He's my son

Chapter 17

Sam woke to the sounds of movement in his room, when he opened his eyes, Fayelynn was packing her clothes. He frowned that didn't seem right to him, he couldn't remember if she'd ever even had a chemo treatment while currently hospitalized.

"Where you going?" he asked as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"I'm going home" Fayelynn said cheerfully as she finished packing her clothes. "Dad found another experimental drug from another hospital; we're going to give it a shot."

"Why aren't you doing it here?" Sam asked curious. Fayelynn frowned before answering.

"Because they don't think there's anything else they can do for me" She replied and Sam felt shocked. It couldn't be true that his friend of such a short time was dying.

"That's why I'm doing this, there's a chance it could prolong the inevitable and maybe by then they'll find another drug that will work for me." Sam shook his head; she always believed the best no matter what the situation.

"No worries though, I'll come visit you every day and when you get out because eventually you will, you can come see me" Fayelynn said, Sam nodded he didn't like the idea of the idea of her not being here with him but he figured he'd get used to it again. Fayelynn came over and sat down on his bed.

"You know that no matter what happens to me you will beat this right? You will be one of the few that can beat this disease?" She said as she wrapped him into a hug.

"How do you know?" Sam asked his voice coming out muffled.

"Because there's no way someone who does what you do will die before his time, you're still needed here, there's a plan for your life that will come to pass."

"What are you a fortune teller now?" Sam asked chuckling.

"No, I'm just a friend who knows exactly what you are going through and I know just how hard it is to have to go through treatment day in and day out."

"I'm glad to have gotten to know you" Sam said as Fayelynn stood to leave.

"You'll see me again no worries" she said as she headed for the door "just remember though tough times don't last but tough people do." Sam smiled and then Fayelynn was gone. It was only a few minutes later that he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Sam felt a tear slowly drip down his face as he put his foot in the church door. He didn't understand why Fayelynn had to die; they had only really started bonding because of the cancer. Life was like a bitter knife ripping her away from him when he needed her. Sam wasn't sure how he would be able to continue in his fight without her by his side. Sam swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay, he'd cried enough for everyone these past few days. As he was pondering just how he was going to get through his own ordeal he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Sam, you don't have to be strong, we all know how much she meant to you" Dean said softly as he watched his brother, trying to be strong for both families.

"It's not fair Dean" he said lowly "She didn't deserve to die." Dean's heart broke as he watched another tear fall down his little brothers face. He wished he could this pain from Sam, to somehow make it to where this whole situation had never happened. He longed to go back to the days before Sam even had cancer.

"I know Sammy trust me I know" Dean said as he gently pulled his hurting little brother into his arms. "You don't know how much I hate this for you, but know this you're not alone. Me and Dad, we're going to see you through this." Dean hated seeing the grief in his little brother's eyes but he was serious he would do all he could to ease his little brother's pain. No kid should ever hurt as badly as his Sammy was. Sensing a dark gaze on his back Dean turned and looked right into the pure black gaze of a person waiting to get into the church.

What the hell is a demon doing here? Dean wondered as he got his father's attention and nodded towards the door. Whatever it had planned it wouldn't succeed. The Hunters knew it was there now, they would do whatever they could to let Sam get to say goodbye in peace. Dean glared and the human the demon currently wore smirked. She didn't care that they knew, after all what could a couple of humans do to stop her from having fun?

What John and Dean didn't see was that Mary was standing at the entrance to the church and she wasn't letting the demon pass through.

"You're not disrupting this service" she said "My son is going to get the chance to say a proper goodbye. You Shall not pass." That being said all Mary had to do was reach out and touch the demon and the demon disappeared.

"I'll be watching you Sammy" Mary said softly and a second later another angel appeared beside her. The other angel's eyes immediately fell on the crying Sam.

"Oh Sam" she said softly even though she no longer had a human body. She hurt seeing him like that.

"You shouldn't be here Fayelynn" Mary said gently though she knew why the other angel had come. "I'll watch over Sam and you're family, there is no need for you to worry."

"I wish I could hug Sam" Fayelynn said continuing to watch her weeping friends and family. She had always known that this could be the outcome of her fight with cancer.

"Sam will be okay, he's a very strong young man, and only getting stronger by the minute. He'll have a hard time for a while but it will get easier." Mary said "Besides I'm going to be with him, I will be there to help him."

"He's a very sweet kid please help him, and my parents and sister I can't stand the thought of them grieving." Fayelynn said looking back at her parents who were not talking with John.

