Ch. 3 Have A Little Hope
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/n: This story is taking longer than anticipated. And also , I now have a brand new laptop. A gaming laptop in which I use to play the sims.
Much love to my beta icebabesfire.
Calvin's office is empty when Draco and I arrive the next morning. And Gavin is waiting for us in the empty waiting room.
"I figured you probably don't want the whole hospital to know your business." He smiles and leads us back into an exam room. "Bet you got the shock of your life at your appointment yesterday?"
"Nothing surprises me anymore. My life has been nothing but some insane roller coaster ever since my fifth year of school." I answer while I'm changing into a gown behind a curtain.
Draco hasn't said a word since we left the house this morning. I am beginning to think he expect the ultrasound today to reveal a dead child. He will probably expect this outcome every time we do this up until he is either right or we get a baby. I don't blame him. I should probably share his fears but I don't. 'Stupid hormonal emotional attachment' I think to myself as I push the curtain away and try to gracefully sit down on the exam table.
"So this is the plan. Today I'm going to give you another ultrasound because you know that there are a total of two Healers I trust to do this job correctly and they are both in this room." I laugh at his joke but don't say anything because I know he isn't done speaking yet. "Once I confirm that the Healer you saw yesterday isn't a complete moron, I'll move on to where we go from here. Is everyone okay with that?"
Draco just nods and I try to give Calvin an encouraging smile before he begins working. Two minutes later and I hear the sound again. The sound that gave me hope the day before. It is the steady rhythm of my baby's heartbeat. I steal a glance at Draco who has moved to stand next to the table. His face has lost the mask of no emotion and has been replaced by the Draco I've only seen a few times before. It was the face he had when I woke up from near death after a curse nearly destroyed me. I hadn't realized it before but suddenly I am relieved by this reaction. I don't know what I expected but it definitely wasn't this.
"There is your baby" Calvin points to a tiny moving spot on the screen and smiles. "It would appear the Healer has a brain. You are looking about thirteen weeks. And from what I see this looks like a normal properly progressing pregnancy." He turns the machine off and wipes the gel off of my stomach. I sit completely up on the table and take a deep breath waiting for what he has to say next.
"You are going to come and see me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at four thirty. That way we aren't cutting into our work day. Every time I see you, I'll examine you and give you an ultrasound. For right now, you can go back to work when your honeymoon is over. When I tell you, and it will come darling, that you are to go home and lay down and not get up again until you are walking around with your newborn, you will do it. There are plenty of capable healers, though not as fabulous as you and I, who will be able to take over for you while you are gone. As long as you agree to do as I say. And understand that you know your body better than anyone else. If you feel something isn't right, you call me immediately. I don't care if it is nine in the morning and I am delivering a baby or if it is three in the morning and I am sleeping. You are probably the highest risk of any of my mothers given your history. This baby is now your highest priority. Take your vitamins and stay off of your feet as much as possible. And I will see you on Monday. Any questions?"
I shake my head and hop of the table; my brain spinning with dreams and wishes of our child.
"Why don't we step out and let Ginny get dressed then?" Calvin motions for Draco to follow him out of the room. I know that they are about to discuss something about me, something Calvin doesn't want me to know. As I get dressed, I make a mental note to ask Draco about it later. But by the time we leave the hospital and arrive back home, I have forgotten.
My empty house is now filled with children in my head. I know this is irrational but I can no longer help it. I spend my entire evening propped up on the sofa exploring the world of internet shopping. I am glad that my job requires me to be more knowledgeable about muggle technology then other professions. By the time Draco and I sit down for dinner. I have made a list and changed it at least ten times of my favorite baby items.
"When should we tell our family?" Draco asks as he sits down at the table.
"Not yet. I know I am going to be showing in not much longer. So we can't wait forever, especially since we have lunch with them every Sunday. I just don't want it to jinx anything. I don't want to have to tell them we have lost another baby so for now we lie. Are you okay with that?" Our happy day has become very serious. I have a feeling that life will continue like this until my pregnancy ends in happiness or despair.
"I'll do whatever you want to do. It's your body and I respect how you feel about this. Is there anyone at all you want to tell now?"
"No, I know Azlyn will probably be pissed when she finds out that I haven't told her something this important but for right now I think it should just be us."
He reaches across the table and holds my hand. For a few minutes we just sit in silence absorbing. This will also probably be happening a lot. It's going to be a long eight months. But if all goes well, it will be completely worth it.
Sunday morning arrives with me hugging the toilet and feeling terrible. Draco spends almost an hour trying to convince me that we should just stay home but I remind him that we had been gone the week before and that we have to show up this week or everyone will think something was going on. Thankfully by the time we arrive at the burrow, I am feeling better.
"Ginny!" My mother hugs me so tightly that you would believe I had been gone a year not a week.
"I need to breath at some point." I choke out and she laughs releasing me so she can hug my husband as well.
"Everyone is outside." She leads us through the house to the backyard where everyone has already arrived.
"Ginny and Draco, fashionably late as always" George laughs as his arm snakes around the waist of a woman I don't recognize. "Gin, this is Katherine. Katherine, this is my sister Ginny and her husband Draco."
"It's a pleasure to meet you." Katherine has an accent but I can't seem to place where it is from. I greet her and smile before turning to greet everyone else. In less than five minutes my arms are filled with a baby and I smile down at Tristan, who grabs tightly to my shirt and doesn't let go.
"Now that everyone is here" Ron gives me a pointed look. "Hermione and I have an announcement to make." He smiles and pulls Hermione into his arms and rests a hand over her stomach. The twinge of jealousy I had at my wedding is now long gone; replaced with a strange fluttering sensation in my abdomen. "We found out the gender of the baby on Friday and decided that now was a good time to let everyone know that it's a boy."
