Ch 13 It Will Rain
Disclaimer:I do not own Harry Potter.
After my shower, I walked into Draco's bedroom to find it empty but my trunk was sitting at the end of the bed. I walked over and rummaged through it looking for something to wear. I settled on a comfortable sweater dress that was warm and didn't rub against the symbols. I need I was still running a fever but it was the best I had felt in months. Slowly, I walked out of Draco's room to face my friends and fears of the truth.
They were all gathered on a large sofa and various chairs with Draco sitting alone on a smaller sofa. As soon as they noticed me, whatever conversation they were having disappeared. I made my way over to them and sat down beside Draco who immediately moved slightly closer to me.
"As all of you probably have already figured out. I did something pretty terrible during the final battle. The story I've told everyone. Everyone except Hermione who was the one who found Bickman's body, assumes that I had no choice that he was attacking me and I killed him because I had to. But that is a lie." My head was starting to ache but I had only just begun talking. I brushed it off and took a deep breath trying to keep the burn from spreading again.
"What could have possibly have happened that would make you want to lie to us about it? Did he…?" Ron tried but failed to complete his sentence. He looked slightly greenish like he was going to be sick and I realized what he was thinking.
"No absolutely not. If he had tried that then I would have no reason for lying about his death. He didn't even attack me. Just taunted and threatened. I don't think he ever actually pointed his wand at me. It's hard to remember sometimes." I sighed.
"What are you saying happened exactly?" Azlyn questioned.
"I killed him. He wanted me to capture him and turn him over to the ministry."
"Then why kill him if he wasn't a threat to you at the time. Why put that on your conscience? Were you getting revenge for Carter and Merci?" Blaise suggested. It sounded to me though that he found revenge completely appropriate.
"No, that's not it. He made me believe that he had evidence that would make the ministry believe he had been cursed by someone else and forced to do all of those things. I snapped…I couldn't let him do it. Looking back, he probably didn't have any evidence." My head was now throbbing and I could feel the burn setting in. I leaned foreward with my elbows on my knees and held my head in my hands. "Damn it" I whispered more to myself to anyone else.
"Perhaps we should get you some food. When was the last time you ate Ginny?" I could feel Draco's hand on my back while he spoke.
"I don't know. But I'm fine. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can go lay down." I closed my eyes for a moment before sitting back up and facing everyone again.
"So you killed him so there was absolutely no chance he would walk free?" Pansy picked the conversation back up.
"I killed him so he couldn't send someone whom I believed to be innocent to Azkaban." I answered.
"Who on earth would be so important that you would kill to keep them out of Azkaban rather than kill the bastard because he killed your friend and your baby?" It appeared Ron was also completely fine with the revenge angle.
I looked down at the ground for a moment then turned to Draco and looked him in the eyes. He understood and frowned.
"You would rather live knowing that you killed an unarmed bastard rather than take the chance he might be able to convince the ministry it was all my fault." Draco explained it better than I could have myself.
"You know one day you two will realize that you are soul mates." Azlyn smiled. I looked up at her and noticed that she was sitting closer to Harry than I expected. Their legs were touching but neither flinched nor moved away from each other.
"My damaged soul doesn't deserve a mate."
"Every soul has a mate. It doesn't matter if it's damaged or not. It doesn't matter if it's the person you thought it would be or not. You two have souls that are meant for each other." It wasn't lost on me that she shared a look and smile with Harry. I must have missed so much going on around me while my mind was burning.
"I guess we are now all caught up on what happened with you and Bickman during the battle." Pansy brought us back on task again. "But I'm not sure how this relates to the curse. Or what happened this summer."
"The curse that I believe Ginny has is trigger after an enormous amount of emotional turmoil. Things like extreme guilt followed by extreme loss. It is a hard curse to place. And even harder to set in motion because not only do you have to be extremely evil but also patient or really good and completely destroying someone mentally. I'm putting my bet on Bickman placing the curse before baiting Ginny to kill him and also destroying her faith in Draco to give her extreme heartbreak and guilt all in one shot." Hermione explained.
