Thank yous: anon, I love Katsura uke pairings too. He's just fun to write like that. Thanks for the review! Imogene Hemlock, I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a long review! I've never seen this pairing before either (in fanfiction, there's a few in fanart), which is why I'm writing it. I love it but no one writes it, so I have to write it for myself. If you write about them I will be first in line to read and review! As for their interaction in the show… bear with me, I will write it out because I am obsessed orz.
Their 'Warts' had an affair and a baby (gorilla) together. They got amnesia, became best friends, and started a band together in the Goukon episode. They interacted in the Kabukichou Stray Cats arc (lol, Kondou says he doesn't care that Katsura's a criminal, he's just glad to find someone he knows). They apparently quarrel a lot online with each other partly because they share very similar screen names (fruits punch samurai and fruits chinpo samurai). They're always running into each other by accident, like in the barber shop arc. They battled each other playing dating sims in the video game arc where Katsura taught Kondou about love. They formed an old man truce under the will-sapping kotatsu. They worked together in the cattle mutilation/screwdrivers arc. And I don't know if you've seen the second movie so I won't spoiler you but they interact pretty closely in that as well. There are a few other little moments here and there (but I will take what I can get!).
I'm glad you liked the story. Lol, I like all your ideas, I wish I was talented enough to write them. Alas, I think I'll probably disappoint; I'm not really a writer (though my harddrive is filled with unfinished Kondou/Katsura stories). Kondou definitely hasn't given up on Otae, he will still stalk her, but he's gotten used to wanting her and not having her. Lol, yes, I think there's definitely going to be Katsura jealousy. Thanks again for the review and encouragement.
A/N: This is probably overly-drawn out. It's mostly just a filler chapter. I felt like writing from Kondou's POV. Next one is better hopefully.
Kondou stared down at the warm body lying next to him.
The warm naked body.
The warm naked MALE body.
Don't forget terrorist, his conscience reminded him.
"Fuck." He rubbed a hand over his tired face. Time to get up.
Quietly he slid out of the bed, managing to leave Katsura undisturbed. The jouishishi sure was taking it easy, sleeping so peacefully, not a care in the world.
Kondou stood naked by the bedside for a moment. What should he do now? Besides go cry onto his Vice-Commander Toshi's shoulder, what should he do? The sun's morning rays shone through the blinds on the hotel room's window, glinting off the sleeping jouishishi's dark hair.
Well, it wasn't so bad. He had to think about this positively, Kondou decided. He'd enjoyed himself. Katsura had enjoyed himself. They were adults. No harm, no foul.
Shit like this happened to drunk people all the time! Hadn't he heard Harada or Nagakura or someone say they'd once woken up in bed with a Jargops from the planet Glug? A Jargops! That was pretty much a fish. This was nothing. At least Katsura was human.
But still… a terrorist? His conscience seemed intent on this bit of information.
"Yeah, but he's not as bad as Takasugi!" See, positive. He could do this. He'd pull through.
He looked down at the jouishishi once more. The young man was lying on his stomach, his face turned toward Kondou, his cheek resting against the pillow. Sunrays warmed the soft features of his face. Kondou got the sudden urge to run his fingers through Katsura's long black hair. He could still remember the way those silk smooth tresses felt in his fist.
He really had enjoyed himself. A lot. He sighed. Better get dressed. Maybe he could just sneak out and not have to face Katsura. Yes, that's what he'd do.
He sighed again. That wouldn't be very gentlemanly of him. What would Otae-san say if she knew he'd done that kind of thing? He had to remain a man worthy of Otae's love. At his convenience he ignored the fact that a man who gets drunk when he's supposed to be on guard duty and fucks his enemy who happens to be a terrorist was probably not a worthy man in the first place. He slipped on his underwear, trousers, and shirt. He picked up the rest of his uniform off the floor and set it down over the back of a chair that was sitting in the corner.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he looked over at his one night companion. Katsura looked pretty innocent asleep. You'd never know he was a terrorist. Kondou reached out and lightly pet Katsura's head, letting his fingers thread through Katsura's hair. Just as soft as he remembered from last night.
Damn, but last night was fun. He hadn't done that sort of thing in a while. A long while. A year? Maybe more. And never with a GUY. He flinched.
