A/N: This chapter is not too exciting. Next chapter has Gintoki, so hopefully it's better.

I think my Katsura is a little too self-conscious. I've written him a little too normal or something. I honestly don't know what to do with him.

Anybody read the latest manga chapters? There has to be some more Kondou/Katsura out there by now with that kind of inspiration. If you know of any konzura, please let me know. I'm dying here. :(

Thanks all for your kind comments and favorites and follows and just reading in general. I hope you enjoy!

As promised, Kondou was waiting for him outside. Katsura couldn't say he was happy about that, but at the same time there was a certain contentment in knowing he hadn't been rudely abandoned on top of being rudely copulated with. Maybe even gorillas had their own code of honor and decency.

Side by side they started down the mostly empty late morning street. Kondou opened his mouth to speak to Katsura three times during the journey. Luckily, each time Katsura caught him and put a stop to it with a quiet glare full of deadly promise. Kondou, with uncharacteristically good judgment, abided by Katsura's wishes, and they walked the few blocks to the restaurant in blessed silence.

Still, Kondou was walking much too close to him, close enough that once in a while their hands brushed, each time driving a shiver of revulsion and shock up Katsura's spine (the gorilla generated a lot of static electricity it would seem; no wonder his hair stuck up like that). Concepts like personal space were obviously beyond the man's grasp. Only the knowledge of Kondou's half-witted nature and gorilla heritage kept the thoughts of violent retaliation at bay. He deserved pity, not punishment. For now. Apart from these small annoyances, Katsura could almost pretend they were nothing but a pair of strangers who happened to be going in the same direction.

On arrival at 'Battle Royal Host' family restaurant, Kondou hurried to open the door for Katsura. The jouishishi decided this deserved another look of rebuke. Upon receiving it, Kondou only smiled sheepishly. Katsura sighed. He didn't need this kind of chivalrous consideration from a cop, and it somehow only served to further irritate him. This was good though; he would hold on to these murderous feelings. They would come in handy in his future dealings with the gorilla.

Kondou didn't seem too concerned about the glares Katsura was sending his way, nor did he seem especially concerned to be seen sitting together with his nemesis when they were shown to a booth and slid in. As the waitress took their order and quickly brought out their food, Katsura himself reflected only briefly on the fact that this cheap restaurant was frequented by many people he knew. Worse than sleeping with Kondou would be people knowing he'd slept with Kondou. He wondered if anyone had noticed them leaving together last night. After breakfast he'd go make the rounds to suss out who knew what and then take care of any problematic elements.

Though he wouldn't mind if certain people would see them together here. Maybe an important official from the Bakufu? Fraternizing with the enemy? Ha, Kondou's head would roll. It would save Katsura the trouble. Kondou's assassination was still taking up space on his agenda that should have been reserved for more important Joui activities like Joui Laundry and Joui Grocery Shopping. It would be nice if someone came and put the gorilla out of his misery for him. He couldn't help but smile imagining it.

His eyes went to Kondou's neck. The finger shaped bruises he'd made there were covered up by the cravat of the Shinsengumi's uniform. He got the urge to reach over and pull the silk material down so he could take a peek at his handiwork. Hmph, next time I should hold him down with my knee so he can't roll, thought Katsura. Or maybe handcuffs. That would be poetic.

"You seem like you're feeling better," said Kondou.

Katsura dropped his dreamy smile to glare at the man sitting across from him. He was definitely going to have to deal with this pest himself. It was unlikely any high-ranking Bakufu official would come to such a dirty, cheap restaurant. Only stupid country bumpkin samurai like Kondou would frequent this place and further more bring a date here.

Ah, wait, a date? This is a date? That didn't sound right.

"What's better?" said Katsura, deciding to save that debate for when Kondou wasn't sitting in front of him being irritating. Stupid gorilla, the least he could do was acknowledge his own role in causing Katsura all this distress. Instead he was acting like Katsura was just recovering from a long illness or something! "The only way I'll feel better is if we find a time machine. Ah, I think I finally understand Gintoki's feelings."

Kondou watched him, his chin resting in his hand.

"I can't build a time machine," said the gorilla. "But this can mean as much or as little as you want it to. Tell me what you want to do and we'll go with that."

"Obviously I'd go with the 'as little as possible' option," said Katsura, suddenly feeling substantially more annoyed. If the gorilla was going to go so far as to seduce him like this, then he should at least be serious about it. Kondou wasn't even making any kind of effort. He was just laying all the responsibility on Katsura like it was no big deal at all to the stupid Shinsengumi Commander.

Look at this breakfast, thought Katsura, stabbing discontentedly at the cold toast, small plate of soggy egg scramble and overcooked sausage before him. He wouldn't treat his enemies to such a pitiful breakfast, let alone the person he'd taken sexual advantage of. This was barely half a course! Where was the miso? Where were the rice and the tamagoyaki? Who could eat this plate of grease so early in the morning?

This breakfast didn't say 'I'm sorry'. This breakfast didn't say 'I was wrong'. This breakfast said 'get heart disease and die suffering'.

