Did not lose power, but a huge limb from a pine tree narrowly missed our house! I will be glad when spring time comes...
Again, thanks for reading and for the reviews! Sorry...no Neal in this chapter :(
Of course, I own nothing but the mistakes, for which I accept all responsibility
Chapter Nine
"I screwed up everything."
He was sitting on the sofa, head in his hands. He had just returned from the hospital; his attempt to repair things with Neal failing miserably. Neal had been so much easier to apologize to when he had been bleeding out on the river bank. But Peter knew that in order for Neal to really accept an apology, it had to be offered to him while he was in his right mind. He had done so, but things didn't seem any better. Neal was angry and distant.
"You told him you were sorry," Elizabeth reminded him. "How did he respond?"
"He said he was tired, and he wanted to sleep," was Peter's forlorn answer.
"Well," she said, "He is in the hospital recovering from surgery and blood loss."
"I told him I was sorry for humiliating him in the conference room, but…" he paused, "that wasn't enough."
"Why not?"
Peter hadn't said much about his ongoing argument with Neal since the first day it happened. When Elizabeth hadn't given him the response he wanted, he had stormed out of the house in anger. But now his anger was gone, replaced by a deep sense of regret.
"I was mean to him, El," Peter leaned back, his voice was full of self-loathing, "more than that, I was intentionally cruel. I treated him like crap all day because I was questioning his loyalty, and even after everything I did to him, he stepped between me and a man with a gun."
"That sounds like Neal," Elizabeth said.
"I was mad because he risked the case to help out Alex," he said. "I was upset that he didn't tell me about her involvement. I felt like, by keeping that secret, he somehow chose her over me."
Elizabeth touched his arm gently, "I knew there was more to it than just the fact that he embarrassed you in front of the team."
"Well, there was that, too, but no, that wasn't what was fueling my anger," He said. "It was a loyalty thing, you know?" He shook his head, "This was a problem and instead of bringing me into it, he just handled it on his own."
"But that's Neal, Peter," Elizabeth reminded him. "He isn't exactly forthcoming. Neal doesn't ask for help; he is used to doing things alone. You know that.'
"Yeah, but him going off on his own like that, it worries me. It worries me that he may have enemies out there that can just waltz into his life at any moment, and that I can't trust him to tell me if they do."
"But Alex isn't an enemy Peter," Elizabeth reminded him, "She is a friend."
"That is almost worse," Peter admitted. "it's like we play tug of war with him-me, pulling him towards a new life and them, pulling him towards his old one."
"And when he risked the case to help her it felt like she was winning the battle?'' Elizabeth asked.
"Yeah," Peter admitted, "and I was so pissed at him, I wanted to punish him…and I did… but El," He looked at her, anguish in his eyes. "I felt his blood splatter on my face, I saw him disappear under the water…" He felt a lump in his throat and stopped, not trusting his voice to continue. "At that moment I didn't give a damn about the case or if he was working with Alex. The only thing I cared about was that he was alive."
"It made everything clear, didn't it," she asked, "There is a reason people should never go to bed angry with someone they love," Elizabeth said softly "just be grateful that you have a chance to make it right again."
"I am beyond grateful," he said, thinking about how easily that chance could have been lost "and I want to make things right, but I don't know how."
"What is it you always say?" she asked, "Cowboy Up, Peter, tell him what you just told me. Tell him that no matter what might happen between you two; you care about him."
"But after everything I said and did," his voice trailed off, "I don't know if he will believe me."
"Don't make excuses for your actions," Elizabeth directed, "but explain what you were feeling. Tell him why you felt the way you did and why you worry when people from his past are involved."
"He cares about his friends, I know that," He shook his head "but choosing them can get him into real trouble."
"Neal has always cared about people," Elizabeth said, "That is nothing new. That is what you liked about him from the beginning. Neal protects people; he puts people first. And that includes you, too, Peter." She squeezed his arm gently, "He may have risked a case to save Alex, but he risked his life-twice-to save you." She leaned back, "You might just have to give him a little time. He deserves, that, doesn't he?"
Peter remembered Neal's efforts to make peace with him after the Bellington arrest. No matter what he had done, Peter had not shown him any mercy, given him any encouragement, or offered any forgiveness.
"Yes, he does," Peter was just glad that Neal's time hadn't run at the river. "And I will give him all he needs."