9. Life and Death

" You killed her!" The female medic exclaimed, bursting out from the gathered.

" No."

" You had plenty of time, you two disappeared from the dinner early! You- you"

" I did not kill anyone!" Misha roared. Saanvi halted in a stunned silence. " If I had killed her," Misha continued in an deadly slow manner " I whould not haf brought her out for you to see. I found her dead in a closet on my way out here."

" But… how?" Interjected Lucy.

" She seems to haf been strangled."

Strangled. Not a tell-tale card for any of the mercenaries; then again that was probably the point.

" Why-"

"Who-"

" What-"

Everybody had questions, most not easily answered. Bickering and debating ensued, the kind of bickering where it takes quite a while to get one simple point across. Misha insisted he never killed her, yes he did have motive because of the gulags but he wasn't hurt by Mariya personally. She wasn't from the same universe, it was not she that harmed his family. Yes, he had disappeared from the dinner early but mostly because even though she didn't hurt him personally it was still awkward for him and Mariya. He hadn't known she left too.

Questions were tossed about, repeated, exclamations made and blame thrown everywhere from the Pyros to Mariya herself.

" Oh, yes brilliant. She strangled herself." The male spy had quipped to that suggestion.

" Well where the hell are the Demos? They could have conspired to this!"

" Probably fucking in the basement by now." He sun had long set when finally silence fell, and Dell asked what everyone had been wondering.

" What are we going to do with the body?" A long pause.

" Leave that to us."Saanvi commanded. " Mariya was part of our team, we'll be the ones burying her. Out here alright?" Nods of assent from various members.

" Tomorrow ve vill start a real infestigation." The male medic promised.

The males filed away from the inky blackness that was enveloping the courtyard. Scout was supported by Dell, glowering and covered in his own blood. They shuffled inside last.

And so by the light of the their pyro's flamethrower, the female team set about burying Mariya.

It was an awful prospect no matter which way Chloe looked at it. They died multiple times a day but there was always a respawn. Now Mariya was just lying there, eyes bulging from her head and her face contorted into a mix of shock and fear and anger. It was a terrible expression, accusing whoever glanced at it. The surface of her eyes was glossy like the marbles Chloe would give to her little sisters.

She tried not to stare at the body too long, else she could feel her chest constricting in abhorrence. Throwing herself into work, she grabbed a shovel somebody had procured to dig out the grave. Dirt flew into the air, a hole beginning to grow and the widen as shadows danced. She could smell herself reeking of sweat.

Death, as a finality. Dead, dead forever, gone! Was there anything after or was there just a gaping void of nothing yawning out into infinity? Was Mariya burning in the agony of eternal punishment, playing harp on a cloud or did she just stop? Did every living part of her just cease to be?

' Shhhh, don't think about it.' A little voice in the back of Chloe's head urged. ' Think about something else'.

Like the Scout? For those few minutes destroying him had been the focus of Chloe's entire world. Beating him, for the sake of beating him and defeating him in a way that he wouldn't bother her again. For those moments she'd been willing to kill him, she'd thought about it as she slammed his head into the ground, but staring at Mariya now… She was glad she didn't. She'd never killed anyone in a way where they wouldn't come back, didn't plan on finding out what it was like.

It had still felt good to make him bleed. She wasn't going to deny chipping a few teeth out of that smug smile had brought pleasure. Feeling her fists crunch into his face the minute he let his guard down was about as satisfying as it could get.

She didn't realize how furiously she'd been flinging dirt out of the grave till someone tapped her on the shoulder. She spun around, breathing heavily.

" I think we're deep enough Chloe." The texan said quietly. Turning her head up, she noticed she and the others were a little over five feet down. Saanvi gave them all a hand up over the edge.

" Should we cover the body in anything?" Soldier barked. " Seems un american." Saanvi shook her head.

" If someone died at my base I'd dig them up for their organs. I want Mariya to decompose as quickly as possible so that their medic can't use her."

Thus her body was rolled into the gaping maw of her grave undecorated and people immediately began throwing dirt down. No one had known her well enough to say anything over her body.

