Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious

Chapter 9: Better Than Before

Jade POV

"And I shit you not I really though Lane was going to have me suspended but the entire thing was just too fucking funny for anyone to take seriously. Plus they couldn't prove that I was the one that put the paint in her car." I can barely get out between laughs. I remember that prank like it was yesterday and I must say it was one of my finest moments.

"Are you kidding me? Who else would be crazy enough to pull off that kind of stunt? Of course it was you!" Tori can hardly keep herself from collapsing due to her laughter so I wrap my arm around her to keep her up while we reminisce together. It has actually been pretty fun to be with Tori tonight; it's actually the most fun I've had in a long time. For the longest I was angry or numb, and now this girl comes along and is able to change all that with a quick joke or touching story. Where were you all this time Tori?

"Excuse me?" She questions.

"Huh?" Her question catches me off guard and I'm confused by what she's talking about.

"You ask where I've been all this time? What does that mean Jade?" She stops walking and steps out of my grasp while I struggle for words. I didn't even realize I said that aloud.

I struggle to formulate a response and resort to a quick, "Oh you heard that…" I bow my head and focus on the sidewalk beneath me rather than meet her critical gaze.

"Yea. Care to explain Jade?" She prods. Her tone has gone from light and airy to dense and concerned.

"I just…I don't know what I meant." Actually I know exactly what I meant. Where the fuck were you Tori when my life took a turn for the worst? Where the fuck were you when I chose to get involved with alcohol, or the drugs, or Beck? Why weren't you at Hollywood arts from the very beginning? The list of question goes on and as much as I want her to answer them I don't want to ask them so I just chose to keep my head down and focus on a really interesting crack in the sidewalk.

"Jade please look at me." Her voice beckons me but I don't want to look at her. Or is that it? Maybe I don't want her to look at me. The more and more I think about this…friendship with Tori… the more I don't want her to see me. I don't want her to see me for the disaster I am; for the monster I've become, the weak, weak monster.

"Jade." She slides a slim finger under my chin and tilts my head upwards. I gaze into her chocolate-colored irises and see a mixture of concern and compassion. I can only imagine the turmoil she must see in my eyes; the turmoil in my mind. Yet she doesn't turn away from me, she doesn't flinch nor does she remove her hand from my face, rather she cups my cheek and offers a kind smile. The moment her hand makes contact with my face electricity flows through my entire being. For the first time in many months I don't feel numb. This sensation is scary and thrilling and addictive all at the same time. But most importantly it's not a drug. This feeling, this 'high', is not a result of the drugs that I've been using as a crutch but a result of the woman standing in front of me.

"Tori, I-"

"It's going to be okay Jade. You can tell me when you want to. We're friends now and I'm going to be there when you're ready." Her smile remains but her voice seems to carry some sadness. Like she means something…more. Could she want something more? Could Tori actually...feel something for me? "Come on Jade let's keep walking, it's starting to get chilly out here." She removes her hand from my cheek and to my pleasant surprise the wonderful sensation remains. It's not nearly as strong but the warmth imparted by Tori's hand and her words is still there. Before I can even answer her she is already ten steps ahead of me.

"Whatever you want, wimp." I tease as I catch up with her.

"Don't call me a wimp! You just don't think it's cold because you have a jacket." She whines, much to my amusement. As much as I enjoy an understanding and a caring Tori, the childish but hard-headed Vega isn't half bad.

"I hope you realize it's your own damn fault. I wasn't the idiot that left my jacket in Andre's car and chose to wear a skimpy dress." I continue to taunt just to see her pout a bit more and distract myself from the conflicting feelings I am having over the Latina.

"I forgot okay! Plus don't act like you don't enjoy the view." Tori retorts with a playful and seductive smirk which makes my mouth dry and makes my next remark die in my throat. Is Tori Vega, as in Miss Priss and straight, Tori Vega flirting with me? No fucking way but now that she mentions it she doesn't look half bad. Actually most days Tori does look really nice and it's not because I'm Bi, it's just because Tori has a body that can easily be admired by anyone.

"Pfft, you wish Vega." My dumb attempt at a save, elicits a chuckle from Vega.

"Really, Jade? Is that all you could come up with? I thought you were the queen of mean, who always had a rude comment ready."

"Shut up Vega."

"Aww don't be bitter because I beat you at your own game." She bumps her shoulder against mine as we walk and offers a dorky smile.

"I'm warning you Vega, don't push me." I warn with a playful smile to match hers. I can see the delight in her eyes and I think that whatever connection we have must be pretty special because I can feel it too.

"Okay I'll stop as long as you give me your jacket."

"Come on Vega we only have like two more blocks left."

"Please Jade? Pretty, pretty, pretty please." She begs much like a five year old would for some candy.

"Ugh jeez just fucking stop." If giving up my jacket will make her shut up then I'll do it. I slid out of my jacket and hand it to her. She gladly puts it on and sighs in contentment.

"Thanks Jade. I appreciate this and all you've done for-" Tori stops her thank-you midsentence and looks at me absolutely mortified. You can distress in her features and in her eyes as she stops walking.

"What?" I demand, confused by her sudden change in attitude. Is there a dead body across the street that I somehow missed?

"Your…Your arms." She breathes out. I look down and finally see what must have made her so distressed. Bruises and red marks decorate the crease between my upper and lower arms. In dark I didn't expect her to notice but I guess they kinda stand out in stark comparison to my pale skin.

