-Authors note-
Content warning: a character has a panic attack.
Ken's smile faded soon after watching Davis leave as the reality of what he had done set in. He began driving to Kari's house.
As Ken thought about Yolei his heart rate went up. He would have to tell her what he had done eventually. She would be so hurt. Ken didn't want to hurt her. How would she react? What if she didn't forgive him? What if she wanted a divorce? What if she took the kids?
As ken thought about his children he felt his heart sink into his stomach. 'What have I done?' Ken thought as tears went down his face and he gasped for breathe. He was actually panicking now, 'how did i let myself fall for Davis?' He was panicking so much that he had to pull over until he could get himself to stop hyperventilating and stop his heart from racing through his chest. Ken held his face in his sweating hands and tried to take slow deep breaths, eventually he felt calm enough to drive again, or maybe he just tired himself out so much that it felt like it.
After what felt like hours Ken arrived at Kari's, completely emotionally drained. He tried to pull himself together as he walked to her doorstep.
'Hi ken, come in' Kari gestured Ken into the lounge room.
Just being in Kari's presence made Ken feel more calm, she was such a warm and nice person that she tended to have that effect on people. Ken delicately set himself down in one of the recliner chairs and Kari sat in the other.
'Would you like some tea Ken?'
'N-no, that's alright' Ken was still slightly short of breath..and slightly felt like he didn't deserve tea.
'Are you okay Ken? You seem a bit flustered'.
I kind of had a panic attack before I came over, I'm fine now though'.
'Oh no..well, I'm glad you are feeling better, what happened?'
'It doesn't matter' said Ken avoiding eye contact with Kari. 'I was just worrying, you know me'.
'Yeah..' said Kari as she looked down for a moment and moved uncomfortably in her chair.
'Ken, I...I don't quite know how to say this, so Im just going to say it'
Kari started fiddling with her hands and nails, a nervous habit.
'I-i was in Taba district today-'
Once Kari had said that Ken went straight back to how he was before, a nervous mess.
'And I...and I saw you kissing Davis in book house'. 'I was going to get to new book-'
'Oh my god oh my god oh my god' muttered Ken agonizingly as he shrunk down so much that you could tell he just wanted to curl up in a ball.
Kari continued 'I didn't really know what to do, I was so shocked, I just left'.
'Have you told Yolei?' asked Ken as he looked at his shaking hands, wondering if he was about to watch his family that he built fall apart.
'No' said Kari quite seriously 'I sure thought about it though'.
Ken felt a twinge of relief but it wasn't enough to make him feel much better.
Kari sighed as her appearance softened. 'Why did you do it ken? If you and Yolei were having issues you could have talked to me about it'.
'We aren't having any issues' said ken shakily.
'I'm just a stupid selfish person' he choked as tears forms his eyes. 'I love her so much, why would I do this to her?' He sobbed 'I should have just stopped talking to him when I realized'.
Even though it was true that Kari was more Yolei's friend than Ken's, she still cared for him a lot.
Kari instinctively moved to sit on the floor in front of Ken's chair, it made her slightly less intimidating in this moment.
'I don't think that you're stupid Ken, I never have' she reassured. 'This is a bit of a mess though'.
'That's an understatement' murmured Ken, calming down.
'How long has this thing with Davis been going on?' Kari asked as she crossed her legs to get more comfortable.
'I just kissed him today, but I don't know how long i've seen him as more than a friend though'.
There was a silence as Kari thought this over.
'I'm in love with him Kari!' 'But I know that I shouldn't be'.
'To be honest Ken, I don't understand how you could be in love with somebody who just left you to have Germany...or Australia. He didn't even bother to keep in contact, it felt like he had no regard for your feelings, I was so angry at him for how much he hurt you back then. It felt like Yolei and I were left to pick up his mess.'
Kari put her hand on his knee in a caring manner. 'Its just...you were so sad for so long when he left you, when he left us'.
