So, I am sorry that this has been so late. I just got through moving, and I have a new job that has insane hours, especially since it is a brand new store, and I am in charge of training all of the teenagers (whom only one was trained at all prior.) So, between that, and some painting jobs, I have been swamped! However, here is the much awaited new chapter!
Oh, and thank you to everyone who left a review for me! I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It is an extremely tough chapter to read, but I guaranty the ending of this chapter will make up for it.
disclaimer: SM owns everything. I just inflict cruel and unusual punishment.
Chapter 15: Wrecked
BPOV
I awoke to sunlight filtering in through the windows in Edward's room. I was oddly refreshed, comfortable and warm. I glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand to see it was about ten in the morning. I don't know when we got in last night, but I am sure we must have been asleep for at least eight hours, maybe more.
I looked over to see Edward still completely fast asleep, his arms wrapped snugly around me, his face relaxed, no signs of nightmares for him either.
I would have chalked it up to his visit with James last night, but I really don't think he did anything with him. His eyes were normal last night when we were in the car.
I couldn't remember everything that happened last night, but I knew it was bad. I had been trying to get to him, when suddenly, someone was wrapping their arms around me. I was fairly certain it was meant to be friendly, but I reacted badly. It had been the worst panic attack yet. I was trapped in all of the shit I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on.
My mind started drifting back towards what I had seen during the panic attack, and I could feel the tightness in my chest as the visions flooded my mind. I started reciting more lyrics in my head again, this time to Rebel Rebel from David Bowie, to distance myself again, when I suddenly felt Edward's arms tighten around me, and him stroking my hair.
"Bella, calm down, your safe." He said groggily, and I immediately started calming down. I turned so I was facing him. I must have accidentally woken him up.
"Hey, did I wake you?" I said, my voice betraying me with a slight waver.
"I was already awake, just relaxing, when I felt you tense all up." He murmured.
"I'm okay."
He scoffed a little, but said nothing.
"When did we get in last night?" I asked after a moment.
"About one in the morning. We slept for about nine hours." He said, his lips quirking a bit.
"Nine whole hours…" I said quietly. Neither one of us had nightmares. Was it the alcohol? Was it maybe just exhaustion? Or was it something else?
"Do you think maybe…" I trailed off.
"I don't know." He said, obviously on the same train of thought. "I think it's worth a try though. You won't see me protesting." He said with a slight grin.
I felt my face flush at his comment, but nodded. I was still exhausted, my body sore from the abuse a couple days ago, and from the panic attack last night. All I wanted to do was test our theory and go back to sleep.
"Bella, Edward! Mom and dad want you guys downstairs!" I heard Alice call through the door.
"Oh shit." I said quietly, feeling my face pale. I knew logically that even if we were in trouble, it wouldn't be anything like what I was used to. However, for some reason, my mind was taking it differently. I could feel myself start to shake, and my breath come in gasps. I never had this reaction when I was actually about to face down the monster, so why was I having it now? When I knew very well I was safe.
"Bella, it's okay, breathe, okay?" I heard Edward say as he sat up, taking me with him, and placing his hands on my shoulders, his eyes were showing a myriad of conflicting emotions as he watched me.
"I know it's okay." I said, trying to force the panic down, feeling frustrated at my reaction to something I knew would be fine.
After I had myself under control, we both got out of bed, and headed downstairs. Edward had his hand on the small of my back in a reassuring way.
When we got downstairs, Carlisle and Esme were both sitting at the table, wearing serious expressions.
"What's up?" Edward asked, though he seemed to tense a little, as he dropped his hand from my back.
"Would you two please sit down?" Carlisle asked. We both nodded, and sat down across from them at the table. No one said anything for a couple minutes, before Carlisle took off his glasses and sighed.
"Bella, we got a call from your father this morning, asking if you were here." Carlisle stated calmly. "Apparently he had no idea you were staying here. He only took a guess when he heard rumor of you two spending a lot of time together."
"I'm sorry. I figured he wouldn't care… since he wasn't home." I said, looking down, feeling my face pale. Edward took my hand under the table, and squeezed it. I didn't dare look at him.
"That's the thing, honey." Esme said with a sigh. "He said he hasn't been away at all. We aren't mad that you lied, but is there a reason you haven't been going home?"
It was my turn to squeeze Edward's hand, as a reminder of the promise he made me.
