Hi guys! I know this story is not what a normal naruhina should be but please, support me. I'm just getting started here!
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO
Rated: M

Hinata's Lost Journals

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

This time the nightmare was worse. This time I hit the water, the icy cold ocean claiming me as I was submerged, struggling to stop the trolley from crushing me. The splintering pain of drawing water into my lungs and trying to get to the surface. Pushing to the top with all my might to find my mother there, shoving me back down. I am angry, more angry than I've been in a long time-and I've been plenty angry. Angry at her for leaving me. Angry at her for lying to me. Angry at her for shoving me back into the water, and... and what? What the hell does this nightmare mean? The feeling of dread, of death, just won't go away.

I have to go to work and perform a job I hate. Maybe I just won't go. But damn it, I have to. How else will I survive?

Friday, December 17, 2010

I've tried not to think about this being my first Christmas alone. I've tried to block out the trees, songs, and holiday cheer I used to embrace. It hasn't worked. Next up, New Year's resolutions. I've never made resolutions. I mean-why? Who really keeps them?

But I am thinking about next year, and my life in general. If life is short, why live it waiting tables at a bar? It's all I can think of today. How did I become the one in my group of college friends who has done nothing with my life, when I was the only one who knew what I wanted to do with my life? Now all my friends have moved on to new things. Amy is married to a banker and barely has time for me. Darla's in New York working for a television station. Kazumi is in Seattle working for a PR firm. Okay, there is Kirk, who still works at the Burger Palace and has absolutely no motivation to do anything different. Like me.

How have I become this? How have I let my dreams slip away? I have to do something. I have to fix this. I have to fix me. Being inside that gallery made me the happiest I have been in too long to remember.

Christmas Eve Morning

I'm working at the bar tonight, a glad volunteer. Just call me the Grinch, because I'd rather skip Christmas this year. I haven't had a nightmare again, though I still have the vague sense of foreboding I can't get rid of. After careful thought, I think the death that I sense and fear is the death of my art dreams. So I've been thinking...

What makes one person's dreams come true when another's don't? Determination. Action. Desire.

Those are the things I once embraced, and I chose to do that again when I woke up this morning. I walked to the gallery's neighborhood and went inside every fancy restaurant that pays big tips, and managed to score a job at a place right by the gallery. I then called the gallery and asked if the internship was still open, and it wasn't. It was a hard answer to hear, but I was told I could still put in an application for the future. I did and wistfully wished Naruto Uzumaki was there. My gut tells me that seeing him again is my ticket to getting a job.

Now that I've decided to do this, maybe I can take an unpaid internship in hopes of proving myself. I'll hang on to this new waitressing job and stop by the gallery once a week until I get a job there, paid or unpaid. I have to be brave enough to take risks. Besides, the new job pays better than my old one. This is a good move. I have to believe that.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Movies alone. A huge tub of popcorn. A box of chocolate. A large soda. Stomachache. A stupid movie choice that made me cry like a baby in the theater and wish I'd brought my make up to fix my face. Well, not that I wear much make up, just mascara but still I'm sure my face looks horrible. Calls with friends. I told them I was with a guy I met at a bar. Bedtime. New job starts tomorrow.

Monday, December 27, 2010

I was breathless when Naruto sauntered into the restaurant, owning the place-tall, blond, and model-like in a custom-fitted gray suit-and turning heads, both male and female. Not many men make me breathless, but there aren't many men who can claim the very air that exists around them, as he does.

Kim, the sweet hostess from Tennessee who I'm fast becoming friends with, seated him in my section, and I was ridiculously nervous as I headed to his table to take his order. I didn't expect him to remember me. Okay, okay, maybe I did. Or at least I hoped he would. I wanted to be right about what had passed between us. I wanted him to have wanted me to apply for the internship. I wanted him to ask me about it again now, and spare me walking into the gallery later and asking myself-especially after waiting on his table.

So I approached him, and the minute I stepped to his table, he arched a brow at me and asked how I could afford to work at the restaurant but not for him. I was surprised myself by not missing a beat, but I've always been good under pressure with professors and even the artist whom I encountered through my studies, no matter how arrogant or sharp-witted. And Naruto is arrogant. Yes. It radiates off him, and somehow it's sexy on him when it would be pompous on someone else. So it went something like this.

"I, I know how little.. internships pay," I replied.

