Story set after 4x14 and a little while after I would think... also if you have not watched or heard about episode this will have spoilers...

I thank Marysunshine for encouraging me to do this one and to post it :-)

And thank you to Steffi who beta'ed it for me:-)

Don't own the good wife or that kiss would not have happened for sure.

All Or Nothing

He was sitting on the couch staring into the fireplace as he heard the knock on the door. She had texted him an hour ago, asking him if she could come over. He knew all too well what that meant. Sex, quick emotionless sex, that was Alicia's style these days. He had thought they were getting closer but after what he had seen on those pictures tonight he knew it wasn't the case at all.

"Peter?" She called out for him, and he could hear her heels move through the hallway.

"In here..." He answered her. He could hear her steps moving closer.

"Hey what are you doing?" She asked. He could hear her removing something, he guessed it was her coat, and then the sound of her heels disappeared he knew she had taken them off.

"Night cap?" She asked and he finally looked up, finding her standing there beside him. She smiled at him flirting and tempting him. He shook his head at her attempts no more, he couldn't do it any longer. Especially knowing what he knew now. That had sealed it completely for him. He couldn't be her play-thing in the drama she seemed to have going on any longer. 'Working on their marriage' what a cruel joke that was now.

"Yeah..." he said as he got up from the couch, walking over to the fireplace, resting his hand on the shelf over it.

"Peter is something wrong?" She asked him, her voice sounding worried and confused. A small part of him was tempted to forget his plan, and just turn around and take his frustration over this out on her with sex, but no he couldn't, not this time.

Instead he let out a dry laughter, almost cruel, dark.

"Peter? What is wrong? Can I make it better?" He could hear the sound of her shedding her suit jacket, and the sound of her unbuttoning her shirt.

"Stop it Alicia... can you for one second drop the act?" His voice was angry, hurt and hard now.

"What... what do... you mean? Peter, are you angry with me?" Her voice was shaky and showed a hint of shock and hurt.

"Does your other lover know you come here too?" He hissed out, still looking into the flames.

"What...? Other lover? Peter what are you talking about?" She sounded more confused now.

"Well I shouldn't need to tell you, should I?" He sneered.

"Really Peter? Really? I thought we had gotten past that, your unreasonable jealousy..." Now she sounded as if she was getting angry too.

He laughed again, the same dry and cruel laughter. He really wished she would leave him to his own sadness and pain now instead of rubbing it in his face.

"Funny thing darling so did I..." He whispered back at her in a hash tone.

"Well okay, now I am completely confused. If we are past that... why bring it up now? Why are you so angry with me?"

Damn, she was good at playing her game - he used to be able to tell when she was lying and thought he was again, but clearly that was just another cruel joke that was on him. He hadn't for such a long time understood what he had done to her. How badly he had hurt her by sleeping with Amber and Kalinda, breaking her trust and heart, but now he got it. Oh how he understood it now. He had been a fool, an idiot, a beast by doing that to her, and extensional he was the one who had pushed her straight into Fucking Will Gardener's arms. But still, that Alicia could be this cruel taking a revenge on him like this made him sick to his stomach.

"How long has this been going on? Did you ever even stop sleeping with him like you said under oath...?" He whispered, his voice as cold as ice. The tension and silence that followed was so thick that you would have needed a sharp knife to cut through it.

"What do you mean? How can you even believe that? And why do you even know what I said under oath?" Alicia whispered back, her tone now as cold as his.

"You knew I would read it..." He said not even bothering to explain further.

"Yeah I guess... but Peter, if you did and if you know me at all, you also know it only began when we separated and I ended it close to a year before the two of us began anything again... So why are you suddenly this angry with me?" She was a mix of confused, hurt and angry.

"Ugh do you really need to ask? When did you start fooling around with him again? How long have you gone from me to him or the other way around?" He asked, his voice laced with the anger and hurt boiling in his blood, as he turned to face her. The look on her face was one of shock and hurt.

"Peter how can you even think... I didn't... I wouldn't..." She whispered. For a few seconds he wondered if she was telling the truth, but how could that be when he had seen the pictures of her in heavy embrace with Will in her office, and they had been date and time stamped. No she was lying, she had to be.

"Don't bother Alicia... I know about it... I have seen the pictures of it." He hissed and closed his eyes for a second, bad idea he got a flash of the picture of her wrapped around Will.