"I'm sorry, Dad does usually work really late, and with what happened down in Port Angelus, I have been having trouble dealing with it, and didn't want to be alone." I said quietly, hating that I was lying still. "Plus… Dad and I haven't been getting along well lately, he can't relate." I couldn't stop the bullshit spewing from my mouth. Edward stayed quiet beside me.
"Honey, we would have completely understood if you told us that" Esme stated, concern lacing her features. Carlisle was just studying me, as if he could see right through me.
"I was ashamed." I whispered. More like I was ashamed of lying to this perfect woman who treated me as her own.
"Bella, are you sure there is nothing else?" Carlisle asked hesitantly.
I shook my head. Carlisle then looked over at Edward, who was still staying very quiet. I begged in my mind for Edward to not say anything.
After a few moments, Carlisle lifted his attention back to me.
"Alright, well here is the thing, without his consent, we can't let you stay here. He wants you home at least at night time, you have had him worried." I swallowed thickly.
"Bella, that doesn't mean you aren't welcome here, but we have to have his permission when you stay the night." Esme said again.
"Alright, I am sorry." I said again, trying to keep the panic at bay as I thought back to Rebel Rebel.
Rebel Rebel, you've torn your dress, rebel rebel, your face is a mess, rebel rebel, how could they know?
"Bella? Did you hear us?" Carlisle asked, watching me more intently, as I felt Edward squeeze my hand tighter.
"I'm sorry, I spaced, just woke up." I said quietly.
"I think he was pretty upset, so he wants you home now. " Carlisle said with a sigh, concern in his eyes, but also obvious confusion. He didn't know what was going on, but he had some suspicions.
"Can't she stay just a little longer?" Edward asked suddenly, his own face pale, his hand almost hurting mine with how tightly he was squeezing.
"I'm afraid not, son. I am fairly certain she is grounded. And though I understand the reasons she just gave us, I also see his point of view. I will bring her home as soon as she is packed up." Carlisle stated, running a hand through his hair as he looked between the two of us to try to figure out what was going on, but clearly not coming up with anything.
"Alright. I guess I will go pack. Thank you for your hospitality, and I am sorry I lied." I said, standing up, forcing myself to go into a numb state.
Edward and I made our way back upstairs, and to the guest room where my stuff was.
"Bella, you can't go back. Please, I…" Edward said, taking my other hand so he had both of them, he looked so vulnerable, but also defeated.
I realized then that I needed to go back to being the strong one. I pulled him to me, and hugged him, rubbing his back gently.
"I don't have a choice. He pulled a power trip. I will be okay." I said quietly. "I will just go back to what I was doing before, just avoiding until night time."
"That's not good enough Bella. I know you see it too, but its too much. You may survive physically, but you're fucking breaking. It's only getting worse." His voice was pleading, desperate.
"I'll be fine. Only a year and a half left. I can hold on." I whispered gently.
"Bullshit!" he said in a broken voice.
I didn't respond, because I knew it was bullshit too. He was right, I couldn't keep fooling myself, I was fucking breaking. I could tell myself I was being strong all I wanted, but when it came down to it, just being told that harmless parents wanted to speak to us sending me into an almost panic attack showed how wrong I was.
"We could tell them." Edward said quietly.
"No."
"Carlisle already knows something is up, I can tell. He just doesn't know what." Edward pointed out.
"No. I am not putting you and your family in danger. I am not worth that fucking risk, and you know as well as I do, that it very well could backfire. " I said, and he sighed defeated, before he sank down on the bed, his head in his hands.
I sighed, and started grabbing the clothes I came with. I didn't want the stuff Alice got for me to get ruined, so I left it here. It only took a few minutes, since I never had much. As soon as I was finished, I sat down beside Edward for a moment. "Are you going to come with us?" I asked.
He stayed silent for a moment before shaking his head. "I can't. Not right now I cant." He said, and I sighed, upset, but also a little glad that he wasn't putting himself through more torment. This was all obviously too much for him, and he needed distance from it, I was sure.
"Alright." I said quietly. I was about to stand up to leave when he took my hand, stopping me in my tracks.
"Please Bella." He asked desperately, but I knew he also knew my answer before I even shook my head. He sighed and dropped my hand, before I left the guest room, with him sitting on the bed.
I would allow myself to be upset later, but I needed all of my emotions in check right now. I knew there was a good chance I had finally scared him off, that this was too much for him, but I couldn't allow myself to think about that.
I got back downstairs, holding my backpack that had my stuff, before following Carlisle silently out to his car.
The ride back to my house was silent. When he pulled into the driveway, he walked to the doorway with me. Charlie came out of the house, and closed the door behind him, probably to hide the mess.
