Okay so here we go. I don't own TGW and all that and the title i got from a song. Anyway I loved the Alicia/Grace scene so much, I adored Grace being there. It was perfect. Yet I still had this AP fic idea, so here we go. It is set post 613. Oh and it isn't M-rated for once.
The Lullaby of Loneliness
She dragged herself to the door at the sound of the knock. She had no idea who it could be at this time of the night, but if she was to make a qualified guess it would probably be some campaign emergency that couldn't wait until tomorrow. She checked her image in the mirror beside the door just to make sure didn't look like a complete mess and her eyes were not too red or puffy from the earlier tears. She sighed and tried to rub some of the redness under them away, before she pulled the door open. She hadn't expected him actually far from and she certainly didn't have the energy to a téte-a-téte with him tonight. What was he even doing here? Didn't he know he wasn't welcome? Yet here he was, he looked tired and slightly uncomfortable. That served him right for showing up at her place this late.
"What are you doing here?" She sneered and it came out harder than she thought it would, but she actually didn't care, not at this point. He looked surprised for a second before he shook his head.
"Grace called. She was worried about you, and begged me to come over. Now I have seen you are up and alive and not in your bed crying I will leave and go home again. I shouldn't have come. Good night Alicia." His own words sounded hard as well but she snapped for her breath at the first of them, and her hand shot out to halt him as he started to turn around.
"Grace called?" She asked, her voice softer now, she hadn't meant to worry her daughter. She hadn't wanted to break down like that. She was incredibly thankful for her daughter who had comforted her and told her she was the best person she knew. Even if she knew that was just a facade and she was a much worse person than the ideal that her daughter saw her as. She didn't know she had worried Grace so much with her break down that Grace had thought she needed to call reinforcement in form of her dad. Yet she had.
Peter turned back to her and nodded with a sigh.
"Yes she was worried. She begged me to come even as I told her it wasn't a good idea. I promised in the end I would check in if she went back to bed, after all it is late and she has school tomorrow." He explained with a sigh. And Alicia nodded slowly. It made sense also that he showed up after, at least it seemed he was making good of keeping promises to Grace.
"I didn't mean to worry her." She whispered as she cast a glance in the direction of her daughter's room, wondering if Grace had gone to bed as she promised Peter or if she should go in there and make sure she was getting some sleep, instead of lying awake, worrying.
"She will be okay. Just talk to her tomorrow and explain you are better now." he sighed and she nodded slowly while looking down.
"You are better now right?" He asked and she could hear he suddenly seemed worried and she sighed and glanced at him before shrugging her shoulders.
"Yeah I am fine." She offered as she wrapped her arms around herself, the hallway was cold.
"Okay, well get some sleep in that case and talk to Grace tomorrow. Will you tell her I checked in as promised?" He asked and she nodded with a sigh.
"Sure, thanks." She mumbled and stared at him as he turned around and started to move to the elevator.
"I broke down, to Grace I shouldn't have. It wasn't fair to her. I did something terrible today and I broke down." She whispered suddenly, and in the second she said it she slapped her hand over her mouth. Peter and her were not in a place where they shared such information. She didn't want them to be. He stopped though and turned around and looked at her intensely.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He finally asked and she sighed before nodding and stepping aside, indicating he should come inside. She wasn't sure if talking with him was a good idea but on the other hand he was also the only one she could imagine might actually understand it.
She closed the door behind him and moved to the couch while he took off his coat before joining her. They sat in silence for a moment. None of them really knowing how to start the discussion. Finally Peter sighed.
"Tell me what happened Alicia? What bad thing was it you did that got to you?" He asked and glanced at her while she stared at her fingers.
She took a deep breath and glanced at him, meeting his gaze head on. Her eyes were getting misty once again and she blinked a few times, trying to force it away.
"I tried to get a big donation for my campaign today. I got it but… what I did for it. I was a bad person." She whispered and looked away while she heard Peter sigh.
"That is what happens. Sometimes what you have to do to get money for campaigns is far from fun." He answered and she gulped.