He shouldn't have been so stubborn about maintaining his irritated silence while the waitress was taking their order. This gorilla was useless. And surprisingly malicious. Kondou was supposed to be trying to make him feel better, not give him indigestion. Now he just felt cheap. No deadbeat piece of Bakufu scum was going to treat the famous Katsura Kotaro like this!

"Okay. Then it was just a drunken mistake. I don't mind pretending it never happened. I'm already over it," said Kondou. "No big deal."

"You… you weren't the one who… who… had things done to him all night!" said Katsura, making sure to blush real hard to preserve the illusion of modesty and stir up Kondou's guilt. "It is a big deal!"

"Oi, I was there just as much as you, and you did plenty to me too. So stop yelling at me when I'm just doing what you said you wanted. I know it's a big deal, I think so too! I was just trying to make you feel better!"

"That… you…," said Katsura.

"So, what?" said Kondou. "Are you changing your mind? Was it more than just something to forget? What do you want to do?"

"I… I don't know! Stop asking so many questions!" said Katsura scowling. He felt like he was being interrogated by this dirty cop. He was usually good at interrogations, but he couldn't seem to keep his composure this time. "Yes! Yes, it was more! Take responsibility for your actions!"

That sounded about right. That was how it was done in the dramas he watched anyway. Now, Kondou would be forced to make amends. In dramas that usually involved nineteen more episodes of emotional rollercoasters and love hijinks concluding in an elaborate engagement or wedding.

In this case perhaps Kondou could just become Katsura's errand boy for life. He didn't want to go even one more episode with Kondou, let alone nineteen, but he couldn't let Kondou get away with this so easily. His chastity had been so cruelly ripped from him; that was no small matter.

He was supposed to be living an austere, pure and righteous jouishishi life. Only a pure heart could defeat the filthy and diseased Bakufu. And now the gorilla had ruined him. Kondou had doomed the entire country all in one night, defiling an important hero like Katsura. He looked around the restaurant suspiciously.

Or maybe this was a Bakufu trap from the start. Gorilla warfare so to speak. The disgusting, immoral Bakufu had sent Kondou to demoralize him. Well, he'd show them. He wasn't demoralized at all! In fact he was happy! Revitalized even! He'd had a great time!

"It's not like I'm demoralized or anything, it's not even a big deal!" continued Katsura loudly, reversing course once more. "I'm very happy and revitalized! I had a great time and wasn't affected at all! I'm still the same Jouishishi I've always been. I'll never give up!"

"Uh… huh," said Kondou hesitantly, his eyebrows scrunching up to leave him looking even more like a clueless gorilla than usual. "Um, so… I can do that. Take responsibility I mean. If you want to be in a… a… c-committed relationship—" he continued while rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding Katsura's gaze.

Well, 'great time' was probably pushing it. As was 'happy'.

"Who said anything about a committed relationship!" said Katsura. The only relationship he would be having with Kondou now was that of master and indentured servant.

Katsura pushed the small plate of half-eaten food away from him and sat back, folding his arms over his chest. He turned his head haughtily, refusing to look at the bit of bad luck sitting across from him.

"Then what—"

"Offer me something better, if you want my forgiveness," said Katsura.

"Your forgiveness…?"

He turned back to look at Kondou once more. "Something like… you'll buy me soba for a year or hand over your government secrets. Or you'll dismantle the Shinsengumi or stay by my side at my beck and call and do as I say for the rest of our lives."

"That sounds like you're asking me to propose…," said Kondou. "I mean… if that's what you want… I… uh."

"What? No."

"Well, I mean if you want me to leave the Shinsengumi to stay by your side… that's… um…. I mean, Toshi would make a great Commander but… um…"

"Not leave, dismantle. Dismantle! And I meant at my feet! Not by my side!" Why did the gorilla look so nervous all of a sudden? Now this was beginning to bother Katsura.

Wasn't Kondou the one who wanted a committed relationship, why shouldn't he propose? Not that Katsura would say yes or anything, but Kondou would be lucky to have a fiancé who was a full-blooded human let alone one so far out of his league.

"So… you're saying you want me at your feet… like to worship you? For the rest of my life?" Kondou was blushing now and looking even more nervous.

"That's right!" said Katsura getting fired up. He was fed up with the gorilla's wishy-washy attitude.

So Katsura was okay to use for sexual gratification but not good enough to marry? Not good enough to worship like the god he was relative to Kondou's lowly station in life? How dare a worthless gorilla like Kondou look less than ecstatic to make a catch like Katsura his bride! Or his idol!

"That's right. Worship me. Get on your knees like the dog you are," continued Katsura.

"Well, I guess… I mean yeah, I think I could get into that kind of play…."

"It's… it's not any kind of play, you degenerate!" said Katsura blushing, now with frustration.

"Then what is it?"

"It's penance," said Katsura. It was like talking to a… well, a gorilla.

"Why do I need to do that?"

Though, even a gorilla should have better communication skills than this. They even knew sign language these days, didn't they?

"To earn my forgiveness," explained Katsura.

"Why do I need your forgiveness? That's not something I want!"

