Disclaimer: Vampire Knight does not, has not, or will not ever belong to me. I only ask that nobody takes my characters or ideas.

Not my Time
A Vampire Knight Fanfiction

Chapter Eleven: In the Library on a Saturday

The next morning I woke up so well-rested that I could recall neither the reason I had fallen asleep in my clothes, nor the reason for my pillow being wet. It wasn't until I reached for my sketchbook that I remembered what had occurred the previous night.

Ichijou had seen. He knew. He was holding my sketchbook ransom – blackmailing me with my prized possession.

I attempted to reassure myself by claiming that the drawings in my sketchbook were not necessarily indicative of a bad situation, and I briefly considered telling Ichijou that the drawings were merely a product of my imagination. However, this excuse was perhaps worse than simply telling him the truth due to the more disturbing images my sketchbook contained. And besides, Ichijou would be smart enough to see through my lies.

For a while I considered my other options. I could beat Ichijou to the punch by immediately admitting my past to the headmaster. Surely he wouldn't send me back after Kaname had gone out of his way to have the headmaster granted permission to obtain custody of me. What really concerned me was that the headmaster would attempt to have my father kept as far from me as possible. He might even try to have my father brought up on charges of child abuse.

Strange as it sounded, I was loyal to my father. Sometimes I dreamt about better times with him. These dreams occurred especially on days or nights when I had been so hurt by his actions that I considered putting an end to my misery.

The good times were truly good, and my father had never been hit-or-miss emotion-wise until my mother had been killed in that car accident. He might not have been entirely responsible; he continuously hired people whom he believed to 'have a good heart' rather than people who actually knew a thing or two about horses. But his ability to see the good in others merely allowed others to see the good in him. Nobody liked to disappoint him, not because he would become angry, but because he would become sad… Making my father sad was not like making Headmaster Cross sad. With Headmaster Cross, the sadness comes and goes easily, but with my father, the sadness was silent and could affect his entire day.

My father's sadness over my mother's death was enough to affect the rest of his life.

This analysis of my father was how I rationalized my father's painful behavior. Whenever he did something cruel, I would tell myself that he was too lost in grief to realize his actions. When he told me that things would be better if I was not always in his way, I would convince myself that he was embarrassed by his inability to function with his grief.

My father needed me to help him function. How could I have let myself leave him? True, towards the end of my stay with him, he had become even more difficult to live with. Even staying in the apartment above our largest barn had not prevented me from being on the receiving end of my father's 'grief.'

The truth was that those last few months with my father had intensified to the point that I was literally fearing for my life each time I journeyed up to our farmhouse to check on my father's condition. The fear was so great that many days I would procrastinate or simply decide it was not worth the effort to ensure that my father still had food in the house, or that the house was still intact.

I recalled how terrifying it was to finally travel back to that farmhouse – filled with good intentions – and then being forced to entrench myself in our attic because of my father's wrath. Sometimes I would spend days gaining the courage necessary to flee back to the safety of the barn.

Initially after I was brought to Japan, I had simply been too numb with relief to consider the odd circumstances which had brought me to Japan in the first place. And not once had I bothered to spare a thought for my father's health or the state of our farm.

I would love to say that the state of the farm no longer mattered because my father simply was not worth the risk of staying, but the fact remained that Kidd also needed me. Instead of me being the innocent victim, now my poor horse was left neglected.

A sudden irrational hatred for Kaname rose within myself. If he had not taken me away, I could personally ensure that all was well on my beloved farm. I had suffered with my father so many times before Kaname had appeared; I hadn't needed him to rescue me. In fact, I found it horribly unfair that he had taken me so far from my home without even giving me the decency of choice. And then, on top of it all, he had decided that I would be better off living under Kaien Cross' roof than my own brother's. Who was he to decide? We were strangers to each other!

He was using me for something, but I didn't know what.

As I sorted through my feelings, I was carelessly oblivious to what time it was. I was jolted back to reality when someone knocked on my door.

