Disclaimer: The usual applies. Alas! Still no letters telling me I own Death Note...
II. Wonder
'One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we've been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. The bamboozle has captured us. Once you give a charlatan power over you, you almost never get it back.'
- Carl Sagan
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Poor Matusuda is nursing a shot of what.. whiskey? vodka? rum? He's long forgotten what he's ordered in this seedy bar where he spends his time off-duty. Matsuda drinks and wonders what his life would have been like if he'd simply become an elementary school teacher – he was seduced by the flashy cop lifestyle on tv and the excitement it promised.
He could have married his first steady girlfriend, Riza? Reika? Rem? – One of those names belonged to a shinigami he was sure… he can barely remember his own name with the alcohol he's piled in. Instead he chose the police academy over her, with her dark hair and ready smile, and he ended up loosing everything, everything, especially his faith in the world.
Matsuda wonders if he'd have shot Light if he hadn't loved the boy and his father, venerated his superiors – like others worshipped Kira, he thinks wryly when not completely drunk – if he hadn't felt so betrayed and lost when he realised that foolish, gullible Matsuda had been taken for a ride.
He knows he'd be dead if he hadn't acted fast, but when he looks at the decadent world around him, he wonders if he made the right choice.
Matsuda doesn't really sleep at night anymore.
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