Why his conscience had to pick at the little details NOW, he didn't know. He wasn't exactly known for being a detail oriented kind of guy. He was more of big picture person. The big picture here was he'd gotten excellently fucked last night; did he really need to think about anything else? Otae's beautiful, sweetly malevolent mug popped unbidden into his head. His conscience really had it out for him today, he thought as a little bud of guilt slowly began to blossom.
He'd been doing so well too. He'd been saving himself for Otae-san. He did that from time to time until his libido would get the better of him and he'd inevitably mess up and have to start over again. This past interval was probably his longest, but now he'd ruined it. He really thought he should feel a little worse about this situation.
But it had just felt so good. And it had been over a year. It was hard to be upset about something he'd enjoyed that much. And Katsura was such an enthusiastically receptive comeback lay, it kind of stroked Kondou's ego.
He'd been pretty surprised when Katsura drunkenly approached him. He had noticed the jouishishi earlier in the evening, drinking and cavorting with the Yorozuya and his friends. He didn't pay it much mind though. He wasn't on duty, so he didn't feel the need to do anything and Katsura quickly slipped from his mind. Kondou's sole purpose was to make sure nothing happened to his lovely Otae who had joined in the revelry. Some people liked to call it 'Stalking', but those were people who didn't understand the intense bond he and Otae shared.
Accordingly he sat inconspicuously at the end of the bar, observing the room. It seemed Kyuubei-san, Otae's other and allegedly less stalkerish protector who also happened to be obscenely wealthy, was buying. For the whole house.
It won't hurt to have one or two, he'd thought at the time. He could still guard Otae-san while enjoying himself. He didn't know what number drink he'd been on when he got punched in the gut for strolling over and boldly grabbing one of Otae-san's cute little ass cheeks. And that was from Kyuubei. He didn't even want to think about what Otae-san had done to him. He'd survived it, and through the pain, he still stuck around, slinking back to the bar and moping while he drowned his sorrows in more of what had caused the problem in the first place.
After that, he was too drunk to think about the consequences when Katsura had shown up in full flirt, taken his hand, and led him out of the bar and across the street.
His hand moved down to Katsura's neck, feeling the throb of Katsura's pulse hot against his fingers. He should probably stop touching the sleeping jouishishi now.
They'd ended up at a hotel, and Kondou had paid for the room. He'd been too drunk to defend himself when Katsura had slammed him up against the hotel room door and started kissing him. And he'd definitely been too drunk to say 'no' when Katsura had murmured into his ear, 'Fuck me,' before sinking down onto his knees before Kondou. He was not too drunk to actually do it. And so he had.
Was it bad that he wanted to do it again?
His hand travelled lower down under the covers to Katsura's shoulders, playing over Katsura's soft, warm skin. His hand followed the dip of Katsura's spine until it hit the small of Katsura's back. He could feel the very beginnings of a gentle rise under his palm. He swallowed, not daring to move down any further.
It was strange. He knew how it felt to be inside Katsura (it felt good). It was so weird that he had such knowledge. Weird that he could say he knew what Katsura tasted like, the sounds Katsura made when he came, the feel of Katsura's mouth on his cock. The fact that he wanted to further that knowledge was also very weird.
He should really stop touching this guy.
He pulled his hand away to safety, though unable to hold back the disappointment of not getting to grope that beautiful round backside. He could judge considering the view he got of it last night.
Kondou stifled a groan of self-disgust. Not thinking about this didn't look like it would be an option for him anytime soon. At least he wouldn't be lacking in things to jerk off to for a while. Just the thought of Katsura calling his name mid climax was enough to get him hard.
And yep. He was hard. Damn it, thought Kondou. Luckily, this was one problem he had plenty of expertise in handling. He hurried to the bathroom.
When he came back out again feeling a lot calmer and refreshed, he saw that Katsura was up. It looked like the young man had just awoken; he was staring glassily at Kondou, who had frozen in the doorway.
Should I say something? Kondou wondered. He cleared his throat.
"The bathroom's free," he offered. "If you want to wash up?"
The look Katsura gave him was tremendous for such a sleepy, naked guy with his long hair a mess and his covers pulled up high. That won't help, I've seen it already, thought Kondou, feeling a little annoyed.
"Turn around."