"Lily-chan?" It was Yori speaking. "Are you all right in there? It's nearly lunchtime, and you haven't left your room."

I glanced at the alarm clock on my nightstand, and realized she was right. Hastily, I grabbed some fresh clothes, and began pulling them on as I answered, "I overslept… I've been so tired the past few days. I'm coming."

As I stepped out of my room, Yori commented, "You aren't looking very well. Have you been crying?"

Reaching up, I realized my eyes were still puffy from crying all night. "I'm fine," I insisted. "Really. It's just that new unit in geometry; it's making me so frustrated! I stayed up all night trying to teach it to myself, but I only became more confused! It's ridiculous!"

It was true; the more I attempted to teach myself the content in our new unit, the more Yuuki's notes made sense. Especially the scrawled "everything equals one!" at the bottom of the page. I'd have better luck proving that aliens existed than understanding this unit.

I really hope aliens don't exist. If any more supposed myths turn out to be true, I swear that I'll have an aneurism. It's more than my tiny human mind can grasp.

Yori began to explain the new geometry unit – apparently she actually thinks this unit is easy – but all her explanation does is make me feel as if I'm attempting to walk through a tornado. Finally I managed to change the subject by pointing at a random object and saying, "I never noticed that… chicken before! That's so cool!"

Seeming to catch my drift, Yori abandoned her attempt to explain the geometry unit.

I didn't tell her or Yuuki about how Ichijou wanted to meet me in the library later. Not only would they have asked why I would be meeting Ichijou in the library at night, but Yuuki probably would immediately run and tell Kaname (or the headmaster, who would then tell Kaname).

After eating lunch, I pretended that I wanted to go study in the headmaster's living room. The real reason I was heading to the headmaster's living room was because my brother was supposed to call me this afternoon, and I didn't want to miss his call.

Once in the living room, I lay down on the couch, and dozed. Without my sketchbook, I didn't feel much like doing anything. I felt as if a part of me had been torn away; the thought of my sketchbook being so far out of my reach was enough to depress me any day.

After what felt like years, the phone rang. I raced to get it, and remembered just in time that it might not be Kit at all.

"Cross Academy," I said into the receiver.

"Hey Lily," came Kit's voice from the other end.

"Kit! Is Kidd all right? Does he have water? Did he run off! Oh, no, don't tell me he's gone!" I exclaimed, panic rising as I considered all the possible scenarios.

"Lily, I just got the rental car. I'm not at the farm yet," Kit told me. "I just wanted to let you know that I arrived safely."

I had a difficult time keeping myself from exclaiming, "Well! Hurry up! I don't care if you got to the city safely; it's the farm I'm worried about!"

Finally I replied with a safe, "Oh. All right. Let me know how Kidd is when you get to the farm, okay?"

"I will, Lily," Kit assured me. "I've got to go. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye," I replied, hanging up the receiver dismally.

How could I possibly assure Ichijou I was all right when I was still worried sick about my lazy (but beautiful) gelding? What was more concerning to me was that if I went to meet him, I would probably miss the call from my brother about Kidd's condition.

Torn, I glanced at the clock in the headmaster's living room. Day Class students were allowed access to the library between eight in the morning and four in the afternoon. It was almost four now, so if I didn't want to arouse suspicion, I needed to head to the library now.

For a brief moment I hesitated. While my secret and sketchbook were important to me, Kidd meant more to me than the entire universe. However, Ichijou's threat to give my sketchbook to the headmaster finally terrified me into running at top speed to the library, and climbing up to the second story in order to hide until the Day Class had vacated the premises.

Hidden amongst the bookshelves and a couple of comfortable armchairs and tables, I gazed down at the lower-level of the library. Everything was empty. I watched as the librarian disappeared through the library's double-doors before leaving my hiding place.

For a while I walked around the library, occasionally tapping the spine of a book, or flipping through an interesting looking novel. I was more bored at first, but as time came closer to eight, I began to become a bit edgy. Afraid of what Ichijou thought, or what I might unintentionally tell him, I retreated to my previous hiding spot on the second floor.

