Chapter 4: Full Circle
a/n: I love my reviewers ..even though there are only a couple of you.
"What about these two?" Pansy asked showing me a smiling picture of a couple.
"No, that picture just screams overly perfectionist." I sighed and wiggled my toes in front of the fire in Draco's room.
It was nearly the end of March and yet the snow continued to fall outside. I was thankful though. The cold weather meant I could wear think sweaters that covered the now barely there bump, the constant reminder of the nightmares that still plagued me most nights.
Pansy, Draco, and I had been pouring over couples to adopt the baby for days. Pansy had managed to connect me to a confidential wizard adoption agency. I had been promised the couple would never know my name. All I had to do was pick out the couple and sign some papers. I thought it would be easy and I would just pick the first couple that looked decent. But so far I had been unable to find a couple that I felt was good enough for the tiny human growing inside me.
But I had decided that I would pick a couple that day. It was an emotionally draining process and I didn't know how much longer I could keep finding excuses to not spend my free time with Carter. As far as he knew I was with Pansy who was tutoring me for my OWLS.
I flipped a few more pages in the book of childless desperate couples as Draco had decided to call it and I saw a familiar face. I almost dropped the book in shock as if their picture would run and tell the real them what I was doing. Draco and Pansy noticed my expression and both looked over my shoulder at the book in front of me.
"Oh wow, did you know they were adopting?" Pansy pointed at the picture of Charlie and his wife Anna. They had eloped nearly a year ago after a whirlwind romance. In the picture they were both sitting in a park under a tree smiling at the camera completely content in each other's arms. I smiled at the picture before turning to Pansy to answer her question.
"No, I remember them mentioning that they were trying to have a baby awhile back. But they never mentioned this. It doesn't matter thought. They are perfect. I choose them." I turned to look at my friends with a smile on my face, assuring them that this was what I wanted and I wasn't losing my mind anymore than I already had.
"Are you sure?" Draco asked his eyes searching mine for doubt but finding none.
"I am positive." And I was.
"Alright then, I'll send a letter to the adoption agency telling them your choice and then they will send you some paperwork to sign and it will be done." Pansy kept an even tone when speaking. I could always tell she didn't quite know how to feel about the situation I was in. I understood and tried to ignore it the best I could.
Two days later I received the paperwork I needed to sign and officially signed away my child to my older brother and his wife. I knew that both Draco and Pansy expected me to be upset by this but I wasn't. It put me at peace knowing I would get to be in the baby's life as an aunt.
Time began to fly after that and soon it was time for easter break. My stomach was starting to become too big too hide under my uniform so pansy taught me a glamour spell that would hide it when I wasn't in Draco's room with them.
It wasn't very often though, that the three of us had been together. I was almost always with Carter. Draco was always with Kristen and Pansy was with Blaise. I wasn't even able to see them on the train as Carter was returning home as well. I sat in a compartment with him, Regan, Harry, Luna, Ron, and Hermione.
I was tired and lost in thought for most of the ride so I paid very little attention to the conversation going on around me until I heard Ron calling my name.
"Ginny?" He nudged my shoulder. "I've been trying to get your attention for nearly five minutes now."
"Oh, I'm sorry. " I turned to meet the gazes of my friends. "What is it?" I tried to pretend to be interested in what he wanted to tell me.
"I asked you if you had any clue what Charlie and Anna big announcement will be on Friday. Maybe she's pregnant. First, niece or nephew, you know?"
"Maybe…" I smiled slightly trying not to give away the big news I already knew.
I remained a part of the conversation all the way back to London but reclaimed my silence on the way back to the burrow.
"Your hair is finally past your shoulders again, Ginny" My mother smiled back at me from her place in the front of the car with my father. I knew she preferred it that way. Everyone did, absolutely everyone but me. I was trying to just force myself to deal with it growing back out. Little by little I was reclaiming my old self. But I knew, for the rest of my life, every time I saw my niece or nephew, I would be reminded of how they came to be.
