A/n: I'm a little disappointed in the amount of reviews I have for this story. Regardless. I will post a new chapter every Monday. Thanks to the two wonderful people who did review. I love hearing opinions. On to the story
Chapter Two: Talk Is Cheap
"Bickman! I'll kill him. I will fucking kill him" Draco spun away from me and started walking away. I grabbed his wrist desperately trying to keep him in place.
"No, you promised. If you hurt him you'll go to jail and then I'll be lost. You keep the nightmares away." I begged.
"Ginny, he hurt you. He broke you. And you want me to just let him go on living like it never happened?" He slid down the wall and sat down on the floor putting his head into his hands.
"Yes, because he'll get away with it either way. I tell, we go to trial and he finds a way out. At least like this the whole world isn't staring at me because of it. Please Draco, just help me put the pieces back together again. Just help me heal. One day karma will get him. Until then I want my life back. Please." Tears poured down my face as I spoke.
He looked up at me, stood, and wrapped me in his arms. "Okay. Just don't cry. It makes me sad."
Someone knocking on the door cause us to pull apart. Logan walked in first followed by Azlyn, Pansy and Blaise.
"Oh my gosh, I love your hair Ginny" Azlyn admired plopping down in front of the fire.
"So I doubled checked. Ginny and I have all the same classes. Looks like you'll be seeing a lot of me Ginny." He said slipping an arm around his girlfriend when he joined her in front of the fire.
"Has my room suddenly become the hang out spot for everyone?" Draco questioned as Pansy and Blaise also made themselves comfortable in front of the fire.
"Why yes, yes it has" Pansy laughed. "Where else are we going to hang out especially since we now have a Gryffindor in our group?"
"Good point" Draco responded.
Monday morning, I felt awful. Probably because I hadn't slept the night before because every time I shut my eyes I saw Travis standing over me with his condescending smile. I slid into my seat next to Ron at the Gryffindor table and nibbled on a piece of toast while everyone around me chatted happily.
"Ginny, what is your mother going to say when she sees your hair?" Hermione turned to me as she began packing her books into her school bag.
"I don't know, Hermione. I would think she would be more upset by my choice in a boyfriend." I yawned and began to fix my tie.
"Morning Red" Travis slid into the seat on my other side. "So it's true then? You and Malfoy together? "
"Yes, it's true Bickman. You're a little too close to my girlfriend for my taste so why don't you move away before I make you" Draco loomed with an evil glint in his eyes that sent shivers down my spine.
Travis shoved away from the table and walked away in a huff without saying anything. I stood from my seat and followed Draco out into the halls where Logan was waiting for us. I quickly tucked my shirt into my skirt and shrugged into my robes.
"You look exhausted Ginny."Logan commented
"I had trouble sleeping last night." I stretched my arms before slinging my bag over my shoulder.
Draco pulled me into a hug. "Come to my room during lunch so you can take a nap. Focus on school as much as you can. It will help and Logan will be with you the whole time so Bickman won't get near you. " He kissed the top of my head before walking away to his first class.
When lunch came around I was trying not to fall asleep walking. Logan walked with me to Draco's room and once I was inside he headed for the great hall. I kicked off my shoes, undid my tie, and untucked my shirt before falling back on his bed. It wasn't long before I was out like a light. And it was much too soon before someone was waking me up.
"Ginny, time to wake up." Draco shook me awake gently.
I sat up slowly yawning. "I don't want to be awake" I stood up and began straightening out my uniform and getting ready to go. "How long have you been here?"
"I probably got here a few minutes after you did. But you were asleep. I've just been working on my homework."
I pulled my robe on and slung my bag over my shoulder just as Logan walked in. I looked at him with a scarf wrapped around his neck and cursed silently. I forgot it was cold outside and hadn't grabbed my scarf this morning. Draco noticed and pulled one of his green and silver scarves out of a door before wrapping it around my neck. It smelled like him and that calmed me for some reason.
"Thanks, I 'll see you after study hall then." I followed Logan out the door and off to care of magical creatures.
In study hall, Logan was poking me periodically to keep me awake while I worked on my homework. I was writing my potions essay when Travis turned around from the table in front of us.
"So Red, Malfoy got his friend here keeping an eye on you?" He smirked.
"Shove it, Bickman" Logan warned.
"Oh, I'm so afraid Macnear. How's your girlfriend? Maybe you should be trailing her and not Red all the time."
"Is that a threat Bickman? Because you may just need to watch yourself a little more." Logan didn't seem threatened at all.
"Oh, I'm so afraid." Travis laughed before turning back to his work.