When Ichijou finally entered the library about an hour later, he peered around the library, as if looking for me, then finally sat at a small, round table on the lower-level. He pulled out what looked like my sketchbook, as well as a manga that he'd brought with him.

I did not move from my spot. I wanted to see how long Ichijou would wait before deciding he'd given me enough time.

An hour passed. Then two.

Ichijou stood, and for a moment I tensed, ready to leap off the second story and onto the lower-level, but then I realized he had left my sketchbook on the table. He wasn't leaving yet. He had only walked to a nearby bookcase to choose something else to read.

Another hour. And another.

I could hear Ichijou sigh down below, and watched as he glanced up toward the entrance to the library again. I wondered how he couldn't possibly noticed my presence. Shouldn't I smell different to them or something? Maybe that was only if I were bleeding.

Around one in the morning, I finally withdrew myself from my hiding place and made my way down to the lower-level. Ichijou didn't look up, which actually helped me maintain my confidence until I was only a few bookcases from him. At that moment, I lost my nerve, and ducked down one of the nearby aisles.

It took me only a moment to chastise myself for my cowardice. The only way to get my sketchbook back was to cowgirl up and approach Ichijou.

Heaving a large, but silent, sigh, I stepped out from the aisle. I approached Ichijou who was facing away from me, and moved slightly to his left to take the seat with the most direct access to the exit.

I expected Ichijou to notice me, but he seemed entirely immersed into the book he was reading, so I simply pulled back the chair and sat down. Even after that Ichijou didn't notice me, and I finally had to interrupt his reading with a soft, "Ichijou-senpai."

I had certainly not expected him to jump when I'd addressed him. I was so startled by him being startled that I ended up jumping, too.

"Lily-chan! How long have you been there?" Ichijou exclaimed. I was relieved that he seemed to be his usual self tonight. I had expected him to be more intimidating.

"I just sat down," I told him. "I was on the second floor for a few hours."

"That's odd… I should have been able to…" he shook his head. He placed a hand on top of my sketchbook, then told me, "Lily-chan…"

"It's really fine now that I'm here," I interrupted.

Ichijou still seemed worried. "I know you're fine now," he acknowledged. "I understand that, but, Lily-chan, what if your father were to attempt to take you back? Unless it is known that your father is unstable, he could re-take custody of you easily."

I hesitated for a moment. Although I didn't want to admit it, Ichijou was right. The headmaster would probably be ecstatic if he discovered my father was alive. He'd be sad for himself, but excited that I would be able to be with my family. Then I recalled that my father hadn't even noticed my older sister leaving, and I felt more confident when I answered, "My father probably doesn't know I'm gone. I almost never saw him during my last few months living on our horse-farm anyway."

"I still think you ought to tell the headmaster," Ichijou insisted. "Just so he's aware of your situation."

"I don't want to tell anyone else," I replied in an even-tone. "And I'm not going to."

"Lily-chan, I think it would be a mistake not to tell someone about this," Ichijou told me, stubbornly. "Don't you realize how serious this situation is? You could be killed!"

Anger overtook me, and I fought with myself to keep a cool head. Still not quite managing to control my emotion, I reminded Ichijou tersely, "I think I know better than you what my situation is; having dealt with it for the past ten years. You learned about it from my sketchbook."

Ichijou remained silent, and didn't seem taken aback by my anger. He seemed to have been expecting it to surface at some point. Finally he asked, "Didn't you have any relatives who could have taken you away from your father?"

I nodded without looking at him. "My brother wanted to take me, but I wouldn't let him," I admitted. "He was about to leave for a university in Hamburg, Germany."

Ichijou didn't seem reassured by my self-sacrificing attitude, but he didn't address his concern. "Was there anyone else who could have taken you in? Your grandparents?"

