Ch. 5 Never Say Never
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
a/n: I know I'm terrible for making you all wait so long for each chapter. I've been dealing with some personal stuff and well as some bad internet problem.
Much thanks as always to icebabesfire for keeping my grammar in check.
I've learned over the years that one should never say "things can't possibly get any worse" because they can and will. So, I know that despite the fact I'm not living with my husband. And despite the fact that the stress from that is not at all good for the unborn baby I am more likely to lose than to have. It will probably get worse. And it does.
Twenty Weeks. Half way there. It's strange to still be hiding my now visible baby bump. And whenever I'm alone I just hold my hand over my constantly wiggling child and will it to live. In four more weeks, though not with a great outlook, my baby could survive if delivered early. That is what I am looking forward to. I'm cautious. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy. And then I had to bury my daughter. The thought makes my chest ache and tears swim in my vision. I blink them back and return to my work.
Calvin has already asked me to start passing off my patients and to not accept any new ones. So today I am finishing the paperwork involved in such a switch. I've just finished the last one when Tabitha, one of the healer's assistants on our floor knocks on my office door before rushing in.
"Yes Tabby?" She looks stressed out which is never a good sign in this place.
"They tried calling you but I think your phone is silenced. Pansy Zambini just brought her baby into emergency. He had a nasty fall or something. Pansy is asking for you and I think Draco was already headed down from his floor." She fidgets when she is nervous. She is always nervous around healers and people in general. It is probably why she is not an actual healer.
"I'm heading down now then." I stand and brush past her on my way out.
By the time I reach the waiting room in emergency, my whole family has gathered. My mother holds on to Pansy as she cries and everyone sits or stands around looking worried. Blaise just paces back and forth and as soon as I step into their area everyone looks at me.
"Ginny!" Pansy stands. Tears are streaking her face and I notice for the first time that there is blood on her shirt. My stomach turns and I try to keep my face from falling.
"What happened?" I am staying composed, for now.
"I tripped. We were almost all the way down the stairs and I think I tripped. Oh merlin, what have I done." And she dissolves into tears again.
"Draco is with him then?" I ask and Blaise nods his head while trying to console a hysterical Pansy.
I am no help here so I do the only thing I can. I set out to find my husband. I haven't even spoken to him in a few days. Not since my last visit with Calvin which was Friday. That is the only time we see each other. It has been that way for weeks. I can't talk to him and never look at him. It hurts too much right now. But today, I am swallowing my feelings. Tristan is more important than my pain today. A nurse directs me to the room he is in and I take a deep breath before stepping into the room.
Draco is attempting to apply something to the gash on the baby's forehead while an assistant holds Tristan awkwardly. The assistant must be new, she looks uncomfortable and untrained. And Tristan is not calm at all. I probably could have found them by the screaming.
"Give him here" I command. The assistant takes one look at my badge and passes me the baby. "Now get out"
The affect is immediate. And Tristan calms enough to let Draco clean, medicate and bandage his head.
"Is he going to be okay?" I ask while he wraps a bandage around the baby's head.
"I hope so. I'm going to keep him here tonight. And have additional tests run in the morning to make sure." He doesn't meet my eyes when he talks and somehow he feels like a stranger. Not someone who has pulled me back from the darkness. My chest aches and there is something unsettlingly familiar about it.
"I don't understand how Pansy tripped down the stairs. Remember when we went to that party when she was eight months pregnant?"
"She came down the stairs in those five inch heels and Blaise panicked almost having a heart attack" I laugh and my ache in my chest fades away. "I still have no idea how she did that. I can't even wear my short heels now. I feel to off balance."
"Don't try, I would have a heart attack." Right now things feel okay. But as soon as our eyes actually meet and I see the sorrow in his eyes the ache returns. "I should probably send him upstairs and go tell everyone."
A different assistant walks in and takes Tristan. I don't leave though. Instead I wait for Draco to finish writing up his chart.
"How are you?" It's casual and feels awkward coming from the man I am married to.
"Alright, and you?" Why can't I just forgive him and move past this?
"I've been better." He stands and turns to face me. "I miss you. And this being separated thing isn't working for me. I love you and back then I did what I had to do to protect you. Telling you the truth wouldn't have made either of us feel any better. For years I have had this thing haunting me. I was terrified the truth would make me lose you and I'm beginning to think I am right. I am so sorry. But I can't change the past and fix my mistakes. If I could go back trust me, your life would be the first one I would fix. Come home. We are a family." He reaches out to me but I back away.
"I'm sorry. I can't" My chest feels heavy and I know I will be crying soon so I flee the room. I go back to my office instead of my family and lock myself away crying. I hide in my office until well after my work day has ended before going back to Azlyn and Harry's flat.
I toss and turn all night unable to sleep. The baby tosses and turns with me. By morning I feel no better than I did yesterday, so I call in sick without even getting out of bed. Azlyn and Harry both leave long before I ever get up and so at least for now I don't have to face them. I finally fall asleep after the sun has risen up into the sky. It is well into the afternoon when I finally wake and groggily go to take a shower. I am just going through the motions until I step out and magic the mirror clear to look at my reflection. I am so shocked by what I see that I jump slamming my head into the wall. My vision blurs for a moment before returning and I am left with a sight that is terrifying.