At the end f the day I split up from Logan and once again went to Draco's room. I just kicked off my shoes before climbing in bed this time, too exhausted to care, and was asleep instantly.
When I woke again, I wondered what time it was. The fire had gone out and Draco was sleeping peacefully next to me. I looke up at the clock on the wall and noticed it was a little before midnight. I felt gross from sleeping in my clothes and I ached all over my body. Slowly, trying not to disturb Draco, I climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
I turned on the shower hoping it wouldn't wake Draco up and began digging through the bag of my things I stashed in his room. I pulled out all my shower stuff and began undressing. When I went to pull off my socks I tripped. Trying to keep my self from fallin I reached out and ended up slamming my hand into my razor which made it break and the blades fall out all of the floor. I cursed quietly and picked up the pieces putting them on the counter.
When I lifted the blade off the ground it caught my other arm on the way up. I froze when the tiny cut began to bleed. And I stared, completely fascinated by it. After a few minutes, I stood up, sliding the razor in my backpack without a reason why I was keeping it and tossed the rest of the razor into the trash before stepping in to the shower. It was the most normal I had felt since the Friday before. And I liked it.
When I stepped back into Draco's room he was sitting up reading in bed.
"Did I wake you?" I questioned sliding into bed next to him.
"No, But I figured I would wait for you to come back. Feeling better?" He put down his book and turned out the light.
"Yes, surprisingly, some sleep and a warm shower do help with exhaustion." I curled up the covers, enjoying the warmth of his body next to mine.
"You know, you can stay here whenever you want. You seem to sleep better here than anywhere else." He yawned and sank down under the covers as well.
"I may just have to take you up on that." I closed my eyes drifting back to my dreamless sleep.
The rest of the week went by in pretty much the same fashion. Every night I would pull my razor out of my backpack and enjoy a moment or two of control. I slept in long sleeve shirts to cover the cuts and always changed in a room without anyone else.
Halloween brought the first hogsmeade weekend of the year and it was nice to have an empty castle to wander in. Draco and the others went on without me as I told them I had homework to catch up on. I walked up to the gryffindor tower and curled up in front of the fire with my potion notes and studied for an upcoming test. I'd been there maybe ten minutes when Carter Temply walked in.
"Mind if I join you Gin?" He slid onto the floor next to me with his books in his hands.
"Not at all. You didn't go to Hogsmeade with Regan?" I asked looking up from my notes.
"Nope, I have a charms test coming up. And she well she is boyfriend trolling." He laughed. "Where is your boyfriend?"
"He's not my boyfriend." It slipped out. I don't know why I couldn't lie to him about me and Draco being together when I was lieing to everyone else.
"I thought…?" He looked confused.
"We're just friends. It's just to make people think we are unavailable. There's a guy that just won't leave me alone." I quickly tried to fix my slip up.
"Oh, so are you available or not?" He put his books down on the floor and turned to me.
"I don't know. I've confused myself." I closed my potion textbook and put it on the floor.
"I hope you are."He smiled.
"Why?"
Instead of an answer in words he leaned in towards me and kissed me. I flinched flashing back to what had happened barely a week before and he pulled away.
"I'm sorry?" He looked hurt.
"It's not you Carter, I promise. I'm just going through some stuff right now and I can't do this, with anyone, not right now." I felt horrible.
"When Ginny? I've had feelings for you for nearly a year. I don't know how long I can wait."
"Can you just give me a month? I'll have an answer for you the first of December, please. I like you Carter I really do, but I need to sort some stuff out before I can be with someone." This whole conversation made me sick to my stomach, I wanted to puke.
"A month, I can do that." He whispered more to himself than to me.
I smiled at him and tucked a piece of my short hair behind my ear. I gathered my books and stood up with him following suit.
"I have to go, I'll see you at quidditch practice tomorrow." I let him hug me and fought the urge to pull away.
Back in the safety of Draco's room, I fled to the safety of the bathroom and pulled out my razor. I slid down the wall, tears pouring down my face and blood dripping off my arm. I stayed that way for awhile before succumbing to my body's protests of the position I was sitting in and going back into Draco's bedroom. I finished my homework before curling into Draco's bed and taking a nap.
I was woken up by the sound of Draco walking in and I sat up in bed. I could feel the puffiness of my eyes from having cried for so long before. And I could tell that Draco saw it too.
"What happened? What's wrong?" He dropped his bags, kicked off his shoes and climbed in bed next to me.
"I got kissed." I cried.
"What?" I was positive I had imagined the flash of anger in his eyes before his composer returned.