' Would they know me any better?' The little voice nagged in Chloe's head. What did she really know about any of these people? Lucy had a few PhDs, Saanvi was from Pennsylvania, maybe a few other snippets about people but considering the circumstances she was lucky she even knew their names. They probably knew just as little about her. If she died tomorrow, for real with no respawn, would they bother to acknowledge anything about her existence? Or would she be rolled into a hastily dug dirt hole like Mariya and left without a word?

Well past midnight they marked the grave with an upside down shovel plunged into the ground and ambled back into the base. The silence was perhaps the loudest thing Chloe had ever heard.

…

" Ya' wan' more?" Tavish asked, gesturing the bottle at Aoife. Once they'd retreated to his stash, there'd been little going on but drinking. Just now, mellowed by the scotch he'd fished out of a crate they'd started delving into conversation.

" Oi bettar not. Don' wanta pull a Dad and pass out agen."

" Yer da' drink a lot?" Aoife nodded.

" Me mam doid bringin' me last brother inta the world. Took a toll on 'im. Oh, screw it if we're talkin' bout family now I'm goin' ta need more alcohol." Tavish nodded, and refilled the glass she clutched between her fingers. Aoife took a long draught, feeling the familiar burn run down her throat.

" Ma' family's pretty screwed up too. Ay'll save tha' story fer another taim, but lemme jus' say tha' it's a long one."

" Involving mar nonesense words like bombinomi- bombicronic- bomi, fuck." She stumbled over the syllables as she tried to repeat the phrase he'd thrown out earlier. He was laughing, so she punched his shoulder.

" S'not funny!"

" It's funnay as hell!"

And then he kissed her. It was warm, the feeling of his lips against hers, even though his stubble tickled her chin and he tasted like scotch. It was more reassuring than the nose kiss; both intimate and vulnerable. But guilt clenched her stomach like a vice and she broke off.

" Tavish," She saw hurt scour his face. He thought he'd gone to far, breached a boundary and there was no turning back. His features seemed to settle like cliff faces into a mountain side.

" Ay thought- nevermaind." He turned dourly, pouring more scotch and downing it in a gulp. He was closing off to her, she could feel it. Oh, god this always happened.

" No, i's no' like that, Tavish oi need ta' tell ya,"

" Ay guess ay misread ya. Ay thought yue liked mei."

" Oi do, listen, Oi-"

" Ay always due this. Ay can' read people worth a damn an' I due sommen stuepid and Ay-" He was getting angry now, his speech speeding up as he cursed himself.

" TAVISH SHUT UP A MINUTE!" Aoife screeched. " Oi'm asexual, alright?" That did it. Point of no return. If the leg or her thing for explosions didn't drive people away the minute she pulled this out of the bag they closed off. No one ever understood. She could have not told him, kept him around a little longer than otherwise but she always felt like she was tricking people by not telling them. She'd led Tavish on for long enough, only let it get this far because of how much she was drawn to him, time to let him know before he got in too deep.

She expected the normal looks, shame, pity, sometimes anger or misunderstanding, but all Tavish seemed was… confused.

" I don' understand." He put it plainly.

" Oi'm… Asexual. I don' like sex, it's awkward at best, oi don' get drawn to people for sex, oi have no droive fer sex, an'- an'- well frankly oi don' intend to do it anytoim ever." That put it simply. It was more complicated than that, but they were both borderline drunk and she needed to say it quickly or else she wouldn't be able to finish.

Again she waited for the faces. Where was the scorn? Not like sex, what kind of woman didn't like sex? Surely she was just playing hard to get, or really wasn't that into him. All these were examples of questions posed from her ex-boyfriends all the way down to the few friends she made during her school years. Those people hadn't hung around long.

But Tavish just.. poured himself another glass.

" Alright." Alright? What did he mean alright?!

" Wha'?"

" Alright. Yue're goin' ta have ta' explaine it to me better, and over a period o' taime, but if tha's yue, an' somethin' Ay'm goin' ta' have to understand to be aroun' yue, then Ay'm willin' ta' figure it out."

