdomen. "I can only cast that spell every thirty minutes!"
"Don't cool-downs suck?" Snarled the Dragon Mistress, as she advanced once more.
"They do. Almost as much as being stomped in the gut three or so odd weeks after giving birth!"
The Mistress of Dragons halted her attack momentarily.
"Whoa. You were preggers?"
"Yes!"
"And after popping out the kid, you still came to fight me?"
"Of course."
"What the hell is wrong with you?" The Dragon Mistress was stunned. "You didn't- you didn't bring the baby here with you, right?"
"So what if I did?"
"Who does that!? It's a child! You can't take it with you into a dungeon!"
"Don't lecture me!" Barked Rose and she leapt into battle once more.
As the two powerful magicians dueled, the rest of our band of heroes stood off to the side and fretted nervously (John), resisted joining the fray (Jade), and checked their wizard emails (Davesprite).
"Holy shit. How do hell do I unsubscribe to this newsletter. I swear I get like five wizard emails a day from these assholes." Grumbled Davesprite as he tapped at his moonstone.
"How can you do that at a time like this?" Grey hair was sprouting like weeds on John's head as he watched the duel. "This is Rose's ultimate battle. We traveled soooooooo far to see this and…" He watched as Rose back flipped over a fire spell. "Oh gods that was close."
"Don't worry, John." Assured Jade. She had been watching the battle closely thus far and calculated that Rose stood a fifty-four percent chance of winning. "Rose can handle her own. See!"
She pointed and both John and Davesprite looked to see Rose perform a spectacular move. The witch ducked under a swipe from the Dragon Mistress and jabbed at the villain's wrist with one of her wands. The sword flew from the evil mage's hand and she was disarmed! However, Rose wasn't done yet. She twirled and fired a spell directly into the Dragon Mistress's stupid face.
"OH GOD MY EYES!" Shrieked the Dragon Mistress as she fell to her knees. Her hands scrabbled at her face and peeled off her glasses to reveal that the eyes beneath were now stained blood-red. "I can't see! I can't see!"
"No shit, dumbass. I hit you with a blind-spell." Rose raised her wands to strike a killing blow. "Any last words, you filthy mage?"
The Dragon Mistress looked up at Rose, albeit a little off to the side, as she was now blind. Anyways, a wide grin split her face, displaying numerous sharp teeth.
"Just one." She growled and then a swath of red smoke engulfed her. Magical lightening crackled, sparks flew, and if you listened closely you could almost hear the riff to 'Smoke on the Water' play in the background. When the smoke disappeared it was revealed that THE DRAGON MISTRESS HAD TRANSFORMED INTO A REAL MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON!
"Get fucked!" Roared the Dragon Mistress, not fully realizing that she'd actually said two words instead of one. I'll give her a pass on that though, as she was now a fucking dragon.
"Oh my dragon rings." Breathed Rose. "I d- won't believe it!"
"Believe it, bitch." Then the Dragon Mistress breathed a plume of scorching hot fire directly at Rose.
The poor witch would have been easily incinerated, were it not for the flash of dark fur that tackled her out of the way.
Yeah, motherfuckers, you guessed it. Jade the booty-popping Weredog charged forward and saved Rose from certain death, not a moment too soon either. The two girls slid across the floor, carried by Jade's momentum, and out of harm's way.
The Dragon Mistress, still blinded, turned on the spot and searched for her quarry.
"You can't run from me, Rose Lalonde! I can still smell your fear! Also the type of wizard shampoo you use, that too."
Disentangling herself from Jade, Rose bounced quickly to her feet. She needed to think fast. After blinding the Dragon Mistress, she'd all but assured victory for herself, although her foe's sudden transformation had swept the metaphorical victory rug right out from under her feet before success could be claimed. The wizard strife had been decided and nullified in the span of about ten seconds. Were the magical laws tied to the terms still in place? Or were they starting from a clean slate?
Rose had no idea, as she had never been in a situation like this before. One thing she did know though, was that defeating this Dragon Mistress would take more than her brute magical strength.
It required teamwork.
"Davesprite!" She yelled, getting her familiar's attention. "Run a distraction!"
"Finally. I get something to do." Pocketing his moonstone, Davesprite took to the skies and flew towards the Dragon Mistress's large, sort of sexy, blind, smoking dragon head. "Hey there, dragon bitch! Come and get me. I'm a delicious sprite with just the juiciest, tastiest little sprite innards."