"It wasn't so much what I had to do, more what I didn't do. I..." She shook her head trying to rid herself of the feelings overwhelming her again. She still felt bad about it. Prady was right it was lonely and she had made it even more lonely.
"What did you do? And who was the donor?" he asked and she sighed and rubbed her forehead.
"Guy Redmayne, the millionaire." She answered and heard Peter gasp.
"Wow… You got him? I have never been able to. How did you manage?" He asked surprised and she shuddered as she thought of the terrible meeting. Peter must have seen her shuddering.
"Alicia? What happened? What favor did he ask?" He asked suddenly sounding worried. And she glanced back at him while shaking her head.
"No, it wasn't that. Well, he touched me and it was rather uncomfortable. I mean he made sort of clear that he wouldn't mind something happening between me and him and his daughter was in the room all the while, but it isn't that." She mumbled while Peter's mouth dropped open. A quick glance at his hands confirmed he was clenching them into fists, his face tight like he was fighting anger.
"What did he say or do?" he asked, the anger seething from him and she snorted, it was probably pretty good he hadn't been in the meeting or they would be at the police station right now from the looks of things.
"Just… well he mentioned his virility, I guess, in form of him having the balls of a 20 years old. Don't worry I didn't accept such comments. As I said, he also touched me, but that alone wasn't too bad and nothing else happened, it is nothing like that. And it isn't what it is about." She mumbled as she glanced nervously at his fists. She didn't like how aggravated he seemed. Nothing good ever came from that. It normally led to fighting and jealousy and shouting and Grace was home right now. She didn't want their daughter woken by them fighting yet again.
"How did he touch you Alicia?" He asked as he looked at her, his face stone cold and she sighed.
"My wrist and my knee but really it is fine. It wasn't what got to me. Yes it feels like I whored myself out to him to get the money, but it is more mentally… Peter what are you doing?" She asked as she saw how he was pulling his phone out of his pocket, and scrolling though his contacts.
"I just need to make a call." "Hey Eli? Did I wake you?… good because I need you to call Guy Redmayne and tell him he can take his millions and shove them up his ass unless he wants the governor of Illinois as an enemy. Or actually that he should call my wife tomorrow and give her an apology and still donate his millions to her, or he won't know what is coming for him." He sneered into the phone.
Alicia gasped at his words before she moved to grab Peter's phone from him, but he moved it out of her reach.
"Peter give me that phone! Peter!" She hissed angrily.
"I don't give a crap Eli. He can own the half of the state for all I care." He hissed while Alicia made another move for the phone this time she reached it. She frowned with contempt at Peter as she pulled it from his hand.
"Eli don't you dare do any of that!" She hissed into it to a clearly surprised Eli.
"Alicia?" He asked, and she snorted, this would mean one long meeting with Eli Gold tomorrow, one she didn't look forward to.
"Yes, and you don't dare call Redmayne and say that. I will handle Peter. I need to go Eli." She told him and hung up before Peter got the phone back. She glared at him with disdain.
"What the hell was that Peter?" She hissed.
"He… Alicia… that isn't okay what he did… You don't..." He growled while he clearly tried to find his words for what he meant.
"What? I am my own person I can do whatever I want. And I already said the touching wasn't the problem. What got to me was that I just sat there and let him be judgmental and talk bad about Prady because of his alleged homosexuality." She hissed and Peter stared at her in shock before he sighed.
"Of course you can do whatever you want. But Alicia letting old men feel you up isn't exactly the way to get donations. Regarding the other thing why did you? That doesn't sound like you." He answered and she sighed.
"Can you say you have never done that? Or is it just perk of sexism regarding women in politics?" She mumbled and he stared at her intensely before sighing.
"I can't say I never have flirted so to speak. But I guess you are right it is more expected with women in politics than with men. It still doesn't make it right or worth it. Why did you want his money?" He asked and she shrugged her shoulders.
"I learned he might donate his money to Prady and it would give him such an economical boost in his campaign. I had John make sure I had a meeting with him first. I thought it would be smart it would also make it easier for me to separate myself more from the PAC." She explained with a sigh.
"Okay… I guess it makes sense. But still why? And why did you go for his money even after that? Why not the LGBT society's money? Weren't you once the gay icon or something?" He asked and her eyes widened.