" Yer no' upset?"

" Well, do yue still feel somethan' for me? Ay like yue, more than just another as proffesional, Ay think we have a connection. Damn it, Ay've only known ya' fer a day an' Ay maight say Ay love ya'. Ay'll be more upset if Ay've been barking up tha' wrong tree than if lovin' ya means Ay don' get ta' fuck ya."

He wasn't upset. He wasn't leaving. There were no questions, no angry declarations of her deception, no sarcastic quips! He was okay with it, no one had been okay with it before. He wasn't upset!

" Whoah, woah Ay din' mean to make ya' cry." Tavish said. Aoife's thoat had choked up, and she her eyes were starting to leak. Stupid, goddamn- When was the last time she cried?

" Oi'm jus' relieved." She stammered out, wiping her face annoyedly. " It- it normally drives people away."

" If men were into yue fer sex, they don' deserve any part of yue. Ay've known yue fer one day, an' in that day Ay've seen tha' yue can dreink like a scot, curse like a sailor, pick tha' best food, laugh like a hyena, an' outshaen everyone in a room. When yue tol' me 'bout that bomb ya' made in fourth grade out of the steel wool an' batteries yue proved yer an absolute genius, an yue know more racial slurs than an entire middle school. Ay've only spent one day with yue an' Ay've seen this. If someone can see all tha' an' only think of sex they are not worth your taime."

Her stomach was clenching now, but not out of the guilt that regularly came with being who she was, but with relief. A weight that had been pressing down on Aoife since she came to terms with who she was seemed to have lifted. Her heart was fluttering, hands starting to tremble. She'd never thought she would find someone who'd be okay with it, who'd say they were in love after one day and then stay around when she told them. She might be in love herself, but was that just the booze?

" Are hugs still alright?" Tavish venture with a coy grin. Unable to answer, Aoife nodded and he wrapped his arms around her like a safety net. She nestled her head into his shoulder. His breathing was steady, rhythmic, like the oars of an ancient ship setting out to sea and it lured her into a feeling of safety as she enveloped herself in the smell of various brands of liquor. Every detail, every smell, sight, taste and sound was perfect.

She had no idea how long they slept, but when she woke up she was still entangled in his arms. There was a loud banging coming from outside the door.

"Oy!" She heard the male Sniper yelling. " Two of ya' better put your pants back on and mosey up to breakfast! Scouts beat the crap out of each other last noight and someone killed a heavy!" The banging ceased, and the two of them bolted up.

" Pants never came off you piss-throwin' slime!" Tavish yelled, withdrawing his arms from Aoife. She bolted up.

Killed a heavy? What the hell was going on?

…...

Medic's log,

Dr. Saanvi Ghosh

Day two after explosion, early morning.

My log of last night contained the known details of the death of Mariya. It was mostly blank.I would like to state that with this death vanishes any doubt I had that the mishaps we have experienced are anything but blatant sabotage. I don't know who would be doing this, nor what their motive as all known persons either lack a motive or possess a concrete alibi.

Well, except Giulia. Admittedly she has been MIA since the the incident, but that's not new for her. Back at base whenever we were off duty she would disappear for days at a time, crawling through vents or exploring the sewers that run underground. I have no clue what her reasons would be to keep us here, she above all others seems to detests this place.

Both myself and Lucy were unable to sleep last night, thus we put our minds to good use and furthered work on the teleporter. We fully replaced the outer casing, along with most of the wires and power converters, and also tackled most of the issues with the energy grappler.

Other parts that still need work:

Energy Grappler

Various circuitry and safety hoses loosened.

Repairs expected to finish late tonight, or early tomorrow. Once teleporter is in full working order we may begin experimenting on it's interdimensional properties. I plan on sleeping as little as possible, I can still see Mariya's eyes when I close mine and I do not want to be alone with thoughts of death. Also, it's been decided that we're going to rotate taking guard shifts on the teleporter with the men. Our screwdrivers went missing during all the hubbub and we has to waste time procuring more.

Here's a-piss-your-pants scary thought, any one of us could be next.