A/N: Hello, everyone! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the last chapter! I really appreciate them all so much. I know some of you are uncomfortable with Monica being Juliet but don't give up just yet; I promise it's all for a reason and Monica and Chandler will have their moments soon. ;) So, I wrote this chapter in the midst of cramming for a very important paper. I guess chasing deadlines could really inspire you. So, here you go. I feel like this chapter did not give progress to the story plot-wise but I'll probably make the pace faster in the next chapter. Hope you like it!

Chapter 5

CHANDLER'S POV

She kissed me and I was so trapped that I found myself kissing her back. It wasn't just a simple meaningless kiss; where two lips meet in pursuit of momentary satisfaction. No, it was more than that. I felt the lingering passion that I locked up inside me throughout all these years in that kiss. Those emotions weren't supposed to be set free from its cage. People who find themselves living their dreams should be feeling joyful, yet here I am dreading my fantasy coming true. I have done so much wrong already and I can feel every part of me crumble out of blistering remorse. I hate myself; I'm falling deeply and madly in love with her.

I needed to run away from it all. The moment I broke off the kiss, I got out of the house and I ran as fast I could; and not knowing where I wanted to be. I reached the middle of the town where the vast fields are. I knelt on the ground and punched on it with all the force I had, wanting to let out all the frustrations I've been feeling these past few weeks. I was crying heavily now and I can't help but mutter words of profanity which were not enough to express how awful I felt.

I was only supposed to save her; as simple as that. I'm not supposed to strike up a romance with her for that is not part of the plan. Not that any intentions I may have towards her would make a difference. Why would she take real interest in someone like me? We come from different worlds and she'll be so much better without me. Add to that, I lied to her; she would never forgive me. Despite all these, I can tell that I felt something in that moment we shared, as if she loved me back. Then again, maybe all of these were just brought out by imagination. Being stuck in this dire situation left me struggling for a any hint of reassurance and a sense of normalcy.

After my tears subsided, I just sat there on the dirt, my legs brought together and my arms lying on my knees. My knuckles were still throbbing with pain from the angry fists I made against solid ground. I took a glance at the skies above me, which were a clear shade of dark blue with the bright shimmering dots of galaxy dust forming a marvelous sight. I stared at them for a moment and closed my eyes. I could really use a wish right now. I stayed there for hours, not wanting to immerse myself back into the tense atmosphere I left at the small stone house. I could not think of a good explanation or rather an excuse for what conspired between us. I decided to wait until Monica would be asleep before returning.

MONICA'S POV

My gaze was focused on the door which was slammed shut after his escape. At first, I wanted to kiss Chandler to answer the questions that have been bothering me since I regained my consciousness. That turned out to be a failed attempt because now I am more confused. Why did he run out like that? Was it the kiss? Was it not good? I knew it was good. Heck, it was a great kiss. Why am I entertaining such shallow reasoning? There must be a very deep reason for him to get away like that when it's perfectly fine to kiss your own wife. I admit, I wanted him to like the kiss. No; love the kiss. I did not only want to kiss him because it was what husbands and wives do. I also thought that it is also because I have this unyielding desire to please people, especially Chandler.

I was getting hungry so I ate the special dinner I prepared after I waited enough to know that he'll probably not come back immediately. I cleaned up the dishes and covered up the food I made for him. I lay on the bed, my eyes still open as I waited for him. I did not want to wait until tomorrow for him to make me understand the reasons behind his actions. I could not take much longer though because I was really exhausted out of all the preparations I made for that night. Not soon after did I find myself drifting off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning with the other side of the bed still empty. It was barely five minutes past six o'clock in the morning and even then Chandler would've been still enjoying his daily cup of coffee before work. But today it was different, the dining table was empty and the whole house was quiet. He's still gone. I stood up and saw a small note on the table. I opened it to find that it was from Chandler. Well, at least he did come back that night.

"Juliet,

First of all, thank you very much for the dinner you made. It was very delicious, and it proves how amazing of a cook you are.