"But you told us twenty minutes ago that this curse is fast. If it had been set in motion by the battle, Ginny would have been dead before returning to school." Ron looked around confused.
"Well I guess that brings us to what happened this summer." I leaned back on the sofa, getting as comfortable as I possibly could before continuing. "Yes thinking that Draco had been lying to me for nearly two years hurt. And it hurt badly. But it didn't destroy me like Bickman thought it would."
"Something else happened? Does this have something to do with the trips you and Hermione made to London?" Harry asked. "I remember how sad you both looked the last two times you went. Both of those trips were right before school started."
"I remember that. You two went once earlier in the summer and you came back almost happy. It was the happiest you had looked since the end of the battle." Ron added.
I could feel Draco stiffen next to me as his brain made the connections to why I would be taking trips into London. Across the room I watched my Slytherin friends make the same connection all with looks of shock and grief on their faces.
"Oh Ginny" Azlyn whispered and a tear fell down her face. Harry looked at her with a confused expression but brushed away her tear with his thumb.
Pansy curled into Blaise whose jaw looked rigid like he was grinding his teeth in anger. Anger at the life that had befallen me in the few years prior.
And at last I turned to look at Draco. The look of pain on his face cause the ache to return but this time I didn't have the strength to let it hurt and the burn quickly overtook me. I could feel the heat spreading but I forced myself to stay together if only for a little longer.
"You were pregnant" It was a whisper and I could see the tears forming in his eyes as they stared at me.
"Yes. The first trip into London was me seeing a doctor to confirm it. But a couple weeks before the start of term I started feeling off. So Hermione took me back again only to discover the baby had no heartbeat. I had miscarried. A week later Hermione and I traveled to St. Mungo's to see a healer and find out what had caused it. The trip ended in me finding out that I was damaged from Merci being killed while still in my womb. The healer told me that I would probably never be able to carry a baby to term or even long enough to be viable." I spoke quicker than I had intended but I explained completely before the burn won and my body began to shake. I reached out grabbing Draco's hand and he realized what I was trying to tell him.
"Now that we know what it is and why. We need to find out how to stop it. I'm going to stay with Ginny. She can't be left alone. If anyone asks she is staying in Hermione's room." Draco lifted me and carried back into his room. The last thing I remember before falling back into unconsciousness is my friends talking about the library and running out of time.
It was well after dark when I woke again and I took notice of the fact that Draco was not in bed with me. Instead he was asleep in a chair across the room with a book open on his lap. I stood on shaky legs and walked over to him so I could see the book. It was about ancient curses. He must have had the others bring a stack for him to go through while he was watching over me.
"Draco?" I tapped him on the shoulder and he woke immediately.
"Ginny? What's wrong? " He stood up and dropped the book surveying me for damage.
"You looked uncomfortable. I just thought you might want to shower and put on some pajamas, perhaps sleep in the bed." I looked down at my toes. I couldn't believe how awkward I felt now. How had we managed to go from a year ago to now?
"Oh, I probably should get some sleep tonight. I have class tomorrow." He replied, picking up the book from the floor and added it to a stack on his dresser.
"Don't you mean we have class tomorrow?"
"No, I do, Hermione is supposed to be keeping you up with your studies. She told McGonagall just enough to keep you from having to go to class for a few more days. All the students think you had a breakdown after coming back to school. Which after how you've been acting, no one is questioning. Will you be alright while I go shower?" He look hesitant to leave me alone.
"I'll be right here. I promise." I sat down on the edge of the bed and felt a small smile playing on my lips. It was an odd feeling after so long.
"Right there in that exact spot." He smirked and I felt the ache in my chest battling with the burn. But tonight I would fight. I reached a hand up and placed it on his face.
"If this is where you want me." I whispered and his face moved slightly closer to mine.
"Darling, I will always want you in my bed." The ache was overwhelming but letting myself feel it kept me grounded.
"Oh, so perhaps, I should be in this exact spot with less clothing when you get back." All it would take was one of us to move just a little and our lips would be meeting. But he stepped away and I felt rejected, letting the burn take control again. Of course he doesn't want you anymore. He is just playing you. Because it's easy when you are as pathetic and weak as you are.
