This story is for everything dedicated to Randy... I cut her a deal since she wanted me to write more AP(again) if she managed to come up with 5 prompts that didn't conflict with me shipping AW I would use one of those to write her a story... She do that so yeah bravo girl that is dedication to my writing... I love you for that... and how could I ever say no to you i mean after all you have done for me in the past ;-) So yeah enjoy your story...

Oh to everyone else it is AU end... Re-watch 109 and cut before the finale scene as this is an alternative.

I Don't own the good wife... Or I would be including way more sex scenes...

Guards of the Heart

She wasn't sure if this was a smart move or anything really. She wasn't even sure what had come over her. This was not like her. Well and the accommodations were as terrible as when she had first come here 3 weeks ago. She shuddered already from the cold. She was regretting not changing out of her suit already. Something warmer, thicker would have been preferred right now over her thin shirt, skirt, heels and thigh-highs. Yeah, her jeans and sweater and coat of last time would have been preferable. She was glad she had packed it in the bag, along with some case files. After all staying here until next morning she would probably need to seek comfort in work at one point. At least to avoid talking. And she wouldn't be able to sleep dressed like this or she would freeze to death.

She shuddered again right as the doors were opened. The guard lead Peter in, he raised his eyebrow at her. He was clearly confused why she was here. She couldn't blame him. At best he would think she needed help with another case... At worst... She stopped her thought process, unable to think that one through. Yes, she had considered it months ago, but also decided she couldn't do it, not to her children, not to herself. Not without seeing if it was really possible to give it a second chance when he came out. She wasn't a quitter and had never been. Just like she wasn't one to cry and had never been, so she wasn't about to quit on her marriage, not without another try post scandal.

She couldn't blame him though that his thoughts went there. After all when she had seen him two days before she had been screaming at him. Telling him to make Amber drop her games, make it all stop. And she had meant it. To be able to give this another try she needed to actually be able to move on and not be stabbed in the back by another attack at every step she took. She needed to actually be able to look forward. And fearing a new piece of destruction or Amber Madison coming forward were not helping with that.

He had listened this time though, two months ago when she told him that she needed to know about it all he hadn't. But this time he had understood how serious she was. How she really meant this. That it was one thing she needed. That she couldn't have another talk with the kids where they asked her about his escapades. And she had no intention of bringing them back to prison no matter what Jackie might think. So she really was relieved when Amber had showed up telling her that Peter threatened her. The thought that rushed through her mind had been. "That was well deserved. Thank god." She was actually glad he had scared her and she had gotten frightened. It gave her hope she wouldn't have to hear more about her for awhile at least. She had already been surprised when Stern told her that he was set up, and this helped. So she had ordered this. She knew partly that it was also based in how she needed to make sure she could still do this. Because if she couldn't it would be way harder to give it a second chance after he got out of prison or if he got home for his appeal-hearing. She noticed how they took the handcuffs of him. And "felt him up" making sure he didn't carry anything. Before one of the guards pointed to the red button, nodding at Alicia.

"There is the emergency button should you need it. I am here the whole night and I wouldn't blame you for wanting out, dove..." She felt chills run down her back, as well as a bit nauseous. He was clearly checking her out and she quickly crossed her arms over her chest, shielding herself from his gaze. She noticed Peter looked like he was ready to punch him one for his remark. Or maybe it was his straying eyes, she wasn't sure. And it didn't matter that much, what mattered what that he didn't do it. So she gave Peter a pointed look telling him to drop it. Commanding him to drop it. And he did. She was glad he hadn't lost the ability to read her eyes. The guard laughed though, clearly happy he could get stupid remarks like that in without any of them able to do anything about it. And he left with one last glance at her and her cleavage. She shuddered again. She hated men like that, objectifying women, she always had.

Peter took a tentative step closer into the room.