"You don't have to worry" Mary said softly as she watched Fayelynn disappear. She looked over at Sam who was not sitting down in the second row behind Fayelynn's family. She hated that her baby was hurting so much but she knew that Dean and John would take good care of him and help him get through this time. Placing a ward on the church door she disappeared.

Sam and Dean made their way to their seats right behind Fayelynn's family. Faith was bouncing around as usual and Sam figured she didn't totally understand the concept of funeral. Faith looked over at Sam and softly asked:

"Where's Fayelynn why isn't she here?" she hadn't yet noticed the casket in front of the building with the picture sitting on top of it. Sam swallowed hard and looked down. She had asked the question with such innocence that Sam's heart broke. Tears fell down his eyes and he had to turn away, there was no way he would be the one to tell her that her sister wouldn't be coming home ever again. Music started playing and a soft voice filled the church.

I didn't know today would be our last

Or that I'd have to say goodbye to you so fast

I'm so numb I can't feel anymore

Praying you would just walk back through that door

And tell me that I was only dreaming

You're not really gone as long as I believe

There will be another angel

Around the throne tonight

Your love lives on inside of me

And I will hold on tight

It's not my place to question

Only God knows why

I'm just jealous of the angels

Around the throne tonight

You always made my troubles feel so small
And you were always there to catch me when I'd fall
In a world where heroes come and go
Well God just took the only one I know
So I'll hold you as close as I can
Longing for the day, when I see your face again
But until then

God must need another angel
Around the throne tonight
Your love lives on inside of me
And I will hold on tight
It's not my place to question
Only God knows why
I'm just jealous of the angels
Around the throne tonight

Sam sobbed quietly as the song played, and Dean and John both put their hands on Sam's back and rubbed gentle circles on his back. They had known the funeral was going to be hard for Sam. they both wished it hadn't come down to this but alas it did which meant they would do their best to support Sam.

"She's not suffering anymore" John said softly in Sam's ear "she has her cure now."

"Some cure" Sam sobbed quietly "she's gone forever."

"I don't think she is" Dean said "I think she's with Mom and watching over you now." Sam knew his father and Dean were only trying to comfort him, but it didn't help soften the pain he was feeling. Sam didn't think anything would. He still remembered her as she was dying. She had pleaded with him to not give up just because she wasn't going to beat the cancer, it didn't mean that he couldn't. He remembered her lying on that hospital bed slowly getting weaker day after day, and slowly her she stopped functioning, she had deteriorated until she couldn't even hold her eyes open for a long amount of time. Sam had hated seeing her like that knowing that it wouldn't be long before she left them forever. His heart gave a throb as the music came an end and the Preacher started the service.

"We're here to celebrate the life of a young lady whose life was cut tragically short." He began "though short it might have been, Fayelynn lived to her fullest, and loved with everything she had. We will mourn her but we will also rejoice in knowing that she is no longer suffering, and that she has received the cure we have all so often prayed for. While we weep now, we have that hope we will someday see Fayelynn again, she just beat us to our final resting place." The preacher continued on for a few more minutes and Sam struggled to keep his cries quite though he knew everyone would understand, for they too hurt just as much as he did. Through the entire service John and Dean kept their hands on Sam's back in silent support. They wouldn't let him suffer alone.

As they got up to go say pay their respects John leaned over and whispered in Sam's ear.

"You don't have to be strong, we know how much you're hurting right now, and it's okay to show the world you're pain. No one will think any less of you for it."

"I agree with Dad" Dean said "today you have every right to fall apart." Sam nodded but didn't say anything and as he approached Fayelynn's casket, he felt himself grow weak in his knees as if his grief was about to bend him over.

Dean and John stood behind Sam as he placed his hand on the casket.

"I'm sorry" Sam cried softly his heart shattering into a million pieces leaving him with nothing but a black pit for a heart. "I wish it could have been me instead of you, you were so good and me and the things I do, there's nothing good about me. I deserved to die not you" he cried out as he finally collapsed onto the floor Dean and John both dropped to the floor with him and the both wrapped their arms around him even if it was a bit awkward.

"It should have been me" Sam cried out against John's chest, his fingers grabbing ahold of his father's shirt.

"Oh god Sammy" John said softly "Don't ever say that, me and Dean we couldn't live without you. You mean the world to us, but this time it was just Fayelynn's time to go. She doesn't deserve to suffer anymore."

"How am I beating cancer and she didn't?" Sam sobbed quietly "It's not fair."

John just held Sam closer wishing he could take his pain away. He didn't have the answers Sam needed but he wished he did. He wished that no child had ever heard of cancer. John held Sam close to his heart and let his baby cry god how it hurt hearing it. No father should ever have to listen to their child hurting like this.

