Argh no update for days, here's the explanation if anyone's bothered XD Wed was my birthday, got drunk, Thurs was my friend's birthday so we got drunk, stayed over at her's then Friday I of course was hung over, Saturday I was busy and today I've been doing an art project but have managed to write this. I was watching the Notebook while typing it and by the end was in bloody tears so hopefully this isn't depressing.
And I've added spaces in the huge conversation because the huge chunk of textwould have been amazingly hard to read. So I've made it (hopefully) easier for you all. Oh and this is a slightly weird chapter in my opinion.

Again sorry about the huge gap in updating and the next chapter should be the last
xxx
Oh and if you're wondering the word 'din't' is supposed to be spelt like that, it's how I hear Vince say 'didn't' :)

Teddy bear

"You really don't have to be young to find a friend in a teddy bear."

He sits in his room clutching at an old teddy bear from a day out at the fair a few years ago, Howard had won it on one of the games and handed it to Vince out of friendship not love. He kept it ever since even though it meant very little than love.

He squeezes the bear's middle and brings his legs up to his chest resting his arms on his knees, he bounces the toy up and down, a small smile playing at his lips but he refuses to let it spread and grow. He doesn't feel like smiling, doesn't want to, doesn't think he deserves to.

"He always used to be so nice to me." He speaks randomly to the bear in a hushed voice, a gentle one that doesn't expect a reply back "Din't he? What changed though?" He pauses and frowns at the bear "Me, it was my fault I guess." He hears a door shut but decides to carry on speaking to the inanimate teddy bear "I wish I never said anything, should have bottled everything up and kept it to myself. It would have been better that way, don't you think?"
He waits for a reply and even laughs at himself slightly for doing so "Do you reckon he's always thought of me as stupid?" feeling desperately alone he grips at the bear's stomach tighter "I think he always did. Always saw me as an idiot, simple minded...Someone who obsessed over material possessions. He got it wrong though...Din't he? I'm not self-obsessive..." His voice cracks a little then in an uncertain tone he adds "Am I?" He loosens his grip on the bear a little; his hands drop over his knees tucking the bear out of sight.

"I try not to be, I try my hardest not to hurt people. I try to not fuck things up but things happen y'know? I'm only human, everyone makes mistakes. I just make them more than others do." He drops his legs and crosses them then sits the bear down in front of him feeling a little embarrassed to be talking to a child's toy "I just wish I could go back to when my feelings all spilled out. Wish I could take them back and just carry on life as normal. At least then me and Howard would still be friends, I miss being friends with him. He's gone all cold on me now, I think...I-" The words choke in his throat but he doesn't understand why, he had said them many times before perfectly fine.

He rests his head on his bedroom wall and clasps his hands together taking a deep breath, he glances towards the window noticing darkness had fallen and the only light in his room comes from the dim desk lamp on his bedside table. His eyes drop back down to the bear sat staring at him with it's glassy button eyes, it's stare is almost an unnerving one for a teddy bear, for a child's toy "I think he hates me." He finishes his sentence and shuts his eyes gently wishing it weren't true "I didn't mean to take his van, I just wanted a bit of freedom, y'know? Haven't got that around here lately. And I din't mean to get drunk all the time, it just happened y'know? And...And I din't mean for the alcohol to drown everything out, it tasted so good at first and made me forget but then it just made everything worse...It started to taste just like water, like nothing. And it stopped making me forget, it just made me remember even more so I drank and drank and I drank more and more but it stopped working. It stopped doing its job din't it? It din't work anymore."

His voice trails into a murmur as he feels a familiar lump in his throat "He made me do it and he knows it did. Why else would I drink myself nearly to death? And why else would I steal his keys and drive his van late at night when I don't know the first thing about driving! That proved something though din't it? Proved that I do have a brain and that I can do something if I set my mind to it. He doesn't believe that though, he just thinks I'm stupid. But it's his fault...But I guess he is right I mean...Look at what he's got me doing! Talking to a stupid teddy bear!"

His anger gets the better of him, rises from his stomach and bubbles through his veins, takes control of his actions making his hand grip the teddy bear into a ball of furry fury and making him toss it across the room. It hits his chest of draws and bounces off sending various hair products to the floor "Maybe I am stupid, like he said. He's always right in't he?" He drops his head into his hands wiping furiously at his eyes that demand to spill over his cheeks "Sometimes I wish I was the one who was right for once. Why can't I be clever like him? Why can't I make the right decisions instead of opening my stupid gloss covered mouth and saying the wrong things?" His tears protrude from his eyelids forcing their way down his cheeks, his voice turns to drastic sobs as his emotions get the better of him, without thinking he carries on, his voice a little raised but sounding all the more distressed "I hate being like this! Why can't I be perfect? Why do I have to mess everything up all the time..."

A knock disturbs him from his hysteria, he jumps slightly and bites at the side of his hand trying not to burst out in another fit of manic tears, he ignores the knock hoping it would go away but it carries on. It continues until finally the owner's voice speaks up.

"Vince...Please can I come in and talk to you?" He releases his hand from his mouth ignoring the purple dented teeth marks in his skin with a shakey hand he wipes at his tears and cuddles his legs up to his chest, he clears his throat and controls his breathing then finally nods and says a 'yes' then waits for the dreaded door to open.