So, I am really sorry that it has been so long. I was at first living in a situation where I really couldn't use my computer all that much, and then I was living out of my car for the most part to save on gas once I got a better job. I now hopefully am in a stable enough way to be able to really write again, being as I have my own place again.
I am going to give you guys a LOT of chapters today to make up for it. I just finished this one, and am going right on to write more immediately!
SM owns everything.
Enjoy, and as always, please read and review!
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Chapter 16: One Week
BPOV
When I woke up, I was disoriented to say the least. I was somehow in Edward's room, curled up in a ball in Edward's lap. His arms were wrapped around me, and his head was on my shoulder. I was fairly certain he was asleep. I couldn't remember coming here, nor could I remember anything past when I got back home Saturday. I had vague flashes of memory of what had happened, but I couldn't piece it together. All I knew is I was exhausted, and sore all over. I wasn't even sure of what day it was.
I pulled away slightly to get a good look at Edward, but he was fast asleep. He looked exhausted.
It was then I noticed that my arms were bandaged up, and that I was wearing Edward's clothes.
A moment later, Edward groaned a little, and woke up, wincing from the weird position he had fallen asleep in.
"You're awake." He said quietly.
I nodded, looking him over. "You look like hell, what happened?" I asked honestly.
He gave me a look I couldn't decipher. "I was going to try to find out the same from you." He said in a strained voice.
"I can't really remember." I said quietly.
He sighed, and closed his eyes again, pulling us both into a lying down position on his bed, keeping his arms wrapped around me protectively.
"I don't know either. You were… " he shudders a bit, and closes his eyes. "It might be best that you don't remember. When I found you.. you were… you weren't yourself. I thought I had lost you."
"What do you mean?" I ask quietly.
"You weren't there. I think you were trapped in like… a really big panic attack… but.. that doesn't seem adequate enough of a description. It was bad." He sighed again.
I stayed quiet.
"I called Carlisle."
I could feel myself tense. "What do you mean..?" I asked, trying to push the dread down.
"I didn't know what to do. You needed help, and I didn't know what to do. He knows everything I know now."
I bit my lip. Part of me was furious that he broke the promise, but another part understood.
"So what's going to happen now..?" I asked, barely able to contain the dread in my voice.
"We don't know. He understands the situation, and why it's touchy. He is working with some friends of his to try to find a way to get you help without putting you in more risk, or putting the family at risk." He said quietly.
"I don't think there is a way." I said quietly, fisting my hand in his shirt.
"If there is, he will find it." He said uncertainly.
"And until then?" I ask
"Until then… we have to play it like we don't know anything, like we have been. He has decided that is the way to keep you safest, and he is picking you up a cell phone to call in case things get too bad. We are going to try to keep you here as long as we can every night without causing him to question your whereabouts."
I nod, feeling entirely drained. I didn't know if I could get up if I tried.
"What day is it?" I ask, hating that I even had to ask.
"Monday night. I found you this morning. Carlisle had to sedate you."
There was a knock on the door just then.
"Edward, Bella, are you awake?" I heard from the other side of the door.
"Yeah, mom. Come on in." he said tiredly.
Esme comes in, and walks hesitantly over. "Bella, how are you feeling honey?" She asks, keeping some distance, her eyes full of sadness.
"I'm fine." I said, hating that the sadness was caused by me.
"I made dinner. I understand if you two would rather eat up here. Would you like me to bring it up?" She asks sweetly.
"Nah mom, I'll get it, thanks though." Edward says as he slowly gets out of bed, looking exhausted still. The moment he is away from me though, I start feeling oddly uneasy.
"Alright, if you guys need anything, let me know." Esme says as she leaves the room. Edward follows her out.
As soon as he is out of sight, I suddenly start feeling anxious again. I can feel the now familiar pressure in my chest of a panic attack coming in. I don't even understand what's causing it.
A few moments later, images from what I am sure are the last couple days start flowing through my head. James, ropes, Charlie, blood, pain.
Nausea rolls in my stomach, and I move as quickly as I can to Edward's bathroom, and start dry heaving into his toilet. I feel so drained as I press my cheek onto the cold porcelain, trying to get my breathing under control.