"Hmmmmmm. I dunno." The Dragon Mistress mused. "This seems a whole lot like a distraction to me…"
"No! It totally isn't. I swear on my mouth-watering sprite bones that this one hundred percent genuine."
"Well, alright then. You better run, sprite-boy! Here I come!"
As the Dragon Mistress chased Davesprite around the tower's domed peak, Rose consulted with John and Jade.
"Here's what I'm thinking." Rose outlined her plan quickly. "The Dragon Mistress's new scaly armor is much too tough for most of my spells to penetrate it. We have to create a weak spot before I can deal the killing blow." She turned to John. "That's when you come in. I need you to sneak up to her and strike her with your hammer. Just under the rib cage should be nice. From there I could get a clean shot right into her heart."
John swallowed hard.
"You expect me to run over there and hit her with my hammer? Rose, that doesn't seem safe at all, let alone effective." He turned to Jade. "Why don't you hit her with your Weredog claws? That might do the trick."
"No." Answered Rose before Jade could speak. "It has to be you, John. You can do this. I know you can." As John scrambled to think of a coherent response, one that would swiftly and accurately convince Rose otherwise, the witch took his hammer from his belt and tapped it repeatedly with her wand. The weapon glowed for a second before turning back to normal. "There, that should help. I placed a temporary enchantment on your hammer. It should last long enough for you to put a dent in her hide."
"R-Rose." John was trembling with fear as she shoved the hammer into his arms. "What if this doesn't work?"
"It will." Seizing her boyfriend/fiancé/love interest by the front of his shirt, Rose pressed her lips passionately to his. Oh, how John would have liked to had stayed there, meshed with Rose, as Weredog Jade stood awkwardly nearby, and as Davesprite dueled the dragon, for the rest of eternity. However, there was work to be done and little time to be smooching. Rose pulled away again. "I trust you, John, and I love you."
"I- I love you too." He responded. He could feel warmth from her kiss beginning to flow into his veins.
"Good." Rose turned him towards the monstrous Dragon Mistress and gave him a slap on the ass. "Now go get 'em, tiger."
"Right. Got it." John steeled himself. It was time to be the hero he always sort of aspired to be, in a mildly interested, half-assed sort of way. The fiery strength bestowed upon him by Rose's final kiss urged him to dash forward, towards the mighty evil mage.
Davesprite was buzzing around the ceiling of the dome like a trapped fly as the Dragon Mistress reached up for him with her dragon hands. The dome was much too small for her to spread her massive wings and she couldn't quite reach Davesprite from the floor, so overall she was beginning to get vaguely frustrated.
"Dammit, sprite! Get down here! I promise that I won't eat you!" The Dragon Mistress pleaded. "I just… wanna talk. You know? Get to know each other!"
Unbeknownst to her, John dashed betwixt her large dragon feet and ran up right to her large dragon belly. The red scales gleamed at him with supposed impenetrability. Raising his hammer above his head, John gritted his teeth, focused all of his power, and prayed that Rose was right about this. Then, with a mighty yell, he struck.
"AH! SONOVABITCH!" Cried the Dragon Mistress. She twisted and looked down to find none other than John Egbert beneath her. He had succeeded in smacking one of her scales free and now held the red plate inconspicuously in his hands. "Are you joshing me right now?!" The evil mage demanded furiously. "That's it! EAT SHIT, INTERLOPER!"
She swiped at John with her claw and he quickly blocked the attack with her own scale. However, he was still sent him flipping through the air like a poorly-made paper airplane that you try to throw, but just ends up flopping around feebly until it lands in a trashcan or something. That's basically what John did, albeit when he connected with the wall of the crystal dome, it was with a sharp crack that caused everyone in the vicinity to wince horribly.
"John!" Rose cried, watching her lover slump the ground. She tried to run to his side, but Jade caught her by the arm.
"Rose!" She shook the witch. "We need to finish this!"
"I- He… You're right." Rose narrowed her eyes and set her sights on the Dragon Mistress, more importantly, the unguarded portion of her belly. Twirling her wands, Rose gave a final command. "Jade… You. Me. Fastball special."
"Coming right up!"
