Ch.11 Darkest Before The Dawn

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

A/n: In celebration of the fact that yesterday I wrote the final chapter of this story which brings it to a total of fifteen chapters, you all get and extra upload this week. Much love.-Remie

The rain was pouring as I stepped on to the Hogwarts Express September first. I joined my brother, Hermione, and Harry in a compartment towards the back of the train. It was a bittersweet journey for most of the students returning to school. So many has been lost in the fight but the battle had been won and the world was safer now. Ron held Hermione's hand and they sat close together. And every now and again he eyes would fall to the simple diamond ring and she would smile. They were getting married the next summer, after Hermione had time to finish her training but before she began teaching the next fall. Most seventh year student from the year before had opted to return and spend half a year finishing their schooling before leaving for good at the holidays. I would be leaving with them as would a few others who shouldn't actually finish school until the summer. I had applied for and been accepted to The Healer's Academy and the term started in January.

I hadn't spoken to Draco since the final battle, when I walked away after finding out the truth. He had made several attempts to contact me through my family, friends and letters. But I felt betrayed. The entire two years we were together, I put everything into us. And he lied. I kept the letters unopened in the box with my photo album. The entire album was filled with pictures of me when I was pregnant and Merci's ultrasound picture. Azlyn had sent me all the pictures over the summer. I hadn't even noticed she had taken them but I was happy to have them.

As my friends conversed about the future and returning to school, I looked out the window at the pouring rain. Soon the dull ache of a headache that had come and gone for the last two weeks returned. I leaned my forehead on the cold glass and let their conversation fall away. It was a little while later when I heard the compartment door slide open.

"Can we join you all? Everywhere else is full between the first years and repeating students." I knew it was Azlyn without turning my head. And I had no doubt that Pansy, Blaise, and Draco were with her.

"Sure" Harry spoke kindly and I felt Hermione bump into me as she moved closer. I knew Harry had gotten up and joined us on the long seat while the others sat down on the other side.

"How have you been Azlyn?" Hermione asked. I could feel her shifting uncomfortably putting a little distance between herself and Ron.

"It's been a long summer. Not just because it was longer than usual. It was quieter than I'm use to." Her voice was sad and it made the pain in my head throb a little worse.

"I see you have been busy this summer though." Pansy stated and I knew she had spotted the engagement ring on Hermione's finger.

"Yes"

"Congratulations" And now the throbbing was pounding. My vision blurred and my stomach churned. I knew he was there but hearing his voice had been harder than I anticipated.

"Thank you" I heard the strain in Hermione's voice.

The train lurched, speeding up and my head slammed into the window. "Bloody hell" I raised a hand to my forehead hoping to dull some of the pain.

"Ginny are you alright?" Hermione has turned away from Ron and her eyes were focused solely on me. But mine were looking right past her. Draco was staring at me and his eyes locked on to mine while I stared back. Time was frozen and the pain in my chest temporarily gone as the ache in my chest returned. His eyes looked so sad and worried; it made me want to leap into his arms and cry. But I wouldn't. I let myself believe in him once and it came crashing down. I would not make the same mistake again. I broke the gaze first turning to Hermione and giving her the best small smile I could manage.

"Yes I'm fine" It was even and flat. I could see Draco cringing at the tone. He knew it well. He knew me well. Too well now.

I turned back towards the window and focused solely on the rain again. It seemed like forever before the train finally came to a halt and we all shuffled out to return to our rebuilt school for the first time. The feast moved by in a blur for me and I barely made not of the sorting or of the speech of Professor McGonagall who was now the headmistress. It was almost nice to be returning. At least here I could be practically invisible, no one to bother me all the time.

Nearly a week went by before things took a turn for the worst. It wall well after midnight when I found myself unable to sleep. Fed up with just lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and stood. I didn't bother to put on slipped or a robe over my shorts and tank top as I slipped out of the Gryffindor dorms. I wandered around not really paying attention to where I was going until I heard a voice behind me.

"You seem troubled Gin" I fought the urge to scream as I spun around and stood face to face with Carter again. Except now he was a ghost. "No one told you then. I can see I must have frightened you terribly. I'm sorry. "

"No, I wasn't told by anyone that you were here." The hole in my chest was aching again. It was so easy to be numb when I was alone or floating through my days.

"At least now I know why you haven't come to see me since school was in." He looked me up and down making me feel self conscience as I crossed my arms across my chest. "Most people put slippers on or a robe when they go for a midnight stroll. Were you sleep walking?"

"No, I just didn't see the point. " I took a step back and leaned against the wall.

"I believe the point would be that you don't catch a cold or attract unwanted attention." Throb, Ache, Throb...Damn fool what does he know? I sucked in a deep breath trying not to panic. I was clearly losing my mind as the insulting voice in my head was definitely not mine. I rubbed my head and looked away from Carter but he had already realized his mistake.