I want to apologize for what happened last night; for running out on you like that. And now I'm sorry for being a jerk and not having the guts to tell you this face-to-face. I really don't know how to explain it to you. The difficulty of our situation had just come upon me and I sort of freaked out. I just needed to control myself. It's just that everything is so hard right now and I'm struggling. I don't want to hurt you. I just want you to get better and when that happens, hopefully you'll understand. I'm really sorry. I'm doing this for both of us. Again, I really don't want to hurt you.

-Chandler"

I showed Phoebe the note when she came by later that day for my daily sessions. "So what do you think it is about? I really want to know why he acted that way. We were kissing and then suddenly, he pulled back and just left. And now he's telling me that everything is hard. I know our situation is complicated but I didn't think it would take a toll on our marriage like this." I asked her feeling confident about her impending answer because I knew she was good at these things. She has a very healthy relationship with Mike and I just wish that I could recapture that feeling again with Chandler; that is if we really held ourselves together fine before. "Oh no." Phoebe said while shaking her head. "What?" I asked. "I don't know if I'm on the right place to tell you this." She continued. "Come on, tell me Phoebe. I asked you because I know you can help me. Please?" I begged her.

"Okay, well if you say so. How long have you been here? Almost six weeks right?" She said. "Well yeah, if you really found us on the 15th of last month." I answered. "So you were supposed to have your anniversary celebration by doing this long trip towards a romantic rendezvous to thrilling nature, but that plan went down the drain. He must have planned something special for you that night; you know: nice little meal, intimate conversations, sweet company...and you know, that other thing?" She said, raising an eyebrow when she stopped speaking.

"Probably, so what's that other thing?" I asked innocently. "Wow, gosh Monica you don't really get it? He gave you all these signs: 'everything is so hard', 'struggling', 'does not want to hurt you', and most especially; 'control myself'!" Phoebe said loudly with a look of amused disbelief. "Yeah, so? I don't really get what you're heading into Phoebe." I shrugged. "That other thing that people who are in love do? His thing, your thing? Where two become one? Ring a bell?" Phoebe said while raising up her fingers to stress her point. "Oh my God! You really think Chandler wants to have sex and he's just resisting the urge?" I asked, a little shocked. It was the last thing on my mind and now that I think of it, it does make sense. Maybe it really is the reason why he's acting so distant around me because he did not want to force me when I'm obviously not in my right state.

"I believe so. And you know, you're so lucky Chandler is such a gentleman. He had really been controlling himself since you guys got here. He did not even want to give you a bath when you were unwitting because that means he'd see your thing. You're a young couple and the romance must be really alive with you guys, that's why he's struggling right now. He misses his beautiful wife. I really admire your husband, he really loves you so much that he wants the best for you by taking things slow." Phoebe said with a smile.

"I guess that can make sense. But, I'm not ready yet. I still have unresolved doubts about our relationship. What should I do? Oh, poor Chandler. He's sacrificed so much already and that must be why he's so grumpy. I hope my memories come back soon so we could be a normal couple again. Gosh Phoebe, I really want to help him. I mean, I am his wife after all. He should be able to do those things with me." I told her in a worrying tone. I know that being married yet having to go through the getting-to-know phase once again must be so frustrating for him.

"Don't pressure yourself, Juliet. It can wait. I mean Chandler's dealing with it already. You just focus on getting better so you can be your good ol' self and resume doing your usual activities." She said teasingly. "Oh, Phoebe." I said with a laugh. "Uhmm okay. Wait, now I want to give something to you." I saw her go to the bedroom and pick up a small paper bag. She went out back to the living room with a huge grin on her face. "So, what's in the bag?" I asked while she brought out from it what seemed to be some sort of women's clothing. "I've been keeping this for months even though I was not able to use it. It's a very sultry teddy! I bought this for me but then it got shrank down in the washing machine. I don't really know why I kept it but now I know it's because you're meant to have it! It's definitely your size! Oh, don't you just love fate? Now, I'm giving this to you for future use. Just use it as an inspiration for now, while you're waiting to be ready." Phoebe said excitedly. It felt weird receiving such an intimate gift from her but I still accepted it graciously. She really does mean well. Through the few weeks I've come to know Phoebe, I discovered that she is a very good person who just wants to help in any way she can. As we grow closer, I can see that she can be one of my most trusted friends to last a lifetime. "Thanks Phoebe, I guess. I'll keep this."