"How in the world do you know that?" She stared at him in shock.
"Eli. He mentioned it would help me while I ran for governor." He told her and she snorted before letting out a deep sigh.
"Well I guess I could have. But Prady stands way better there than I do especially with the rumors about him being gay. But it isn't the worst. He came to see me later. He wanted our sort of friendship to stay even after he found out I would likely get the donation instead of him. He is a better person than I am Peter… he likely didn't take Redmayne's words unlike me. And all I could tell Prady was we took down the robo-calls my PAC did on him." She whispered and heard Peter sigh as well.
"Yes I heard about those. It is good you took them down. It was all you could do if you wanted Redmayne's money after all." He answered her and she nodded.
"Yes, but I still did something bad. I was… it isn't like me. I mean I stole the donation from under Prady's face I found out from him and I stole it. I let the man touch me and I let him say those things. Peter, Owen is gay, my brother… and I..." She shook her head and sighed and felt Peter's hand on her shoulder. He rubbed it, gently kneading the tense muscles carefully while she stared ahead of herself.
"It won't be the last time you do something like that if you really want this. Of course you can sometimes chose what times it is too much and those where it is okay. But you will from time to time, often have to compromise your own values with what you have to hear from donors and accept from them." He explained and she nodded as she thought of the other donor she had, the one that sponsored a lot for her. The one she hardly dared to mention, entered her mind with his words.
"Bishop is sponsoring my PAC." She whispered and heard his gasp, she glanced over at him taking in his shocked expression.
"What did you say?" He asked and looked at her intensely. His hand had paused it's movement now and he just sat there.
"Bishop sponsored..." She didn't manage to say more before his hand was over her mouth. She gasped against it, while he pulled her up and out of the couch. He basically dragged her into her bedroom and further into the bathroom where he turned on the shower.
"Peter what in the world." She hissed in shock and confusion.
"That Alicia is the last time you ever say that one out loud to me, to anyone. If what you just told me is true and from the way you said it I fear it is." He stated and she nodded slowly.
"That doesn't explain this though. She stated mentioning to the shower head that was turned on and the room." He shook his head and sighed.
"He might have surveillance or something on you if he is sponsoring your campaign. How in the world did you let it happen?" He asked as he was rubbing his face.
"It wasn't… I didn't… He just told me he was resigning as our client and he was sponsoring my PAC… I didn't ask for it..." She explained and he looked at her.
"But you haven't refused the money either? You haven't told the PAC to get lost. Alicia have you done anything to make sure you are not caught in trouble because of this?" He looked at her intensely as she sighed.
"Not that way. But I don't use the PAC. Or at least I don't like it when my team does." She explained and he shook his head.
"That isn't enough. You haven't said no have you?" He demanded while she slowly shook her head, and he rubbed his forehead.
"How could you ever think… Alicia this will be a quid pro quo. How could you ever take money from the biggest drug dealer in Chicago who killed his wife and witnesses in cases?" He asked in frustration as she sighed.
"He has been a client of mine for years. Even drug lords needs defenses. He voted for you Peter." She mumbled as he snorted.
"It isn't what this is about. You were a defense attorney. Now you are going to be a prosecutor, a politician. This, Alicia, is the road to corruption and you are not even in office yet." He hissed and she glared at him as she sat down on the toilet seat.
"And you are one to talk? Like you haven't… Like you aren't corrupt!" She hissed back.
"I wasn't involving myself with drug lords. You are. Alicia this is putting yourself and our children at risk." He stated and she sighed and looked away. He was right and suddenly she once more felt sad. She bit her lip to keep the sob in her throat to not let herself show that it got to her. The next moment she felt his big arms around her, pulling her into his chest.
"Hey don't cry… I am sorry I shouted. It's okay. I am sorry I reacted like that." He mumbled as he rubbed her back and she moved to wrap her arms around him.
"But you are right… I didn't think… I am terrible at this, Peter. But I want to win." She whispered and he nodded.
"You will win. I have no doubts on that. But I am putting a security detail on you and Grace. Maybe even on Zach though I am less worried because he is so far away. I know you don't want one. But this changes things." He explained and she nodded with a sigh. She wasn't happy about the prospect but what he said made sense.