A few minutes later, I hear Edward's footsteps come into the room, then hesitate, before continuing to the bathroom. He kneels down beside me, his hand smoothing the hair back from my forehead. He doesn't say anything, but watches me carefully.
I take a few moments to gather strength before I attempt to get back up. He helps me when I realize I don't have the strength to stand, and I am starting to feel dizzy.
He helps me to his bed, and motions to a bowl on the nightstand. "You should try to eat that. She just made you soup, because she knows you probably can't stomach more." He said, concern lacing his voice.
I just look at the soup. It looks delicious, yet the smell alone is making me more nauseous. "I will try later… I don't think it's a good idea right now." I said, my voice rasping.
He nods, and pulls me back onto his lap. "You need to get more rest. Whatever happened this weekend, it's done a number on you. I think you have a fever."
I normally would protest, but I just didn't have the strength. Instead, I just lay my head back down on his chest tiredly. My whole body just felt so heavy.
I tried to fall asleep, but even with Edward right there, every time I closed my eyes, I was assaulted by images of what happened this weekend. I was slowly piecing it together, though I wish I hadn't. I still had no idea what happened after James left though.
Several hours later, there was a knock on the door, and Carlisle came in. "Bella… its time to go home." He said in a clipped tone, his eyes raking over me in concern.
"No way." Edward said, sitting up, and placing himself slightly in front of me.
"Her father called. If you don't want him to know we know, then we have to send her."
"No! No! You saw her this morning! And she is fucking sick! She can't even defend herself at all!" He said, looking terrified.
"It's fine." I said quietly, wanting everyone to just stop freaking out. My head was pounding painfully.
"To hell it is!" he said.
"I'm sorry Edward." Carlisle said, before setting down a brand new cell phone on the dresser. "Bella, I want you to send Edward, or me a text by one A.M. to let us know you are okay. If you don't text us, we will…"
"I will get you the hell out of there." Edward finished, with a disapproving look from Carlisle.
I nod, knowing that as long as I am able, I will send him that text, so he doesn't risk himself.
Carlisle sighs. "I am going to wait in the car."
Edward looks livid as he stands up, and starts pacing again. He throws his fist into the wall, leaving a hole. I cringe a little, before trying to get up, and immediately falling back on the bed.
He swears under his breath, and comes right back over to me. As soon as he is here, I take his hand, and inspect it. "I'm sorry. Ever since you met me… I have destroyed your life." I say as I gently touch his fist to make sure it isn't broken, luckily it wasn't.
"It's not your fault." He said.
"Except it is. I should have stayed away."
Edward shakes his head, and sighs. He doesn't say anything though, as he slowly leans down and picks me up.
The moment we get outside, I am freezing, and my headache just gets worse.
The ride to my house is completely silent. Edward doesn't let go of me, and I am glad for that.
When we pull in, Edward leans down and kisses my forehead gently, looking conflicted. "Text me at midnight." He says with a sense of urgency in his tone.
I nod, and he sighs, before helping me to the front door.
Carlisle knocks, standing in front of us. When Charlie answers, he puts on his nicest faux smile. "Thank you for bringing her back, Carlisle. I think she forgot she was grounded." He said.
"No, actually Charlie, my son came to pick her up for school, and she was very ill, so I had him bring her here so we could take care of her." He said, acting the part of concerned parent well, not giving any clue that he knows anything.
"Oh, well, thank you then. Thanks for looking out for my Bells." He said, before taking me from Edward. I immediately tense up, trying to keep the panic from coming.
Edward does his best to hide his anger at Charlie taking me from him.
"Well, we better let her get some rest then, huh?" Charlie said with a smile.
"Yes, that would be best." Carlisle said quietly.
I looked at Edward, suddenly terrified. My chest was tight with panic.
Edward clenched his fists, and walked away with Carlisle. I knew it was hard for him to do it, but I suddenly wished he didn't have to. I instinctively knew I wouldn't be able to handle what Charlie had in store for me tonight.
Charlie went into the kitchen, grabbing another beer, leaving me alone in the living room. "James is coming back tonight. You are going to be a good for him tonight." He said, taking another sip of his beer.
Suddenly, fear flooded my system. I might be able to handle Charlie, but not both of them. I glanced at the door, luckily without Charlie noticing. I just had to get out of the house, then he couldn't do shit.
