Ch.14 We Found Love
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
a/n : I love my reviewers. Know that you all are enjoying my work makes me so happy.
I spent the next week in bed catching up on school work as my body slowly gave way to the curse. Everyone around me talked in such somber tones and never spoke about life beyond the following day. I could feel their resolve wavering as they continued to fail at finding a way to rid me of the curse. On Saturday morning we all gathered in Hermione and Draco's common room once more. I laid on the sofa with while Draco sat with my feet in his lap and a blanket covering me.
"Are you caught up with school Gin?" Azlyn asked before anyone could bring up anything more serious, like my impending death.
"I'll pass my Newts" I resisted the urge to add the fact that I might not even live long enough to take them. But I didn't need to. Everyone knew it already and I could tell just by looking around the room. Then I realized someone was missing."Where is Hermione?"
"She should be here any minute." Ron looked at the doorway looking anxious.
"What is going on?" He was hiding something. And it seemed as if I was the only one who didn't know what it was. "Somebody tell me now" I demanded throwing the blanket off of me and standing up. I regretted it almost instantly as my legs gave out and I topple foreword. It was Harry who caught me before I hit the floor and placed me back on the sofa.
"She thinks that she may have found something. But no one wants to give you false hope if she is wrong." Harry explain sitting Down again next to Azlyn.
"I wish you all would quit treating me like I'm going to drop dead any moment. " I was aggravated at all of them.
No on had any time to respond though because Hermione came running into the room with a large book in her hand.
"I've been reading all night but I am almost positive that I found the counter curse." She panted dropping into a chair next to Ron.
"Almost positive?" Draco looked unsure. "What does almost positive mean?"
"It means that I don't speak the language this is in so I've been consulting a translation dictionary. If my translation is right then this is the counter curse." She opened the book to a page that she had placed something in to mark it. "I can save Ginny but this isn't going to be pain free"
"I'll do whatever it takes." I slowly sat up. "What will it take?"
"Once again, I'm running on translation here but I believe it will just be extremely painful."
"Just extremely painful? No, there is no way we are doing this." Draco stood up, his face filled with rage.
"It's not your decision Draco." I pulled myself up to stand on shaky legs. "This is the last chance we may have. I'm dying, I know that I don't have much time left. We are doing this and I am the only one who gets a say about it." I sat back down taking deep breaths. I was exhausted already.
"Okay well we should probably move this little gathering into Draco's room and then we will get started." She shut the book and stood turning to lead us all into Draco's room.
Draco looked unhappy as he lifted me into his arms and followed the group. Sat or stood around me while Hermione opened the book again and took her seat at the bottom of the bed.
"You ready Gin?" She asked biting her lip nervously.
"Doesn't matter if I'm ready in a life or death situation; let's do this." I replied laying down on the pillows and closing my eyes.
The room was silent for a moment before Hermione began speaking in a language I didn't recognize. For a few minutes I truly believed it wasn't working and then the fire started to burn. I briefly wondered who was screaming until it dawned on me that it was me. It was the worst I have ever felt it and I thought I was dying. Somewhere around me I could hear the panic of my friends. But it was off and unfocused. I had no idea what they were saying. The fire was overwhelming and suddenly there was nothing. No one, no pain, no light.
I was sitting on the sofa in Draco's room staring at the fire. He sat silently next to me. Neither of us had said a word since I had come to his room after dinner. I had told Carter I needed to return a book to someone and I would be back in the common room later. It unsettled me how well I could lie these days.
"Ginny?" He shifted, turning to look at me. I turned towards him with a blank expression and waited for him to continue. "Are you okay?"
"No, I don't know how I will ever be okay with what happened. I don't know how I will ever be okay with what is happening now. I don't know if I'll ever be okay again." The hot tears poured down my face. I was so damn sick of crying.
"One day, you will be. I know you don't believe me and it doesn't seem like it but it will be okay." He wrapped an arm around me and I leaned into his chest and cried.
"You're such a good friend to me Draco."
