A/N: Hey guys sorry I haven't updated. I had this chapter written out but didn't get a chance to upload. Anyway hope you enjoy...or not...:)
When I woke the next morning to the sun streaming in through the window I winced shutting my eyes tightly.
I went to move into a more comfortable position only to groan in displeasure. I ached all over. Everything hurt and I just wished these cuts had been cleaned before because there was no way I'd be able to move for a few days without injuring myself further.
I faintly remembered Gamzee crushing my hand so when I tried to wiggle the fingers on that hand and found I couldn't I looked down to see that it had been wrapped up tightly in gauze.
Just that small thing had tears flowing down my cheeks. Even if everyone thought he was just an abusive monster to me he wasn't because I knew somewhere deep down he still cared for my well-being.
I wanted so badly to believe that he would come back to me one day...I wanted it so much that I stayed and let him do whatever he wished to me for so long just to have all that hope and wishing amount to nothing but pain and suffering for the guy i used to love and call my own. For the guy I used to want to spend my time with, the one I would have gone to the ends of the earth for.
Now though I see that even if a little part of him somewhere deep down cares like he used to I know it'll always just be that small part and he'll never fully return to me.
As I lay there in the bed alone with my thoughts I realize that the only thing I've ever really done in my life is wish and wish knowing none of them would ever come true knowing that they'd always be just that...wishes.
I knew in my heart that they'd never amount to anything but I just couldn't help myself. I wanted to believe that he was good-that he could be good-again. It was what i held onto for all these years yet I never quite realized just how deep in he was until now and now it's too late to save even myself.
An hour later as I stand in the entryway of the house a knife in my hand and tears streaming down my face I make my resolve. The only way this will ever end is if I'm gone.
I'm done with everything, with being toyed with and hurt so much because of a reason unbeknownst to me. I never asked for his never wanted it. I just hope that everyone I cared for can forgive me for this because it's all for them. I want to protect them from being hurt like me from being killed with his hands.
I don't want them to suffer as much as I did at his hands. I want them to be free and live on keeping me as a distant memory.
Even as I bring the blade across my arms in long deep jagged lines I still cry and keep his face in my mind reminding me why I'm doing this in the first place. I fall to my knees as i become unsteady the blood flowing freely out of my arms and pooling underneath me so i lie in a puddle of my own blood. My vision blurs as I fall backwards the knife slipping from my hand as my vision goes black and all I can think is that I hope om the first thing he sees when he walks through the door because I'm the one thing he thought he'd never lose. The one thing he held dear and treated like he was something special to him Severn though all I was was a simple toy that he liked to throw around and I see that now.
I see that now but at least I have one less thing to wish for because finally one came true and I'm no longer Wishing For Death.
A/N: So there it is. It's not over yet and I know it's short but the next chapter will be longer. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. :)