Chapter 2

Once they were out in the main foyer of the hotel, Caroline's anxiety about what might be about to happen began to build. She could feel that familiar weight pressing down on her. She couldn't help thinking about how everything had unravelled the last time they had both been here; she stopped suddenly and turned to look at Kate.

"Kate...I..." she hesitated. Not being able to find the right words was something Caroline was not used to in her everyday life. She was able, usually, to retain huge amounts of information and articulate the necessary points clearly to whomever needed instruction. In her relationship with Kate, however, she often found that she got it wrong or worse still, found it too difficult to try. The latter usually resulted in flippancy, hostility or the search for a means to escape. She knew, however, now, that this second chance would end in abrupt disaster if she was unable to direct her response away from any of those options now. She paused and took a breath. In the quiet, without the music of the ballroom, her breath sounded louder than she had expected. That weight was pressing harder and Caroline knew that she would not be able to survive rejection again.

"It's ok Caroline." Kate's voice was steady. "I'm here. I came back. I'm not leaving again." Kate had been touched, earlier in the day, by Caroline's earnest speech about Celia and Alan and spending the day watching Caroline with her family had been enough, after the other things, to lead Kate to finally understand that all Caroline had really needed was time. Caroline had looked so utterly defeated as Kate had said her farewells and there had been a vulnerability evident in her eyes that Kate had never seen before. She knew that this wasn't going to be quickly or easily fixed, but once she had reached home, she'd known that she needed Caroline to know what she had been thinking and that it couldn't wait. And so she'd come back, to the scene of her crime, knowing that Caroline's response might not be in any way positive, especially given the times that Caroline had laid bare her feelings for Kate with voluntarily exposed honesty, attempting reconciliation. And now, Caroline and all her fear stood before her waiting to hear what was coming next.

Kate's hands moved to Caroline's arms, gripping her firmly, holding her still and steady.

"Look, I know this isn't easy, Caroline. I know I can't just walk back in here and expect you to forget all the things I said and how I treated you and let me back into your life, your family, as if nothing happened. And I know things are clearly different now," she looked down at herself, "but I'd like to try and explain some things. If you'll listen."

Caroline exhaled, not realising she had been holding her breath while Kate was talking. She needed to say something. Quickly. But she couldn't quite form the words. She did want to listen to Kate but she had her own explaining to do, her own apologies to make and her own forgiveness to seek. She opened her mouth and closed it again, still not ready to verbalise her thoughts.

"It doesn't have to be now, Caroline." came Kate's steady voice again.

"Don't go." Pleading.

"I'm not going, Caroline. I'm staying tonight, if you'll let me and we can talk or not talk, we can do whatever, but I'm not leaving this hotel without you again." Caroline's relief was palpable. She exhaled powerfully as she realised she was in danger of her legs no longer being able to hold her up. Kate held her in a powerful grip, supporting her, rescuing her, again. Kate's touch made Caroline shiver; she was so close that Caroline could smell Kate's perfume and feel the warmth from her body. Caroline was facing the very real possibility that she was, in fact, going to pass out, when Kate took what seemed like an executive decision and guided her toward the fireplace and a sofa. Caroline fell into the offered seat and closed her eyes.

Kate sat down next to Caroline and took Caroline's hand in both of hers, rubbing it gently, trying to keep Caroline at the surface. She had expected Caroline to be surprised or to react badly, even for there to be tears, but she had not expected Caroline's, clearly not insignificant, depth of feeling to result in such disintegration. It only served to add to her own depth of feeling and her own immediate need to comfort and reassure the woman she loved. They both needed absolution. Kate reached out and touched Caroline's face with the side of her thumb, laying her fingers on the side of her beautiful neck.

"Caroline?" Caroline's eyes opened and she squeezed Kate's hand.

"I'm sorry." Quietly. Almost no sound emerging from Caroline's lips.

"Don't be sorry." Caroline studied Kate's face. Kate was waiting for her. Patient, kind, gentle Kate. Caroline allowed herself to think, just for a moment before she checked herself, that this might be alright; it really was happening and Kate really was here.

They sat for several minutes, looking at the fire. Caroline's breathing evened out as she began to regain some degree of self-control. Eventually, she was able to meet Kate's eyes.

"Why did you come back?"

"I.." Kate paused and looked around the room. There were people coming and going, phones ringing, people talking, shouting to one another. This wasn't entirely how she had envisaged the necessary forgiveness being requested and granted. "Caroline, I do want to explain, to start talking about all of this, but not here. Can we go upstairs? I mean, I'm not suggesting anything ...you know...and I don't have to stay, not if you don't want me to, but..." She stopped, not sure what Caroline's response would be.

"Ok." Caroline nodded, pushed herself to her feet and held out her hand. Kate smiled and took it in hers, silently giving thanks for Caroline's consent.