6. Afternoon with a spy
" Zis is absolutely disgusting!" The male spy roared. That filthy Pyro, little better than a trained dog, had once again left the scattered remnants of its manic trash burning spewed across the hall. Now that there was two of the little beasts there was twice the rubble, twice the filth, and twice the insanity.
" I don't understand why we can't just fire sem both and hire a mercenary who can at least dress properly!" He cursed to himself. Tiptoeing around the...waste that was scattered around the burned out closet the spy thought ( not unprecedentedly) that he may be the only civilized person on the entire red team.
" Ey, wha's this catastrophe?" In the spy's opinion one of the ugliest accents in the entirety of mankind leaked into his ears. Speak of uncivilized.
" It seems zat our little malades mentaux friends have burned our garbage and taken the liberty of leaving us some of the remnants." He snapped, looking at the male sniper exiting his quarters.
" Well, oi don' speak french, but oi get tha' feeling you don't find this very funny." The sniper smirked at the spy's discomfort. Absolute creten.
" What and you do?" Spy glared, picking his way around a particularly charred heap.
" S'not the worst thing they coulda done. One of us coulda been set on foir for all they seem to care."
" Well then one less person would be forced to participate in this ear grating conversation." There was a brief silence, blessed silence, but then the sniper opened his mouth again and more of his butchered vowels assaulted the spy.
" You're almost as sullen as that goddam texan."
" What? Se engineer?" The spy wasn't stupid, he knew the sniper meant the woman, but seeing his face twitch in annoyance was satisfying. The way his chiseled jaw tightened… no, what the hell? His jaw wasn't chiseled it was uncleanly and disgusting with its almost clean shaven but not quite there appearance. His shirt in no way complimented his figure at all either.
" You know what your problem is Spy?"
" I have no idea I had a problem." The spy tossed dismissively.
" Your problem is you're a twat. You're professional, oi like that. Know how to choose a suit, also a noice feature. Your stumbling block is you're so goddam hoigh and moighty ya' never know when you need to just take the stick out ya' ass and have a good time. So wha' they scattered trash in the hall? It's gross an' a little untidy but they had fun doin' it."
" It is uncivilized and disgusting and I will not stand for it! This is on the scout's level of slop and squalor!"
" Oh, go chop off another monarch's 'ead will ya? What'd scout ever do to you anyway?" Sniper was bothered now, his teeth were clenched and he seemed to be balling his fists.
" You know, English is not my first language and I still mangle it less than you do." A low blow, but so had been the revolution reference. They were in each other's face, nose to nose so they couldn't focus their attention on anything else. The spy was increasingly conscious of the fact that his shoe was shoved in a rotten banana.
" You nevah know when to quit do you?" The sniper hissed
" Cry me a river." He spat back
" You're cute when you're angry." They stood nose to nose like this, each unwilling to give way to the other.
Cute when he's angry?! If that bastard thought he could just mock the spy this way, like he was king of the world both he and his well defined jaw had another thing coming. He was just trying to get him riled, offend him by throwing something completely out of his character at him! The remark couldn't possibly be sincere.
"Va te faire foutre!" The spy sputtered. Sniper chuckled to himself in reply
Lousy, uncouth, cowardly, kangaroo fucking australians. He was possibly the only person alive who could dig himself under the spy's skin and fester like an ingrown hair.
" Spy, ya' better breath easier, oi can hear you snorting like a bull."
" Your mother was breathing harder when I was through with her."
" You fucking-" But before either knew what was happening, they were kissing. No clue who leaned first, whose body sent the signals but they were kissing. It was angry, hard and passionate, like when air particles are torn by lightning and the collide to cause thunder. Sniper's tongue forced its way into the spy's mouth, dancing like fire.
The sniper broke first, shoving the spy off him.
" I needed to do that once." He breathed, whipping saliva off his mouth before striding away quickly. " You're still a twat." He called over his shoulder.
What, he kissed him like that and then strides off like nothing happened? Insufferable barbarian!
" I hate you!" The spy yelled after. The garbage had completely ruined his shoes as well.