I still couldn't remember everything that happened the night before, but I knew it involved James, and I remembered the feelings it caused, and glimpses of the torture and violation he served me.
Before Charlie could get to me, I forced myself to my feet, and bolted for the door, adrenaline suddenly giving me the strength I needed to get the hell out of here.
I knew the beating I would get would suck, but it would be better than letting James touch me again.
I heard Charlie swearing his head off as he made it to the doorway, but luckily, a couple passing cars kept him from pursuing me.
I kept forcing myself to run until I made it to the park, when finally the adrenaline ran out. I collapsed on the bench as soon as I made it there. After a few minutes, I realized I was freezing, and curled up in a ball, trying to warm up.
I pulled out the cellphone Carlisle gave me, and texted Edward. "I'm okay. I bailed." I texted, before curling up tighter, resting my head on my knees.
My phone buzzed then, and I looked down at my cell to see I had one unread message.
"Where R U" I saw that Edward had texted.
"The park." I texted back, before forcing down another shiver.
"OMW" Edward texted.
I sighed, sorry he was having to come out here in the middle of the night, but thankful none the less.
Suddenly, I saw the Charlie's cruiser down the road. I quickly forced myself up, and went to a nearby bush, hiding in the snow behind it, luckily before he saw me, as he drove right by.
"Bella, why are you behind a bush? Are you hiding from someone?" I heard in an amused tone. I looked over, and saw Jasper sitting there with Marcus and Jacob, smoking a joint.
"Hey." I forced a smile, wondering why they always chose to smoke at the park, even when it was fucking freezing.
I sat down slowly when Jasper patted a tree stump beside him.
"Not really hiding, just avoiding." I shrugged, another shivering quaking through me.
"Who are you avoiding?" Jasper asks, his eyebrows raised.
"Just the cops. I felt like being shady tonight, but figured since my plan involved bacon, they would be able to smell it from a mile away." I shrugged.
Jasper snorts out a small chuckle, before offering me the joint. I shake my head, feeling like absolute shit.
Jasper looks me up and down when I refuse the joint. "Everything okay?" He asks, studying me.
I didn't know how to answer that. Obviously, I couldn't tell him the truth. Edward and his dad knowing were two people too many. I knew he would know I was full of shit if I just said that I was fine. If I told him I was sick, he would then wonder what the hell I was doing outside in the middle of winter without so much as a coat if I was sick, and I honestly was too tired to think of an explanation.
So I settled for a shrug, hoping he wouldn't press.
He stared at me a moment later, before looking away, not seeming satisfied, but luckily he wasn't going to press.
"So Bella, we have not seen you here for awhile now." Marcus says conversationally.
"Yeah, we missed you." Jacob says as he grins widely, his bright white teeth glowing in the moonlight, looking eerie against his dark russet skin.
"Aww, shucks guys. A girl's got stuff to do though, right?" I say nonchalantly, suppressing a shiver.
"Cold?" Jacob says as he moves over to me, about to wrap an arm around me. I jump away from him so fast, I trip backwards, not wanting a panic attack along with everything else.
"Umm.. geeze.. Sorry, I didn't mean to…" Jacob said, looking freaked out, and more than a little hurt.
"Sorry…" I mumbled. "I don't really like to be touched." I explained. Now all three of them were staring at me, and I shifted uncomfortably under their scrutiny.
"Bella?" I heard someone calling a few moments later, breaking the uncomfortable tension. I immediately recognized the voice as Edward's.
"Over here." I called out, another shiver wracking through me. Jasper gave me another questioning glance, probably wondering why Edward was meeting up with me this time of night.
"I was bored, and so was he." I shrugged a little in response to his gaze.
"You know, if something is going on, Bella, I am here." Jasper says quietly enough that Jacob and Marcus can't hear. A moment later, Edward gracefully lopes over to us.
"Hey Jazz. What are you guys all doing?" He asks, eyeing me and them curiously.
"Just the usual, when Bella came stumbling over." He said with a grin, before offering Edward the joint. Edward sat down, taking the joint. He took a couple long puffs before passing it to Marcus, and then let out a breathe of contentment, letting out the smoke in the process.