"Thanks for bringing her back, Doc. I don't know what she was thinking." He said, giving a faux sigh.
"I think she is just going through a lot right now, so I think you should cut her a little slack." Carlisle said.
"Yeah, I know. But can't be too soft, or else teenagers will walk all over you." He said, giving a friendly looking smile to Carlisle.
"Right. Well," Carlisle turned to me. "Behave, alright? You are always welcome back, as long as you have permission, alright?" He said, searching me with his eyes.
"Thank you." I said quietly, though my voice sounded dead to my own ears.
Carlisle nodded, and left.
Once he had pulled out, Charlie opens the door, and I walk into the house, sighing quietly for the inevitable.
"Heh, thought you could play house with the Cullens, huh? Remember, I own you, all I have to do is say the word. You can't avoid me forever." He grins, looking proud of himself.
I just stand there quietly, before sighing, and looking at the floor. "Is there a reason you needed me back right now? Or was it just part of your power trip?" I asked, knowing I was going to piss him off, but not caring. I may have just lost the most important person in my life.
"Well, you know what, I am in a good mood, so I won't take that as the disrespect it is." He says with a grin.
My stomach turned. If h was in a good mood, and it involved me, it really couldn't be good.
"You see, I was just offered two hundred bucks by this guy named James. See, I caught him trafficking drugs, but he piqued my interests. Apparently he has a thing for you, and is willing to pay me good money to have you every once in awhile."
I felt my face pale, and my stomach drop.
"I don't know why I never thought of it before. You could finally earn your fucking keep, and I would rake in the dough." He said with a laugh.
Immediately, I turned on my heel, about to run for it, when he grabbed me, and slammed me into the floor, pinning me down.
"Silly Bella, you think you are going to get away? James is going to be over shortly." He said with a grin, before he kicked me hard in the ribs. I felt the bones break again, and I started coughing from the pain. Before I could get ahold of myself, he had me by the hair, and was dragging me towards the garage. I struggled, but it was for nothing.
He hit me a few times before managing to tie me up again, this time, on the beam again, but with my legs tied painfully apart in a split position, being held up by a rope each on the beam.
"He will be here shortly. Have fun." He said with a disgusting grin, before leaving the garage, leaving me there.
I tried with everything in me to get out of it, but I couldn't, and before I knew it, James was walking into the garage, looking like a kid at Christmas.
"Heh, this is fitting isn't it? Wouldn't let me before when I was trying to help you out, now I get to kill two birds with one stone. Revenge on you, and on Edward." He grins.
"What the hell do you mean, on Edward?" I asked, trying to stop the panic attack coming on as he approached.
"Oh, for jumping me at that party last night." He said grinning, and pointing to his black eye. "I was planning on just claiming what was mine, but now that I think about it, when he finds out, he will be fucking destroyed, wont he? He has quite the thing for you." He says conversationally.
"He won't find out." I said quietly, narrowing my eyes.
"You mean, he doesn't know already? Well then, how about this, you play nice, and I won't tell Edward what a slut you are. I have a camera with me, so trust me, I can show him." He says with a grin.
I swallow the bile rising in my throat, before I nod quietly, that would destroy him, he was right.
"Good, then we have an understanding." He said, before approaching me. The moment he touches me, I am flooded with images, and I can't breathe. I feel a slap to my face tear me out of my panic attack, but I still can't breathe.
As he assaults me, the panic attacks only last so long, before it becomes like with Charlie, where I automatically stay lucid, I was starting to think it was a weird survival mode. I tried to think of the why's at first, to keep my mind occupied, before that ran dry. He wasn't gentle, and he didn't keep it quick like Charlie. Soon I was having to think of other things, more song lyrics, and books as he got rougher, to try to block it out.
Finally, after what seemed like eternity, Charlie came in, and gave James an assessing look. "Time's up. If you want more time, it will be more money." He said.
"I'll be back." James says to me with a wink, as he walks out with Charlie, leaving me up there. I couldn't feel my feet anymore, and the rest of my body was in excruciating pain from the position I was tied in, and how rough he was. I was sure it had been hours.
I felt disconnected as I started vomiting all over the floor, before passing out.
I wake up later, briefly, and see Charlie there having his own way before I black out again, not having the strength to stay lucid anymore.
The next time I wake up, I am still tied up, but its dark out, and I am alone. I am covered in new bruises and injuries that I don't remember getting. I am not even sure if I was really asleep, or just blacked out.
