Chapter Sixteen: Assumptions
Leaning back in the passenger seat of the car Coulson had given Clint, Shay stared quietly out the window watching the scenery pass as Clint drove, her mind was working to reprocess through what she had witnessed in Coulson's office earlier. Shifting slightly in the seat to look at him, her tone was wary as she asked "What the hell was that all about?"
She watched Clint take his eyes off the road momentarily to shoot a quizzical look in her direction before his attention turned back to the road. "What was what about?"
Studying the confused frown now curving his talented mouth Shay shook her head slightly and turned her gaze back out the window as she spoke "The whole thing in Coulson's office, when he first walked in. I understand that you thought him dead and obviously seeing him was a shock, but I get the feeling there's more going on than I know."
Her mind was still stuck on the possibility of them being lovers and it unfortunately refused to let go of the idea, instead it clung onto it like a starving dog with a bone, part of her mind was reeling with the thought of is he gay, another part argued that he had to be bisexual, he was just too talented to be into guys only.
"Just what was he to you? You seemed really angry about the fact he was alive and hadn't told you…..were you and he…" Shay trailed off here and contemplated the best way to finish that sentence, tugging nervously at the sleeves of Clint's leather jacket she thought for a few minutes before waving her hand vaguely as she blurted "together?"
As the confusion spread further across his face Shay gnawed at her lower lip slightly before blurting "You know…together, as in lovers, boyfriends, friends with benefits, fuck buddies?" She couldn't look at him to see his reaction instead turning her gaze back out the window.
Blinking suddenly as the full weight of Shay's question settled within his mind his first thought was how in the hell had she come to think he and Coulson were intimately involved? Sliding his hand from the steering wheel, Clint reached over to settle it on her thigh squeezing gently as he murmured "Darlin', I'm not gay, you should realise that."
Before he had a chance to continue Shay cut him off muttering "You could be Bi." That comment caused his lips to twitch in amusement; thankfully he managed to prevent the chuckle that had been building in his chest from slipping free.
"I could be, that's true, but I'm not. I'm straight as an arrow darlin', and the only person I have any interest in being together with is currently sitting beside me asking me if I'd been screwing the closest thing I have to a father." He caught the faint blush of embarrassment staining Shay's cheeks before she turned her head to rest her forehead against the window. Turning his gaze back to the road he continued "Coulson was the one who recruited me into SHIELD, he's the reason I'm still alive and that my life has changed, if it weren't for him I probably wouldn't be here today."
Shay listened quietly as Clint shared stories of some of what Coulson had done for him over the years, she slipped her hand beneath his that rested on her thigh entangling their fingers.
Time flew as the stories grew more and more exuberant, she'd stared at Clint in disbelief when he'd told her how Coulson had thwarted a service station robbery with a bag of flour, she'd heard his voice waver however when he shared what he'd been told of how Coulson had died and the fact he felt that it was his fault since while under Loki's mind control he'd led the team that freed Loki aboard the helicarrier.
"No," Shay stated firmly, her gaze locked on the side of Clint's face as she continued, "If you were brainwashed, or under some kind of mind control by an alien god then it's not your fault Clint, you were only human, I doubt any human would have been able to protect themselves from being controlled."
As Clint went on to recount the way he'd been treated upon returning to SHIELD and how he'd constantly wished for Coulson's reassurance and aid in dealing with the fallout, Shay was pretty certain her heart broke on more than one occasion as Clint's fingers tightened around hers before he whispered,
"He was, or I guess still is despite his temporary bout of stupidity and serious lack of judgement, one of my closest friends and one of the few people I trust and consider family. As much as I was tempted by his offer to rejoin SHIELD I can't do that just yet, there's something else, someone else in my life that has to come first and he knew that, understands that. I have no doubt he'll get the people he needs to rebuild SHIELD into something better."
Squeezing his fingers as she shifted in her seat slightly to watch him Shay said quietly "Well I'm sure May as his soulmate will sort out his case of stupid and lack of judgement, I think she's contemplated killing him on more than one occasion."
"Wait, what? Back up, May and Coulson? Are you fucking kidding me?" Clint pulled off the road throwing the car into park before twisting in his seat to look at Shay, he was pretty sure his expression was seriously dumbfounded; he vaguely recalled seeing the neat scrawl across Coulson's shoulder blade when he'd tried to stop Natasha from storming into Coulson's office one time.