It only takes moments for me to throw on some clothes and apparate to St. Mungos. My visions warps again then clears and I briefly wonder if I have seriously injured my head.
In emergency the admitting nurse looks bewildered when she sees me.
"I thought you were off today Healer Malfoy." She is resisting asking me and I know it.
"I'm here as a patient actually. Can you find me a room and page my husband and Calvin for me. I seem to have slipped and hit my head."
She just nods her head feebly and then has an assistant take me to one the smaller patient rooms. It isn't until I am sitting on the table I realize I forgot to cover my baby bump. Maybe no one noticed but in this place it is unlikely. By end of day the entire hospital will know which means it's time to tell my family.
Calvin and Draco arrive together and Calvin looks at me like I have suddenly grown another head. Draco just stares in horror.
"You've never seen this before have you Calvin?" My head is really throbbing now and I reach my hand back to where the pain is. It's wet and sure enough when I put my hand back down there is blood on it. The sight brings both of them out of whatever trance they are stuck in.
"What happened?" Calvin takes step towards me to look at my head.
"I was a little shocked when I looked in the mirror and somehow managed to slam my head against the wall." I flinch when Calvin begins looking at my wound. "How bad is it?"
"Not too bad. I'll put something on it to stop the bleeding and wrap your head okay?"
Before I can respond, a sharp pain in my stomach takes me off guard. My hand flies to my stomach and a flinch. Draco is at my side at an instant with a look of panic on his face.
"This can't be happening again. Hermione said the curse was gone." He looks like a child, afraid of losing everything.
"This has happened before?" Calvin asks as he bandages my head quickly.
"When we were in school, but Hermione found the counter curse and got rid of it. Last time, it was slow and I was nearly dead by the time it looked like this." I wave a hand in front of myself.
"Are you sure this just happened Gin?" Draco looks wary. I don't blame him. I waited far too long to admit there was something wrong with me before.
"I'm positive, no voices no weird burning just woke up like this." I look past him where there is a mirror on the wall. Just the sight of blue hair and intricate markings covering my face makes me sick.
"So this is where the scars you have came from then?" Calvin runs a finger along the design on my face. He looks fascinated. "I honestly have no idea what to do about this. I'll check on the baby and admit you to watch it. As of today you are now on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. You made it farther than I thought you would." He stares for a long time. Then seems to remember he has work to do. "I'm going upstairs to arrange a room for you. My assistant will be down to get you in a few minutes. Just relax and don't get up."
"We should call Hermione, maybe she'll know what is going on." I suggest after an awkward moment of silence has passed.
"I'll call her after he checks on the baby if that's okay with you." Draco sits on the edge of the exam table.
"That is fine, I'm sure the whole hospital knows by now. I forgot to hide my stomach when I came in." Reality is setting in. All my fears have been about my baby not surviving. Not once have I considered the possibility that I could die. I could die and then even if the baby survives, I am gone. This thought brings tears spilling onto my face.
"It's going to be okay" Draco is trying to reassure me. But his voice has faltered. Now he isn't so sure.
"I could die." It sounds awkward coming out of my mouth. I've been so close to dying before. But this is so different. There is so much more at play here.
"I won't let you die." He is adamant and I realize something. I am more important to him than anything, children included.
"Draco, if things do get bad, and at some point the choice has to be made between me and the baby…" He interrupts before I can finish.
"No" He stands, he is angry now.
"Draco, just listen to me…" I try again, but Calvin's assistant comes in with a wheelchair.
My floor is quieter than usual when we arrive. There are more assistants and nurses in the halls then there should be. They all know I've been keeping a huge secret. And now they have all come out to see if I really look like what everyone must be saying. They all look so sad. I work with them. I am friends with most of them. We study this curse in the healers program. So they all know what it means. At least none of them know what I did to deserve it.
"Get back to work!" Calvin shouts stepping out of a room I am assuming is mine. All the people snooping quickly resume their work and I take a sigh of relief.
Once I am comfortable in my hospital bed, Calvin stands next to my bed with the ultrasound wand.
"One piece of muggle technology that is actually useful. Before we get started I have to ask if you two want to know the gender of the baby now."
"Yes" We had already discussed wanting to know. Especially since we had no idea what we were going to name this baby.
"Okay then, bit of cold jelly-like stuff." He gives us a reassuring smile and I jerk a little at the cold gel on my stomach.
For a solid minute it is silent in the room before a quick thumping gives light to my child's still beating heart.
"Is the baby okay?" Draco is gripping the sheets so tightly; I'm terrified he is going to tear them. I place my hand over his and he relaxes his grip just small bit.
"Well, my darling friends, it appears that your son is perfect." He points to the screen and I have to remind myself to breath.
"It's a boy?" Draco voice catches and I know without looking that he is crying.
"It's definitely a boy. And from what I can see he is perfectly healthy."
I can't speak. It no longer matters if I live or die. If the curse takes my life then so be it. As long as he is healthy it doesn't matter.
Nothing else matters.