"Are you alright? Is something wrong? The kids? Or is it a case again?" He asked her carefully, though his eyes were begging her with the real question. Did you do this to be able to serve me divorce papers in peace? She sighed, she couldn't deal with questions or explanations right now. Though she was pretty sure he would love to have one for her next move. She went to him, and he looked even more confused now. A confusion that didn't lessen any as she pulled his face down to her, meeting his lips with hers. She couldn't remember the last time she kissed him, but it had to have been the same day she found out he had fucked hookers. He seemed confused and unsure how to respond and she couldn't blame him. After all she had basically shied away from him in any form for physical contact in months. His touch reminding her of the sex tape, the words of Amber asking him if his wife did that for him, of what he would give her. His touch had made her shudder because all she could think of was his fingers or lips or body touching Amber. Yet she hadn't expected kissing him would actually feel this good. Make a few of her walls crumble just a little. She also knew she couldn't risk them crumbling as she never wanted to be blindsided by him again. She needed to speed this up though if she were to actually do it. Otherwise she would have to lower her guards with him. And that wasn't an option. She had no idea how she managed to actually move or push him to sit on the bed. Well he seemed willing enough, though he still seemed to hold back a lot. A thought crossed her mind if he even found her appealing anymore, if he even wanted her like this anymore. Or if she really was just a tool to his political come-back. The tool that should get him out of jail and someday reelected. She wasn't as naive as some might think she knew fully well he would want a political comeback as he once got out. She also knew her being there would be important for that to be possible.

She straddled his lap. Hitching up her skirt, and was relieved when she could feel his hardness press up against her and his hands tentatively lock around her waist. He was kissing her back by now, though she knew he still held back. And she was almost grateful he did. Because for this to succeed she needed to be in control, she needed to be the one leading this. She wasn't sure if she could ever again surrender control to him, she hoped she could someday, but for now she couldn't. She was still to hurt for that. He had broken her and she was slowly putting the pieces back together. But trusting him not to do it again was another issue. So far so good. The kiss was pleasant, she liked it. She had forgotten what good a kisser he was. His hands on her waist moving in under her suit jacket and sliding her shirt up so he could brush them over her bare back made her shudder. It was a mix of anticipation, relief and fear that rushed down her back. And one she needed to be gone. So she sped things up. She moved a hand between them, cupping and touching the tell tale bugle forming in his pants. She was glad he still found her attractive enough that her kiss and touch gave him that reaction. After all she wasn't young, blond or with big perky breasts anymore. She pulled back, needing to catch her breath. But before he managed to ask anything with other than his eyes, she had their lips fused back together. She didn't want questions, she couldn't. Because she had no answers to them. At least not any that would help or explain. She opened his pants and lifted herself up enough that he could lower them. Glad that he took the hint and didn't need to be told. She stiffened the moment he seemed to want to move her so she could roll over and lay on the bed. She shook her head. And her eyes told him if she were to do this it needed to be done on her terms. And it really did. She let out a soft sigh of pleasure as one of his hands found her bare thigh just between the end of her thigh highs and the hem of her skirt. He caressed it and slid his hand further up under her skirt. She was stroking his erection and shifted in his lap as he found the lace between her legs. Lace that was already soaked through much to her relief. It also had him groaning against her lips as he slid his fingers under it making her shudder both in desire and confusion. Feelings were suddenly close to overwhelming her. He hadn't really touched her this carefully in a long time and she couldn't start with that now. Instead she shifted and moved her own hand to push the lace out of the way while moving him with the intend of taking him in. But that was when he paused her and pulled back from the kiss. He stared at her for a second. And she started to move again. But he caught her wrist with one hand and her waist with the other, stopping her.

"Alicia are you? Are you sure?" He asked and she could hear the strain in his voice. She nodded and was about to move again so she could take him in.