I slid down the wall in Draco's bathroom twirling the razor in my hands. I hadn't realized how hard it would be to give this up. I wanted to be better for Draco, but tonight my strength and resolve were shaking. I was so focused on my thoughts that I didn't hear the pounding on the door at first.
"Ginny! Ginny, please come out. Logan told me what happened today. I know what you're doing or are going to do. Either way, please stop or don't. I am here. I am right here, just let me help you."
I wanted to let him in so badly but I couldn't make myself get up off the floor. It was as if I had lost all control. I had been doing okay until I ran into Bickman earlier in the day. And he was mean and nasty and made a comment about me looking fatter. It was like he knew. And it was terrifying. I hadn't even realized I had moved the blade towards my arm until a warm hand grabbed mine stopping it just before it touched my skin.
"You have to hurt Ginny. If you never let yourself feel, then you will never heal." He slid down the wall next to me dropping his wand on the floor. He pulled the blade out of my hand and tossed it into the trash bin.
"It hurts too much to feel. It's just all too much." Crying again. It felt as if this was my reaction to everything these days. I had a happy day and cried. I had a sad day and cried. I had an okay day and still ended up in tears.
"You are stronger than this crap. Be strong for Merci. She needs you." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me back against his chest. Both of his hands rested gently on my baby bump and she kicked happily in response. "And on the days you can't, I'll be here. I'll be the strength for both of you."
My sweatpants were loose, too loose. It wasn't like they weren't mine. I had worn the same sweatpants not long before I got pregnant. But they were too loose that day. They were the constant reminder that she was gone. Before I had lived with the comfort of knowing she would have been well taken care of. She would have been happy and alive. My breath hitched as soon as I began to think of her and I sank into the bed again staring at Draco as he packed all of my things back into the bag.
I was going home today. Home felt like such a strange word to me. She would never get to go home. Damn. I was thinking about it again. He zipped the bag and sat in on the floor by my bed.
"Ginny? It's time to go. Are you ready?" His voice was soft and barely above a whisper. He held a hand out to me but I just stared at him. "You can't just stay here forever love. It won't…"
"Bring her back." I finished for him. My voice was hoarse and tired. I'd spent the first day yelling at everyone one and everything. As if that would somehow make them be able to fix this. And the second day I sobbed. But now on the third day I was tired of feeling. Tired of hoping and pretending that somehow magic or otherwise she would just be alive again.
I stepped onto the floor and Draco wrapped his arms around me. He had not left my side at all. The farthest he had gone was to the bathroom in my room to shower or otherwise. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back.
"Just breathe, I love you and together we can learn to breathe again."
"I love you too."
I sat in the snow on a blanket. I couldn't believe my own brother had just abandoned us like that. I heard footsteps behind me and knew immediately that Draco was there. He sat next to me and I leaned back against his chest.
"I can't believe he just abandoned us." I whispered staring out into the forest around us.
"You mean, you can't believe he abandoned you." Draco was right as always.
"I guess. I've been through so much more than him and he just up and leaves because he can't handle it. What the fuck is with that?" I was angry now at my stupid brother. But I would give anything for him to just come walking back up to us now.
"Don't blame his so much, love. He is accustomed to having a plan. Hermione usually had things all figured out. He had a path. These last months have been really hard for him. He hurt very badly over what happened with Merci. He hurts badly each day seeing you in pain. He just doesn't know how to handle it."
"How do you know?" I questioned turning to look at him.
"Because, I know what it's like to watch someone you love hurt so badly and nothing you say or do will ever be enough to heal that hurt." He spoke in a sad tone and I realized that what he was saying made sense.
"Will you always be able to tell me exactly what I need to hear?"
"Probably not, but I will always try."
The waves crashed unto the shore just enough for my feet to stay nice and wet as the sunk into the sand. Draco held my hand as we watched the sun rise after our first night at shell cottage.
"Hermione seems to be doing reasonably well for someone who was tortured less than twenty four hours ago." I frowned. It seemed as if each time we were in a beautiful place, there was something bad going on.
"Hermione is probably one of the strongest people I have ever met. Nothing ever seems to bother her; besides your brother seems to be making sure that she is doing just fine."