Then Jade grabbed Rose by the robes, lifted the smaller woman off of her feet, and then spun around three times. On the third turn, Jade released Rose and hurled her through the air like a human-javelin, which is essentially what she was. Rose aimed her wands as she flew. She'd only get one shot at this.
The Dragon Mistress's eyes widened comically as Rose sailed towards her. This was honestly one of the last things she ever expected to happen. In a split-second, the evil mage put together the pieces of Rose's plan. It was too late for her to shield herself from the powerful blast of magic that Rose fired at her exposed belly, but maybe it wasn't too late to do a little damage of her own…
She swiped at Rose with her tail, just as Rose's spell connected with the chink in her dragon armor. The magical bolt flew straight and true, through the Dragon Mistress and up into her heart, just as Rose was swatted out of the air like a pesky mosquito by the Dragon Mistress's powerful tail.
The two sorceresses fell as one.
Rose slammed into the ground in a crumpled heap and slid over next to John, while Dragon Mistress of the North tumbled onto her side. Her large dragon body disintegrated before Davesprite and Jade's eyes and black, evil spirits floated up from her corpse to drift through the ceiling and out of sight, going who the fuck knows where.
Finally, the last of the Four Evil Mages of Skaia had been slain.
But at what cost?
Davesprite and Jade floated/ran to their friends as quickly as they could and descended upon them.
"I'm fine." John croaked feebly, as Davesprite shook him gently. "I just think my arm is broken. Ch- Check on Rose. Is she…"
Jade inspected the greatest witch ever. Her head had been split open upon contact with the ground and gross magic blood was leaking all over the place. However, upon closer inspection, Jade found that the witch was still breathing barely.
"She's alive, John." Scooping her friend into her arms, Jade set her sights on the large doors. "I'm taking her to Janesprite right now. Dave, you have to help John up, okay?"
"Got it." Responded the sprite as Jade quickly dashed from the tower.
She was the fastest and strongest out of the group, so it made sense for her to go ahead with the wounded Rose, as they would need to act fast if they were to save her life. Within a minute's time, Jade returned to the collapsed hallway where she and her friends had been separated from the rest of the group. Hope blossomed in her chest when she saw that most of the rocks had been cleared and that Janesprite, Roxy, Dirk, Grandpa Jake, and of course little no-name waited there.
"Jade!" Cheered Grandpa Jake. "How was the final battle? Is that dastardly Dragon Mistress dead? And what of your reward? Did you find any sweet dungeon loot? We found a treasure trove of gold and rubies back there! It's so grand, you've got to see….. Oh shit. What happened to Rose?"
"She was tail-whipped by the Dragon Mistress." Jade explained quickly as she gently lowered Rose to the ground. "Janesprite, you've got to help her!"
Janesprite inspected Rose for herself and a deep frown settled itself on her ghost face when she noticed the gash on the witch's head.
"Oh geez. This looks bad." Janesprite said. "This wound is deep. There might be damage to her brain."
"But you can fix that right?" Asked Jade. She could feel tears welling in her eyes.
"I- I dunno. It will take a lot of healing magic and… she might not be the same afterwards. I'm talking personality changes, memory loss, shifts in sexual orientation. Performing magic on the brain is tricky stuff, Jade."
"You'll try though, right?" Jade pleaded. "If you can save her life… dammit, Janesprite, you have to try!"
With a heavy heart, Janesprite summoned blue sparks of healing magic to her ghost finger tips.
"I'll do my best."
Then Janesprite gently felt around Rose's wound, sending the blue sparks of magic inside to do their work. The sparks rebuilt the damaged portions of Rose's brain, cemented pieces of her head bone back into place, and then knitted the skin of her scalp together once more. A scar across her head would remain, but her headband would hide it well.
Not that that mattered anyways, as all of Jade's worries evaporated once Rose's violet eyes flicked open.
"Rose!" Jade gasped with joy, happy tears leaking from her eyes. "I- oh gods. How are you feeling? Do you know who I am?!"
A few minutes later, Davesprite arrived, hauling a weak John behind him. The Hero of Honey town was in a lot of pain, as it turns out that more than his arm was broken in his nasty fall. He wasn't about to bitch out. There was no time to rest. He needed to see that Rose was okay.