"What?" Kondou shook his head in confusion. But that won't help you either. I've seen it all. I've touched it. Inside and out.
"I said turn around." Katsura made it sound like he was telling Kondou to kneel for an execution. Cold and uncompromising. Like death, thought Kondou dramatically. He was pretty good by now at sensing when people wanted him to drop off the face of the earth.
"Okay." Skeptical as he was, he complied with the jouishishi's wishes and turned to face away.
Once Katsura was safely shut in the bathroom Kondou had himself a seat on the bed facing the bathroom door. Would it be bad if he just got up and left right now?
Katsura had seemed pretty pissed off. Kondou didn't really want to face that more than he had to. He hadn't technically said he'd stick around until the Jouishishi came back. But maybe leaving would just make Katsura even angrier? Kondou didn't think he'd like it much if someone did that to him. Apart from being a coward, Kondou liked to think of himself as a pretty good guy, not someone who would quietly abandon a one night stand for his own convenience.
He couldn't leave Katsura in the state he'd last seen him. What if the poor guy was traumatized or something? It wouldn't be the first time Kondou had traumatized a sex partner by just being him. It had been a while since he'd last done the whole casual sex thing, but back when he was partaking, this sort of thing actually happened quite a lot.
Of course all those had been petite women with Otae-san's build and none of her monstrous strength, so he didn't exactly have to fear for his life when they got angry over the fact that they'd made the poor decision to sleep with him. The most they could do was throw something heavy at him. He'd become very good at dodging projectiles. Katsura was a whole different story though. Katsura was his enemy and a man and a criminal – a known violent offender. If Katsura decided he wanted to do damage he could very well do a lot of it.
God, why didn't he just stick with prostitutes? Getting drunk and sleeping with other drunk people led to nothing but trouble and heartache. And he wasn't the kind of sensitive, smooth guy who could easily deal with that sort of thing. No matter what he did or said, he tended to make people angry.
Well, for an angry person, Katsura sure was quiet. It occurred to Kondou that maybe Katsura had been more traumatized than he suspected. What if the jouishishi had passed out? Or was sobbing, huddled in the bathtub or something? Or contemplating suicide? Katsura was tough, but there had been vulnerability it the young jouishishi's eyes this morning under all that outrage. Sleeping with Kondou could reduce anyone to tears, the Shinsengumi Commander had found throughout the years.
Maybe, Kondou pondered, I should go check on him…? It couldn't hurt to make sure.
Kondou walked over and knocked lightly on the door. No response. No noise. He frowned. That wasn't a good sign.
He tried the door handle. It turned easily in his hand. Unlocked. He took a deep breath and opened the door.
Katsura was standing there, still naked, staring at the mirror. He looked like he might be in a trance or something. Kondou stepped into the room and finally Katsura seemed to notice him.
The young man swung around to face him, once again pointlessly trying to hide himself, this time with his bunched up pile of clothes.
The look on Katsura's face reminded Kondou of a rabbit he'd seen just before he'd hit it with his patrol car. He'd felt horrible then, spent weeks feeling guilt ridden, spent half his salary on wildlife charities, spent hours trying to earn back some good karma at the neighborhood shrine. He felt no less horrible now, even knowing he probably hadn't done anything wrong.
"What are you doing!" Katsura screamed at him, outrage masking his utter terror.
Is it really that bad? Sleeping with a guy like me? Kondou wondered. What was done was done. All he could do was try to be a little understanding and caring now.
He tried to explain that to Katsura, but the Jouishishi wasn't having it.
""It's none of your concern. Get out!" said Katsura.
None of his concern? Really? Kondou wasn't going to settle for that when was feeling SO. DAMN. GUILTY. He tried to calm the jouishishi down. It was obvious Katsura was in panic mode. His eyes were a little wild and his face had gone pink in either embarrassment or anger.
When Kondou tried to approach him it looked like the younger man was ready to claw his way through the countertop to get away. Kondou stopped. Maybe it was better if he kept his distance for now. He kept his voice low and soothing as he tried to explain to Katsura that things would be alright. Kondou was glad to see that it seemed to be working as Katsura's shoulders lost some of their tension and his expression switched to something less flighty and closer to his normal righteous indignation.
"I can't believe you!" said Katsura. "I can't believe you did those things to me, and you don't feel guilty at all!"