"How will you do that without letting them know?" She asked and shrugged his shoulders.
"I will come up with something. But we need to find a way to separate you from the PAC and the faster the better." He explained and she nodded.
"Okay, but I have no idea how. And won't he still expect favors?" She asked and looked up at him.
"Probably, but we will find a way Alicia." He said and she sighed.
"Okay. Very well." She mumbled and he smiled at her.
"Now you should get to bed and I will go home." He sighed and her eyes widened and stomach tightened, yet she nodded slowly and got up to turn off the shower. They left the bathroom together and she glanced at her bed. For some reason she didn't really want him to go. Prady wasn't wrong it all was so incredible lonely however Peter had made her feel a little less alone. Just like Grace had earlier tonight, her family.
"Peter..." She whispered as he was about to open the bedroom door again and made him pause.
"Yes?" He asked and glanced at her as she looked back on the bed.
"Can you stay a little while…" She mumbled. She knew she had no right to ask, maybe he had someone he needed to go to. Someone like Ramona, someone warm and perfect and a better person than she was. He looked confused for a moment but then nodded. He motioned to the bed and she sat down on it before moving to lay down. He went around it to the other side and crawled in.
She rolled over so she was facing him and curled up a little as she looked at him through the darkness.
"Why did you come here tonight?" She whispered and he sighed.
"Grace was worried about you. And she made me worried. The last time she sounded like that and called me was after..." He broke off and sighed and she looked at him intensely.
"After what?" She asked confused.
"After Will's death, when you were in bed." He explained and she closed her eyes. A mystery finally solved over why he had come that night.
"So it wasn't about me forgetting the event?" She asked and he shook his head.
"No, that didn't matter. I just… I am sorry Alicia… I thought I could snap you out of it. It was wrong. The way I went about things." He sighed and she nodded slowly.
"It is okay. I am too, sorry I mean. Over what I said and did..." She whispered, somehow it was easier to admit it here in the dark where they almost couldn't see each other faces.
"It is okay..." He admitted and she sighed.
"Is she okay with you having come over here like this?" She whispered as she forced the uneasiness she felt down.
"Who?" he asked and she could hear the confusion in his voice.
"Ramona..." She mumbled softly and listened to him take a deep breath.
"She doesn't know or care… I ended things with her… for real this time..." He admitted and she could hear how uncomfortable he was from his voice. She hesitated for a second before she reached over so she could touch him. She found his hand through the darkness and squeezed it.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, and she wasn't sure if he heard her, but he squeezed her hand back.
They lay like that for a moment and she wondered if he had actually fallen asleep but form his breathing it didn't sound like it. She couldn't remember they last time they had been like this, it must have been years but it felt good, better than she expected.
"Prady told me campaigning is a lonely profession." She admitted with a sigh and heard Peter's own sigh.
"He is right. There is nothing lonelier." He answered.
"I have friends… or I thought I had but maybe I don't." She whispered softly and he took a deep breath.
"Diane, Cary?" He asked gently and she nodded before she realized he couldn't see it.
"Yeah them. I thought they were okay with me running. That they were supporting me…" She explained and he said nothing for a moment.
"They weren't okay right? What happened?" He asked and she swallowed before answering.
"We had a fight. They made a decision for the firm without me. And we had a fight. You said this is the loneliest profession ever..." She broke off unable to finish the question because for a short moment she wasn't sure what to say.
"But can't you have friends? People you seek comfort in? Like I mean you have Eli. You had him as you ran for State's Attorney the last time and Governor." She whispered and he sighed.
"He is a friend. One I would invite to Thanksgiving, and Christmas if he celebrated it. But he is also my campaign manager. There are issues like the one you told me you faced earlier I could never tell him because his job is to protect me and to get me elected. Just like… there will be things you can't tell John even if he becomes a friend or confident." He explained and she shuddered.
"What about me… You had me during your campaigns..." She whispered softly, because she almost didn't dare to voice it. She knew very well that he hadn't told her such issues that he hadn't let her in.
