A/N: This fic has been edited for various reasons. For more details (although I'll admit there weren't many) view the first chapter.
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Return Of The Nightmare
September the first found Harry chatting with Remus animatedly through the Hogwarts Express window. They were talking about a variety of subjects, such as… well, I don't know.
At some point Luna found his compartment and decided her seat was Harry's lap. Harry didn't complain; it was actually rather nice. Remus' smug grin, however, was not ("Fuck off, Moony! Before I start treating you and Tonks the same!") By the time Ron, Hermione and Neville reached their compartment – R and H bickering all the way – Luna's head was resting on Harry's collarbone as she read The Quibbler upside down.
"Crikey mate, you're not going to be snogging all the way to school, are you?" asked Ron jokingly.
"Well, I could," Harry suggested with a cheeky smirk. Ron went pale and started shaking his head furiously to say "PLEASE NO!" but Luna had other ideas, since she had recently discovered that Ron looked like a Christmas decoration when his face goes green.
Remus shook his head and left as Luna suddenly grabbed Harry's head and furiously started making out with him. Ron turned green, Neville snorted in amusement, and Hermione watched with wide, sparkling eyes that said "OMGAASH, when's the weddiiing?" Which may seem weird considering she's not Lavender or Parvati, but maybe she's interested in Harry's love life for some bizarre reason?
Ron didn't eat nearly as many chocolate frogs that trip.
About an hour into the ride, Malfoy swung the door open. Behind him were Crabbe and Goyle. But, there was no reason for me to say that, because let's face it; everyone and their constipated niece knows that. Anyway, the sight was as expected; smug, arrogant smirk on blondie, gormless gawking on the cross-eyed faces of Mr and Mrs Fattie. Er, Mr and Mr Fattie.
"Potter, I hear you lost the plot this summer," Malfoy greeted in his usual cocky tone that has nothing to do with the lower regions of the male side of the species. "Probably from hanging around with mudbloods, blood-traitors, and-" he cut himself off when he realised who was sitting on Potty's lap. "You're dating Loony?"
Harry and Luna nodded contentedly in synch, then sighed like dreamy little girls. Ron promptly threw up. Hermione glowered at the Christmas bauble.
The spoilt brat had a look of horror on his face. "Merlin, no wonder you went nutters, Potter!" he exclaimed, prompting a stupid "DUUUH," from his accomplices. "Shut up, minions!"
"DUUUH."
"I said, shut up!" Malfoy yelled.
"DUUUH," they continued, going cross-eyed.
The blonde covered his ears dramatically, said "I can't take this shit anymore," and then ran out of the compartment, leaving his trolls standing stupidly in the doorway, drool hanging out of their mouths.
Hermione looked at them critically. "Did someone hit them over the head? They're not usually this stupid."
No one noticed the cackling twins in the next compartment. Hell, no one even noticed that they weren't meant to be there!
A few minutes later, conversation turned to the most predictable subject available; the Defence teacher. Hermione was sternly telling everyone that, as it was their first NEWT year, they should be hoping for a strict and firm teacher. Ron was staring at her madly.
"You can't wish for that, Hermione!" he exclaimed, scattering bits of slobbery, chewed up cauldron cake all over Neville. "You should be wanting someone who'll favour Gryffindors like Snape-" Harry growled and Luna cackled. "-does the Slytherins! Someone who's fun and doesn't set homework!"
Neville glared at Ron, still covered in cake. "Personally, I want someone like Harry was in the DA last year," he said, sending Harry a shy look. 'Does Neville fancy me?' Harry thought in horror. "Harry really helped with my confidence. Do you think we'll be doing them again this year, Harry?" he asked, fully turning towards Harry, blushing all the way.
'Not if you're trying to get in my pants, I won't…' Harry cleared his throat. "Well, if our teacher's rubbish, I might consider it…"
The boy in question smiled in delight, while Hermione stared at him critically. "Harry, that's the first time I've seen you act normal since summer started."
'Shit! Shit shit shit, shit on it! I slipped!' "How much experience with the insane do you have, Hermie?" Harry asked, knowing her attention would slip slightly towards the nickname.
"Not much, I'll admit," Hermione began, "but-"
"You've seen me acting fairly normal, haven't you, Hermione?" came the dreamy voice of Luna from just below Harry's.
Hermione blinked in confusion. "Well, yes, but-"
"People call me insane, and they call Harry insane," Luna said, blinking at the bookworm. "We both have our lucid moments. We're still us."
Just then, the door slid open again to reveal… the one and only… person Harry didn't want to see other than Malfoy… even more than Malfoy, actually; at least the ferret didn't fancy him…
As Ginerva Weasley slid into the seat next to Harry's and reached out to stroke his hair, the reactions around the room varied. Hermione was glaring at the girl, having seen her masturbate to a picture of him at the dinner table in front of her own parents. Neville was looking down at the redhead in disappointment, Luna was giving her a blank, unnerving stare, and Harry was trying to keep his face distant and dreamy even though all he wanted to do was run far, far away from the crazy woman.
Ronald, on the other hand, was blinking stupidly between Ginny and Harry. "Mate, are you dating two girls at once?"
Glaring at Ron, Harry let his irritation show on his face. "No. I'm dating Luna, Ron. Your sister is a crazy stalker, and I would appreciate it if she were to get her fucking fingers out of my hair."
The fingers didn't leave his hair.
Ron stared at Harry. "But if you're not dating, then why is she being all…" he gestured wildly with his hands, "weird?"