Once Edward let his breathe out, he looked me up and down. He frowned a little when he saw me shiver, before he took off his leather jacket, and draping it over my shoulders. I took it greatfully, and smiled a little at him, feeling the warmth that was in it warm me a little. Jacob and Marcus watched the exchange with equal parts confusion and awe. They had obviously never seen him do anything like that.
"What, are you guys like boning or something?" Jacob asked, a hint of something in his eyes that I didn't quite get.
"Shut the fuck up, you dog. It's not fucking like that." Edward growls.
I wondered why the idea offended him so much? I thought he had maybe liked me, since he held my hand all the time. Granted, I knew he didn't love me, but was I really so repulsive that he would get angry at the idea of us screwing?
Honestly, I didn't know if I even wanted to have sex—ever. I didn't even know if I could. The thought of it sent an uncomfortable rolling feeling in my stomach. I knew though, that if I were to be willing to do it with anyone, it would probably be him.
"Wow, Bella, your face is like, bright red." Jasper says with a grin, earning a smack over the top of his head by Edward.
I hadn't even realized I was blushing. "Fuck off Jasper. It really isn't like that at all. We are just friends."
For some reason, when I said that, Edward looked slightly hurt, but hid it by taking another hit off of the joint.
"Just friends, sure. " Jasper said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "You two should see each other. The sooner you both bang, the better off you will both be." He grins.
I pick up an empty beer can, and chuck it at his head. He easily dodges, and erupts in laughter. Marcus grins as well. "Jasper has a point. You should see the two of eachother. Edward is being way less of a douche bag, plus, if my sources are not mistaken, he even went clean—not counting the pot obviously. And it has all happened since he started hanging around you." Marcus points out.
"Marcus, you know what I love about you?" Edward inquires.
"Not really." He answers.
"Usually, it's that you keep your mouth shut. Right now, I am not quite sure." Edward answers, staring stonily at him.
"I am just stating a keen observation."
"Yeah, he's right, bro." Jasper adds.
"Why the fuck are we pushing the issue anyway? I think that Bella could do better than this asshole." Jacob says heatedly.
"Who are you to tell me who I am too good for?" I spit, suddenly kind of pissed. Edward not good enough? He had it all wrong. I was the trash here, not him.
"Yes, who would you rather see her with, Jacob? Yourself?" Marcus asks pointedly.
"Shut up." Jacob murmurs, looking down.
Edward suddenly glares at Jacob.
"Wow, guys, this is all very flattering and all, but before you guys start jousting it out, I am going to just suggest we drop it, okay?" I say, feeling more frustrated by the moment.
"Whatever.." Jacob mutters under his breath.
Edward glances at me quietly, assessing me. "Well, guys, we need to get going, it's pretty fucking late." He says.
Jacob is avoiding looking at us, and Jasper is watching me like a hawk. I am sure he knows a lot more than he is letting on.
"Yea, you should bring her home, she doesn't look too good." Jasper says in a quiet tone.
I figured I had been doing a good enough job acting normal, but apparently not.
"Yeah, long weekend." He says with a forced grin. I wasn't even sure what he was implying, at first, and when I did, I could feel my cheeks heat up as I hit him in the arm.
"You wish."
Discreetly, Edward put his arm around me in such a way that he was holding me up. I had no strength left, and I knew he could tell.
We said our goodbyes to the guys before heading back towards where Edward was parked.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, when I rested my head against his shoulder tiredly. I felt like I was ready to faint from moving, and I was shivering so hard it was ridiculous.
For once, I decided not to bullshit him at all, and I just shook my head. I didn't have the strength to even pretend I was fine right now.
We almost made it to Edward's car, when suddenly, a police cruiser pulls over behind it, and Charlie steps out, looking lethally mad.
Edward immediately shifts me behind him slightly, and I have to hold onto his shoulder to keep from falling.
"Good evening, Cullen." Charlie says, glaring through him at me.
"Chief." Edward grunts. I can feel the tension rolling off of him in waves.
"I'm here to pick up my daughter. We had a bit of a disagreement, and she seemed to forget she was grounded. Plus, as you can tell, she doesn't seem to be feeling all that well." Then Charlie looked straight at me. "Ready to come home honey? It's too cold to be out here tonight."
I swallowed thickly. I couldn't let him know that Edward knew.
"I was hoping my dad could look at her." Edward said, trying to keep his voice even.