'And when you made up with him i was worried that because you are such a kind person maybe you would be seeing him as more perfect than he is, or forgiving him more easily than he deserves.
Ken tried to think about what Kari had said but all he could think of was how perfect being with Davis felt and that made it feel like Davis was perfect. Like the time when he left him didn't happen.
'You don't understand...there was a reason why Davis left' Ken interjected.
Even though he felt somewhat like he was betraying Davis by doing so, Ken explained to Kari what Davis had told him that night by the fireplace in Australia. What's some more guilt on top of all the guilt he was already feeling.
'Wow, I didn't know that...so wait...Davis never actually liked me?' Kari said trying to lighten the mood after he had told her.
Ken lightly giggled but went back to being serious almost right after.
'The thing is though...I know that maybe it feels romantic, but if you ask my opinion, I think it's still selfish' Remarked Kari.
'How do you figure?' Ken leaned towards her.
'Well, there is something about chasing after unrequited love for years. Its almost like their obsession with you matters more than you. Its an almost childish sort of love.'
She continued 'And instead of having enough respect to assume that you knew what you wanted when you were with Yolei he assumed that your judgment of your own feelings must be wrong and that you must like him instead.'
'He aplogized for that'. Ken informed her.
'Yes but still, I know that it hurt him to be here while you married Yolei, but he wasn't losing you, you were still there to be his best friend, he was losing the fantasy of you, the fantasy of being romantically with you and in the end he chose that if he was going to lose that, he wanted to lose the real you too.'
Kari paused for a moment then added 'Even though he's in love with you, I just don't know if its quite as honorable as Yolei's love for you, or even your love for either of them...maybe more passionate, but not as deep.'
Ken was sitting there in stunned silence. Kari often acted quite motherly towards Ken and Yolei and this was one of those times. Ken often noticed how Kari had gotten more opinionated as she got older, or maybe she had just become more confident about offering her opinion when important things happen.
Kari continued 'I don't like being harsh, it makes me feel bad, but people like you and me often get lost trying to see the best in people, maybe its just what having the crests of light and kindness does' she smiled 'we need to look after each other'.
'...But, he really seems like he's sorry for dissapearing like he did, like he understands that it was wrong'
'That may be so. I just wanted to make sure that you are acknowledging, not glossing over what he has done before you forgive him.' To further express her point she added 'You had to spend your honeymoon in tears about being abandoned by your best friend, instead of enjoying it like you deserved to. While Yolei was there, not making you feel bad about it, just giving you the love you deserved.
Kari finished quietly 'I'm just saying, there is actually a lot to forgive and if you are having trouble deciding who you love more...well... Yolei never did anything like that to you.'
'You've...given me a lot to think about' said Ken.
'Yes...well, I guess that's mostly what I wanted to say to you.'
'Ok, um... I guess I should head home if that's alright. Also, thanks for telling me before Yolei, it means a lot' Ken said while walking out of the lounge room.
'You do know that you have to tell Yolei right?' Kari reminded him.
'Yes' he replied guiltily.
'At least it was just a kiss, I'm fairly sure Yolei would forgive you...if you want her forgiveness that is'. 'I know you'll make the right choice' Kari added as she hugged Ken goodbye.
Ken was astounded by how understanding Kari could be at times. She didn't even get angry at him. Even though he felt like he deserved it.
He drove home still thinking about Davis, but he felt like he was being somewhat more critical of their relationship, like he was taking off the rose tinted glasses to try to see him more accurately. Which was hard to do since he was still just as in love with him. Kari had made him try though.
He didn't quite agree with every thing that Kari had said, but some of it. Kari was very much for holding people accountable who hurt her loved one's. This was just her being motherly and protective.
Ken tended to be a bit more forgiving than her. How could he not, after Davis and everybody forgave him for being the digimon emperor. He saw just how much forgiveness could mean to somebody.