"Bella, You're a fucking slut, I can't believe you let them do that to you." I heard a velvety voice say, before I spun my head around weakly for the source, feeling the words cut through me. However, as I look around, I don't see him anywhere.
"Edward?" I ask, but my voice echoes weakly throughout the garage. I was alone.
"You got your mother, in a whirl, not sure…" I squeezed my eyes shut. "Not sure if you're a boy or a girl." I whispered to myself, trying to force the onslaught of images that were trying to break in. I was trying to stay okay, but I was sure I was losing it.
"Rebel Rebel, you tore your dress."
After what seemed like forever, Charlie came out, and let me down. The moment my feet touched the ground, I collapsed, and he kicked me. "Go get ready for school." He said with a grin.
After a few minutes, I was able to get up, and I mechanically made my way inside. Before I knew it, I was in the shower, scrubbing to the point where I was bloody, my fingernails scrubbing more than the wash cloth. I didn't stop though. I couldn't think straight, all I could see was mixtures of images from Charlie, and James, and mom, with hints of reality poking through. I sat on the tub, the water running cold, rocking, trying to get the images out as I scrubbed. "Rebel Rebel, Today I don't feel like doing anything, so leave a message at the tone, young man, there's no need to feel down, I said young man."
I could barely register the banging on the door, as I sat there.
A moment later, I felt hands prying my hands away from myself, and then wrapping around me.
"Bella, come back to me." I heard a velvety voice say as the smell of Edward filled my nose, and I felt my cheek rest against his hard chest.
Finally, everything started coming back into focus, reality was crashing down around me, and I couldn't breathe again, no air was coming in, and I was shaking with sobs as Edward rocked me back and forth, holding my naked body to him under the cold water of the shower.
It seemed like hours had passed by the time he finally picked me up, and pulled me out of the shower, turning it off. He set me down gently, but the moment he tried to let go, my legs buckled, and he caught me.
With one arm holding me up, he used the other to grab a towel to wrap around me, before guiding me to my room. I felt sick, and everything was still hazy.
He sat down with me on my bed. I knew I should have been ashamed that he was seeing me naked ,or at least embarrassed, but nothing was registering. I didn't even realize I was shivering until he pulled the blankets from my bed, and wrapped them tightly around me.
"Bella" he said, and I looked at him. He looked worried, and I got the impression he had called my attention a few times before that.
"What happened, Bella? You seemed fine the day before yesterday when you left." He said, his voice cracking.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words wouldn't come, the mere thought of speaking them, made me nauseous, and I quickly reached for the waste basket by my bed, and heaved the stomach acid into it, having nothing else in my stomach.
I didn't even know why this was effecting me so much more, it wasn't much worse than others, maybe it was just the final straw.
"Shit.. shit.." Edward said, standing up and pacing, running a hand through his hair. "I'll be right back. I have to go grab something.
The moment he is out the door, I feel the onslaught of images assault my mind again.
"Bella, stop it, your hurting yourself." He whispers, as he pulls his hands off my arms again, I wasn't aware I was doing it. I didn't even remember him coming back.
"You are going to be pissed… Please, I hope you are pissed, because that will show your still there, but I can't do this alone, and neither can you. I called Carlisle. He's on his way." He said quietly.
I could barely even make sense of the words he was saying. It took too long for me to piece together one piece of information. "Carlisle.. is coming here?" I asked, my voice raw.
"Yeah. Bella… I don't know what's fucking happening right now, and.. I don't want to fucking lose you." He pleads, firmly holding my hands in his lap.
Suddenly, I was terrified. Charlie would find out that they knew, and they would be killed.
"Bella, Calm down! Please! Just fucking calm down!" He begs, and I am suddenly aware that I was hyperventilating again, no air getting in.
EPOV
I had spent the whole weekend just trying to sort my thoughts. At first, I thought that maybe this was it, that I wouldn't be able to handle it, that I needed to get away. However, I knew it was impossible. I would do anything for that fucking girl.
I didn't go to her house, because I didn't want to get her into more trouble, but I figured I would pick her up Monday morning to make sure she was okay, and to make sure she knew I wasn't ditching. I was sure she thought that Saturday, and honestly, I considered it.
However, when I got to her house, and an hour passed of me honking, and knocking on her door, I started getting really fucking nervous. The Chief wasn't home, so I let myself in.
All I could hear was the shower running from upstairs. I called out to her, but never got a response.