"Damn. Ginny I'm sorry. I've been this way for awhile and sometimes it's hard remembering things." He reached a hand out towards me then dropped it remembering that we could not actually touch each other.

"Been that way? Carter it's not a way. You died. It's not like we are going to wake up tomorrow and you'll be right as rain again!" I was suddenly angry and it wasn't something I was use to. I had been holding it in for weeks…ever since… Burn… No I wouldn't fall apart here. "I'm sorry, I should go." I turned and ran knowing he wouldn't follow. When I was far enough away I stopped and slid down to the floor leaning against the wall. The ache began to burn again and I felt as if I was on fire. I took a few deep breaths willing it to leave me alone.

"No students should be out of bed at this…Ginny?" Of course it was Draco who would find me here in the middle of me losing it. He crouched on the floor in front of me reaching out a hand to help me up. I shoved it away standing on my own. "Are you alright?" The burn intensified. No, he wouldn't hurt me again. He betrayed you. You are nothing to him. I was insane. I was sure of it.

I turned and walked away without saying anything. Maybe he should burn too.

"Leave me alone" It was bad enough. I didn't need to be hearing voices now too. I needed to sleep. I was just tired. As soon as I was well rested it would leave me alone.

I was wrong. The voice never left it was always there saying how everyone should burn too. How they were all responsible. They made me like this. For two weeks it throbbed in my head making me believe I was losing my mind. Then one night it just disappeared. I woke the next morning to find another girl staring at me looking horrified.

"What!" I snapped and she jumped back away from my bed.

"Your hair and your face…" She whispered handing me a little mirror from the stand between our beds. I took it and stared at my reflection. My red hair was blue and my face was marked by what looked like cuts in an almost intricate and beautiful pattern.

"Please don't tell anyone about this." I handed the girl whose name I could not remember her mirror and jumped out of bed. Once I was dressed I pulled my hair into a tight bun and went into the bathroom. When I looked in the mirror again the cuts that had been bright red only minutes before were now the same shade blue as my hair, "Well this isn't good." I muttered to myself as I went about putting on makeup to cover it. Before slipping out of the dorm I pulled on a sweatshirt with a hood and pulled the hood over my head covering my hair.

I spent most of the day searching the library for some clue as to what was happening to me but had absolutely no luck. I did manage to thankfully find some charms I could use to keep the blue hair hidden.

The charms worked rather well and no one seemed to notice that I was walking around with blue hair. The voice returned a few days after the hair and symbols appeared. Hermione found me pouring over books in the library during lunch and she sat down across from me.

"I'm worried about you" She whispered and I glance up at her giving her an annoyed look. "Have you spoken to Draco about what happened this summer?" Stupid bitch does it look like we want to talk to you. We? Since when were the voice and I we?

"No, Hermione. I thought you promised you wouldn't mention this?" We were not having this discussion. I closed the book I was ready and stood. "Leave it alone Hermione."

"But Ginny maybe if the two of you talked you could work things out. He really misses you." What part of we don't want to talk to her doesn't she understand.

"No, leave me alone." I slammed the book back on the shelf earning a disapproving look from the librarian before storming out of the library. Burn…Ache…Throb. I quickly made my way out onto the grounds and slid down near my favorite tree just watching the lake. I had no idea how long I had been sitting there when rain began pouring. By the time I entered the castle again I was soaked. And as my luck usually went I ran straight into Draco except this time he was with Pansy, Azlyn, and Blaise.

"Been swimming in the lake Gin?" Azlyn laughed. She's mocking us. Stupid fool.

"It's raining." I was not giving into the voice again.

"That definitely makes more sense." Pansy rolled her eyes at Azlyn.

"How have you been Ginny?" Blaise questioned. It's none of your damn business. That is how we have been. My face began to burn and I fought the urge to cry out in pain.

"I have to go" I didn't wait for a response or look at their faces as I just ran away.

On the last day of September the voice changed. It was no longer some voice I didn't recognize. It was mine. The only thing that made it separate from me was the face it always said "we" as if the voice and I were united but two different people. As the days went by the voice seemed to become angrier and angrier always spreading anger through me like wildfire. And then again in mid October the symbols spread again down my neck. I found myself sleeping less and less each night, so I began wandering the grounds at night expertly avoiding the prefects and professors. I was not so good at avoiding ghosts it seemed though as I managed to once again end up face to face with Carter in the middle of the night.

"Now you look ill. I see you just can't take care of yourself now that I'm not around." He smiled going around me in circles. "Something's off about you."

"Well, thanks Carter. You don't look to well either; perhaps because you're dead." I was no longer in the mood to play nice with anyone.

"What is going on Ginny? The walls have ears and people are talking about you. How you've been distant and cold. Not like you should be at all." He looked worried and I felt almost bad for speaking to him harshly.

"If I tell you then you have to promise you won't tell anyone at all." I looked at him hoping I could stay in control long enough to confide in him.