"Do you... Alicia maybe... would you prefer to use a condom?" She blinked at him a few times, clearing her head, then nodded slowly. She had almost forgotten about that. Even though she really shouldn't, after all she had brought some with her. And that had meant a rather embarrassing look from a woman at the pharmacy. One laced with pity. The woman clearly having seen her on TV and knowing who she was. She pulled one of the blue plastic packages out of her pocket. Quickly she ripped it open and rolled it onto him. She then moved again and guided him into her. Taking him effortless all the way in. She paused and held back, needing a moment to adjust to him. It had been long since she had had sex last and her muscles needed time to stretch around him. They both sighed and groaned the moment she started to slide up only to lower herself onto him again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, silencing his and her moans. She didn't object when she felt his hands on her hips and back guiding her movements a little. Taking some of the pressure off her legs she had used otherwise. She was still in control, this movement on his part was alright. The slide felt delicious. And she must have forgotten how good sex felt because she had clearly forgotten how much pleasure this was giving her. She groaned in pleasure even as he moved his hand up to cup one of her breasts. She made sure to grind herself more against his pubic area as she moved down, something that had her on the edge fast and she shuddered and clenched around him as she came. (can we say that here? because it would be "fell over the edge" twice in one sentence otherwise.) She wasn't even sure if he was there with her as she collapsed against him. Actually buying her face against his shoulder. And just sitting there like that for a few seconds catching herself and her breath again. She sighed as she felt his hands carefully caress her back. She pulled back from him and his embrace. She suddenly felt unsure. What did they do now? How would they survive the next many hours. She could feel how he had softened in her, and it made her both relieved and a little sad, meaning her moment here really was over. It was probably for the best. After all a part of her felt close to crying suddenly. She needed to get a grip on herself, she really did. So she moved off him and stood up. Without a word did she move to the minor toilet there. Cleaning herself up and putting some water in her face helped on the thickness that had suddenly in their post sex formed in her throat. She made sure to stay in there until it was completely gone. Her moment of emotional weakness. And as she walked back out she could hear the shower running. He had clearly decided getting cleaned up was a good thing to do now. She hesitated for a second but then grabbed the bag and went back into the toilet and changed her clothes. The suit packed down in exchange of jeans and a shirt and a sweater. Along with a thick pair of socks. That should help her keep warm through the night. While she waited from him to finish his shower she read a case file she had brought with her. She had gotten engrossed in it so she hadn't even heard him turn off the shower or come out again.

"Do you need help on it?" Peter asked making her look up in surprise as she almost jumped from hearing his voice right beside her.

She considered his question for a couple of seconds. Though she couldn't share privileged information with him, she could talk about some of the issues with him. At least that would be something that meant she didn't need to talk about feelings or what earlier had meant. So she nodded slowly.

"Yeah that would be good." He seemed to accept it thankfully. And discussing her case was what they spend the next hours on.

He almost automatically knew that the sleeping arrangements would be like last time. That her actions earlier hadn't changed that. At least he knew after one look at her face. So they made the bed for him on the floor and she used her coat to cover herself.

She reached over and turned off the light. This time he didn't offer her ghost stories. Which might be good. She could hear him on the floor. His breathing told her he hadn't fallen asleep yet.

"Alicia..." He asked her, in a soft nervous voice. And she knew she could choose not to answer, pretend to be asleep. Yet she found herself answering.

"Yes..." She was sure he would ask her what earlier had meant, what it was about.

"Earlier..." He started to say but she interrupted, she wasn't about to give everything up. She feared his questions would ask for something an explanation she couldn't give... at least not yet... if ever again.

"Amber came to see me... I... thank you..." She whispered, and she could hear him gasp. Probably as he tried to understand her words. After all days ago she had screamed at him because Amber had called her.

"You are welcome.. I should have done it long ago..." He admitted and she nodded to herself.

"Yeah..." She whispered, not really sure what to say otherwise.

"Will we... will this... do you think... I am sorry for what I did to you..." She nodded taking in his words. For some reason it was easier done here in the darkness rather than face to face.

"Do you think... will you ever be able to forgive me...?" He whispered raising one of those questions she had hoped to avoid for now. She turned it over in her head again and again.

"Are you asleep?" he whispered and she realized she had pondered it for long.

"I was hurt deeply Peter..." She whispered finally, and she could hear him gulp.

"But I hope and imagine it will heal someday. For now I need time..." She whispered.

"I love you..." He told her in a soft whisper, and she swallowed trying to remove the lump forming in her throat once again.

"I know..." She managed to whisper back before rolling over onto her side. She was facing away from him. A small tear ran down her cheek. She couldn't give him another answer, not now, because any other would mean lowering her guards. Something she had already come close to doing here tonight. And that scared her. How easy and yet so hard it all seemed to be.

So i hope you enjoyed it... please let me know

(Also randy as a thank you i would enjoy getting chap 8 ;-) of AFMH)