I spent a great deal of time contemplating on whether I should wear the teddy that night or not. I know that I should have followed Phoebe's advice but I can't help but wonder. What if I'll never just be ready? What if it's really my own will and not just a gut feeling that'll make me ready? After a few words of encouragement for myself while I glanced at my reflection on the mirror, I freshened up and tried the undergarment on. Phoebe was right, it was a perfect fit. I put a robe over it and lighted some candles. I sat on the bed feeling nervous as I awaited Chandler's arrival.

CHANDLER'S POV

I came home from work a little later than usual. I still could not come up with a reasonable excuse for why I left her hanging yesterday. I was hoping that the note I left was good enough for her. Who was I kidding? It's Monica. She'll demand for an explanation, especially now that I got her more puzzled than before. I took a deep breathe and opened the door. The scene that welcomed me made me gasp in surprise.

There were some candles around the bed and the atmosphere was obviously meant to be romantic. As soon as Monica became aware of my presence she took off the robe that she had been wearing. She now stood closer to me, revealing a dark pink chemise with black laces on the side. I must admit she was very sexy in it as it complemented her form very well. Oh my God, Chandler control yourself! She is not your wife! She is not even the Monica that you learned to love. She's Juliet, a woman who's been living a life of deceit, whose existence is verging on as a product of your foolish fantasies. Now, there's a thought to ponder. Am I in love with Monica, who I'd been keeping in my heart for a long time now? Or am I in love with Juliet, who I'd been keeping in my mind to cover up for the unfortunate circumstances that I got into with my brother? I guess the answer is both. I love the woman who's standing in front of me, no matter what her name is. I may call her differently but the affection I have towards her will always be the same. She may not have her memories right now but the traits that make the amazing person in her is deep down alive in her core.

"Mo-Moi Ju..Juliet wh-at is this about? Wh-why are there candles? A-and where did you get that?" I said pointing on her teddy up and down.

"Phoebe gave it to me. Don't you like it? I thought the candles would set the mood." She said with a slightly disappointed tone.

"Wh-why are you wearing that? Isn't it a little too cold outside? Put something on!" I was about to grab her robe when she stopped me.

"No. Chandler, this is me giving you a go signal. I'm ready. I'm sorry I made it difficult for you for so long now. I'm ready, now come here with me." She said while putting on a resolute demeanor. She took her hand in mine and seated me on the side of the bed. I was now sweating uncontrollably and I gulped nervously.

"What do you mean, ready? No no no, don't feel bad about yourself. I'm the one who has issues. I'm the one making it difficult for myself. You don't have to do this." I tried making sense with her.

"Come on Chandler, stop playing the gentleman card. I know you want it; and bad. It's my duty as your wife. I'm telling you I'm ready to do it. Please." She said. She's playing strong but I could see in her eyes that she's just as half-footed as me. And she's just trying to do this because she thought she would make me happy. She's now rubbing my shoulders and putting a hand on my cheek.

"O-okay, if you say so." She looked straight into me and I saw her take a deep breathe too. She closed her eyes and puckered her lips, clearly awaiting mine to reach hers. I drew my face closer and closer towards her until our lips were just inches away from each other. My gaze was fixed on her the whole time while I put one hand protectively on her face. Just as the distance between us was about to be gone, we both shook our heads away.

"I knew you're not ready." I told her knowingly. I then covered her chest immediately. Tears were now daring to form in her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I thought I could do this. I really thought I could. I'm a terrible wife." She said in between sobs.