He was also slightly more sympathetic than Kari about how hard it would have been for Davis to stay here while he married Yolei. This was because Ken knew Davis to be a lot more sensitive than he let on to most people. He might act tough, but Ken knows that he's not.
Ken arrived home to a dark house, it seemed that everybody was asleep He tip toed into the bedroom and began removing his clothes. He was thinking about how earlier Davis's hands had been all over them.
When he was down to his underwear he delicately climbed into bed, careful not to wake his sleeping wife. He eventually fell asleep with an arm around her and his face in her hair that was the color of beautiful flowers. He felt relaxed as he breathed in the familiar smell of his wife's hair that was somewhat like talcum powder. It was safe, it was familiar, it was like home.
The family had breakfast together as normal. Ken didn't want to keep lying to his wife, he would stop. But today he had called in sick work and his family wasn't going to know about it.
"Is it still okay if I come and see you today?" Ken texted.
"Yeah dude, I was just going to be hanging out in my hotel room today if you wanted to come around" Davis replied.
'Hey ken, could you grab some bread on your way home from work I ran out'
'Sure Yolei' Ken smiled uncomfortably as he finished his toast.
'Well, I should be going' he said as he stood up and brushed his hair with his fingers'.
'Bye honey' Yolei whispered as she kissed him goodbye.
The elevator arrived at level 22 and Ken exited promptly. He looked around the blank hallway for Davis's room until he noticed a door that was ajar with a tanned hand waving out of it.
'Hey ken' Davis said warmly as he went to hug him. It was of those hugs where he held him tight and kind of swayed him from side to side. It was actually one of the best hugs he'd given him.
'Hey Davis' said Ken with his head on Davis's shoulder, a smile almost formed on his face but he didn't let it.
'I've been watching this show about people who raise lions, wanna watch?' Davis lead ken into his spacious hotel room and to the couch.
'Ok'. '...I've never seen the inside of one of these hotels before, it must be nice to stay at'.
'Yeah is awesome! I've got gym, room service, even a buffet downstairs'. 'You wanna get room service?'
'No that's ok' Ken declined politely.
After watching the tv for a bit Ken spoke up 'Davis, you know I didn't just come here today to watch TV with you right?'
'Yeah,..I know' Davis replied somewhat nervously.
Ken noticed Davis's slight discomfort but continued. 'You've made me so happy, you are my best friend and I really love you Davis'.
'I love you t-'
'But, I need to not love you' Ken interrupted.
The light left Davis's eyes a bit.
'I have a wife and a family and I have to put them first.' Ken stated sadly.
'I kinda figured it might be like that' Davis sighed, hunching his shoulders in a way that made him look a lot less confident than usual. 'Even though to be honest a part of me was hoping you were just coming to hang out...or that it would be like last night'. Davis smiled slightly at ken but still had a lot of sadness and dissapointment in his eyes. 'But I said I don't want to be the guy to break up your family and I meant that'.
'So I understand' Davis added as he put his hand on Ken's knee and tried to force a more confident posture. 'At least we will still be friends'.
Ken broke his eye contact with Davis and cast his gaze to the floor and anxiously fiddled with the couch fabric while he tried to figure out how to tell Davis.
'We'll still be friends right?'
'I don't know' Ken whimpered. He was trying to not get emotional.
But so was Davis. When Ken looked at his eyes he could see that he was putting a lot of effort into holding back tears, this didn't stop his eyes from looking watery and red. He kept trying to smile but it didn't match his eyes.
'To be honest i don't think I will be able to get over being in love with you unless we have time apart'.
'Well, I got to do that, so I guess its only fair really' sighed Davis.
'You know, I love you and more than anything I love your presence in my life, as my best friend, that's what's most important I guess' Davis said, again attempting a mismatched smile.
He takes Ken's hand for the last time as he let's a tear fall.
...
...
'So you do what you have to do
...
...
and I'll wait for you
...
...
and when you're ready
...
...
i'll be there
...
...
to be your friend'.
...
...
'Thank you Davis'.