I tried to be involved in activities with my family all week, convincing them all that whatever I had been going through during the holidays was clearly over and done with. On Tuesday, I once again had Luna cover for me as I made the trip into London back to the doctor. Waiting for me at the train station stood Pansy and Azlyn, whom I hadn't seen much of the last couple of months. Pansy had explained that her and Logan were going through a rough patch and things were not very good at either of their homes. But she stood with Pansy who knew I had not informed Draco of this visit. Today, I would find out the gender of the baby. And hopefully through the adoption agency, Charlie and Anna would be informed before Friday so they could either share it in their announcement or keep it to themselves.
"Oh Ginny you make such a cute pregnant woman"' Azlyn remarked lightly. This had been the first time she had seen me without the glamour that hid my growing stomach.
"Thank you Azlyn, I think." I self consciencly wrapped my sweater a little tighter around me as Pansy cam and looped her arm around me.
"Azlyn is very good at sticking her foot in her mouth, if that is how the saying goes." Pansy rolled her eyes and Azlyn blushed slightly.
"Oi, I didn't mean to upset you Ginny" realizing her mistake she apologized quickly.
"No, it's quite alright Azlyn, it's good to know for future refrence." I smiled at her before the three of us set out towards the doctor's office.
Once inside we sat down on a small sofa clearly not meant for three people and waited.
"Gin, you know Draco is in London today with Blaise, and Blaise knows where we are so if you want Draco to come just tell me and I can have him here." Pansy was only trying to be helpful. I knew that, but it didn't change how I felt.
"No Pansy, and it's not that I don't want him here. I just think he is beginning to get just a little too attached to the baby and I think it will just be easier for him to be as uninvolved as possible at this point."
"Ginerva Weasley"
"Let's do this shall we." My friends helped me to my feet then each kept a hand on mine as we let the nurse lead us into the little ultrasound room.
After my appointment, I owled one copy of the ultrasound picture with the baby's gender on it to the adoption agency, owled another to Draco with a brief letter attached, and hid the last in a small locked box in my dresser.
Friday arrived soon enough and all the Weasley's plus Harry and Hermione gathered outside wating for Charlie and Anna to tell everyone their news.
"First of all, Anna is not pregnant" Charlie stated while everyone around looked slightly upset that their guess had been wrong. "But, we are going to have a baby." Silence
"I'm confused, how can Anna not be pregnant and you still have a baby?" Ron asked.
"We're adopting." Anna explained smiling. 'We've been having trouble conceiving so we decided this would be the best way to go about things. We learned in March that a young expecting witch has chosen us to be her baby's parents and on Tuesday we received an owl with an ultrasound picture and the baby's gender." Her excitement just reinforced the decision I had made. It was odd hearing them talk about the baby I was carrying but I was happy for them. At least one good thing could come of this. And they would never know how the baby truly came to be.
"Is it a boy or a girl then?" Mum asked. "And when is he or she due to arrive if you already know the gender."
"It's a girl. She is due in July and we have already selected her name. We are going to call her Merci Grace Weasley." Charlie answered.
"Oh, I'm so happy for you, both of you" Mum hugged them and the family celebrated the wonderful news.
I went to my room early claiming I was tired and wanted to get some rest before the train ride back to school in the morning after I packed my things. I made sure my locked box that held the picture of Merci and my razor was tucked into the bottom of my truck before I layed down in bed and looked down at my stomach. Only I could see past the glamour charm.
"Alright Merci, now you're real. You have parents and they will be so good to you, I promise." I felt tears pouring down my face as I fell asleep.
On the train back to Hogwarts, I sat with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Regan and Carter. They all chatted joyfully about what they did during the short break and the exciting news that Ron and I were going to have a niece. But I stayed silent, every time they spoke her name, Merci would do a flip like she knew what they were saying and soon I was beginning to feel sick.
"Gin, love, you've been awful quiet. Is something bothering you? " Carter touched my arm gently and I tried to force a smile to my face.