"Yeah I did… maybe that is the first mistake I made. That I didn't tell you my worries or troubles in those situations." He admitted and squeezed her hand again. She could feel the warmth of his spread though the tips of her fingers and up through her hand and arm. It warmed her even if it was just in the smallest and simplest of ways they were touching.
"Did you tell Amber?" She whispered and heard how he snapped for his breath.
"No never. And the same with Ramona, even though I might have been able to over time with her. She was too..." He paused as he was searching for a word "Gentle I guess, good. She wouldn't understand it, she would probably rather resent it, and possible me because of my choices." He sighed and she nodded to herself.
"I couldn't explain it to Finn even if I tried." She admitted and heard Peter snap for air and his breathing grow more intense like he was angry. Also the way his touch on her hand changed told her that was the case.
"So you two are together?" He asked and she could hear the tension in his voice and sighed as she realized what it was that was going on with him. That he was jealous once more.
"No. We are not. We are just friends. But I wouldn't be able to tell him these things. It is too complicated. I am not sure I even understand or like it." She explained and his deep sigh of relief made her smile a little to herself in the darkness.
"Will you tell me now?" She asked softly.
"Tell you what?" He inquired sounding confused and she sighed.
"One of the times where you faced such a dilemma, a conflict where you had to compromise your own views and ideals for money." She answered his question.
"I can if that is what you wish..." He admitted and she considered it for a second. It felt intimate and intense asking him such a thing. It meant he would bare a part of his mind to her. One she hadn't been invited to see so far, one that has stayed hidden for her even in all of those years.
"I do..." She whispered and moved a bit closer to him, the shortening the distance between them.
"Okay well for one Mike Kresteva… we had something on him… but we couldn't use it. He had paid this doctor so his son could get into a special medical trial. One of some really expensive newly developed chemo therapy. And I really wanted to use it because his son took the place for another kid who had less options. But the doctor who was paid well we found out he was also one of my donors." He explained slowly and Alicia listened carefully. She hated Kresteva and this only made it worse.
"I still wanted to say screw it and use it anyway. But I couldn't I would have lost him as a donor and I would have hurt my own campaign as well if it came out I had taken money from him." He explained and Alicia snapped for her breath.
"So the case?" She asked softly and heard Peter sigh. It was enough to confirm her fear.
"Nothing was done for the family that lost their place in the trial right?" She whispered.
"No. The evidence that could have possible have helped them was buried six feet under. And it is far from the only time I sold my soul to the devil." He explained and she sighed.
"Do you have many of such stories?" She asked softly and the way he sighed she knew he did.
"Yes, I do. There are some in every campaign. Maddie Haywood was actually the one sleeping with Indira Starr. But we couldn't use that one either because it served us best just to let the Indira Starr thing die out. Just like we couldn't use her sleeping with an underling, and how unethically it was." He explained and she tensed up as she remembered the whole deal with that one, and wondered over his words.
"Because of you and Kalinda?" She asked as she fought down the nausea that was raising in her throat.
"No, there is no proof of that one. There are only four people that know. And three wouldn't say and the last one is gone from this place and has enough to loose if he ever shows up again. It wasn't that." He explained slowly as he squeezed her fingers and stroke her hand gently. She sighed.
"Actually there are two more… I told Eli and Elfman. I thought they had found something on it, with my oppo research." She admitted and heard Peter's snap for his breath and then sigh deeply.
"Okay. But no I never feared that one coming out..." He admitted, and she took a deep breath before asking what came to mind then.
"So there was someone else, another underling?" She asked.
"No, it wasn't about me. Maddie had found out about you and Will. It was a trade off if I used it she would come back with how I could say such a thing, when my own wife had slept with her boss." He explained and Alicia felt sick for a second and sighed. She had no idea what to answer to that. She had never really considered it, but it made sense that someone had found out about that one under the campaign for the governorship. She closed her eyes and fought down the nausea she felt at the thought of how it could have gone at the time.
"Thank you..." She whispered after a few minutes where none of them spoke and there were complete silence in the room.