"That will be unnecessary. She just needs some good rest. I think its best that she takes the rest of the week off from school, so you won't need to pick her up in the morning."
"My dad is a doctor, he could—" Edward started, but I slowly moved in front of him, shaking my head a little.
"It's fine. I will be okay. Ch—Dad's right. I just need some rest. Thanks for coming out here though." I said, surprised that my voice wasn't cracking. I knew what was waiting for me, and the idea of being stuck there for the rest of the week was horrifying, but not as horrifying as him becoming another Riley.
"Bella?" Edward said, looking at me with a serious expression.
"I'll be fine." I said quietly to him. I could see his jaw working, as he tried to maintain a neutral expression.
"Good. Bella, get in the car." Charlie said with an air of triumph in his voice.
I moved towards the cruiser, my legs threatening to give out with every step. I didn't look back at Edward's face, because I didn't want to see the emotions that would surely be there. I was hurting him by trying to protect him. I was hurting him by allowing Charlie to hurt me.
After Charlie got in the cruiser, we quickly drove off. Edward stayed standing there, his head bowed, and his fists clenched.
When we got back to the house, Charlie pulled me out of the car by my arm, and practically dragged me inside. As soon as we were there, he threw me to the ground and started kicking me so hard that I was sure he had broken every rib. I didn't have the strength to fight at all as he dragged me into the garage again. He knew I had no strength, so he didn't even bother tying me up this time.
By the time next Monday came, I was still in the garage. I had been in there for just less than a week. Charlie hadn't fed me, and had only brought me inside for a couple bathroom breaks a day. At this point, I almost wished he had killed me long before this.
James had been here a couple times, along with a few other people I didn't know. They had been so hard on me that I was battered worse than Charlie generally did. I had tried to forget every moment of the time, distance myself from it so much, that I could barely think of what happened when. I had an endless loop of songs playing in my head that I now hated.
Edward hadn't been by, at least I didn't think he had.
I had managed to send him a text most of the nights, until my phone died a couple days ago. I was sure he must be going crazy.
"Time to get fucking cleaned up. I am sure that Cullen boy will be around to pick you up for school. Why he fucking wastes his time on you, I don't fucking know. Your fucking disgusting." Charlie said as he walks into the garage.
I tried to get up, but I couldn't move at all, and I couldn't find the motivation to try.
"I said, Get the fuck up, and get washed up. You wouldn't want him seeing you like this, would you?" he said, coming over and kicking me a few times, before grabbing my hair, and yanking me to my feet.
"If you don't want him to find out.. you shouldn't fuck me up to the point where I can't move." I mutter.
"Stop being fucking lazy. If you had behaved in the first place, than it wouldn't be so bad." Charlie growled, before pulling me inside, and towards the bathroom. He throws me in the tub before he walks out, leaving the door open as he leaves for work.
I do my best to shower and get clean, but by the time I am done, I am so weak, I can barely get out of the shower. I can hear Edward's car honking outside, and know I don't have long before he comes inside to come make sure I'm not dead.
I push myself to get up and get to my room where I put on clothes. I don't even pay attention to what clothes they are, just that I ended up having to make a new hole in my belt to keep my smallest pair of pants up.
By the time I am finished, and slowly making my way down the stairs, Edward is at the front door.
I manage to make it to make it to the bottom of the stairs as he makes his way over to me.
"Bella, are you okay? You had me worried shitless when you stopped texting."
I took a moment to catch my breath, leaning against the railing of the stairs. "I ran out of battery." I explained. My voice sounded foreign to me, quiet and weak.
"Why didn't you just charge it?" he asked, and I closed the space between us, his hand automatically taking mine.
"I couldn't. I never got to go near my room." I said, forcing more strength into my voice.
"Where were you then?" his eyebrows furrowed as he looked me up and down. He must not have been pleased with what he saw, because he started running his other hand through his hair agitatedly.
I sighed a moment, not sure if he was ready for that amount of honesty, but I couldn't lie. I had decided I would not lie to him at all anymore, just omit the bigger things. I decided that there was no other way around that though. It was obvious I was in worse condition than when he saw me last, and I couldn't just skate over it. "The garage."
