Ch.15 You're Star Is So Bright
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/n: So here it it. The very last chapter. I know I usually update much earlier during the day but I've been distracted and up until a couple days ago was afraid I wouldn't have a computer to upload from since I keep all my stories on a flash drive. And have been having terrible luck with computers.
I am so very deeply grateful for every single person who has taken the time to read this story. I am also grateful for everyone who has taken the time to review. I am already hard at work on the first few chapters of the sequel.
I returned to class a week before exams. The official story we were telling everyone was that I had managed to catch a horrible flu after suffering a nervous breakdown; which was kind of what it felt like. That story resulted in most of the student body either avoiding me all together of walking on egg shells around me. It didn't bother me though. I spent most of my time studying and just enjoying feeling alive and free again. Finally my life was falling together. I had once loose end I needed to take care of so the night before the test I walked the halls until I found Carter.
"You look so much better Ginny." He smiled floating around me to make sure I was completely normal again. "The rumors say you are back in class. But most people still think you have completely lost it and are actually taking bets on whether or not you fail your exams."
"I'm not going to fail. I'm actually over prepared I think. It will be strange leaving on Monday though. This has been home for so long. And I've only been back for such a little amount of time."
"Unlike me, darling, you have a life to live. Go out and live it. What are you doing after school anyway?" He stopped spinning and was now acting like he was leaning against the wall. I guessed he had been adjusting to the ghost thing for awhile and seemed to be getting the hang of things rather well.
"More school, I'm going to be a healer."
"That doesn't tell me much. Are you going to heal hearts, heads, children, etc?" He rolled his eyes and I felt guilty for talking to him about my future. I felt guilt about telling him my plans. I felt guilty for being alive.
"I'm going to deliver babies. So I'm not really sure what I'm healing there." I smiled, swallowing my guilt and trying to accept that I couldn't change what was.
"I believe that means you will be healing empty homes." He laughed then stopped abruptly. "I'm sorry, Ginny, I didn't mean"
"I'm learning to accept things Carter. I'm learning to feel the pain and heal. So please don't worry about it. Two moments ago, I was feeling guilty about talking about having a life when you don't.
"I have a life, sort of. My soul is here at Hogwarts. I wish I could move on and be with my sister but I can't and I'll just have to make the most of it." He returned to spinning around me. "You should go find yourself a nice warm bed to sleep in. It's getting late and you have to pass your NEWTS tomorrow. Besides, I believe someone has coming looking for you."
I heard footsteps behind me and turned around to face Draco who looked out of breathe and almost frantic.
"I've looked all over the damn castle for you Ginny. You could have at least told me you were coming to find Carter." He leaned against the wall panting and trying to catch his breath.
"I'm sorry. I thought you were studying in the library with Blaise. I actually thought I would make it back to your room before you got there." Today had been one of the first days Draco had left me alone for more than twenty minutes. I should have realized that he wasn't going to study for very long before he would want to check on me. I turned back to Carter and said a brief good bye. He wished me good luck and disappeared before I turned back to face Draco once again.
"Tomorrow is going to be a long day." He reached out and intertwined his fingers with mine as we began to make our way back towards his room. "Are you sure you are ready for your exams?"
"I'm positive. If anything I am overly prepared. Are you prepared?" I yawned. I hadn't realized how tired I was until then. It shouldn't have been surprising to me though. I had tired easily ever since I had been brought back from almost dying. It was a small price to pay for being alive and I figured that, in time, I would regain my energy and strength.
"I'm prepared love. I'll do just fine." We had reached our room by this point and we were each beginning to get ready for bed.
"You know, I don't even know what you are going to do after school." I remarked curling myself around him and closing my eyes.
"I'm going to Healer's school in January. I'm going to be a children's healer. I have no clue what you're doing either." He yawned.
"Healer's school as well; I'm going to deliver babies."
I never heard his reply because almost instantly after I spoke I was asleep.
The test was long and boring but I was prepared. Because only some students were taking NEWTS while others were in classes taking their finals, we tested by house. Gryffindor tested immediately before Slytherin so I never spoke to Draco after my test was finished. I made my way down to our room to begin packing so I wouldn't be rushing to do it over the weekend. As I was organizing my trunk I came across the box of letters that Draco had sent me over the summer. I hadn't opened any of them but I figured I might as well. I pulled the stack out and sat down on the bed going through them one by one.
April 30
Dearest Ginny,
I know you need some time. Or perhaps you'll need forever. But I miss you. Every moment of everyday seems longer and lonelier without you. I know I should have told you long ago the truth about what happened to you. I just could never quite find the right moment. Yes, I knew that Voldemort wanted someone to come after you but I didn't know who. I followed you every day as much as I could. I failed quizzes and fell behind in classes. I lost sleep and felt sick most of the time. But it didn't matter. I had sworn to myself that I would stop it from happening but I failed.
On the night it happened, I followed you until you were in your dorm. I foolishly assumed that you were safe and sound so I returned to my room. I was trying to catch up on some of my schoolwork when Pansy came to pay me a visit. She told me that she had seen you in the Halls and also mentioned seeing Bickman as well. I left my room at once and ran to where she had mentioned seeing you.
At first when I arrived, I assumed I had made it in time. That was until I saw you up close. I will never forgive myself for not being faster. Maybe I should have tried to warn you regardless of what you thought of me back then. There will never be enough words to apologize for my negligence and I do not expect you to ever forgive me.
I love you Ginny.
Draco
May 12
Dearest Ginny
You have either decided to not write me back or you are not even reading my letters. I understand. You have every right to hate me now.
I saw you at Logan's funeral and you looked well. I'm happy that you are at peace even if I cannot be at peace with you. I know I said that I said that I don't expect you to forgive me and I don't. I just, I miss you so much.