"You are welcome." He answered softly and moved so he could press a kiss to the tips of her fingers. "I didn't want you hurt." He admitted tenderly and she pressed her eyes shut as she felt a few tears starting to form.
None of them said anything for a while as she was fighting down the tears of tension and stress that were rising in her. She was surprised as she felt the bed move and how Peter suddenly pulled her in close. For a moment she tensed up but then she relaxed into his embrace. She buried her face in his chest and tried to let his caressing hands take the tension in her away. Let them soothe the pain and worry away from her.
Her breathing started to even out, and she curled more into him. Her fingers clenching his shirt as she buried more into him.
She didn't realized she had fallen asleep until she felt the sun's teasing light wake her up. Her pillow was harder than she was used to, and more so it was moving.
She blinked a few times and moved to look at her pillow. She gasped as she realized she had slept on top of Peter the whole night. Peter who was still sleeping and seemed dead to the world. He seemed peaceful now though there were lines of worry on his face. Lines she was tempted to reach up and smooth away. However she didn't do so. Instead she carefully moved away from his warm embrace, as she made sure not to wake him up. She could hear Grace move around in the apartment and a glance at her alarm told her her daughter had to be on her way to school. She quickly moved out of the bedroom making sure to close the door behind her so Grace didn't see Peter in there and risked getting confused.
Grace was at the counter eating breakfast and looked up as she saw Alicia, who smiled at her daughter.
"Morning Mom. I thought you could use the extra sleep." She offered and Alicia smiled and nodded as she moved to put coffee over.
"Thank you Grace… and thank you for what you did last night. You shouldn't have worried but I… thank you." She walked around to her daughter so she could pull her into a hug.
"I was worried Mom. You seemed so sad… and in the end I called Dad, because I could hear you were still crying when I went to bed. Mom, you are the best person I know. You are so strong and I hope I am like you when I grow up." Grace whispered as she leaned into Alicia.
"I am not Grace. I wish I was a better mother, I am not sure I have been a very good one lately." She answered as she pulled away and looked at her daughter but Grace shook her head.
"You have, and it is okay you if have also thought of yourself. You are still a great Mom to me, I am just glad you seem better now than last night." She offered and Alicia nodded.
"I am, thank you. Now finish your breakfast so you are not late for school." She hurried Grace along who rolled her eyes but went back to eating while Alicia went to prepare some for herself. She hesitated for a second but decided against preparing anything for Peter until Grace left.
"So umm Mom, you think I can borrow your car?" Grace asked hesitatingly and Alicia lifted an eyebrow at her.
"Why?" She asked, and Graced sighed before swallowing the last of her juice.
"I am running late and you are not dressed so you can't drive me." She asked and Alicia rolled her eyes, but nodded.
"Okay, for once. Go brush your teeth and get your bag and you can borrow it. I will take a cab to work." She accepted and Grace jumped off the chair and left while Alicia sipped the rest of her coffee and moved to find another mug for Peter.
"Are your keys by the door?" Grace asked as she came back.
"Yes. And don't get into any accident or drive to fast." She told her daughter who laughed.
"Okay… oh and Mom, why don't you just ask Dad to give you a ride? You two looked cozy when I checked on you." Grace laughed and quickly hurried out of the apartment before Alicia managed to come up with a reply. She gasped after her daughter. So much for not confusing Grace. She shook her head for a moment, before she poured a mug of coffee for Peter and moved back to her bedroom, where he was still asleep.
She paused for a moment. He had to be exhausted to still sleep like that. However she needed to get to work and so did he. She placed the mug at the bedside table and moved to touch him.
"Peter, wake up." He blinked a few times and looked confused at her before he moved to rub his eyes. He groaned a bit at it was clear he hadn't slept it the best of positions. Something which was probably her fault since she had spend the whole night sleeping on top of him.
"Alicia? What time is it?" He asked confused, as he glanced around.
"Late. Grace has gone to school. Here I made coffee. I am sorry about your back." She babbled nervously, as she motioned to the mug. He nodded and moved to sit up.
"I am sorry I fell asleep. I didn't mean to. I just planned on staying till I was sure you were actually resting." He explained and she could see he felt unsure on how they were now and she couldn't blame him. He reached for the coffee and seemed grateful as he started to sip the hot liquid.