Immediately, his eyebrows rose in surprise, and his hand squeezed mine. "The fucking garage?! Why the fucking garage?! The whole time?! What did he do to you in there?!" he was furious, and I could feel it rolling off of him in waves.
I felt another panic attack setting in, so I started focusing my breathing, trying to focus on the lyrics to "One Week" from the barenaked ladies.
I felt his other hand on my back as he pulled me into a hug, his hand running soothing circles over my back. It didn't take long for the panic to abate.
"I'm sorry Bella, I don't mean to keep getting angry. I just don't like this, at all. I fucking hate that he's fucking hurting you, and there is nothing I can fucking do about it." He says, bitterness lacing his tone.
"You are. You are doing more than anyone else ever has. I wish it was different. I wish I wasn't hurting you all the goddamned time with this shit. You deserve better from a friend." I said.
He wrapped his arms tighter around me, and I felt a knot form in my throat, tears that I refused to let fall forming in the corners of my eyes.
"It's not your fault. It's not your fucking fault. You aren't the one fucking hurting anyone. I worry because I give a shit about you." He said.
We stood like that a few more minutes before I slowly pulled away from him. "We should probably get going. We're running late for school." I said, feeling a little better, a little stronger.
"Are you okay for school?" he inquired honestly.
"I don't have much of a choice. If I get busted for skipping again…" I muttered, shuddering. "Plus, neither can you. You will get expelled."
He growls in frustration, running a hand through his hair with one hand, and pinching the bridge of his nose with the other.
"Alright. But we are going back to my house after school." He said.
"Sure. Though your parents won't let me spend the night without Charlie's permission."
"I know." He says with an air of frustration.
We silently then left my house, heading to his car. I did my best to look like I had more strength than I did. My ribs ached horribly with every breath I took, and I was so tired and lightheaded from lack of sleep and food. At the same time though, I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach food after the week I just had. I was trying to block out everything that happened, but I couldn't entirely. Though I could keep myself from thinking about it, I couldn't wash the filth away.
School was hell. By the time I got to lunch, I was well past my limits. Edward was discreetly holding all of my meager weight as we made our way to the lunch room. He hadn't said two words to me since we left my house this morning.
He walked me over to a table, and stayed there until Jasper arrived at the table. Edward then left silently to go to the lunch line.
"Long week?" Jasper inquired, looking at me, his eyes going right through me.
"You could say that." I said quietly, holding back a shiver.
"What happened anyway?"
"I've been sick all week." I responded.
"I can see that. Funny thing though, you look worse than when I last saw you. Didn't you stay home to get some rest?"
I was getting a little irritated. Usually Jasper was the one who let it go. "Yeah, but I didn't want my grades to drop much more." I said with a tone of finality.
"Bella. I know something is going on. I also know that whatever it is, its getting worse. You can't keep it to yourself. You need to talk to someone." Jasper said.
I remained silent, and steered my eyes away, not having the strength to be able to deal with this now.
Jasper sighed, but said nothing more on it.
Edward returned a few minutes later with two trays of food. He stuck one in front of me. "Eat." He said simply.
I looked at him, but he wasn't looking at all at me. I looked at the nasty cafeteria pizza, apple and milk box, the smell making me nauseous. I took a bite out of the apple, but even that almost sent me running.
I put the apple down in defeat and pushed the tray away, resting my head on my arms tiredly.
"Bella, you need to eat." He said, finally looking at me.
I looked up at him tiredly, and just shook my head. "Not right now. I will try later."
The truth was, along with feeling sick as a dying horse, I was too disgusted to want to put anything into me. The idea of food was nauseating. I knew I needed the nourishment, and the strength it could give, but I also knew that I couldn't hold it down, so it would be more detrimental.
Edward let out an irritated breathe before he stood up, leaving his own food untouched, and stormed out of the room.
Alice came and sat down at that moment, looking utterly confused. "What was that about?"
"Edward is just worried that Bella isn't taking care of herself very well." Jasper said in a conversational tone, giving me a stern look. I returned it with a middle finger.
"What's going on? Bella, are you still sick?" Alice asked, looking genuinely upset.
"I'm fine Alice. I'm still sick, but it will go away." I said, trying to give her a reassuring smile.
"Bella, do you have an eating disorder?" Alice suddenly asked, her eyes dead serious.