"I went up to Gryffindor to study and Carter joined me. I let it slip that we aren't actually dating and he kissed me." I waited for some reaction, something to back up the crazy thoughts in my head.
"Most people would be happy that they got kiss, I don't understand what is wrong with that." He responded in a perfectly neutral voice.
"I flinched; I couldn't even let a perfectly nice boy kiss me. He thought I was rejecting him, so I made up a story about needing some time and so he gave me until December first to make a decision."
"It's only been a week, Ginny. You are far from healed but you'll get there." He pulled me into a hug and I felt safe again.
"I hope so," I whispered. "I hope so"
Another week past much like the one before, but November brought the chill and snow of winter. Everyone was out playing in the snow, making angels and having snowball fights, but I stayed indoors. I studied and stayed in Draco's room for the most part, unwilling to be part of the carefree fun outside.
Azlyn and Pansy stayed with me for the most part and we told stories of our childhoods. My stories were more upbeat than theirs were. I found it odd how completely turned around things were. They were upbeat and happy and I was broken and afraid.
Classes blurred and time crawled by and by mid-November I was no closer to a decision about Carter than I was when he kissed me. My arms were in a constant state of dull stingy and it kept me floating along. One afternoon, I took a walk along the shore of the now frozen lake, when Carter caught up to me.
"So how are you?" He asked pulling his cloak closer to his body.
"I'm fine, And you?" I stopped and stared out at the ice.
"Cold, look Ginny, I know you agreed on a month but I was just wondering if you were any closer to a decision?" He teeth chattered slightly as he spoke.
"I'm trying Carter, I am. It's just that I …" And all of a sudden I felt sick. I ran to the nearest trash bin and threw up. Carter stayed close and was looking at me with concerned eyes when I turned back to face him.
"Are you okay?" He looked frightened.
"I'm fine, must have caught a bug or something. I'm sorry if you get sick now." I brushed it off but in reality I felt awful.
"Are you sure, because I could take you to madam Pomfrey." He was being nice, so nice. But I couldn't, too much of a risk, too much at stake.
"I'm fine, really. I'm just going to go lie down. I'll be fine." I walked away quickly but he followed.
"I'll walk you up then." He resolved himself falling in step beside me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I wasn't planning to go lay down in my dorm. I had been planning on going to Draco's room.
It felt odd lying in my dorm room after being gone for so long. I was glad none of my roommates were there. I wasn't in the mood to deal with questions about my absence of comments on why I had been sleeping somewhere else. If I hadn't been feeling so horrid I probably would have found a way to sneak back to Draco's room. I managed to fall into a fitful sleep after only a few minutes.
"Please stop" My whole body hurt. This wasn't how I pictured losing my virginity, not at all.
"Shut up!" He grunted, clearly enjoying himself.
"Please, I'm begging you to stop." I cried.
He slapped me hard across the face and I whimpered in pain. "I said shut up, bitch!"
I woke up sweating and crying. I noticed it was late, probably past diner as I jumped out of bed and fled my dorm. As I ran through the common room, I vaguely heard someone call my name worriedly but I didn't stop.
I didn't stop until I was in Draco's room. He looked up from his book when I walked in and immediately dropped it on the table, standing up. I ran into his arms and fell apart. He just stood their holding me until I started feeling sick and ran to the bathroom so I could throw up.
"Ginny? Are you okay?" He handed me a damp cloth when I was done and I wiped my face off standing slowly. I shook my head before brushing my teeth slowly willing myself to feel better.
"You need to see Madam Pompfrey."
"No, I don't. I'm just going to take a bath and get some sleep. I'll be fine." I pushed him out of the bathroom and locked the door.
Once the water was running and my clothes were piled on the floor, I pulled my razor blade out of where I had hidden it and slipped into the tub. I watched the blood bubble up on my arm then run into the water. It swirled around before disappearing.
Half an hour later, I stepped out of the bathroom in a long sleeve black shirt and black sweatpants. Draco was sitting on the bad staring at me.
"What?" I felt self-conscience like he knew what I had been doing and I tugged at my sleeves nervously.
"How long has it been since…?" He stopped before finishing the sentence but I knew what he was talking about.
I sat down next to him feeling sick even thinking about it again.
"Three weeks, I think" Time was blurred for me so I wasn't really sure.
"I've been thinking, Gin. Could you be pregnant?" He was staring at my stomach intently, like maybe that was enough to make what he was saying untrue.
I opened my mouth to tell him it was impossible but nothing came out. I shut my mouth and forced myself back into that night. But I didn't know if he had prevented it. I hadn't really thought about it then. I shook involuntarily and began to feel the heat of tears falling down my face.
"Oh my god."