"Peter what pictures are you talking about... I haven't done any..." She broke off, and shock and confusion was replaced with realization and understanding.

"Peter I don't know how you got your hands on that but it is not what you think... I didn't do that..." She broke off and from seeming like she was apologizing and explaining she turned to anger: "Also if I did, what right do you have to judge, you were the one that cheated on me with a hooker and Kalinda."

He took a step back a little shocked over her reaction, but quickly got a hold of himself again.

"So that is what this is about revenge? Payback? Wow you really have changed..." He suddenly felt extremely tired and just wished they could end this and he could be left alone and wallow in his self pity. He saw her taking a couple of deep breaths.

"We kissed Peter... once... nothing else nothing more... he kissed me... I returned it, yes... for a few seconds and that was it... for some reason you have gotten a picture of that..." She explained.

Peter nodded slowly, he wasn't sure if he believed her or not, but one thing was sure he couldn't go on like this any longer.

"The pictures won't get out. Eli stopped that. Are you in love with him? Is this why you only agree to this shallow form for a relationship with me?" He asked her, but all the fight had been taken out of him.

"What? No Peter... We kissed once that is all! I promise! She argued again. He nodded slowly.

"Maybe, but the truth is Alicia, you just don't run around kissing your ex-lover without it meaning something... and I can't do this anymore I really can't... especially now... I can't be with you wondering if you would rather be with him, if you are kissing him or having sex with him in your office. I now get how you must have felt with me all the time. But Alicia, I know what I want... I want you! Just you... every day, every night, you are all I see and need." He explained softly, his gaze wavering and looking back into the flames.

"Peter... I don't know what to say..." She whispered softly. He nodded, he hadn't expected anything else really, still he felt close to tears, wanting to let go of all the emotions, but he wouldn't, he couldn't let her see that. So he hardened his voice.

"I do... I want you to leave, Alicia. And I don't want you to come back until you know what you want... because I can't do this back and forth with you anymore."

He heard her draw in a sharp breath.

"What are you saying Peter?" She whispered so soft he almost didn't hear it.

"I want it all with you again Alicia and if you can't do that. If you can't give me that. If Will is somehow in your heart. I can't be with you. I need you to go and make you up your mind. For me, for Will, for the kids sake. I hate to say it, but I'm even feeling a little bad for Gardner if you are doing the same to him as you are to me." He told her, his voice harsh and cold. He didn't get an answer this time, instead he heard her picking up her things once more. Heard the sound of her heels she must have put back on. She moved closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"For what it is worth Peter... it really was just a kiss..." She whispered softly.

"Maybe Alicia... but it doesn't change the truth. I can't be your dirty affair or wonder where you heart is. I love you, I love you so much... But I can't do this anymore." He answered, not able to look at her as tears were forming in his eyes and he didn't want her to see those.

"I understand..." She whispered, and gave his shoulder a soft squeeze, before she moved away from him. He could hear the sound of her heels growing weaker and moving away until he heard the front door being opened and closed again. He stared it to the flames, as the first tear fell. He knew he might never be with her again after this.

Alicia stopped on the doormat, looking down on the word home. Suddenly she felt like she was about to cry, she turned her head, wondering if she should go back in. But she couldn't, Peter didn't want her with him until she had made up her mind. She turned her head back around and looked over at her car.

What had she done? She hadn't even known Peter was hurting this much, and if he was, Will had to be as well... she knew that... that was why she had said she was sorry... Because she was sorry and like she had said what was she not sorry about: Will, Cary, Kalinda, it felt like she had lost them all a little more in just a matter of days, and now the one she counted on having still, Peter.

She had very likely lost Peter as well, unless she was ready to move back in with him and be is wife in every sense of the word again, and she wasn't sure she could do that. It seemed there really was no way to have it all.

She gulped, she knew he was right, she needed to make up her mind and decide what she wanted and accept what that meant and go through with it. She already knew it didn't mean Will, when she looked forward she couldn't see a future with him, at least not one that made any sense other than as a fleeting dream... but could she with Peter? She wasn't sure but knew she now needed to figure it out.

Peter wanted all or nothing, and she wasn't ready to say either without closer thought. Nothing would break her heart and she couldn't even imagine giving him up completely but all, she wasn't sure she could do that either... but she guessed she needed to search her heart and find out.