"I think so? When you stormed out of the office and left me behind, which by the way, dick move there buster, she looked to me and I quote here 'Soulmates, can't live with them, can't kill them.' Then after she told me where to find you as I was closing the door I think I heard her say to him 'I told you to call them, but would you listen?' Plus did they seem kind of cosy to you when we went back in there?" He saw Shay shrug slightly even as he mentally tried to compare what he remembered of May's handwriting to the scrawl across Coulson's shoulder.
"Surely not," Clint mumbled, even as he wracked his brain. Coulson and May had worked in completely separate divisions of SHIELD before the fall, he supposed, and the organisation had literally thousands of employees. He supposed it was quite possible they'd never met earlier.
The period where Clint himself had worked with May, Coulson had been overseas doing something entirely different. As usual when Clint went into the field without Coulson, it had ended badly – in Bahrain, after which May had left the field and buried herself in Admin.
"Well," Clint said eventually, beginning to grin, "Phil and May. How amusing. She'll definitely keep him on his toes."
"So Hawkeye, what's our next move?" The lilting purr of her voice saying his codename sent a shiver running down the length of Clint's spine.
Shay had been quietly watching Clint during their conversation about Coulson and May so she clearly saw the reaction he had to her use of his codename, his pupils had briefly blown wide before returning to normal. She tracked his tongue as it moistened his lips before he cleared his throat to rumble "Our next move? Well, I had thought to take you home to New York and introduce you to the rest of my friends and team mates?"
The silence in the car was deafening as Clint let his gaze roam Shay's face in puzzlement, he could almost see the argument occurring within her head as her fight or flight instinct seemingly reared its head, when she finally spoke her voice was little more than a whisper "You want me to meet your friends?"
"Yes, even Stark, though how in the hell I wound up considering him a friend I think will forever be a mystery, or it's the result of too many blows to the head. Man is a pain in the ass at the best of times, but a good friend and ally to have." Clint wasn't stupid, he could understand how meeting his friends would be daunting for Shay, and after all it wasn't every day one meets superheroes.
"However, with that being said, I think I'd like to keep you all to myself for one more night before I throw you deeper into the insanity that is my life." Taking hold of Shay's closest hand and bringing it up to his mouth Clint brushed a kiss across her knuckles before letting her hand fall back to her lap, turning his attention back to the road he put the car back in gear and pulled back out.
The silence that lingered in the car was a little disconcerting to Clint so while the road was clear ahead he spared Shay a glance, what he saw had a frown creasing his brow as she appeared to be struggling to stay awake, he watched as her eyelids would flutter shut momentarily before snapping open and starting the whole thing over again. "Tired?"
Clint's low murmur startled Shay causing her to jump slightly in her seat, reaching across to put the car window down, she hoped the fresh air might help her stay awake as she answered "A bit, I didn't get much sleep last night. And someone used up what energy I did have a little while ago."
The sheepish expression on Clint's face when he glanced her way again Shay found kind of adorable, shifting in her seat she reached over and let her hand rest high on his thigh, watching him through half lidded eyes as she murmured "Not that I'm complaining about how that energy was expended, mind you."
"Huh, and here I thought I wore you out last night." Shay picked up the slightest twinge of disappointment in Clint's tone at the same moment his shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly, squeezing his thigh firmly she took a moment to think of the best way to phrase her response.
"You did, you're very precise and definitely thorough with whatever you put your mind to it seems. But even as exhausted as I was last night I couldn't get back to sleep after the nightmare."
"Then you should have woken me." The definitive tone of his voice made Shay blink slowly, her eyelids feeling heavier than normal as she processed that, when she finally spoke her voice was a quiet drawl.
"You needed the rest; besides you looked so peaceful; I didn't have the heart to wake you." She took in his profile as her fingers began to idly stroke his thigh, the barely audible sigh from Clint just as one of his large hands dropped from the steering wheel to still her hand had Shay fighting to focus on his voice when he spoke.
"Do me a favour darlin', the next time you wake from a nightmare, if I'm not already awake, wake me ok? I'd rather be awake and spending time with you than sleeping while you can't. In the meantime, try and get some rest."
"Hmm," was the only response he received from Shay, which led him to assume she had dozed off, curling his hand lightly over the top of hers that still rested on his thigh he turned his attention back to the road.
As he drove Clint mulled over his options, he could either drive them all the way back to New York and then find somewhere to stay for the night or he could find somewhere to stay outside of New York.