I shook my head. "I think my mother's parents are living somewhere in the middle-east, and my father's father went off to work with extremely aggressive horses, and he was killed. My grandmother disappeared after that," I replied, feeling a bit calmer now that Ichijou wasn't accusing me of stupidity.

"You didn't have any aunts or uncles?" he asked, as if he were certain there was somebody in my family who could have helped me escape my father's wrath.

In the middle of shaking my head, I remembered my father's sister. "Oh. There was crazy Aunt Icicle, I mean Isis," I corrected myself, blushing slightly. "Even if I had remembered her, I wouldn't have wanted to go live with her. She raises Suffolk Punch horses outside of Kaktovik, Alaska."

"Why not?" Ichijou asked. "Why wouldn't you have wanted to live with her?"

I shrugged. "She hates when the temperature gets higher than fifty degrees Fahrenheit," I replied. "I don't mind the cold, but I have no intention of moving to Alaska." After a brief pause, I added, "I also don't know her that well. Really all I know is that she's my father's younger sister."

"Your family didn't mention her?" asked Ichijou.

"They had a falling out when I was born," I answered. "She sent a bow and arrows as a baby present. Needless to say, my parents were not pleased. And it didn't really improve matters when they finally decided to visit her for Midwinter when I was five, and then I went missing for ten days."

Ichijou's eyes widened. "Ten days? What happened? Were you kidnapped?" he asked.

I regretted telling him immediately. The truth was that I never could recall the events of those ten days. Most of the time I was not certain I had truly gone missing at all. It felt like a prank the entire community of Kaktovik, Alaska had decided to play on me, or as if my parents had made it up in order to never visit Aunt Isis again.

"I can't remember… It's just darkness," I told him.

Ichijou didn't respond. Finally he simply handed my sketchbook back to me. "I still think you should tell the headmaster about your father," he told me. "But I'll leave that decision to you, unless something happens." He stood, and I followed suite. He smiled at me, but he seemed to be forcing himself to appear happier than he was. "Lily-chan, Aidou and Kain normally study in one of the classrooms around this time. Go find them, so they can take you back to your dorm."

I wanted to ask him why he couldn't take me back, but he was already halfway to the exit. He didn't seem to want to have me ask why he suddenly needed to leave, and I had a sneaking suspicion that he was going to see Kaname.

I walked slowly out of the library, then wandered down the halls searching for the room Aidou and Kain were using. They might not even be here. I really ought to just go back to my dorm by myself. I could already be in bed by now if I hadn't started wandering around…

Just as I was passing a classroom on my way to the exit, the door slammed open, and I jumped nearly a foot into the air, turned, and saw Aidou standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing in the school on a Saturday evening?" Aidou asked.

"Uhh… I fell asleep in the library while studying for geometry. Ichijou-senpai found me, and told me to locate you and Kain to take me back to my dorm," I told him.

He looked a bit surprised, as if he were trying to understand why Ichijou wouldn't have taken me back to my dorm himself. Finally he told me, "Kain and I aren't finished studying. Come in, and we'll take you back when we've finished."

"Actually, I think I'll just head back on my own…" I began to say, but Aidou grabbed my arm when I started turning away.

"If he said he wanted you to be escorted, you should listen to him," Aidou told me. His tone was serious for once. "We won't be long. We're just finishing up."

He pulled me into the room, and shut the door before releasing me. I went and sat a few rows from the door. As Kain and Aidou resumed studying, I pulled out my sketchbook.

Although I trusted Ichijou mostly, I still wanted to ensure that all of my drawings were still in my sketchbook. Some of the drawings were difficult to determine missing since I sometimes repeated different sketches in order to improve them. I still couldn't decide how many drawings I had collected of the man from my dreams.

I hadn't realized how tired I was until I finally glanced at the clock in the room.

It's nearly four in the morning?

After that, I suddenly began to feel incredibly tired, and the next thing I knew, I had placed my head down on the desk and fallen asleep.