Obviously ridiculous as that accusation was, considering that the weight of Kondou's guilt was the only thing anchoring him to this spot, he decided to ignore it for the most part. Still, as gracious as he tried to be, he could feel a little of his own indignation begin to stir.
The jouishishi's insistence that he'd been wronged was picking away at the parts of Kondou that actually felt bad. It wasn't like he'd raped the idiot, so why did Katsura need to make him sound like the bad guy. There didn't need to be a bad guy here; this wasn't a crime. Kondou wasn't even sure it had been a mistake though Katsura was trying his hardest to convince him otherwise. It seemed there was no better cure for Kondou's guilt than Katsura's utter obnoxiousness.
By the time Katsura started denying his part in all this and expounding on his absolute disgust, Kondou had had just about enough. And when Katsura called him a gorilla, that was the last straw.
"It's practically bestiality," Katsura declared.
"You sound alright to me. You're certainly not cowering in a corner, crying, are you," muttered Kondou, tone a little more harsh than he'd meant. Katsura's words hurt. Kondou better than anyone knew that sleeping with a gorilla like him wasn't anything to brag about. But Katsura was just being cruel.
It would be one thing if the sex had been awful, but this was not fair. Katsura was acting like it was the absolute worst thing to happen in all of history when Kondou knew, absolutely knew, that Katsura'd had a good time last night. He would even venture that Katsura had a great time. There was no faking the kind of noises the jouishishi had been making. He sighed. When had this good will mission turned into an ambush?
"Humph, who do you think I am?" Katsura continued in that stuck up voice Kondou had often heard him use. "A Leader of the Joui rebellion wouldn't let his enemy see him in such a state."
"I don't know… I'm pretty sure I saw a few tears last night."
He had to admit it was a little petty on his part to provoke Katsura. He'd known it would. The jouishishi was clearly not ready to confront the raw facts of what they'd done together last night. Kondou found Katsura's sudden deep blush very gratifying. And kind of cute too. Just as those desperate tears of pleasure had been last night.
"You…."
Oh… he didn't like that look in Katsura's eyes. The jouishishi was glowering at him and he could make out a faint full body tremor that did not bode well for his or Katsura's imminent health. Katsura reached back and hurled his clothes at Kondou's head. He sputtered as they hit him in the face before falling to the floor at his feet. Well at least Katsura seemed to have gotten over his shyness.
The young Joui leader was overreacting; there was really nothing to feel so ashamed about. Kondou himself had let a few tears of effort drop last night. He was about to say so, but Katsura didn't give him the chance.
"OOOAAAAHHHH!" Katsura yelled in rage, and in two seconds he was upon Kondou.
This! This was exactly what I wanted to avoid! thought Kondou as he tried to pull the jouishishi's hands away from his neck. He could see black spots bloom in his visual field and feel his thoughts starting to tingle. Could thoughts tingle? Well something was tingling as he tried his best to stay conscious.
Katsura was yelling something at Kondou through the deep throbbing sound of blood pumping through his ears. Something like 'die', which made sense because that was probably what Kondou was about to do. His only hope would be to overpower the more petite man. He let go of Katsura's hands and put every ounce of his effort into rolling them both over.
Kondou found himself free as he fell onto his hands and knees and gasped for breath, coughing in between. He could hear Katsura groaning and looked up to see the jouishishi lying on his back not far from him. He crawled over to the young man.
"Are you okay?" he rasped out. Concern tickled at his heart as he observed Katsura who looked to be in some pain. He could feel his earlier compassion return and along with it the guilt.
"You… you bastard," Katsura groaned. "You could have killed me!"
Kondou's newly returned sympathy diminished slightly as Katsura accused him of attempted murder. Nevertheless, he helped Katsura sit up even as the younger man berated him. Poor guy, didn't seem to know what to do with himself. He reached up to check this 'mortal wound' that had Katsura so riled up but was met with a hiss of warning as Katsura curled away from his hand like a scared stray cat.
'Pervert,' Katsura had called him. As true as that was, he was just trying to help. His perverted thoughts were secondary to his good will. Too bad Katsura couldn't seem to appreciate it.
Even Kondou's offer of breakfast was summarily dismissed as a 'bribe'. In return Katsura leveled more accusations at him and declared himself officially Kondou's unlucky victim.