The first thing the two men saw when they finally reached the group was Jade. She was standing in the center of the crowd, her shoulders quaking with uncontrolled sobs.
"Jade?" John stumbled, with Davesprite's help, to her side. "Jade, what's wrong? Where's Rose?"
The Weredog looked to John, quickly wiping her eyes on the back of her hands.
"J- John…" She spluttered. "Rose… Janesprite healed her and… she just started freaking out! She didn't know who any of us were. She attacked us and ran away. She went down the mountain. John… she doesn't remember anything!"
"No." John gasped, confused and frustrated that Jade would pull this kind of prank in a time like this. "That's stupid. That's bullshit. Where is she?"
"She's telling the truth, John." Said Dirk, respectfully regal for once in his life. "Rose took off."
"And you didn't go after her!?" John struggled away from Davesprite and tried to walk, but fell. "Jade- Help me! If we're quick. We can catch her. I just need to talk to her."
Without hesitation, Jade grabbed John and helped him to his feet. The pair descended down through the mountain once more, with Davesprite and the rest of the group at their heels. They went through the labyrinth once more, following Rose's path through the labyrinth, and tracked her all the way out of the mountain and into the northern plains.
However, it was all for naught. The greatest witch ever was never seen again.
There was silence in the bedroom as Dave finished his tale. Rosie sat on the edge of her bed, her blankets and stuffed toys forgotten, as she stared at her father with an open mouth and wide eyes. Dave sat in his chair, eyes heavy, chest tight, and mouth drawn up into a thin line.
"You've got. To be. Fucking. Joshing me." Breathed Rosie. "Th-that's it? That's the story? Rose loses her memory and runs off into Skaia by herself? And no one ever sees her again?"
"Yeah." Said Dave.
"What about everyone else!? What happened next?!"
"The Corpse Maiden, who had helped Rose and her friends through the dragon labyrinth of champions, sent her Beemen minions all over Skaia in search of Rose, but they always came back empty handed or not at all. Eventually the Corpse Maiden just gave up. Grandpa Jake went back to Wooftown with his Weredog pals, but not before building a statue in the northern plains outside of the Dragon Mistress's mountain as a memorial to Rose and her adventures." Dave waved his hand vaguely. He always hated that stupid statue. "Ummm…. Janesprite went back to the Fuchsia Kingdom and became head warlock healer of the infirmary. Dirk and his sailor-pirate-ninjas gave up their pillaging ways and worked to rebuild some of the towns destroyed by the Dragon Mistress's dragon minions. And Chazz Limplewickle and the wizards of Wizard Harvard Community College got together and created the Young Witch's Academy."
"What about Roxy and Uncle John and you and Mom and…" Rosie's eyes widened. "What about the baby?!"
Dave's hands wrestled in his lap as he continued.
"Uh, your mom and I started dating and well… we kissed and did some other stuff (sex) and, as it turns out, she was my one true love and the curse was reversed." Dave motioned to himself. "Obviously. Anyways we settled in Martindale where Chazz was building the Young Witch's Academy. Your mom became town mayor, as you well know, and I opened up the first DJ wizard radio station in all of Skaia."
"And?" Prompted Rosie.
"And well, John went back to Honey Town. He wasn't… in a good place for a long while. Roxy sort of looked after him. I suppose she still liked him a little bit. They dated briefly, a couple years after the Dragon Mistress died. John never got over Rose though, he couldn't, you see? He was incapable of loving anyone else and I think that sort of got to Roxy." Dave cast a glance towards the door, from where Roxy and Jade laughed and chatted in the living room. "She did the smart thing and broke up with him after about a year or so. There was nothing in that relationship for her. I suppose she went out adventuring again, your mom and I didn't see her for many years, until recently…"
"And what about the baby?!" Rosie was practically falling out of her bed at this point. "All the times we've gone to visit Uncle John, he's never mentioned having a kid. Hell, no one has!"
"Well, you see…." Dave wiped a line of sweat off his brow. "J- John couldn't care for the kid, not on his own, not without Rose. He… He had to give her up."
"That's horrible! What happened to her?"
"She, uh… You see, Rosie. You're… uh."
Dave swallowed hard and pressed on:
"You're adopted."
And there it is: the plot twist that you in all reality should have seen coming! The next and final chapter is the epilogue.
Thanks for reading.
- Mike