19. Dying

Miss Pauling had been shot before. It was practically a prerequisite for her job, and not only had she been shot but she'd been stabbed, burned, sliced, choked, and beaten. Pain was nothing new, the same way killing was nothing new. She embraced with an air of resigned reluctance on most occasions, as normally it was just an inconvenience.

This time had been different. This time she was in a sewer where no one who knew where she was could help in time. This time it wasn't just a bullet to the leg, or the arm, or even to the gut, she had felt where it entered and it felt very close to her heart. Maybe it was even inside time it wasn't listed as the possible dangers of a mission, hell this time there hadn't even been a mission! So this time Miss Pauling opened her mouth and had done something that was just as out of the ordinary as the shooting. She screamed.

And then she fell. She remembered falling, feeling the moist waste soak onto her side, and she remembered the fuzziness swelling in her head, in her vision. She remembered hearing cackling, and feeling something warm and wet joining the cold sewage. She even tried denying that it was her blood.

The next bit is where things got hazy. Her thoughts seemed to slow down, instead of trains they were caterpillars, taking their time to much leaves on their sluggish journey. Not bothering to connect to anything, just being. She kept swimming in and out of blackness, one minute on the ground, the next feeling someones shoulder digging into her gut and being jostled like they were moving quickly. There were voices, pained, angry voices that seemed to be reaching her from far away.

" -to the medibay"

" Zank god you are alright!"

" Jezus, what happened-"

" Lucy's dead-"

" We know."

Each snippet seemed a mile apart from the others. Disjointed, disconnected, but she was still moving, moving, moving, always moving. Flashes of things in front of her eyes, a bend in a tunnel, someone's face running next to her, a staircase… all so far away. Was this what it was like to die? Another sluggish though, of course she was dying. Why else would she hurt so much?

There was one voice that was more frequent than the others. Talking more, but also even more strained than the others.

" OH JEEZUS FUCK! You know what, she'll be okay. She'll be okay, right doc?"

" It's not even that bad, Miss Pauling you're gonna be fine."

" Just hang on while we get you back up to the base."

It was the scout, but he could have been talking from outer space for all Miss Pauling was concerned. Her world was dislocated, like looking at everything through a kaleidoscope that kept turning off. Still, she listened to him whenever she returned from darkness.

" Don't die."

'I'm trying not to' She managed to think. Her mouth didn't want to work.

" You're going to be fine, you'll see we're almost to the medibay and you'll be fine."

'If I'm going to be fine how come your voice is shaking?'

" Look, see there's the door. Just stay with me a little longer, stay with me-"

' I don't think I can.'

" Alright, medic's going to get you all patched up. I'm going to hold your hand while she works, okay? You can hang in there, I know you can, you're the strongest person I've ever met."

'I'm not strong enough for this.' She hurt so bad, and in the back of her mind there was a warm nothingness opening like a flower in bloom. She wanted to slip into it, to be free for a few moments, but scout sounded so urgent. She should probably stick around.

" Stay with me. A little bit longer, a little bit longer, just stay with me."

'I don't want to stay anymore.' She was going to die, and the nothing felt so safe…

" Please, god, please! Miss Pauling I know you can do this, you can do this, you're strong you're-"

'I'm sorry scout.' As she slipped into the warm darkness she caught a glimpse of the scout's face, tightened in anguished horror, and she had a last flash of

' I'm so, so sorry.'

…

" That's all we can do scout." Saanvi said quietly wiping her hands on a cloth and resting one on his hunched shoulders. She'd slaved to repair as much of bullet wound as possible, but Miss Pauling had still slipped into a coma. She wasn't dead, in fact she was stable, but if she didn't wake up soon she'd end up slipping away.

" Are you sure there isn't something else you can do?" The scout's voice was subdued, as if he were afraid to speak.

" She's stable scout. That's about all we can ask for." His face crumpled. 'Dammit Saanvi, say something!' " If she wakes up she'll live, and she's fighter scout. She's a real good fighter." She gave a half hearted pat and let go. After all, wasn't some hope, no matter how faint, better than no hope?

Scout just nodded, and stood. He let Miss Pauling's hand slip from between his fingers, and it fell to her side like it was made of led.

"Listen, scout you need to get some rest."

" I want to be here if-" he stopped mid sentence and exhaled sharply. " I want to be here when she wakes up."

" I'm sure she won't mind you getting some sleep. Most of us have been up since before three, how would you feel if she woke up and you were too tired to make any sense of anything she said?"

" But-"

" Sleep. Now."

" Fine, but I'll be doing on the floor just outside."