"Of course you want it, after what you did."

"What did I do? We both did it, it wasn't just me. I don't know how you got it in your head that I'm sorry or something!"

"What do you mean you're not sorry!" said Katsura.

"I'm not sorry we had sex last night!" said Kondou.

"Shhh!" said Katsura as people around the restaurant started looking in their direction.

Kondou continued in a hushed, albeit agitated tone, "I'm not trying to apologize for anything! Actually, I really enjoyed it!"

Katsura blushed for the third time, this time out of plain old embarrassment. "It's not about enjoying it! It shouldn't have happened in the first place!"

"You're the one who propositioned me," said Kondou.

"You should know better than to go along with something like that," scolded Katsura. "Don't be so naïve. We're enemies. What if it was a trick and I was planning to assassinate you?"

"You DID try to assassinate me," said Kondou.

"I thought we agreed that that was your fault," said Katsura.

"I don't remember having that conversation."

"I decided for both of us while you were waiting outside."

"I see…," said Kondou. "You know, there's nothing wrong with what we did."

"Everything about it was wrong. Maybe it's alright for moral-less country bumpkin samurai, but I don't know why you had to go and drag an upstanding citizen like me down with you into the depths of depravity."

Kondou gave him an impassive look. "Bullshit. What we did was perfectly natural for two adults to do. We BOTH enjoyed it, and that's how it should be. We don't have to be ashamed about it, and you don't have to be so defensive."

Kondou continued quickly as Katsura opened his mouth to protest. "That said, I get that you're upset. That's why I'm asking you what you want to do now."

"You're the one who seems to be the expert on this sort of situation. You tell me," muttered Katsura grumpily. Kondou's absolute acceptance was irritating. Couldn't Kondou read the mood? They were supposed to be horrified and embarrassed TOGETHER. Now Kondou was abandoning him, leaving Katsura looking like an overreacting fool. This gorilla was sneakier than he'd suspected.

"I'm not sure either. To be honest, I've never really gotten this far… the girls I've been with would have already walked out on me by now."

Of course they would. Who would want to be saddled with a gorilla?

"But… maybe we could see each other again. I mean, it doesn't have to be serious," continued Kondou. "But it might be fun."

It doesn't have to be serious? This sort of cavalier attitude was the worst. Rather than concluding with Kondou in the palm of his hand, why had this turned into some kind of sordid enemies with benefits kind of situation?

"It's not fun. It's immoral, cheap, and empty," said Katsura.

"It's not! It'll be fun, I promise! It's not empty. I mean, we could get to know each other a little. Get to understand each other. It doesn't have to be just sex. It couldn't hurt, getting to know the person you're fighting against."

Kondou was very persistent. Must be the stalker in him, surmised Katsura. It might not be a bad idea getting to know one's enemy like this. Feel out his weaknesses. Learn his secrets. Plant some bombs.

Wait a second, what was that part about 'just sex'? Kondou thought he was going to have sex with Katsura again? The gorilla was more delusional than he'd thought. Katsura was not the kind of man who would keep making the same mistake over and over again. And sleeping with that Bakufu dog could be nothing but a mistake. Maybe he could just string Kondou along at arm's length until he'd finished spying?

"Um, so what do you think?" said Kondou while Katsura dwelled in his thoughts. "It might be nice if we could get to a point where we're not trying to kill each other every time we meet, especially considering last night."

Speaking of killing each other, there was still that assassination to consider too.

"I mean, I would feel kind of awkward fighting against someone I've slept with," said Kondou.

The gorilla made a good point. But he didn't know how letting Kondou turn him into a sexual deviant like Kondou himself was going to help them understand each other, let alone make things less awkward.

"Maybe we'll even become friends," Kondou continued, with an encouraging smile. "It's not like we've never been friendly even before last night. We work pretty well together when we have to. And… well last night too. I think we were pretty compatible. So how about it? Wanna give it a try?"

The more he thought about it, Katsura began regretting his decision to stick around. He wasn't demoralized, but that didn't mean he should subject himself to further torture. The sooner he could forget this, the better.

A clever Bakufu plot was pretty farfetched, if the dumb, optimistic look on Kondou's face was anything to go by. And assassinating Kondou, while a fun idea, would just lead to that humorless, maniac, chain smoking Hijikata taking over the Shinsengumi. Katsura didn't need that so-called Demon causing him any more trouble than he was already.

And Kondou's idea to build some kind of friendship was just too naive.

Why was he even trying to get involved with an idiot like this? Was it really necessary to waste his precious brain cells thinking so hard for the sake of something so ultimately inconsequential? Maybe he should ask Elizabeth what to do. His friend had more experience with tawdry affairs.

Anyway, it was time to do what Katsura did best and make a run for it.

"I'm leaving," said Katsura, not caring one bit for whatever Kondou was going to babble on about next. He slid out of the booth and quickly headed toward the exit.

"Wait! Uh…," said Kondou. "I'll call you?"

Katsura stopped to narrow his eyes and glare at the gorilla one last time. "Don't you dare," he hissed before he turned and walked out the door.