As people continued to come up and pay their respects, they gave John and Sam the space they needed even though they were in front of the casket. They knew that Sam was also dealing with cancer and had been a good friend with their Fayelynn. He deserved to be able to take his time in saying goodbye.

Finally after what seemed like ages later, Sam had calmed down enough to be able to stand on his own. Looking at the picture that stood on top of her casket, Sam reached out and touched it gently
"I'm going to miss you Angel, but I won't ever forget you and I won't ever stop fighting, I will win this fight for the both of us," Sam turned away and walked towards Fayelynn's parents.

Fayelynn's mother automatically wrapped Sam in a hug.

"Faye wouldn't want you to hurt like this" she whispered in Sam's ear. "She loved you like a brother even though you have only known each other for a short time."

"I loved her too" Sam said softly as tears filled his eyes again "But I didn't get nearly enough time with her, I actually thought she would be able to beat this."

"For a while there we all did" she said softly "but some things aren't meant to be, but she is much better off now. I couldn't stand to see her hurting and as much as my heart longs to have her in my arms again, I am also relieved that she doesn't have to go through chemo anymore." Sam nodded.

"Sam" she said seriously "just because she has left us, please don't give up fighting, just because it didn't happen for her it doesn't mean that it won't happen for you."

"I made a promise to Fayelynn that I wouldn't give up" Sam said "I intend to keep that promise." She hugged Sam again.

"Let us know when you're through with chemo okay, we will celebrate with you." Sam nodded and went back towards his family, he wasn't going to the graveside service because he didn't think he would be able to handle it despite his family's reassurances that it was okay if he lost it today considering his best friend on the entire planet had died.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" Dean asked his brother as they climbed into the impala.

"Yes, I'm sure" Sam said "I'm worn out." Emotionally and physically Sam thought as he leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes.

"Sam" a voice screamed at him and turned and looked at the bed opposite his. "I'm dead now and it's because of you! You are a grade A freak! It's no wonder you don't have any friends your bad luck runs off on them, and they die. You are nothing but a curse on this planet" an angry Fayelynn screamed at him as she reached over and shoved him.

"Do you know why I'm dead?" She asked leaning over him, getting in his face. "Do you?" Sam shook his head no.

"I'm dead because there's a demon roaming in the hospital, you were the one supposed to die, not me, but the demon took me because your family wouldn't let it have you. I wonder why?" she said "you're nothing but a loser and a freak, you deserve to have cancer, know this your family can only protect you for so long. The demon will kill you, it's only a matter of when."

Sam came to, quickly when he realized his brother was shaking him pretty hard.

"What the hell Dean?" He muttered rubbing at his eyes before staring at his concerned father and brother.

"You were having a nightmare and it sounded like it was pretty bad one at that" Dean said his concern for his brother showing clearly in his eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really" Sam said as his mind drifted back to what the dream Fayelynn had been talking about.

"Whenever you want to talk you know I'm here" Dean said softly as he turned back around and gave his little brother a little privacy.

Is it true? Did she die because of me? Can there really be a demon trying to get to me? Sam didn't know and it scared him that it could be true.

Suddenly he felt dizzy as he started shaking again and out of nowhere Sam shot straight up in his bed gasping, and covered in sweat.

"You okay Sammy?" John asked concerned at his youngest son's appearance.

"I'm okay" he panted breathing hard "I just had one hell of a bad dream." Dean stood and sat down on Sam's bed and rubbed his back gently.

"Can there be a demon that causes cancer?" he asked out of nowhere looking at his father who was completely surprised by the question.

"We think it's possible" John said "we're looking into it now, but we don't know anything for sure. Why?"

"Because I had a dream that there was a demon causing cancer and killed Fayelynn because it couldn't get to me" Sam said shivering as the horror of what had happened in the dream washed over him again.

"Fayelynn's going to be alright" Dean said "if there is a demon we will find a way to put a stop to it before it takes anyone else."

"I hope so" Sam said as he lay back on his bed, he still couldn't get the dream out of his head.

"Trust me when I say we are going to hunt that bastard down" Dean said "Come hell or high water we will put a stop to it." Sam chuckled.

"Okay big brother" Sam said trusting his brother enough to know that's exactly what Dean would do to try and help him through the nightmare that was known as cancer.

If it makes sense the whole funeral was a dream and so Fayelynn is still alive. I like her too much to actually kill her. The song is called Jealous of the angels and it's by Jenn Bostic. You really should listen to it because it's absolutely beautiful. Anyways hope you enjoyed this chapter and thanks as always for reading and reviewing. Have a great weekend. Liz