I slowly went up to the shower, and knocked. "Bella, Are you going to school? I'm here to pick you up… We're late." I said, thinking maybe she just woke up late, and by some oddity just didn't know I was there. Then I heard it, the sobs, and the jumbled lyrics of songs I knew she had been using to repress shit, along with one I hadn't heard, Rebel Rebel.
I started knocking on the door. "Bella, Let me in!" and when I got no response, I started thinking the worst.
I rammed my shoulder into the door several times until the door flew open. She didn't even flinch. She was curled in a ball on the floor of the shower, her lips blue, and her skin covered with innumerable bruises and cuts. Her skin was rubbed raw, and her arms were bleeding where her fingernails were digging in. Then there were her eyes. They were so terrified, yet far away. I called her name several times, but she never answered.
I quickly went over to her, and pried her hands off of her arms, and wrapped my arms around her, getting into the fucking freezing cold shower, and just holding her.
"Bella, are you okay? " I Asked, knowing she wasn't. She had never been less okay, she still wasn't responding, but she seemed to be calming down a little.
"Bella, come back to me." I begged her, and I saw the faraway look go away for the most part, and she leaned her cheek against me quietly, but sat there, shaking and sobbing.
It was another half an hour until I was sure she was even calm enough to be moved at all. Then I turned off he shower, and helped her out. The moment I placed her on her feet however, she collapsed, apparently being completely out of strength. I grabbed a towel with one arm, and wrapped it around her, before bringing her to her bedroom, and sitting her down.
She was shivering hard, and I wondered then how long she had been in that shower. I quickly pull the blankets off of her bed, and wrap them tightly around her.
"Bella, what happened? " I asked, and was met with silence. I looked at her again, and it was like she didn't hear me. "Bella?" I waved a hand in front of her face. "Bella?"
She then looked at me, that lost look in her eye. She was scaring the shit out of me. I was already afraid I had lost her.
"What happened, Bella? You seemed fine the day before yesterday when you left." I asked, hearing my voice crack.
She opened her mouth, but she didn't say anything, then a panicked expressions crossed her features, and she was reaching for the trash bin. Suddenly, she was throwing up pure bile into it, until she was dry heaving. I rubbed her back, but I was completely horrified. This wasn't Bella. She never let shit effect her. She was strong. This Bella was completely different from who I saw just the day before yesterday. This Bella was fucking broken.
I had to find a way to fix her, I could see that she would be lost if I didn't do something, but I didn't know what. She wasn't going to survive, at all. "Shit, Shit…" I said as I Ran my hand through my hair, completely panicked. "I have to go grab something, I will be right back." I told her, not even sure if she could hear me. I went out as quickly as I could to my car, and grabbed my cellphone. I didn't want to leave her alone by herself, so I made the call quick.
"Edward? Why aren't you at school?" Carlisle asked as he picked up.
"I need you to come to Bella's house. I don't know what to do. I think she's…. I don't know… I think she's losing it. I should have come to you sooner, but she didn't want me to, because she doesn't want to drag you guys into it. Please."
"Calm down Edward. What is going on?"
"I can't tell you, But if you come, you will see for yourself." I said. "Hurry."
"I am on my way." Carlisle said before hanging up.
I went quickly back upstairs, and in just the short amount of time I was gone, Bella had ended up curled up in a ball again, hyperventilating, with that far away look back in her eyes. Her fingernails were back into her arms, and she was hyperventilating. I could see her pale lips turning more blue from not getting oxygen.
"Bella, Stop it, you're hurting yourself." I said as I quickly went over, and pulled her hands off of her, and held them firmly in my lap.
"You are going to be pissed… Please, I hope you are pissed, because that will show your still there, but I can't do this alone, and neither can you. I called Carlisle. He's on his way." I said, as I firmly held her hands.
"Carlisle…. Is coming here?" She said, and the relief I felt that she was at least somewhat with it was tangible.
"Yeah. Bella… I don't know what's fucking happening right now, and.. I don't want to fucking lose you." I explained, hoping she understands.
As the thought seems to click, she looks at me in panic, then I see her going into another panic attack, the hyperventilating getting worse. I take her in my arms, trying to keep her together, but I don't know what to do.
"Bella, Calm down! Please! Just fucking calm down!" I beg her, terrified. I had never seen her like this… or anyone like this.
Carlisle walks in the room just then, a shocked expression on his face. , he then immediately puts a needle in her arm. After a moment, she stills in my arms, her breathing returning to normal.
"Edward, I need some answers, now. What the hell is going on?" Carlisle asks, looking apprehensive and genuinely scared for her.
"I don't know all the details.. but it's her dad."
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