I can't get you out of my head. I see your face everywhere and it hurts. I never knew what it was like to love until you came into my life. And now I'm learning exactly what heartbreak feels like. I'm such an idiot for losing you.
I wish you would write me.
I love you.
Draco
June 6
Ginny, I know today is probably hard for you. It's hard for me. It is much harder than I thought it could be.
Azlyn, Pansy, and Blaise all came to wish me a Happy Birthday. But it was somber. I wasn't feeling very happy. Maybe one day, in the future, my birthday won't just be a reminder of all the things I have lost. You and Merci and Logan, all gone from my life. It's like part of me has gotten lost somewhere and I just can't get it back.
We all went to her grave early this morning. We didn't want to chance running into you there. It wouldn't be fair to you. I cried and I'm sure everyone else did as well. I know it is a strange thought but I realized that the only times I have ever cried have all involved you. Odd isn't it?
I would give anything to be holding you as you cried today. Anything.
I love you.
Please write.
Draco
July 12
Gin
I know you're pissed. I get it. But just write me. If it wasn't for other people telling me, I would think you were dead. I know I have no right to be aggravated with you. I just, I miss you.
Write me.
I love you
Draco
August 8
Gin
Okay, I won't write anymore. Maybe if I'm lucky you'll talk to me once we are back to school. Or you'll pretend I don't exist. At least I'll get to see your face again.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
I love you.
Draco
I could feel the tears pouring down my face as I put the last letter back in the box. My heart ached over how much he must have been hurting too. But I let myself feel it. I had to. I curled up in bed, packing long forgotten and fell into a fitful sleep with tears still running down my face.
"Love?" Draco's voice pulled me from my sleep and I sat up feeling more tired than I had been when I fell asleep. I could feel the dried tears on my face as I looked up into his concerned face.
"I'm fine, I promise." I smiled weakly at him but it did no good. He climbed onto the bed kicking his shoes off and pulled me into his arms.
"What happened? Are you…?" He started panicking. But I put a hand up to stop him and pulled away.
"I'm completely okay. I just read all your letters from the summer and they made me a little emotional. That is all. I'm fine. How do you think you did on your NEWTS?"
"I feel good about them. You?"
"I think I did well. I can't believe that we are completely done with school."
"I can't believe it either. This weekend is the last Hogsmeade weekend we will have in school."
"That's right. I haven't been outside at all since I've gotten well. I'm excited to be going."
"Are you sure? It's cold and snowy outside. You might catch a cold or something." He looked genuinely concerned as I rolled my eyes laughing at him.
"Yes because catching a cold would be the worst thing that has ever happened to me right?" I laughed smacking him in the face with a pillow.
A pillow fight immediately followed and we spent the rest of the day in his room laughing and enjoying each other's company.
When Saturday arrived we made the journey to Hogmeade with our friends laughing and enjoying the beautiful winter day. Draco however looked extremely nervous. I assumed he was just afraid I would somehow just drop dead from being outside so I just ignored it completely. Soon our friends all went in different directions to do their Christmas shopping and we did the same. After about an hour we ran into Azlyn who was walking aimlessly through the same store as us which seemed a bit odd but I brushed it off.
"Hey Ginny, maybe you can help me find a Christmas present for someone." She grabbed my hand and started pulling me away from Draco. "And that will give Draco some time to get a present for you or something. Come on."
I didn't even get to say anything to Draco before she pulled me out of the store and into another one.
"So who are you trying to find a present for?" I questioned and began thinking about how strange this whole trip was.
"Um Harry." She looked slightly nervous. "We have been hanging out quite a bit and neither one of us has made a move. It's like neither of us want to say anything because logically it is way too soon after Logan and Regan died. So I need a gift that says I like you as more than a friend but I don't want to be in your face about it. And if you don't feel the same way than that is okay."
"I've seen the way he looks at you. Trust me, he is interested. But I have no idea what you should give him. I'll help you look. It can't take that long can it?"
But it did. We wandered from store to store for almost two hours before Azlyn decided she was hungry and must have food right then so we abandoned the shopping and headed for the Three Broomsticks.
As soon as we walked in the door, the strangeness of the day began to fall together. My parents, brothers, brothers' wives, and friends were all gathered together around two tables. Azlyn broke away from me taking a seat next to Harry while I stood there still trying to piece together what was going on. That was until Draco stood and came towards me, stopping about a foot away.
"We came together at your darkest moment as if by fate. For a long time you spoke of me as if I had saved you. But in truth you saved me. You taught me the meaning of being strong. I've seen you at your worst. I saw you broken and put you back on your feet. I've see you at your best. I saw you selflessly decide what was best for your child when you were still a child yourself. I've see you at your weakest. I saw you lose that child and I held you as you cried. I've seen you at your strongest. I saw you fight in a war and come out alive and victorious. I've seen you angry. I've seen you happy. I am blessed to see you every morning when I wake and every night before I go to bed. I've almost lost you once to my mistake and once to your demons.
I know what heartbreak feels like because of you. I know the meaning of family because of you. I know what it means to worry about someone because of you. I know what it means to put someone before yourself because of you. And I know what love is because of you." He paused briefly kneeling down to one knee and pulling out a little box opening it to reveal a simple and elegant diamond ring.
"I bought this ring long ago. I bought it long before Merci died because I knew then the same thing I know now. It was fate that pulled us together and fate that has taught us just how strong we can be together. And I cannot fathom ever not having you standing by my side. Every dream of my future has you in it. I don't care if we can never have children. I don't care where we end up. I don't care about a damn thing except making absolutely sure that you are there. Ginerva Weasley, I cannot live without you. So will you please do me the greatest honor of my life and marry me?"
~Fin~