"Yes, I'm just tired. I think I'm gonna go see if there is an empty compartment I can maybe take a nap in."
"I'll come with you"
"No, don't be silly. I'll be asleep. There is much better conversation here. I'll see you when we get to Hogsmeade alright?" I kissed him on the cheek and brushed passed him before he could say anything else.
At the very back of the train I found an unoccupied compartment and curled up on one of the seats.
"Calm yourself, Merci , please" I whispered.
"Talking to yourself now, Red?" Bickman had slid the door open silently and was standing over me.
"Go away jackass" I sat up and regretted it because it brought a wave of sickness over me.
"Temper, temper, darling…." He leaned down so he was inches from my face and ran a hand through my hair. "If you're not careful it just might get you hurt"
"Get away from me now, or I'll scream" I warned pushing myself back away from him as far as possible, while mentally begging Merci to calm down and settle so I could protect us from him.
"I don't think you will, love" He cupped his other hand around my mouth and then leaned down and put his lips to my ears. "Why don't we have a little fun love?" I could feel his hand move from my hair down to my leg where he began to make his way from my knee up under my skirt.
Hot tears burned my eyes and cheeks but I was frozen, just as before. I was helpless and afraid. Then Merci kicked hard and I knew I had to do something. So I bit his hand as hard as I could and I knew I broke skin when I started to taste blood.
"You stupid bitch, what was that for?" He recoiled from me then slapped me hard with his free hand. My face stung but I knew I only had moments before his next blow. I stood and kneed him as hard as I could in the groin before bolting away. I knew I had maybe two minutes before he would come after me so I had to find my destination quickly. I scanned the compartments quickly as I ran looking for the platinum blonde hair I knew so well. When I saw it and was sure it was the correct person, I dashed inside closing the door behind me quickly.
They were frozen, five identical looks of confusion and worry on their faces. Then Draco's face changed and I knew that a bruise was forming on my face . He stood and I fell into his arms, sobbing uncontrollably.
"So stupid, I should have known, didn't feel well, just wanted to lay down." I mumbled well aware I wasn't making any sense.
He passed me off to Azlyn and Pansy quickly and quietly before walking out with Blaise and Logan.
"Draco, no" I had caught the anger in his eyes and I knew exactly where they were going. I followed them with Pansy and Azlyn at my side, but we didn't go far. Bickman was in the hallway obviously looking for me.
"You son of a bitch, I swear to god, lat a hand on her again and I will gladly spend my life in Azkaban for killing you!" Draco yelled before pulling his wand. Logan and Blaise followed suite and doors began to slide open. Directly behind Bickman my brother and friends spilled out of their compartment after recognizing Draco's voice. I covered the side of my face with my hair hiding the mark from the slap.
"She came on to me, not my fault if Red finds me attractive." His cocky attitude made me want to throw up more.
"Don't call her that! And I highly doubt she would be running away from you if she was trying to get with you!" Draco's wand hand was beginning to shake and I was afraid at any moment he would snap.
" I turned her down. She's cute and all but I much prefer her with long hair." He winked at me and I could feel myself starting to shake.
Draco tucked his wand into his pocket and for a moment I was completely lost as to what was happening. Then the moment passed and Draco punched him square in the face, breaking his nose for the second time that year.
"You sick bastard. What part of I will gladly kill you are you not comprehending? You have five seconds to run before I take my wand out again and do something much worse than breaking your nose." Draco began to count and Bickman turned and walked from the fight quickly.
Whispering began immediately between all the students who had witnessed the interaction. Draco turned and walked straight back to me, wrapping his arms around me. The sickness melted away and Merci calmed finally.
"What the bloody hell is going on Ginny? I thought you were going to take a nap?" Carter was standing behind Draco with an aggravated look on his face.
"I had an unpleasant run in with Bickman when I was looking for somewhere to nap." I pulled away from Draco but he hovered protectively behind me.