At that point, Ginny snaked her arms round Harry and leaned her head on his shoulder. "Because we were meant to be…"
Harry shook his head and tried to shove her off to no avail. "Ginny, I'm not interested. I'm dating Luna-"
"NO YOU AREN'T! POTTER'S CAN ONLY DATE REDHEADS! NOT WEREWOLF UNCLES AND CRAZY BLONDES! I'M THE PRETTIEST REDHEAD IN SCHOOL! KISS ME!"
"FUCK OFF, BITCH!" Harry yelled as Luna grabbed her wand and sent a hex towards Ginny. Said curse would normally have flung her across the compartment, out into the hall, and caused her to grow very painful tuna shaped boils in embarrassing places. However, because her grip was so tight, although the boils were still effective, all three teenagers were flung into the corridor.
With Ginny under the actual couple.
People stopped to stare, whispering, as Harry and Luna lifted themselves off the ground, not even looking at Ginny. As Harry brushed some dust off of Luna's sleeve, Ginny tried to use Harry's trouser leg to pull herself up. However, since Ginny had never studied physics (and never bothered to understand the concept of gravity, because hey, magic!), she didn't realize that she had to grab the actual leg, not just the cloth, lest something bad happened. Which it did.
Ginerva Weasley fell back to the floor as Harry's trousers ripped from the knee downwards. Harry stared at the tear. "Ah, thank you Ginerva. I've been wanting an excuse to dispose of Dudley's hand-me-downs and buy my own stupid clothes."
More whispering followed. Why was the Chosen One wearing cast-offs? Someone of higher intellect than your average pawn exclaimed that it was likely he'd always been wearing second-hand stuff if he was now. Then people began to ask; why? Why didn't he buy his own? The Potters had money, didn't they…?
Thus was the reason people came to the conclusion that Harry was being abused by his relatives. Harry smirked discretely in satisfaction; these rumours would just piss Snivellus off more.
From the floor, suddenly, he heard a pitiful whining. Looking down, he saw Ginerva giving him puppy-dog eyes as she faked crying. "Please help me up, Harry!" she whimpered pathetically.
Harry smiled and bent down until they were eye to eye. Then he stared as Ginerva seemed to get her hopes up and lean forwards into what she thought would be a kiss. Then he grinned, bellowed "BOO!" in her face, licked her cheek like a dog, picked Luna up by the waist and ran back into the compartment, locking the door shut.
Turning back to the others, he gave a dramatic sigh of relief. "That's all the crazies dealt with!"
Just as Ron was about to defend his sister, the door was slammed open again somehow, despite the lock. 'The fuck? How'd they do that?' Harry thought in confusion as he took in the sight beyond the door. There was no one there.
Just as Harry was about to close the door, a flash crossed his vision and he blinked furiously. 'No… Please no, not this one…' he mentally screamed as he slowly looked down. There, at waist height ('Did he stunt his growth just for that?' Harry wondered) was the mad, grinning form of Colin Creevey. Foam was making its way out of his giggling mouth, and his bright blue eyes were crossed. "HELLO HARRY!"
Harry swayed slightly. It was like the kid had swallowed a soronus charm or something. Then, as he realized he was about to fall to the right, he looked down to see he was still holding Luna. Putting her down carefully, he stared down at the crazy kid. "Colin."
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE CRAZY, HARRY, I'LL LOVE YOU ANYWAYS! MUMMY AND DADDY WERE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT IT'D DO TO ME, BUT I DON'T CARE, I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND I'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE, SO I STARTED TAKING," he paused, taking a deep breath, "DRUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS!" Colin finished in what Harry thought was a terrible impression of a death growl.
From behind him, he heard Hermione faint. This was going to be a long ride.
A/N: The following is this chapter's original A/N. It did wing it though, so don't judge me for it. XD
A/N: I have an angry reviewer. The review was extremely long and angry, thus I just read bits and pieces to get the gist of it. I'm not going to read an entire story about how stupid and selfish I am; I know I'm stupid and selfish. I don't need people yelling about it.
However, about this being non-canon to the extreme... I altered maybe one or two minor details from the past, of which the important one would have been explained to Hermione as soon as Harry has deemed her occlumency good enough. I made Harry follow a train of thought which eventually resulted in him blaming Snape for his rubbish life and wanting to get revenge for it, the thought process being entirely logical. As for the pranking Pettigrew comment, keep in mind that Snape despises all forms of 'nonsense' and constantly mocked Harry in canon. Pranking is 'nonsense' to him, and it'll be a laugh for Harry. Thus, personal revenge before heading to the legal stuff.
Very little was altered from canon, and yet you call it non-canon to the extreme. To make you happy in this regard, I suspect fanfiction would be limited to 100% canon in-between scenes fictions, like little chats between Harry and Sirius at Grimmauld Place. Which can be nice, yes, but is that really the point of fanfiction? No!
Fanfiction is generally based on 'what if's. What if Harry took Cedric's death worse? What if Harry grew up with a scientist? What if Harry was abducted by aliens before Hagrid found him? What if Harry's abuse was worse? I know a very popular one based on 'What if Pettigrew took Harry to Voldie rather than give away their location?'
Another thing about fanfiction is that you can infer things from canon or add them if it seems logical. It is mentioned in canon that Harry accidentally re-grows his hair, thus my reasoning that he's a metamorphmagus in most of my stories. It's never specified that violence at the Dursleys was limited to the occasional punch, thus many people make the abuse worse than it sounded in canon in their stories. A lot of things go unsaid or don't make sense in canon, and people sometimes like to base their work on that. I believe that's how Manipulative!Dumbles and Evil!Dumbles came to being.
Anyway, I would say that if anything, my reply upset you, not the other way round. I'm not the one openly insulting the other's intelligence, and you truly shouldn't expect everything to be explained in one chapter. It's ridiculous.