"Yes, because so many people want to have a nice in depth discussion with a ghost. I make the other students feel awkward. Nobody want to speak with me because I didn't die all that long ago And also people are not always sure that tell me they are sorry that Regan died is the right thing because well let's face it, she died after me." He ranted and now I really felt bad. Then the burn began to spread but tonight I fought it.

"I woke up a few weeks ago with these symbols on my face." I waved my wand uncovering the marks on my face and neck.

"That is probably not a good sign." He studied me carefully. "I've seen these symbols somewhere but I just can't remember where."

"Well they burn and now they are spreading and I think I might be going insane." I sighed, sitting down on floor with my back pressed against the wall.

"Just because you are covered in strange symbols and your skin is burning does not necessarily mean you are going insane."

"That's not all. I've been hearing this voice." I wasn't going to admit that the voice had someone become mine and all of the anger coming with it.

"That is a sign of insanity. Have you told anyone?" He carried a worried expression.

"I've told you." I was skirting the issue and he knew it.

"I don't count. As you have so gracefully pointed out to me, I am dead." He sighed.

"I'm not ready to admit to the world that I am losing it okay? Everybody already watches me like I'm some fragile doll and will fall to pieces at any moment. I just need some time to work this out on my own." I explained hoping he would just leave it alone for now.

"I will keep your secret for now Ginny. It is the least I can do for you." He looked sad but I didn't press about why he seemed to think he owed me for something. I replaced the charm that covered the symbols before turning and heading back to Gryffindor tower.

"Eventually you are going to have to talk to me." Draco's voice stopped me in my tracks as I climbed the last stair case back to my house. I turned around to see him a few steps behind me. Stupid fool, what gives him the right to decide who we talk to? As if this wasn't a big enough problem on my own; the voice just had to chime in with its opinion as well.

"Are you stalking me?" I just wanted him to get away quickly so I could be on my way.

"I'm the head boy, Ginny. And I'm doing patrol. This is the second time this year I have caught you out of bed after hours. You could at least talk to me since I'm not giving you detention." You're not doing us some favor. He's just trying to black mail us into talking to him. My head was on fire and I felt compelled to slap him but I resisted.

"Just leave me alone!" I snapped at the voice in my head while holding my forehead in pain.

"Ginny? Are you alright?" He took a step towards me, a worried look on his face.

"I'm fine, just … I have to go" I felt as if I was completely on fire. I wasn't waiting around for Draco to rescue me again so I bolted as fast as I could back to my dorm room. Once I made it I went into the bathroom looking in the mirror at how terrible I was starting to look. My resolve was starting to waiver as I wiped away the tears that were beginning to fall. Maybe it was time I spoke to Draco. I missed him. And it hurt.

But over the next two weeks, I never found the perfect time and so the Hogsmeade weekend arrived on Halloween with me still not finding my strength to face him. The voice had slowly grown in intensity and I almost decided to stay in bed but I figured that perhaps I would get a chance to speak with Draco. I spent nearly an hour wandering around town looking for him. Instead of him I manage to walk straight into Kristen Carver.

"Watch where you're going Weasley?" She snapped giving me a nasty glare. I was not in the mood for this today. Stupid bitch!

"Why don't you keep your mouth shut Carver? I'm sure no one wants to hear the incessant squawking that is your voice!" That was definitely not what I meant to say.

"Excuse me, but I don't think trash like you gets an opinion little Weasley." Not a good idea bitch!

"Trash? Is that the best you've got Carver? At least I haven't slept with half the school you diseased whore!" I suddenly wasn't feeling very well. And that probably should have been my cue to walk away. But I couldn't, no matter how many times I willed my legs to move they wouldn't.

"You stupid…" She slapped me. I didn't even recoil. I wanted to move, to run, to do anything but what I actually did. I attacked her. No wands no magic. We were just going at each other until suddenly we were pulled apart and I was being held in place by someone.

"Leave Carver! Now!" It was Draco who was holding me then. Of course it was.

"But … she started it." She whined pathetically and I realized it was Blaise holding her back. I also noticed that Ron, Hermione, and Harry were standing off to the side with Pansy and Azlyn. All of them wore identical looks of shock on their faces.

"It doesn't matter who started it. Unless you want to be expelled for fighting which you both will if we report it to McGonagall, then it never happened. "Hermione explained and Carver shot her a dirty look before walking off. "This is enough Ginny, what the hell is going on?" Hermione demanded turning to face me.

"Nothing, she deserved it." I fought Draco's restraint but he held on tightly. "Let me go!"

"No, Ginny. Hermione is right. This isn't like you. We just want to help." His voice sounded so concerned so full of worry. And I began to cave. I needed to talk to him.

No they are all just ganging up on us! I cringed and suddenly the world was spinning.

"What's wrong with your eyes Gin?" Azlyn was panicking. I had no idea was she was talking about. I felt so strange all of a sudden and I felt myself being turned around. The last thing I remember before the world going completely black was Draco's eyes looking at me.