He's my son
Chapter 7
Dean and John had reluctantly left Sam, a couple of hours after Dr. Luttrell had left. Even Dean couldn't get around their visiting hours though he tried his hardest.
"I'll be back in time for them to start chemo" Dean promised his glum looking brother. "Just remember look on the positive side, this drug is going to help you out in the long run."
"If it don't destroy me first" Sam said sighing, he didn't want his dad or Dean to leave. He didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts and fears
"Hey, don't be afraid" Dean said gently "remember you have an awesome big brother who will always be with you." Sam smirked. Dean would never change and for that he was grateful.
"He's right" John said "tomorrow is just another day."
"I only start the fight for my life" Sam remarked "I know and I'll get through the night I guess, I just don't want to be alone with my thoughts."
"I wouldn't want to be alone with your thoughts either" Dean said jumping back out of reach of his brother's fist.
"I'm not the one with a dirty mind" Sam muttered, staring at his father and brother, as if memorizing their features.
"We're not disappearing" John said "get some sleep and please stop worrying, Dean's going to do enough of that for all of us." Dean shot John a dirty look.
"It's the truth" John stated "You're already motherhenning Sam."
"I guess we better go" Dean said coming closer to the bed only to ruffle Sam's hair. "Remember we'll be back before you even head to chemo."
A few minutes later Sam was left alone, he was supposed to get some sleep to be ready for tomorrow. The only problem was Sam didn't think he would get any sleep tonight, and he most certainly wouldn't be ready. But he was willing to fight his hardest for his family. They were willing to put a hold on hunting so that he could get well, the least he could was fight. It seemed to take hours but Sam eventually fell asleep.
John and Dean were both wearing dark suits and were standing in a cemetery staring down at the marble stone in front of them the inscription read:
Sam Winchester
Loving brother and son
Born: 1983
Died: 1997
Dean had tears in his eyes as he kneeled and his fingers traced the lettering on the stone.
"You said you wouldn't quit fighting, you wouldn't give up. So why are you dead?" Dean's accusing voice called out "why did you break your promise"
John only stared at the ground, feeling bitter; his youngest had died at only fourteen years. He remembered Sam saying he would keep fighting for them, but after less than a year on chemo, the drugs had quit affecting the cancer, and no matter what other drug they had tried. The cancer hadn't responded and they had lost him after only a few months battle.
"You said it wouldn't end this way, why are we here?" John asked quietly "did I not love you enough, was that why you died?"
A few minutes later the two hunters walked away and left the youngest in his final resting place.
Sam shot up out of his bed; tears were streaming down his face. He couldn't believe he had dreamed about that, that he had left his family. Remembering the hurt in their voices made Sam's heart break. He never wanted to hear them sound that way again. He vowed then and there no matter how sick the drugs made him, death would not be how this fight ended.
Sam lay back against the pillow; it was early morning at least. Chemo was going to start in a few hours, he should probably get some more rest but after that nightmare Sam doubted he would be able to get any more sleep. So he settled in to wait for his family to get there.
A few hours later Dean entered Sam's room, to find his little brother staring out at the window and looking like he hadn't slept all night.
"Have trouble sleeping?" Dean asked not liking the dark circles under his brother's eyes.
"Had a nightmare" Sam replied quietly not looking at Dean afraid for his brother to see the fear in him. Dean felt his brother's fear and walked over and sat on the bed.
"I know you're scared" he said softly "But me and Dad are here, there's nothing to fear as long as you have us."
"I guess your right" Sam said unable to get the way Dean looked in his dream out of his mind.
John walked in a few minutes later, carrying some more magazines. He took in Sam's pale face and dark circles under his eyes.
"I don't know who got less sleep" John said "you or Dean" Dean rolled his eyes.
"I slept just fine."
"After staying up well past 12" John said "worrying about Sammy and how he was sleeping."
"Looks like I had reason enough to worry" Dean replied as the door opened again and a doctor came in pushing a gurney.
"Ready to go Sam?" Andrea asked wishing she didn't have to put the kid through this nightmare.
"I guess" Sam said quietly, swallowing hard, as he got out of bed and climbed onto the gurney.
"Remember" Dean said quietly as the doctor and nurse started pushing Sam out of the room and down the hall. "Dad and I are going to be with you."
Twenty minutes later Sam was hooked up to an IV, the chemo slowly flowing into his bloodstream. As he sat there he imagined the chemo as an army attacking the bad cells and destroying them.
"Doing okay?" Dean asked from his chair beside Sam. Dean was just sitting there talking to Sam as the IV entered Sam's body. "You don't feel sick do you?"
"Not yet Dean" Sam answered he was glad Dean and John were with him, even if John was currently out of the room informing their few friends of the current situation.
"Did you want to talk about the nightmare you had?" Dean asked knowing it was still bothering Sam. He frowned and shook his head.
"I don't even want to remember it" he never wanted to think about his family grieving for him. it hurt to even consider it.
"Hey this is your chance for the only chick flick moment you'll get this entire time" Dean said "I'd take the chance before the opportunity is gone."
"I don't need to talk Dean" Sam said "if and when I want to discuss it I'll come find you." Dean smirked he figured Sam would spill his guts.
"If you insist" Dean said sitting back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling. It was killing him knowing what Sam would be going through with this treatment just to save his life, watching him go through it without actually being able to help was going to be hard too. He didn't know how he was going to do it. He had no doubt Sam could beat it, he just didn't think he would come out of the ordeal with his sanity intact.
John returned a few minutes later, he claimed the seat beside Dean.
"Bobby's on his way, and so is Jim," he announced knowing it was make Sam happier to know the family friends were on their way to offer their support. Unsurprisingly Sam reacted in the way he expected he would.
"When will they be here?" excitement could clearly be heard in his voice.
"Considering Bobby with Sioux falls, and Jim in Blue earth, it's probably going to take some time to get here." Dean said glad that Sam had something else on his mind to distract him from his nightmare.
"Kentucky is a long way from both places" John agreed. "So I would probably expect them late next week sometime."
Sam groaned his excitement momentarily forgotten as his stomach gurgled and he had to fight the urge to vomit. The aftereffects of chemo were starting, and he already hated it.
"Sam?" John asked watching his son's face go pale; he quickly reached over and grabbed a pail that had been waiting for just this occasion. He managed to get it in front of Sam just in time. Sam hurled straight into the bucket, feeling more miserable the longer he heaved.
"How will I be able to do this months at a time?" Sam asked in between bouts of sickness.
"One day at a time" Dean said gently as he reached over and rubbed circles in his back. He hurt seeing how miserable his brother was already. "You can do this; you just have to believe in yourself."
John had gotten up and wet a washcloth down and gently wiped Sam's face off. He wished he had the words to bring comfort to Sam, but he hadn't known what to say to him for years. He could kick himself for letting him get so out of touch with him.
So it starts. And just to clarify this story is NOT going to be a deathfic, that was just a nightmare he had, product of the conversation had in the previous chapter. So no worries on that front. Thanks for reading and reviewing Liz.