"How can you know how much my internship pays if you didn't apply?"

"I know the industry."

"How?"

"I went to school to be in it, which I'm sure you assumed or you wouldn't be asking me this."

His lips did this wonderful, amused kind of half smirk. His smirk is perfect.

"Why don't you apply and find out?"

"I already did, sir."

"Hmm.. Even though you can't afford the dream of working there?"

"I.. I had a moment of weakness, sir."

We stared at each other, and I got warm all over in a way I've never felt with a man. Not good with a potential boss, I know, but it happened. Slowly, his gaze lowered and he glanced at my name tag, his stare made my stomach flop. I have no idea what happened. I had to squeeze my thighs together.

He returned his gaze to mine and softly said my name. Just "Hinata," but it was all soft and rough at the same time, and I melted into a big puddle right there in front of him. The look on his face was pure satisfaction, as if he knew what he'd just done and reveled in it.

And so did I, because this is what a woman wants a man to be able to do to her. The feeling of him controlling my pleasure so easily was just mind blowing. I'd never experienced something so intense before, let alone in a public place.

The erotic, exquisite moment ended abruptly when a gorgeous brunette in a pencil skirt and low-cut red silk blouse walked up to the table and gave me a look that could have singed me. I was suddenly very aware of my hair pulled into a bun, and a simple light blue skirt and a white blouse provided by the restaurant.

How had I thought for one moment this man, wanted me, when he has a woman like this? But you know, after my initial embarrassment, it was almost a relief to know that his interest in me was business. I could take a job with Naruto if it came about, and not worry about a conflict of interest between my hormones and my job performance.

And not an hour after Naruto left the restaurant, I got a call for a job interview at the gallery. Not with Naruto, but with someone by the name of Lee, but who cares? It's tomorrow and I got the impression it was almost a technicality. I assume that means they checked my references and I made an impression on Naruto.

That probably means I'm working for pennies, but I've decided to go for it. I have a good feeling about this. This is the first time in weeks I don't have that feeling of foreboding. So I must have been mourning the career I thought I'd never have.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Hired! I can't believe it!
I got the job at the gallery, and the pay is better than I expected. Just a little, but every bit counts. There was a lot that was unexpected about this day, like how the interview played out. Lee turned out to be this funny and charming Asian man.
He took me to the break room and we sat and had coffee, which he seems to live on. The man is hyper chit-chatter who loaded me up on staff gossip. Of course, he warned me that Naruto-Mr. Uzumaki to the staff-was tough nails, but fair.

He made me laugh and put me at ease and was encouraging in every way. We were laughing, and I had let my guard down, when Naruto walked into the room. I swear it was like the room's temperature rose ten degrees. Okay, I rose ten degrees, but looking at Lee, I'm pretty sure he did, too. I'm pretty sure he's gay (not many straight men wear pink bow ties, and it suited Lee nicely), so we are of like mind where Naruto is concerned. Naruto is the definition of the word MAN.

As Naruto filled his coffee cup, Lee and I just sat there and soaked in the raw sexual power he oozed. After he was done, Naruto leaned on the counter and fixed me with one of those intense gray stares I don't know if I'll ever get used to. Then he asked who my favorite artists are. I told him my favorite was always the one I have yet to discover. He just stared at me, and I have no idea if he liked the answer or not. But he clearly wasn't satisfied that I knew my art, because the drilling began. He asked who was my favorite artists I'd already discovered in a number of genres, and then argues with me about why one of my choices wasn't a good one. My nerves slid away. Art has a way of making the world slip away from me.

"That's a rather shortsighted opinion." He said dryly, "when there are artists in the genre who have achieved so much more."

"That's where I'd say you're being shortsighted," I replied. Lee choked on his coffee; I'm guessing not too many people argue with Naruto. I went on to explain how the artist I'd named had yet to show the world all he had to offer, while the more well-known one's he'd named had already reached their peaks.

Naruto looked amused at that answer and maybe a little surprised. I'm not sure. Reading that man is pretty impossible. We went on to debate several artists he named and just like that, he pushed off the counter and said, "You start tomorrow, Ms. Hyuga." and then just left.

So I decided I might update twice a week, maybe. This is my only escape from my finals lol. sometimes school is just a big drag. anyway, for those who haven't read If I Were You, I highly recommend you do. :)

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