Thanks for all the reviews. One more chapter after this and Never Let Go is concluded...
As always,
I own nothing but the mistake, for which I accept all responsibility.
Chapter Eleven
Sitting by the window in an elegant pair of silk pajamas, Neal having picked at broiled chicken and stewed vegetables, looked tired. The conversation had taken a toll on him, and they had sat in relative silence while he ate. Peter was intent on making things right again between him and his friend. He had admitted that he had let things get out of control after the Bellington take down; he had tried to explain his irrational reaction to some very rational fears. Explained his fears but not excused his actions; that had been Elizabeth's advice. He had apologized. Several times. And would continue to do so until Neal believed him.
Peter felt progress had been made. When Neal spoke to him, he seemed more like Neal; not the detached version of his partner that Peter had been trying to reach over the past few days.
Neal sat down the jello container, signaling the end of his lunch experience.
"Neal," Peter said, "In the future, when situations come up, when people come up, from the past you have to let me know. You have to trust me enough to tell me."
Neal took a weary breath, not pleased that the previous conversation was about to resume. "I do trust you, Peter, you know that."
"Then why didn't you tell me about Alex?" Peter countered.
"I may trust you with my life, but that is my choice; it doesn't give me the right to put other people's lives in your hands like that."
"You trust me with your life but not the lives of your friends?" This surprised Peter. "Why?"
"You have a reason to keep me safe." He shrugged, "I am an investment, a criminal with skills to offer-FBI property. But my friends are not."
"You think that is all you are to me, a criminal with skills," Peter felt stung by those words. "you think I am just protecting an investment?"
"That is how my friends see it," Neal deflected, "You are FBI, and I am, well as you like to remind me, a criminal. They can't see past that. "
"But is that how you see it?" Peter pressed.
"It feels that way sometimes, but no," Neal seemed uneasy, eyes darting to the window. "I think….I hope there is more to it." Hoped, his voice said, hoped but was not convinced.
At Neal's silence, Peter ventured "You hope there is more to it, how?"
"You know, that I am more than just a skill set." His voice sounded unsure, hands busying themselves with the magazine in his lap "that you know there is more to me that just what some file says."
"I do know that, Neal," Peter assured him. "I always have, even when you were still James Bonds." That got a small smile, and Neal looked at him.
"When I tell them that they accuse me of having Stockholm Syndrome."
Peter knew exactly what friend made that accusation. He had heard it himself or more than one occasion. "Mozzie."
"It's just, important, you know, for people to know that they matter," Neal continued, "And when they are in trouble they need to know that someone cares enough to try to help them out."
"Like Alex?" Peter asked but knew Neal wasn't just talking about her.
"Yes, like Alex, I know that Alex is just another criminal to you, but to me…." He stopped, "She is a person; She collects stuffed rabbits and has a grandmother who loves her and what happens to her matters. People matter, at least to me."
The passion in his voice could not be missed. People mattered to Neal because he knew how important it was to feel valued; he needed to feel valued. He helped people because he knew how important it was to know someone cared; he needed to know that someone cared. When someone needed him, there was no sacrifice too great to make to show them those two things; they mattered, and he cared. He would risk his life-and had done so-for a friend in need; for Peter. Risking a case was hardly worth a pause.
"She matters, and so you would have blown the case to help her." It was a statement and not a question. It didn't cause anger to flair in his heart the way it had four days ago-it triggered a completely different response.
"Yeah," Neal said. "If I had had to choose between the case and Alex, I would have chosen Alex, because…" he paused but Peter finished for him.
"Some things are more important." He nodded, finally understanding "Like people." Neal looked up, a look of surprise on his face, but the expression quickly changed to gratitude at finally being understood.