"No Alice. I do not have an eating disorder. You have seen how I normally like to eat." I said. Alice purses her lips, and nods a little.
"I think you should talk to our dad. You have lost a lot of weight… and you were really skinny to begin with.." she said, not hiding the worry.
"I have already. But there isn't a lot your dad can do." I said, it being somewhere near the truth.
"Do you want to go home? I could give you a ride." She asks.
"I'm okay. I can't keep missing school. Besides, why would I want to miss the fine academics of Forks High?" I said sarcastically, almost getting a smile out of Alice.
The bell rings a moment later, and I get up slowly. Forcing my body to move exhausts me as I make my way towards Bio. I go in, and am greeted by Edward's continued silent fuming. He doesn't acknowledge me at all. I don't think he is going to push me away entirely, but I understand he needs space to process. This is harder on him than on me.
I sit down next to him, and put my head back on my arms, not wanting to waste the energy to keep it up.
A moment later, a book slams on the desk next to my head, and I can feel the panic start. "This isn't nap time, Swan. It's class time." Mr. Banner said, obviously angered by my 'dismissal' as he would think of it, of his class.
Edward stands up, and glares at the teacher, as I try to hold the panic at bay so as not to make more of a scene. "Mr. Banner, that was fucking uncalled for. She's fucking sick, okay?"
"Detention Cullen. And Swan, if you don't feel well, you should go home. If you decide to waste my time by napping in my class again, you will have a detention as well, and I will call your parents."
I swallow, trying to regulate my breathing as I force down the panic, and the nausea.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Banner. It won't happen again." I mutter.
Edward sits back down, looking entirely pissed off.
The rest of the period goes by with an uncomfortable amount of tension. I don't even bother going to gym, and instead I go straight to the library and hide out in the back there, not sleeping, but just trying to rest.
About an hour after classes end, Edward walks into the library, knowing me well enough by now to know this is where I go when I don't want to go to gym.
He doesn't say a word, obviously still fuming from the day as I get up. We make our way out to the parking lot, when I can't take the tension anymore.
"I get that your mad at me Edward. I know that I am continually fucking up, and that your mad that I keep going back, and that it seems like I am not trying, but I am, okay? I am trying."
"Bella, I am not angry at you. I am angry at that fucker who keeps hurting you. I am fucking pissed that he is fucking winning. I am fucking pissed at the whole fucking situation… and." He sighs, raking both hands through his hair. "And I am fucking terrified that after everything, you are going to end up getting killed. I bet he didn't fucking feed you all week, and now, you are too fucking sick to even be ABLE to eat. You are wasting away, you aren't getting any better, and your fucking locking all this shit inside, and if he doesn't kill you physically, it's going to kill you fucking mentally. I thought when I told Carlisle, he would be able to fucking fix everything. Still, nothing has happened, still you have to fucking go back. Every fucking time you go there, I am fucking terrified that when I come to pick you up in the morning, will I be greeted by your fucking corpse? Or will he have finally entirely broken you past repair? It's too fucking much, and right now, I want to fucking walk away."
I stand quietly, feeling like the air has been knocked out my lungs by everything he is saying, tears fight my eyelids in a war I refuse to lose. "Then walk away. " I said in a defeated voice.
"I can't. Can't you see that? I can't walk away, because if I do, then it's my fault when you die." He said agitatedly.
"Wow. So basically, now you only hang out with me out of guilt? Really?" I said, backing away from him.
"Bella, no—" he said, his eyes widening when he realized what he had truly said.
"Edward, I told you as soon as you knew that I didn't want to risk you, or your family. You are free to walk away whenever you want. And honestly, if you are only hear because you feel guilty, I want no part of it." I said, before turning around, and walking away from him, using every fucking ounce of strength I had to keep moving and not crumble to pieces in front of him as I heard him calling after me, but not following.
I knew that this was for the best. He would be safer. His family would be safer. I may not be safe, but I never would be safe, and I never would be able to escape. Nor, would Edward ever feel what I was realizing I felt for him. I took more than I deserved, and I hurt him in the process. He needed to get away from me.
In the beginning, he had told me he was poisonous. He was wrong. I was the one who was poisonous.
The big blowout we knew was bound to happen, because they are both bloody idiots.
I hope you liked my return! Please R&R!