"And your first thought is to run to him?" He gestured to Draco. "I can't do this anymore. I am so sick of being second to him, which I shouldn't be if you truly never dated him like you said." People's whispers were becoming more intense with each new bit of gossip. "I'm sorry. I'm in love with you but I won't do this. So you have to choose, him or me?"
"Him" I surprised myself. I hadn't even thought about it. And everyone around me gasped at my choice.
"Fine, goodbye Ginny" He turned, pushed past our friends and walked alone down the corridor. Regan turned and followed him away looking rather angry.
Ron, Harry and Hermione turned back into their compartment. And I let Pansy pull me back into the one I had run to only minutes ago. We all sat in silence for the rest of the of the train ride and before we got to Hogsmeade I rejoined my brother to collect my things and followed him back to school. While we sat in the great hall eating dinner we could all hear people whispering about the interactions that took place on the train.
"Gah, I can't take it anymore. I'm going to bed" I stood and walked out before anyone could respond. Without even thinking about it I made my way down to Draco's room, whispering the password and stepping inside.
"Oh Draco, I've been wait…holy fuck! You're not Draco" Kristen jumped out of bed wrapping a robe around her previously nude body. "What the fuck do you want Weasley? Draco's not going to fuck you again. Hell if the gossip is correct you two were never ever together, must have been taking pity on your poor dirty ass." She laughed and her oddly pitched voice hurt my ears.
I stepped out of the way as the door swung open and Draco stepped in taking in the scene before him.
"Draco darling, there you are. I've missed you so, and as soon as you put the trash out we can have some fun." She made a lazy gesture towards me before sitting down on the bed.
"Ah yes I do believe the trash needs to go. Kristen, get out!" He walked over and threw her clothes at her.
"But, I'm your girlfriend."
"No, you're not. Not anymore. Now go." He half pushed her out of the room before shutting the door and running a hand through his hair. "Did she say anything mean to you?"
"Nothing I haven't heard before. Her insults aren't even original. I don't understand what you ever saw in her."
"Me neither" He waved his wand and the glamour spells faded away. "Oh, Gin, your face" He closed the gap between us and placing a gentle hand over where the bruise was.
"I know, my face probably looks gross now."
"No, Ginny you are beautiful. You always have been." The thing in his eyes had come back. And finally it had dawned on me what it was.
He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. My heart beat rapidly in my chest and I reached up placing my hand on the side of his face returning the kiss. Merci kicked happily and Draco jumped backing away from me.
"What was that?" He looked worried.
"Come here" I laughed gently grabbing his hand and placing on my stomach holding it there until Merci kicked.
"It's Merci kicking. She likes you."
"Merci?"
"That's right, I haven't told you yet. Charlie and Anna are naming her Merci Grace."
"It's beautiful Gin."
This time I started the kiss and he responded passionately. Maybe it was the hormones, or I was swept up in the moment. Whatever it was , I became brave and pulled his shirt off of him between kisses. We stumbled together to his bed and continued making out there. I realized a moment too late that him pulling off my shirt was a bad idea, but I desperately hoped he wouldn't notice as I began to undue his pants unwilling to break the kiss. At the same time he managed to remove the skirt I had been wearing and maneuver us so that we were both lying on our sides. As I reached for his boxers he pulled away from me grasping my arm gently.
"Ginny, are you…" He has noticed the skin he was holding onto wasn't smooth and looked down to see what was wrong with my arm. He gasped quietly pulling us both into a sitting position while he just stared at the scars and fresh cuts on my arms.
"Merlin Gin, what the fuck have you done to yourself?" He whispered. He wasn't angry. He sounded hurt more than anything. And I began to cry.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I pulled away from him and stood making to run to the bathroom. But he was faster and manage to stand blocking my path.
"No" He grabbed my arms pulling them up as if to show them to me. "You should have told me."
"I couldn't. It just makes me feel numb and sometimes if I don't have that I feel like I have nothing.
"You do have something Ginny. You will always have something to help you back on your feet and bear your pain with you."
"What do I have besides this?" I looked down at my arms.
"Me, Ginny, you have me"