As I walked through a dense forest that seemed oddly familiar, small flurries of snow fell from the heavens. The heavy seal-skin parka, boots, and thick wool scarf that I wore prevented me from feeling nearly all the coldness of the air, but I still found myself confused over why my aunt Isis would insist on living in this frigid climate.

Through the dense forest, I could barely make out the image of a frozen lake. As I made my way toward the shining frozen surface, I became aware of the cries of some animal that seemed to be in trouble. Moving more quickly, I emerged on the edge of the lake, and blinked as light reflected off the frozen water.

After my eyes had adjusted to the brightness, I realized that a pure white wolf had fallen through a break in the ice, and it was struggling to climb back onto solid (but slippery) ground.

I didn't hesitate to come to its aid. I knew in the back of my mind what one of the locals would have said if I had told them about the drowning wolf. Around Kaktovik, most considered that the only good wolf was a dead wolf.

I moved carefully across the lake…

"Lily-chan," came Aidou's voice. It sounded so far away – as if he were calling across the school for me.

I was carefully crossing the frozen lake… Moving slowly toward the wolf…

"Lily-chan!" Aidou's voice sounded much closer this time. So close, in fact, that I jumped in fright.

I woke up a moment later on the ground, and rubbed my head. Suddenly I felt as if I had a headache.

My sketchbook had fallen, and the loose papers I had stuffed inside flew across the room. Both Kain and Aidou were gathering them up, leaving me to wonder why I had been left on the floor.

A moment later, Aidou came back, removed his tie, and quickly wrapped it around my wrist tightly. That seemed to answer my question immediately.

Slowly I got to my feet, then permitted Aidou and Kain to escort me back to my dorm. Without bothering to thank them or say good-night, I entered my dorm, and made my way upstairs to my bedroom.

I placed my sketchbook on my nightstand, then changed into a nightgown. Instead of going straight to bed, I lingered by the window looking out over the trees.

That forest in my dream is not the same as the one at Cross Academy, I realized. I remember thinking about Aunt Isis… It must have been in Alaska… Maybe it was just before…

A sharp pain that felt similar to being electrocuted shot through my head, and I raised a hand to comfort myself. As I stood at the window, I caught Aidou's voice down below.

Curious, I moved closer to the window, but kept close to the wall in case he looked up.

"I kept one of Lily's drawings," Aidou was telling Kain.

Kain seemed mostly uninterested, but he asked, "Why?"

"Because I find Lily a bit… odd," Aidou admitted. "How could she have killed that level E when she didn't even know what it was? After that event, I did some research on her background, and I came to find an interesting occurrence."

"Yes?" Kain seemed to be more interested this time.

"When she was five years old, her family went to Alaska to visit her aunt," Aidou began, then paused briefly for dramatic effect. "One day Lily went out for a walk, and then went missing for ten days. She was found later on the edge of a frozen lake – completely dry, warm, uninjured, and unable to recall anything from the past ten days."

Kain didn't seem to know what to say, so Aidou continued, "Do you know who this is?" I imagined that he'd held up one of my drawings; if only I could see which one!

"No," Kain answered. "Do you?"

"As it happens, I came across this image in a book discussing the Fair Folk. According to what I read, this image is of the God of the Underworld," Aidou informed Kain triumphantly.

I had drawn the God of the Underworld? When? I couldn't remember doing that!

If Kain answered, I didn't hear him. I was no longer listening. In fact, I wished I hadn't listened into their conversation at all.

I crawled into bed, but was uncertain if I would be able to sleep or not. My mind was racing with unresolved conflicts. I thought I had been worried that Ichijou would tell the headmaster or Kaname about how dangerous my father was, but now I was more concerned that something awful had happened to me ten years ago when I'd disappeared.

But what had happened?

Go to sleep, little one.

That voice from the man I'd drawn; the God of the Underworld according to Aidou.

It seems like such a fearsome title: God of the Underworld. But… his voice is soft and gentle… I know that he would never hurt me. But… How do I know?

Revised chapter eleven! Let me know if there are any grammatical errors in this chapter, or if there are any other problems.

Happy reading,
Mango