" I can't win everything."

Scout slouched out, looking like a beaten dog. Saanvi knew he wouldn't actually sleep, but she'd made her point. Hopefully he'd listen, and him being out gave her space to think.

Miss Pauling's coma made another issue. This team had no medic now, and she knew everyone on her's would be itching to get home. If they did decide to use the teleporter, it would be before Miss Pauling either woke up or died. Saanvi could just leave, go back to her goldfish and research and not think about it, but if she did that… she didn't know if she could forgive herself for not sticking things through to the end. Not knowing what had happened, if she succeeded or failed, it would torture her for the rest of her life. Then again, if she stayed there would be the possibility of never going back. The teleporter might be a one time option, if it worked at all. Could she really decide to leave her entire team, her entire world, to see if a woman she'd only known for a few days would live?

There was a third option, but she didn't want to think about it. It was crazy, it was unorthodox, it was a last ditch effort. But… wasn't this a last ditch situation?

…

Scout had no intention of sleeping. Sure, the medic had thrown him out but he was going to be right here when Miss Pauling woke up. She was going to wake up, she had to wake up. She was practically invincible, he'd never seen her ruffled by any of the shit they'd put her through all these years. She'd pull through.

" Yer dedicaytion's admirable." Scout turned and saw the sniper standing on the other side of the door, sewage filth still clinging to his boots.

"Thanks, I guess." Scout grunted. " Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?"

"Shouldn't you?" Sniper plopped down next to him, folding his legs across themselves.

"You know why I can't." Sniper just nodded.

" Oi don' think anyone's gettin' much sleep tonoight." Silence. What do you say to something like that?

"Oi nevah really liked you." Sniper finally said.

" How touching."

" Shut up. Anyway, I nevah really liked you. You're touchy, unprofessional, and and all around something of an asshole."

" I'm really not seeing where you're going with this."

" I'm trying to say, even though you're a jerk… you're loyal. Tha' goes a long way with me. And with everything tha's happened, maybe we should try acting more like teammates."

A pause, not that scout was opposed, he was just digesting information.

" Yeah, okay."

" All of us should start acting like teammates."

" I already said sure, whattdya-" he broke off, seeing a look on the sniper's face like he was hinting at something. " Aw, fucking hell you mean the spy too? You need to talk to your boyfriend about that, he's the one with the stick up his ass." Sniper chuckled.

" First off, not my boyfriend. Not yet."

" Ew."

" Let me finish, and don' be such a homophobe. Anyway, Oi won't say anything contrary about the stick, Oi'm planning on talking to him about it. However, you need to be just as willing to bury the hatchet."

" Fine. But he has to apologize first, after that I'm the best at burying hatchets."

Sighing, the sniper said,

" Oi'm glad. Why don't you like eachotha anyway, besides obvious personality contrasts?"

" Well, it all started with him and my mom-"

" Actually, another time. Maybe. I should get some sleep." He stood quickly. The last thing sniper wanted to hear about the spy's sexual adventures with persons outside of himself.

" Yeah okay, I figured it'd be awkward. Don't fuck anybody right now, I feel like that's in bad taste."

" I'm not you. I have some class."

" You sound just like the spy."

"Piss off." Stalking away, the sniper chuckled to himself. While he left, scout steadied himself for his vigil.

It was going to be a long wait.

…

Medic's log,

Dr. Saanvi Ghosh

Six hours after Giulia Incident

I made a previous report of the occurrences in the sewers. I wish not to speak of it again unless it is relevant to the current issue. The current issues being the coma my patient slipped into.

I have decided to go for it. I am utilizing my research into limb regeneration, applying it as a last ditch effort to restore the damaged tissues of the patient, and hoping that full tissue reconstruction is enough to break the comatose state. Either that, or the process of tissue regeneration will be so shocking to her system it will restart neurological activity. Like the effect of choking someone while they are asleep, she may wake up from her system's reflex to fight.

Or she could just die. I have enough blood on my hands to be used to death, and the patient would likely die if I followed any of the other paths presented, but the death would be caused specifically from my actions whereas before she may have had a slim chance of survival. I do not think this will push me into the favor of the male team. But… won't it be worth it if I save her?

I have the materials to reconstruct my work. It shouldn't take long, I know the formulas more precisely than men know their dick size, and a clinical test will be good for it. This is what I'm telling myself in case you haven't noticed. Sometimes I wish I was as cool as my colleague, but in reality I cannot bring myself to abandon a patient without knowing the results. All I can see is she is most definitely dying, and I may have the resources to help her.

Unknown deities please give me strength.