Outside the city seemed the safest bet, somewhere that he could stay off the radar and away from surveillance cameras. With that in mind, he turned off into the hills and found a quiet little town with a very small, old-fashioned motel. The old couple who ran the place probably didn't even have a computer, and certainly no surveillance. He told them he and Shay were newly-weds, just looking for some peace and quiet, and got an understanding smile from the old lady and a surprisingly dirty wink from her husband as he carried his sleeping soulmate out of the car to the room.
Clint had slipped from the room again briefly after getting Shay settled beneath the bed covers to collect their bags, while he'd been out of the room he had thankfully thought to ask the older lady if there was anywhere nearby that he could purchase food, he'd been honestly stunned when the kindly woman had simply shook her head and with a warm smile said "I'll put together something for you and your wife and leave it outside your room dearie."
That had been two hours ago and Clint had been passing the time by idly sitting at the foot of the bed flicking through the newspaper the kindly motherly motel owner had given him when the first distressed whimpers began to slip from Shay's throat. Setting the paper aside he turned to watch as she slowly started thrashing, the bed covers gradually being kicked aside.
Hoisting himself onto the empty side of the bed Clint crawled quickly up the length of the bed, reaching out to carefully grasp her thrashing arms by the wrists as he murmured reassuringly "It's ok darlin', you're safe, I've got you."
Stroking his thumbs over her inner wrists, Clint shifted to lie over Shay settling his weight carefully with his forearms braced either side of her head and his legs straddling one of hers, dropping his head to her throat he nuzzled gently.
"No Brock, don't," the quietly muttered plea made Clint freeze, his blood running cold as anger flared deep within him, his mind swirled through different scenarios that would cause her wild thrashing and heart breaking plea.
As distracted as he was by his wild imaginings Clint really didn't expect the sudden jolt of pain that flared in his rib cage as Shay's knee connected sharply with his side knocking him off her, the rolling momentum sending him off the side of the bed with a thud, curling his arm around his ribs he took a moment or two to try and suck a breath in, he heard the sharp sudden intake of breath he assumed was Shay jolting awake that was followed by a quiet and slightly unsure "Clint?"
"Here." A frown creased Shay's brow at the groaned response, before seeing Clint's hand raise from below the other side of the bed, instantly her mind screamed oh fuck, what have I done? Scrambling across the bed to peer over the edge, taking in the way he was lying on his back with his arm curled about his ribs and the barely concealed pain in his expression her stomach dropped with a sudden feeling of dread.
"No, no, no, what did I do?" Shay muttered as she slid from the bed. Straddling Clint's thighs she leant forward to cup his cheeks and brushed her mouth over his, murmuring "Let me see?"
Reaching for the hem of Clint's shirt as he forced himself to sit up with a grimace, Shay eased it up and over his head, carelessly flinging it over her shoulder as her hands slid down his chest to gently probe at his ribs, she would never forgive herself if she hurt him.
Clint could see the self-reproach etched clearly on Shay's face as her hands busied themselves poking and prodding at his ribs, occasionally causing a sharp pained exhale of breath as she hit a tender spot, settling one hand on her hip he reached up to curl his other around the nape of her neck as he whispered "It's ok darlin', you just winded me and bruised my ego a little, I'm fine, I'm more concerned about what had you thrashing around and begging fucking Rumlow to stop."
The last response Clint had expected was for a strangled sob to slip free of Shay's throat as she flung her arms over his shoulders and buried her face into his throat, turning his head slightly he brushed gentle kisses against her hair holding her close as she fought to pull herself back together.
When he felt Shay lift her head Clint quietly studied her face, he could see her apprehension clearly for a split second, before she suddenly grasped his wrist and guided his hand from her hip up beneath the hem of her shirt to rest on the right lower side of her back. His brow furrowed and he was about to ask what was going on when her hand slid along his to guide his fingers.
As his fingers brushed over a small cluster of scars and Shay averted her eyes from his Clint couldn't prevent the low rumbling growl that rolled through his chest. Running his fingers lightly over the scars he explored each one that made up the cluster individually, without looking and going by the pure feel of the scarring he surmised that they were caused by a tactical knife, probably one of the many Rumlow had carried and used the few times they'd worked together. "He did this to you? Why?"
"I…uh, ignored one of his requests and that was the price I paid for it. It's not a mistake I repeated." How the hell he'd missed seeing the cluster of scars last night in the farmhouse was beyond him, however his attention had been focused on other matters, deep down Clint was seething that Rumlow had dared to punish Shay in such a way.