"That's true." I thought briefly about how much fun it would be to play in the waves with Draco. But playing and fun seemed so foreign now. Even if the war ended soon, there were no guarantees that both him and I would make it out alive.
"What are you thinking about? You look so sad."
"I was just thinking how we may never get to stand on a beach and watch the sun rise or set together."
"We are watching it rise together right now."
"That's not what I meant. I mean happily. Normal couples on a beach are smiling and playing in the waves but not us. We are worrying and waiting on a war that we might not live through."
"If we make it, I'll take you to the beach and we can laugh and play in the waves. We'll even build a sandcastle." He smiled and for the first time I felt some hope for the future.
My small bed had never before felt so empty and cold. My pillows were stained with tears and I felt my chest ache in pain. I heard my door open and shut before Ron came to sit on the bed next to me.
"A package came for you from Azlyn." He placed the little box on the bedside table and I sat up to look at him. "Please come down for dinner Ginny. I really want you to be there when…" He looked out the window avoiding my gaze as he realized he had let something slip.
"When what Ron?" I wiped my tears away.
"Promise you won't say anything?" He smiled then immediately looked guilty for being happy.
"I promise. And don't feel guilty. Draco and I broke up. I'll get over it. I've been through worse. I'll be like myself again by the end of next week. I'm doing better than Harry is. Or Azlyn probably." At least Draco was still alive. I had chosen to be apart from him. Harry and Azlyn had not made that choice and yet they would never see Regan or Logan again.
"I'm proposing to Hermione tonight. I know it's soon and the funerals are all this weekend but we survived. And we are together and I can't think of a better time to just embrace that. Also, I'm afraid soon she will put her head on straight and realize she can do so much better than me." He rambled and I felt and unfamiliar smile come back to lips.
"Ron, Hermione has been in love with you for years. You were the only one to slow to see it."
I had no tears. I had no words. Hermione kept giving me these sad glances out of the corner of her eyes as I stared at the seat in front of me on the train.
"Ginny?" She was uncertain. Afraid that at any moment I would break and everything would just come crashing down.
"You would think by now, I would know how to deal with this. But I don't." My voice was flat. I was already long gone. I had already decided not to let myself feel the hurt.
"Ginny, I'm so sorry. If you want I can make an appointment for you to see a healer next week. Maybe they will know if this is connected to what happened with Merci."
"That's fine." I looked out the window at the country side as the train moved along. It was always beautiful outside when terrible things happened to me.
"Ms. Weasley, I have some bad news." The office of the healer whose name I could not remember even though I had just met him an hour before. He was looking at a file on his desk with a frown on his face. How much worse could things really get? "After looking at your medical history and the results of your exam today, I'm confident telling you that the chances of you ever having a successful pregnancy are very slim. When you lost your daughter last year, there appears to have been some damage done. I'm so sorry."
"Can we go, then?" So things could get worse then.
"Ginny, did you hear him? Do you need a minute or have questions?" Hermione looked shocked at my lack of a reaction.
"Yes I heard him and no I do not have any questions. Can we please go home now?" I stood and waited for the healer to speak again.
"Yes Ms. Weasley, You are free to go." He stood as well and shook my hand before Hermione and I walked out of his office.
"Draco I don't know." Hermione sounded frightened.
But I felt odd, and it was like I had just woken from a deep sleep. My eyes were closed still so I took a minute to listen to what was going on around me.
"She's been barely breathing for an hour. And I swear her heart is slowing down. Maybe it's time to go get a professor and get some help." Azlyn's voice sounded like she was crying and I figured it was a good time to open my eyes.
"She's awake." Blaise was looking at me as I opened my eyes and looked around. He looked extremely relieved and so did everyone else as they all moved in closer.
I sat up slowly and looked around in confusion.
"Did it work?" I sounded alive.
"Look for yourself." Azlyn handed me a hand mirror and wiped her tears away.
I looked at my reflection and gasped. Had it really been so long since I had seen my own face that I was shocked to see it again.
"Welcome back love" Draco sat next to me wrapping an arm around my waist.
"I'm alive."