Katsura was just too confusing. Kondou couldn't tell what the jouishishi wanted him to do. Funny, considering how very direct the young man had been last night about his desires. He'd had no problem fulfilling all of Katsura's wishes then. Either Katsura had forgotten about that or had chosen to ignore it. Kondou sighed. For someone who claimed to have a head injury, Katsura was talking an awful lot and with a great deal of zeal.
As he watched the young jouishishi spout off accusation after accusation convicting first Kondou and then moving on to the government, he couldn't help but wonder if this was some kind of defense mechanism for Katsura.
Like… Katsura didn't know how to deal with the fact that he'd let Kondou fuck him and enjoyed it, so he was corralling the conversation off a whole different tangent, to an issue on which his feelings were clear. Katsura's hatred of the Bakufu was nearly writ in stone after all, so it provided a fine foundation on which to steady his psyche.
Kondou wondered for a second exactly how he himself was managing to deal with all this. Maybe because he was just that big of a pervert? Yes, he'd gotten annoyed a few times, but in the end he was still sitting here, willingly dealing with this man.
Was he just that shameless, that he had no problem admitting to himself that despite him being a man, despite him being a terrorist, despite having almost been murdered by him, Kondou was still pretty hot for Katsura right now? And in fact wanted to shut him up in the most perverted ways possible?
He drew his gaze over Katsura's naked body, stopping to note each and every bruise, every mark he'd made. The sight made a lump form in his throat. There were a lot of them and ALL over.
Katsura didn't seem to notice his gaze. The younger man obviously had no clue what he was doing to Kondou.
Kondou decided he wasn't going to take the attempted assassination too seriously. He knew Katsura well enough to know that if he wanted to kill someone, he'd do it easily enough. This had been little more than a love tap.
It was actually kind of twistedly cute, this little deadly tantrum Katsura had thrown. And now that he'd gotten that out of his system, the jouishishi did seem to be a little more docile, if still obnoxiously opinionated. But that was okay, Kondou was used to being around obnoxious assholes. There were plenty amongst the men of the Shinsengumi and then there was that Yorozuya bastard and the Mimawarigumi, not to mention Matsudaira tottsan and his friends. Katsura's obnoxiousness was comparatively mild.
Katsura continued to rant, with Kondou giving appropriate replies every now and then, but mostly the older man just watched as the young zealot sat naked on the bathroom floor, working himself up into a fanatical anti-establishment frenzy.
Thinking about it now, it was probably one of the things he liked about Katsura. Katsura had been just this riled up last night too and that had been nice. Whatever else Katsura might be, the man was passionate – in work and in play. His passion didn't make him any less confusing though.
Oh, now he was talking about taxes. What the hell? What was even going on in the jouishishi's pretty little bruised head? Maybe he had gotten brain damage after all? But Kondou knew Katsura well enough to know that this was just him. They were consistent enough enemies to have that kind of intimate knowledge about each other. So Kondou knew… Katsura was crazy, basically.
Well, yes, everyone knew that. Katsura was eccentric. But Kondou hadn't been sure it wasn't all an act until right now. But no, Katsura really was nuts.
And Kondou was just demented enough to still want to fuck him. It was amazing how much more appealing a person could be when sex entered the realm of possible interactions.
He did his best to sooth the obviously suffering (and insufferable) Joui rebel. Katsura had a peculiar way of making it seem like he needed to be taken care of (I'm the one who was almost strangled and Katsura needs to be taken care of? he thought wryly).
Kondou knew this was an illusion, Katsura was perfectly capable of managing on his own and his vulnerability was superficial at best. He wasn't even certain Katsura actually had any real feelings; his face certainly never betrayed any apart from anger and smugness. Even if he had feelings, Kondou was pretty sure Katsura was the kind of guy who could turn it off and on like a switch. But still, even the mere appearance of vulnerability touched Kondou's heart and he felt the urge to look after his young terrorist protégé.
To Katsura's credit, he didn't continue on his tirade for too much longer. "Fine," he said taking pity on Kondou when he asked pleadingly, "Can we just go to breakfast?"
Kondou handed the young man his clothes and went to wait outside. This was progress. Everything would be better after breakfast, he decided optimistically.