"Grace saw us. She must have come to check on me when I wasn't up this morning." She admitted with a sigh and a looked at Peter who let out one as well.
"Did she ask about it? Is she okay?" He asked and she shrugged her shoulders.
"She seemed okay. She told me to catch a ride from you, after she borrowed my car since I wasn't dressed to drive her." She explained and he nodded.
"Well I can give you one. It isn't a problem." He offered and she snorted but nodded.
"We should talk to her I guess, explain not to put to much into what she saw." She whispered and glanced at him unsure how he would take what she said, but he just gave a nod of acceptance.
"Okay. But Alicia maybe we should also talk about what this was." He asked and reached to touch her hand.
"I am not sure, Peter… I can't make any promises of what it was. I am grateful for that you came over and that you stayed and listened. It was nice to have someone who understood, and accepted. I was happy that we could talk and not fight for once. But anything else… I'm not..." She sighed and rubbed her forehead as she avoided looking at him. She could hear his deep sigh.
"Okay… maybe that can be a start though Alicia. Politics is lonely. I don't have anyone either. Maybe we could try that. Talking." He offered and she looked at him and gave him a small smile.
"Talking? That would be something new." She joked and he sighed before he nodded.
"Yeah it would, but it might be good for us. I liked being there for you last night. I was glad I could take some of the tension and stress you are under away from you. And it was… it felt good to share those past stories with you." He explained and she nodded.
"I am glad you told them. And I am glad I told you what went on yesterday. I am not sure anyone else would have understood quite the same way you did." She whispered and reached out to take his hand. Their fingers brushed and laced.
"Good. So talking?" He asked and she nodded.
"Yes, it would be nice. I missed that. I missed having one who understood all of me." She admitted and he smiled at her.
"I have missed you." He answered and moved to put the mug on the bedside table before reaching forward and brushing her cheek gently.
"Peter..." She whispered and brought her other hand up to his chest before he could move any closer.
"Alicia..." He answered her tenderly, and she sighed before she looked away.
"I think we should start with the talking. Not overshadow it with anything else. So drink your coffee and treat yourself to breakfast in the kitchen while I have a shower." She told him as she moved off the bed, her fingers letting go of his. She could hear his sigh as she moved to the bathroom door. She glanced over his shoulder.
"Will you drive me to work? And maybe pick me up again? That way you can stay for dinner? I also would like to talk to you about something else, about Zach. I guess it is about time I try to make up with him. I just don't have any idea how" She offered as she met his gaze. She had thought about it, Grace and Peter they were family and they were the only ones she seemed to be able to seek comfort in. But she missed her son, but the pain there the hurt of his betrayal was strong. However she guessed she needed to try, and she couldn't imagine anyone better at talking it through with than
Peter. Their eyes locked and he nodded.
"Okay that sounds like a good plan. And yes I think so as well. He misses you Alicia, even if he doesn't say so he does. He asks about you, but I will tell you about it tonight." He agreed and gave her a smiled, and nod.
She smiled at Peter and went into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, taking in the image that faced her. She still looked tired but her eyes were less red than last night. And more so she felt that she actually looked happier in the image that faced her. Maybe this would be okay. They had once been best friends, partners in addition to spouses, maybe they could get that back and better now if nothing else. She had missed him as well. She had missed having his input and suggestions on her campaign, they would have been helpful and she would enjoy having his support now. She wasn't sure if dinner was the right step, but they had to start somewhere. And she wanted to give him a chance to be a part of explaining to Grace what was going on. She knew they had a lot of issues between them as lovers and spouses, issues that were still there, and wouldn't go away. She wasn't even sure what her own feelings for him were, but talking with him last night had helped her, and she had liked listening to him and that she was the one he dared to open up to as well.
Maybe talking wouldn't be so bad, and it could lead them to talking about other things as well. Yesterday she would have thought anyone crazy who mentioned that her and Peter would be like this again, but suddenly it didn't seem so crazy to her. Just like she wouldn't completely reject the idea of that they might someday be more than confident and partners again, it was possible.
Let me know your thoughts!