Cheers erupt all around us. For my parents this is the first biological grandson, not like that really matters. My parents have been doting grandparents to Tristan as well. Soon enough it will be our turn to stand in front of our family and do this. We have done it before but with this baby, something is different. I can't explain it but I can feel it. I turn to Draco and we share a look, to my family and friends we are celebrating with everyone else. But to us, it's everything.
As lunch finishes and everyone scatters, Hermione pulls me aside.
"How was the beach?" She asks but I know there is something else on her mind.
"It was warm and sandy. And I loved every minute of it. But that is not what you came over here to talk to me about is it?"
"No, it's not. I was so much better at subtlety before pregnancy brain kicked in. I just feel guilty. Because we have such wonderful news and I know you were having that procedure last week. Ron doesn't understand and he thinks I'm being silly. But are you okay? Which is such a stupid question I know." She is beginning to ramble but I put up my hand and smile to stop her.
"I'm doing really well actually. I thought this week would be hard but it's been surprisingly not what I expected at all." I feel slightly bad for the lie. But I am sick of the pity and talks like these every time a baby is coming. It's part of why we are just not telling them that I am pregnant. If this baby dies, we are done. Ha, it's not like we haven't said that before. We were done. I was essentially getting fixed. But fate had other plans for me. It seemed to always be having other plans for me.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. You should probably go save Ron though." I point behind her to where three of my brothers are clustered together. Fred and George look way too happy at whatever is going on and Ron looks terrified. Without a word, Hermione runs off in the direction of her husband. I laugh quietly to myself before rejoining my husband across the yard. He is holding baby Tristan in his arms. He is going to be a wonderful father.
"He gets more and more adorable every time I see him Pansy." Even though I am talking to her, I am fixated on her son. I start playing peek-a-boo with the now laughing infant while his mother responds.
"I know. Blaise and I have some pretty awesome genes." She laughs and Blaise smiles proudly at the compliment.
"Personally, I think our genes may be better than yours." Draco smirks and I roll my eyes.
"It's too bad we'll never know then." Pansy face turns dark and my stomach does another flip. I resist the urge to place my hand there. It was how I calmed Merci down and would be a dead giveaway that a new life is trying hard to make it.
"So what is everyone over here talking about?" Azlyn walks over pulling Harry behind her.
"Who has the better genes." Draco laughs trying to gloss over Pansy's comment. It is somehow painful keeping our secret from our closest friends.
"Oh, well, that would be Harry and I, of course." Azlyn smiles, wrapping an arm around Harry.
"I guess we'll just have to wait and see about that then." Blaise rolls his eyes but then realizes what he is saying and now we are back to Pansy comment.
"Stop with the sad serious looks. We'll have kids one day. Somehow. So quit acting like I'm going to lose it whenever we talk about stuff like this." I reply and the mood comes back around to happy.
"So when are you two going to tie the knot?" Draco changes the subject completely.
"When we decide to. And that is the best answer you are going to get." Azlyn replies. Everyone has been betting on when they will and they know it. All they don't know is who bet on when. And so they tell us nothing.
"Ah, no fair." Pansy complains.
"You know what isn't fair? Betting on when two people are going to get married. That is just plain wrong." Harry sighs.
"You just have no sense of humor. It's all in good fun." I tell Harry.
"If you say so." Azlyn answers.
By the time we return home, I am exhausted and the sun hasn't even set outside.
"This is harder than anticipated." Draco says as soon as we are in our home.
"It's only going to get harder. It's nearly September. Soon we will all be crammed in the house for these get togethers." I sigh, kicking off my shoes. Without warning, Draco lifts me off of my feet and begins carrying me up the stairs. "Hey, what are you doing?"
"Calvin said you should stay off of your feet as much as possible and yet for most of the day you have been on your feet. I am going to run you a bath then go make dinner. Tonight, we are eating in bed, and then you will get some sleep. We both have to be at the hospital early tomorrow." He places me on my feet only once we are in our bathroom. I undress while he runs the bathwater. While I wait I look in the mirror. I still hold the scars from my school days. They stand out against my pale skin. Every once in a while, I find random strands of blue hair amongst my normally red hair. I am not even nineteen yet, and yet I feel like I am much older most days.
The only thing that is new, and yet comfortably familiar, is the bump protruding slightly from my lower abdomen. I place my hand over it and say a silent prayer for Merci and the babies who hadn't lived long enough to even get a name. And then I pray for the baby who I need to live to get a name. Who I need to live.
"You're bath is ready love." Draco steps behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He places one hand over mine. "She would have been about four now."
"I know." I swallow hard. We never talk about this. I step into the tub and sink into the hot water before turning to look at my husband. "Remember when you asked me back then about wanting to keep Merci?"
"Yes, I remember." He sits on the edge of the tub and waits for me to go on.
"I lied. I wanted to keep her. Badly. If she hadn't died, I don't know if I could have given her up." I take a deep breath and wait for his response.
"I know. And I knew back then. I had been moving some of my savings into a separate account so we could take care of her if you decided to keep her. I wanted to be able to show you I could take care of both of you."
"I don't know what to say." I admit sinking down into the warm water.
"We can't live in the 'what if'. It would drive us both insane. Let's enjoy this feeling now. And no matter how much we know we shouldn't have hope, we do. We have hope and we enjoy it while it's here regardless of how things turn out." He kisses me on the forehead.
"How did I manage to get the best husband in the world?" I smile.
"You made me the way I am. I am the lucky one." He returns the smile before leaving the room.
"I have hope for you. So don't let me down, baby." As I speak the butterfly feeling returns and I can't imagine a life where this child doesn't survive.