"Ginny?" He had said something but I didn't hear it and he noticed. "Maybe I'll just shower when you go back to bed."
"No it's fine. Go shower. What did you say though?" I put on a brave face regardless of the fact that I knew he didn't buy it at all.
"I said. I can't do this, not right now. I love you and I hope you actually believe that. But I want you. Not what this curse has done to you. It would be a terrible evil for me to take advantage of this just because I want you." He ran a hand through his hair while he spoke and I understood his reason. But it was too late for me to come back from the burn. I had let it win again.
He turned and walked into the bathroom with saying another word and I sat in the same spot for a few minutes until I heard the water turning on. I slid off the edge of the bed and opened my trunk. He thinks you are hideous like this. I guess no matter what isn't a condition of his love. Hot tears welled up in my eyes. Was it true; was I now so hideous that Draco didn't want me? I rummaged through the trunk until I found a night gown I had never gotten to wear. Azlyn had given it to me with a smile on her face.
"For when the war is over and you and Draco have your perfect night." She winked shoving the box at me.
The burn gave me strength and for the first time I embraced it. I shed my clothing and put on the nightgown after pulling all the bandages off. I looked at my reflection in the mirror over Draco's dresser and noticed that the symbols were glowing as were my eyes. Somewhere in my head I felt like this was wrong and dangerous but the burn squashed that part of me and my doubts faded away. I sat back down on the bed where I had been and waited. When the water stopped I turned ready for the moment he walked into the room.
"That was a quick shower" Suddenly I was brave. I stood walking over to him and studied his face. It was a mixer of shock and confusion. And somewhere in his eyes he looked sad. But I ignored it. I felt on fire but tonight it felt good and I was getting what I wanted. "Do you like it?" I whispered placing a hand on his bare chest.
"Ginny what are you doing?" He placed a hand on mine. "You need to rest."
"I'm feeling fine. Actually this is the best I have felt all year." Somewhere in my chest the ache began to fight. And for a moment I faltered. What was I doing? No this is what I wanted. "Please Draco"
"No" He pushed me back and I landed on the bed. "The curse is controlling you Ginny. Fight back." I felt like the air was being sucked from my lungs. He was right. But I couldn't fight back. I didn't want to anymore. "Find yourself Ginny"
"No, I am me as I should be. Now do you want me or not?" I stood again and walked up to him.
"Damn it Ginny! Don't be weak. Fight back. All this sacrifice all the pain. If you give in and let this thing kill you then it was for nothing. You will have fought and lived for nothing. You might as well have died the night Merci did if you were going to go out like this." There it was, the ache the fight for my Merci and for the baby that didn't get to live long enough to get a name. The love of a mother kept me fighting. And Draco knew it.
"I can't. I want to but …" I stumbled and he caught me in his arms.
"But nothing; you can survive this. You survived rape. You survived pregnancy. You survived the death of friends. You survived the death of your baby before she ever got to live. You survive the realization that you may not ever get to be pregnant again. Bickman was weak and pathetic. He deserved the death he got at your hand. But he does not deserve to get to kill you. Even in death he is still trying and he will fail. Do not give him the satisfaction of taking you down with him." He was whispering again and the ache was winning but not before the burn spread. I cried out in pain as the fire spread down my legs.
Draco picked me up and placed me on the bed grabbing his wand and box of bandages. Still wrapped in just a towel, he slowed the bleeding and wrapped the bandages over the new symbols.
"Draco"
He looked up at me as he finished and took a seat next to me on the bed.
"Yes Ginny?"
"I don't want to die."
"I know" He walked around the bed, only stopping to put on a pair of boxer before climbing in next to me. He wrapped and arm around me and I placed my head down on his chest letting myself cry.
"Please, don't let me die."
"Never, love. I would never let you die."
"Promise?" It was silent for a few moments and I realized he was terrified to make a promise he wasn't sure he could keep. I took a deep breath and decided maybe it was time to let the ache in. I had nothing left to lose.
"I promise that I will be right here next to you fighting for you until my heart stops beating." It was good enough for me. And soon enough we both fell into sleep.