"Oh no, don't say sorry. You don't have anything to be sorry about. Come on, don't cry now. I don't like it when you cry." It's true. I feel bad when people I care about are upset. Especially the woman I love.

"Do you still love me despite this? You've put off so much for me already and one simple act like this and I couldn't give it to you. I'm not supposed to be bothered by this, it's normal to do this!" She said disappointingly.

"Of course I love you, I'll always love you." Yes, I do. Out of everything I said to her, this is the one thing that I know will always be true. "Don't think that'll change with this silly little 'incapacity' to do things." I tried to assure her. "But Phoebe said you're struggling ever since we got here. I don't want to burden you much longer." She explained. "She said that? Why would you ask Phoebe when you could ask me about it? She's not always right, you know." I said. So Phoebe was the one who put ideas in her head. "You left me last night, and I had no choice. You don't expect to leave a woman like that and not have her question things. So, if that is not the reason, why did you run out?" She asked me with a hint of hurt in her tone. "Well...yeah, Phoebe may be right a little bit. But, that's not all. That's a very weak reason, do you really think I'm just all about that intimate stuff because I'm your husband? If that's the case then it's just pure lust. And, love is about sacrifice. I'm willing to do anything for you, all for your good sake. Although, it kills me inside that I can't do something as simple as telling the truth to you. How ironic, marriages are supposed to be about honesty. This is not a real one though, so it doesn't count. Who am I kidding? It counts. Every healthy connection between normal human beings should be about honesty. And now I'm playing the guilt-trip once again. So, don't feel bad Juliet. It's just my way of coping with things, our general state. I'm sorry for not making you understand sooner." I explained. She was listening intently to me and I was now watching her expression to get a gist of her reaction.

"Okay. Now, if you really love me and you're willing to do anything, will you do me a favor?" She said with a small smile and a sense of longing.

"What is it?" I was nervous. With the ideas that she's getting, who knows what else will be going on in her mind.

"Can you just hold me close in your arms tonight? I'll feel safer knowing that you're not running out on me again." She said, her eyes almost pleading.

"Sure." I can do that. I have held her a number of times already in our sleep. I laid beside her as she closed up her robe and started slipping under the covers. She nudged closer to me and put her head over my chest. Once again did I feel shivers going through my spine. I kissed her on the forehead instinctively and brushed her hair softly. "Now, you can go sleep. Come on now, I promise I'm not leaving." I smiled softly as I looked down on her.

"Wait, I also have another request, if you don't mind?" She said while she backed way from me a little. "Okay." I said. "Please stop being moody towards me, especially everything with the grumpiness. It really makes me feel bad. At first I thought it's because of the 'deprivation' but now it bothers me so much because that's not it, and I don't know how to stop you from acting that way. I know if I ask you again why you'll just say that you're just feeling tired or something. But, I can't help thinking that it's because I annoy you so much. And I feel bad, if I really do know some things I wouldn't bother you so much. Please promise me?" She begged.

"Okay, I'll try not wearing my grumpy pants anymore. I feel worse knowing that I hurt you like that. I honestly don't mean to."

"Hey, I said promise!" She said with a chuckle and bossy look on her face. She then smiled at me. God, that beautiful smile.

"Okay, I promise." I smiled back.

"Pinkie promise? Cross your heart?" She was now grinning from ear-to-ear.

"Hope to die." I raised my right hand as if I'm reciting a pledge.

"No, don't die on me!" She said playfully.

"Why is that? Don't you want that? No more grumpy man making you feel bad." I teased her.

"No, I don't. I'd rather stay here with Mr. Grumpy man forever." She said while hugging on to me tighter. She closed her eyes and I could sense that she really was content. Mr. Grumpy man; she called me that before and I felt goosebumps.

"Forever; I thought. The word scared me. What if Monica won't ever gain her memories back?

A/N: Please leave out your reviews so I know where to take the story. :) Thanks!