"Oh those...They're nothing; they don't even hurt." I explain not wanting her to freak out. I didn't want Tori, or anyone for that matter, to see what has been going on with my body. I swear no one explains how precise an art injection is. One wrong move and you've burst a vein or completely missed it all together. Either way the bruises form and you just have to deal with them now and then but when you're physically numb you hardly notice them.

"Nothing?" Tori's voice is small as she pressed her hand to the black and blue flesh. Slight pain radiates from the pressure she's applying and I can't help but slightly gasp. She seems to take this as a sign of me lying about the extent of my problem and frowns. "How is this nothing, Jade? You inner arms are covered with bruises." Her dark eyes plead with mine with the same intensity as her words. "You haven't stopped using have you?" She questions, even though she already knows the answer.

"The only comfort I can give you is that I'm trying to get myself off of the stuff. It's a process and I'm trying hard Vega and I'll get there, just don't push the issue right now. I'm finally feeling stable." I try to place my hand on her shoulder but she takes a slight step back. Her action does really hurt me because I can see the emotion and conflict in her eyes. I can see that this is a lot for Tori to take in because she thought I was getting better, at least that's the way André made it sound when I asked him about her at the party. In a way she is right though; I am getting better, it's just going to take a long time for me to be…okay.

"I'm sorry Tori." The apology is out of my mouth before I can even stop it but I that doesn't make it any less heartfelt. I know that Tori and I have some kind of fucked up connection but at this moment fucked up is perfect and I want to keep her close to me. Not in a creepy way but a way where I'm able to confine in her and receive her support. I mean she's the reason why I'm even thinking clearly right now and able to cope with my current situation. She's the one that is keeping my mind and emotions preoccupied at the minute, not drugs.

"Okay…It's okay Jade. I'm happy that you're trying." A small smile spreads across her face replacing her previous frown. The moment is bittersweet because I can still see the war being waged within her. I know she wants to scream at me but she won't. Tori is a good friend. I've finally realized how amazing of a person she is and I hate myself for being such a stubborn ass for not realizing it sooner.

"Thank you." I offer her a weak smile and suggest we continue walking. For the rest of the walk we remain quiet, merely glancing at one another, almost like we're checking up on one another even though we know the other is fine.

"Here we are." I state as we reach my house. "I don't know if my mother is still awake, but I think we should be quiet just in case."

"Yea I agree. Do you think she'll be okay with me spending the night?" Tori asks.

"She thinks you're my perfect girlfriend." Sometimes my mom is still fucking crazy. There's no way Tori and I could date, we don't have the right chemistry.

"Very funny Jade, but that's the problem. What if she has a problem with us sleeping together?" Tori seems more worried about this entire arrangement than I could ever be with anything.

"Tori calm down. Just let the woman think I just got laid." Tori's terrified expression just causes me to laugh even harder and I can hardly get the door unlocked without dissolving in laughter. "Come on lame."

Tori follows me into the dark house. Since I can tell no one is up I lead her directly to my bedroom rather than towards my mother's study. Once in the security of my bedroom Tori visibly loosens up which causes me to laugh all over again.

"I never thought I would enjoy seeing you laugh at my discomfort." She grumbles. "Do you have any cloths for me to wear?"

"Yea, I'll grab you something. You can use the bathroom first and there's an extra toothbrush and washcloths under the sink so you can get ready for bed."

The two of us go about this routine in relative silence with only a few Thank-you's in between. Tori's earlier energy level is almost entirely gone and I can tell tonight has really taken a toll on her. Hell, it would take a huge toll on anyone. I'm actually surprised that the girl I still awake and functioning.

"So what are the sleeping arrangements?" She barely gets out before a yawn ripples through her body.

"Umm I really want you to sleep on the floor but even I can't do that to you. You can sleep next to me." I pat the side of the bed to my left but Tori doesn't budge.

"No funny business West." She narrows her eyes at me and even though she's trying to be intimidating she just looks like a big whiny baby to me.

"I promise to try to control my urges." I tease. Soon enough Tori is laughing with me and slides into the bed. I turn off the light and hunker down in the bed.

Just as I am about to drift off into the realm of unconsciousness, Tori's voice rings out.

"Hey Jade?"

"Yes Vega?" I respond slightly agitated. What could she possibly want now?

"I know this is probably not your thing but, uh…umm never mind." She sound so small and I can tell that she's on the verge of tears just by the shakiness of her voice. I turn to look at her but I can barely make anything out in the darkness.

"Tori, I'm sorry. What do you need kiddo? I'll do it if you'll stop crying."

"I'm not crying." She protests but her voice remains the same.

"Well you're going to so spill."

"Do you think you could, maybe hold me? Just until I fall asleep." She asks.

"If that will make you happy, I'll do it." I hold out my arms and Tori quickly falls into my grasp. As odd as it may be, it actually feels nice to have Tori in my arms. Her hands wrap around my waist as her head rests on my shoulder. It feels so weird but so….right. "Beck and Ryder are assholes."

"How did you know I was thinking about that?"

"I just kinda figured that would be what made you upset, but they don't matter Tori. The two of them are jerks and better watch their backs." My threat cause Tori to release an airy laugh and I feel a little more accomplished. "Goodnight Tori."

"Goodnight Jade."

A/N: Yup